Sons of Anarchy AU
by mysticaldoom
Summary: What would have happened if Tara had gone back to Chicago after Kohn was killed? What would have happened if Jax had gotten those letters when he was supposed to? This is what I think would've happened.
1. Pilot

Holly was just finishing up cleaning the clubhouse, the music flowing through her earbuds playing loudly in her ears. She had come into the clubhouse early because she was going out of town to visit her parents' lawyer. She'd lost her parents in a bad car accident a year ago, and they were just now getting around to her parents' wills. Her dad had been really good friends with the man who created the Sons of Anarchy, John Teller. And her mom had been friends with John's wife, Gemma. John and Gemma were like a second set of parents to her. Up until last year, her dad had been one of the three remaining First 9 members of the SoA. He had left the club when things started changing, but he and John remained friends. Meaning that Holly grew up knowing the guys and their families. She, Jax and Opie grew up together, the three of them becoming fast friends. She'd introduced Opie to his now wife, Donna, and she had been there for Jax's wedding to Wendy. One of the only people who Jax wanted there, the two of them having eloped to Vegas. Jax had only been her best friend, her "brother", until recently. Up until last year, before her parents died, she'd been dating someone abusive and Jax saved her. She'd been beaten unconscious and Jax had come over, by chance, to invite Holly to his mom's for a family dinner. The door had been left open and there was a thin trail of blood leading to Holly. Jax had rushed her to the hospital before taking care of her boyfriend. She'd never asked what he did, and she didn't want to know. He'd moved her to a new apartment in Lodi and helped get her settled in. He'd always been her knight in shining armor. Even in high school. But he'd made it clear that he didn't see her as anything more than his sister, for all intents and purposes. So she moved on. Dating guys that started out great and turned out to just be let downs. So now she was on a dating strike, choosing to be single for a while. So she helped out around the clubhouse when she wasn't at work at the diner or at the gym. Holly took out her earbuds as she finished cleaning, putting all the cleaning stuff away before going back to Jax's room in the back. She'd been staying in the clubhouse while the parking lot at her apartment was being redone. It'd only been a couple days, but she was ready to get back to her own bed. She took a shower and then came back out to get dressed, not hearing Jax come back, her music playing through her phone, dancing around the room in just her panties.

"Shit. If Tara did that more often, maybe I'd have her over more."

Holly jumped and turned around, putting her hand on her chest before turning off her music.

"Jesus, Jax. You scared me."

"Sorry, darlin'. You should probably get dressed. I might be a bit early, but the guys can't be too far behind."

"Get out so I can."

"I've already seen the goods, Hol. You might as well finish getting dressed in front of me."

She rolled her eyes as he smirked at her, putting the rest of her clothes on, finishing with her shoes. She stood up and looked over as Jax came out of the bathroom, holding up her panties.

"They're drying, Jax. Put them back."

"I don't mind you staying here, but why you gotta deck my room out in girly shit?"

"I didn't deck your room out in my stuff, Jackson."

"The candles? The panties everywhere? The air freshner?"

"Sorry that I don't want the room I'm staying in to smell like weed, pussy and alcohol. And my panties aren't everywhere. I had to wash them by hand and hang them up to dry."

"But in the bathroom?"

"Would you rather me hang them up in the clubhouse where you idiots would think that they were up for grabs?"

"No one would do that."

"Tig would. And so would Happy. And you know it."

He conceded, putting her panties back before coming out to her.

"You coming to mom's for dinner tonight?"

"I wish I could, but I can't. I have to work tonight. I took off those days so I could go down to bury my parents and take care of their wills, remember? I don't have anymore vacation days for a while."

"Oh yeah. How're you holding up?"

"I'm taking it day to day. It was a big help to have Happy with me. I don't know if I could've done that alone."

"I'm sorry I couldn't go."

"It's ok, Jax. I get it. You had stuff of your own. Speaking of which, how is Wendy? She staying clean since the last scare?"

"Of course not. I haven't actually heard from her much since our fight."

"I'm sorry, Jax."

"It's not your fault. I just wish she'd stay clean at least until the baby's born. She was so excited to have the kid and now she's killing it."

"We don't know that she's killing the baby. And I thought you didn't wanna be a dad?"

"I'm coming around to it. I just wish Wendy would stay clean for a while."

"She probably needs something to happen for her to wake up and see what she's doing to herself and now the baby."

"Maybe. Did I tell you what we were talking about for baby names?"

"No, you didn't."

"Abel for a boy and Johannah for a girl."

She smiled at him, gently hitting his shoulder.

"Those are awesome names, Jackson!"

Holly sat at her desk, going through the paperwork on her desk. She was an assistant of the lawyer that the club had on retainer. It worked out incredibly well. She could pass notes between the guys and Rosen, and because of it, she was paid extra by Rosen and she got a couple extra hundreds from Clay for being the messenger. So bills were never an issue for her. She was doing some filing when she heard her name being mentioned, looking around to see Chibs coming towards her.

"Hey, lass. Working hard?"

"As always. What're you doing here?"

"I wanted to check in on ya. I know you're just jumping back into things after coming back from losing your parents. I wanna make sure you're doing alright."

She smiled at Chibs. Since he came to the club, she and Chibs had formed a really special bond. He was like her uncle and an even bigger protector than Jax was at times. She knew about his wife and kid, and if all she was was a temporary replacement for Kerrienne, she didn't mind. Chibs was such a caring person that you couldn't help but love him.

"I'm doing alright. Just working. I can't wait to get home, though. It'll be nice to sleep in my own bed finally."

"So the rennovating's finally done?"

"It should be, yeah. I got a call from the super saying that it was done."

"That's good then."

Holly pulled up to Wendy's house with Gemma, both of them going to check on Wendy. Holly had been with Gemma when Jax told her that he hadn't heard from Wendy at all. She climbed out of the car and went to the door, using her spare key to open the door. She had conned Wendy into giving her a spare key to her place. She had to pee really bad, letting Gemma go find Wendy while she went to the bathroom. She hadn't been in there for very long when she heard Gemma start cursing. She came out when she was done, following Gemma's voice, stopping in her tracks when she saw Wendy unconscious on the floor. There was a container of ice cream melting on the floor, mixing with the blood that came from Wendy's crotch, staining her leggings. She grabbed her cell and called for an ambulance, giving them the address quickly. She sat with Wendy, trying to wake her up, while Gemma ran around the house trying to hide all the drug paraphernalia. It didn't take very long for the ambulance to get there. Holly handed Gemma her keys, calling Jax on the way to St. Thomas.

"Holly? I'm kinda in the middle of something. Can I call you back?"

"No. Jax, it's Wendy. She OD'd and was unconscious when Gemma and I got there. We called an ambulance and they're taking her to St. Thomas. We're following them now."

"Shit! I'm on my way."

After they got to the hospital, Gemma and Holly had to wait for Jax to get there, both women sitting in the waiting room impatiently for news on Wendy and the baby and for Jax to show up. She had gone to get coffee and by the time she got back to Gemma, Jax and the guys had shown up. And so had Tara to update everyone. She stood next to Chibs, who wrapped his arm around her shoulders, listening to Tara tell them what was going on with Abel. It broke her heart to hear how much Abel was suffering right now and know there was only so much anyone could do. She looked over at Jax, taking his hand gently, looking into his sad and angry and confused eyes when he looked back at her. The two stood there for a couple minutes before Jax's attitude changed and his expression became completely furious. She started to go after him when he walked off, but Bobby stopped her before following Jax with Chibs, both of them promising that they'd take care of him. She got Wendy a bunch of flowers and put them in her room before going home with Gemma and the others. She got Gemma to drop her off at her apartment, having some paperwork to go over for Rosen. Clay told Tig to stay with Holly for a little while. She didn't mind the company. When she'd been asked. But whatever Clay said, went. And there was no use complaining about it.

Holly looked over when she heard someone knocking on the door, having been going to the kitchen to get something to drink. When she looked through the peephole and saw Jax, she bit her lip, glad she at least had Tig's shirt on as she opened the door. When Jax saw her, he gave her a slightly playful look.

"Am I interrupting something, darlin'?"

"No. You're about 30 minutes too late to interrupt something. You wanna come in for a beer?"

"Yeah, if you don't mind. I was actually hoping to crash here for the night. I don't feel like going home alone tonight."

"I don't mind, but what about Tara? Wouldn't she be better company tonight?"

"She's pulling a double shift tonight. And I need a break from anything dealing with Abel."

"Where'd you go when you left the hospital?"

"The Hairy Dog to teach the prick that sold to Wendy a lesson."

"What's the damage? Or should I not ask?"

"Let's just say he's only half potent now."

"Ew. I shouldn't have asked."

She handed him a beer before sitting down next to him, keeping her legs shut since she wasn't wearing panties at the moment.

"So who's back there? Is he sleeping?"

"I'm not telling you. And yes he is."

"Oh come on. I won't judge."

"That's not why I'm not telling you, Jax. Not every aspect of my life is an open book for you to read. I was just clearing out the pipes."

"Please tell me? Now I'm really curious."

"Suffer."

"Wow. It's someone I know, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is. Now let it go."

He laughed softly, shaking his head as Holly took a drink of her wine. He went to say something when he heard someone coming out from her bedroom. He moved to get up, but stopped when Holly rushed to get up, catching a quick but full glimpse of her bare ass as she rushed off the couch and down the hall. Holly went into her room, pulling Tig back in with her.

"Again, doll? I'm up to it, but you were pretty spent earlier."

"Jax is out there and he doesn't know you're here or that you were who I slept with. And I'd rather him not know. So when you come out of here, don't tell him anything. Ok?"

"He's gonna figure it out when he sees me coming from the direction of your bedroom. And you were wearing my shirt. Just relax, doll. He can't be mad at you for having a little fun."

Holly looked over as Jax and the guys walked into the clubhouse. Jax was the only one not pumped up. Everyone else was clapping each other's backs and laughing and talking. She looked at Jax, handing him a beer, putting it back down when he shook his head.

"You ok, Jax?"  
"No. Will you come to the room with me?"

"Yeah."

She stood up and followed him back to his room, not knowing what was gonna happen. But of all the scenarios she had in her head, the last thing she expected was for Jax to pin her up against the wall and kiss her roughly and passionately. She let out a soft squeal in surprise, eventually melting into the kiss. As soon as she did, Jax pulled away so he could pull off her shirt, tossing it behind him somewhere before undoing her jeans, pulling them down.

"Wait, Jax….not that I'm opposed to this, but what about Tara?"

She looked down when she felt him stop, watching as he put her head against her knees. She'd regret this, but Jax would be in a lot of trouble if Tara found out he'd cheated on her. They stayed there for a couple minutes before Holly pulled away, pulling up her jeans and going to grab her shirt, putting it back on. She kissed his cheek before leaving the room, going out to her car to go home.

"I'm a fucking idiot."


	2. Seeds

Holly sat at her desk at work, going through her emails with a yawn. It was a slow day since most of the lawyers at the firm were out with clients or in court. So she was stuck with next to nothing to do except take calls or do whatever she could to keep herself awake. She got an email from her aunt, asking about the upcoming holiday and if she was gonna come up. Her mom had never really gotten along with her family, even less so when she got married, so Holly didn't see her mom's family much. And her dad didn't have family anymore. She debated saying no, but her mom's side of the family came from Italy, so it was guaranteed to be good food. She asked if she could bring someone with her. Good food and entertainment. She smiled to herself when she got the ok, mentally trying to decide who she wanted to take with her to New York. Bobby would actually get along with her uncle, both of them loved Elvis. Chibs would probably get along with everyone. But Tig would offend EVERYONE immediately after charming them. Hopefully she could convince him to go.

Holly walked into the clubhouse, going over to Jax's room. Jax had called her, asking her to come over so he could talk to her. She knocked on the door, looking up as Jax opened the door, stepping inside when he moved so she could come in. He had just gotten out of the shower, wearing a towel around his waist, water dripping from his hair down his chest and back. She set her purse down on the dressed before turning to look at him, watching him shut the door.

"What's going on, Jax? Is Abel ok?"  
"He's fighting, that's for sure. I just needed someone to talk to about something. I was going through mom's garage looking for stuff for Abel and I came across something my dad wrote. I started reading it and it's a journal. His views for SAMCRO and the direction he wanted the club to go in and watching it go from Harley hippy brotherhood bullshit to what we do now. And it's got me thinking about things. I want you to read it too."

"What? Why me?"

"Because you know me better than anyone out there besides Ope and ma. You'll know if I can do this or not."

"Do what?"

"Change the club."

"You wanna change the club? I thought you liked the club the way it is?"

"I do. But think of everything that we've done. How many times we've done time. The people we've lost because of the enemies we have. Almost all of us have kids. They don't deserve the kind of heat that this life brings."

She nodded, looking down at the folder Jax put in her hands. She put it under her purse before looking back at him.

"Is that all you wanted to talk about?"

"No. I also wanted to apologize for the other day. I shouldn't have done that and I'm sorry."

"Which thing are you talking about? Almost making me the other woman or freaking out on Tig like you did?"

"Both. It's none of my business who you sleep with. It's not like we're together. As for almost sleeping with you, it wasn't fair to just drag you in here to fuck. You deserve better than that. And I'm sorry."

"It's ok. Just, next time go find Tara? Or even a croweater if you're determined to sleep with someone else. Tara might not be my best friend, but I'm not gonna help you cheat on her. Ok?"

"Fair enough?"

Walking into the hospital, she ran into Tara on her way to go visit Wendy.

"Hey, Tara. How's Abel doing?"

"He's doing ok. He's fighting really hard. He's definitely got Jax's strength."

"That's good. How's Wendy? She wake up yet?"

"Yeah. I just left her room. She's watching TV at the moment. You here to see her?"

"Yeah. Is that ok? I figured she could use someone on her side at the moment. I know Gemma isn't really happy with her."

"Is anyone sympathetic to her?"

"Not particularly. Everyone's on Jax's side. Even I could think of a few things to yell at her about. But nobody could make her feel guiltier than she's probably making herself feel. So I brought her some flowers and some food from the diner. I just hope she really gets some help this time."

"Me too. While I'm thinking about it, have you heard from Jax? I left him a voicemail last night, but I haven't heard back from him and it's been a few days."

"I wouldn't take it to heart, Tara. He's got a lot on his plate right now with the club and the divorce and now Abel. I know he found something that belonged to his dad that has him a bit confused. He's just sorting through stuff right now. Why don't you go visit him at the clubhouse? Let him know you're there for him."

"I will. Thank you, Holly."

She nodded, walking away towards Wendy's room, knocking on her door before going inside.

"Holly? What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you. I brought you some flowers and a cheeseburger from the diner. I figured you were tired of hospital food."

"Well… thanks. You don't hate me?"

"I don't hate you. I don't like you too much, but there's nothing I could say that'll make you feel worse than I'm sure you already feel."

"So basically you're pitying me."

"Wendy, you've known me for a couple years now. Have you ever seen me pity someone?"

"Well then why are you here?"

"You want honesty? Fine. I think you were incredibly selfish. You cared more about a few hour high than your unborn son. I know you knew about Jax's family's heart defect because Jax has it and you didn't listen. The doctor told you what issues could be brought about to the baby if you kept using and you didn't listen. You've been to multiple rehabs where they've told you what could happen to you and once again you didn't listen. Your using is a major reason that Jax filed for divorce and you know it. So, I can stand here and say things that Gemma would say to you, which she undoubtedly will if she ever comes to visit, but it wouldn't do any good. Because the only way any of this is gonna change is if you decide to change. Permanently change. Not just say you're gonna get clean and then change your mind later. Because if you keep doing things this way, you'll get cut off from Abel and Jax. I don't hate you, but I hate that you hurt Jax like this."

Holly sat in her living room with dinner, watching a scary movie, curled up on the couch as she ate. She had spent the better part of the afternoon reading John Teller's journal and she could see why Jax was all confused about things. The club wasn't supposed to be into gunrunning and crime. It was supposed to be a brotherhood. A camaraderie of men coming together. She'd been around Clay's way of things for so long that it wasn't an issue for her. But to know that it was supposed to be something entirely different was surprising. Now she knew what her dad had meant whenever she asked him why he would leave the only family he'd known. He used to say that things had gone completely different and that he didn't want to deal with the fall out. It would be nice for future generations to know something safer and nicer, but she doubted that it would be easy to change or change quickly. Clay was a nice enough guy, but he tended to over react when his power is threatened. She didn't wanna be around if the idea of changing the club was brought up. He would end up thinking that it was a call for a change in leadership. She was brought of her thoughts by someone knocking at the door, gasping loudly as she jumped a bit, pausing the movie before getting up. She looked out the peephole and saw Jax standing there. She took a breath before letting him in.

"Jax? What are you doing here? Is everything ok?"

"Yes and no. Did you get to read dad's journal?"

"Yeah, I did. And I can definitely understand why you're so confused about things. You know I'd support you if you decided to change the club, but it's not gonna be easy with Clay in power."

"I know. But things should change. Don't you think?"

Holly just nodded, putting her plate in the sink. She was only in her sports bra and her old cheer shorts, which had been well worn since her high school days and the bottom of her ass was hanging out the bottom with no chance of covering it.

"When are you gonna get rid of those shorts? They're too small for you."

"Shut up, Jackson. These are my favorite pajama shorts. And they're lucky."

"How the hell are they lucky? Your ass is hanging out."

"The last time I wore these shorts, I got a raise. The first time I wore them I was made head cheerleader my freshman year. These are my lucky shorts."

Jax laughed and shook his head.

"You're insane, darlin'. But you really need to throw the shorts away. I can buy you another pair."

"You already got me the apartment. I'm not letting you buy me anything else. For a while, anyway."

"So how are you gonna make it up to me?"

"By not allowing your mother to do time for killing your ex wife for what happened to Abel?"

"Hmmmmm….. Still not enough. But thank you for that."

"What do you mean it's not enough? You want your mom to go to prison for murder?"

"Of course not. But Clay keeps ma from murder all the time. It's a normal concern with Gemma Teller."

"That's one of the saddest things I've ever heard."

He laughed, before pulling her into a hug.

"I love you, Hol. You're the best."

"You say that now, but wait until I need something from you."

Holly walked into the clubhouse, looking around for Clay. Rosen had a message that needed to be passed on, so she was playing mailman. When she was that the door to the church was closed, she sat at the bar to wait, asking Half-Sack for a glass of white wine. She took a sip when it got to her, looking at Half-Sack.

"So, what made you wanna prospect for SAMCRO?"

"The brotherhood appealed to me. That and the excitement. I get the same feeling of excitement prospecting here that I got when I was fighting overseas."

"So you're fully aware of the risks?"

"It's just as dangerous here as it is overseas."

"Not really. You were a soldier working for the country. Here, almost everyone outside is gonna look at you like you're a criminal, and to them, you'll be counted as one. I don't know if you've ever been to prison, but prison's no joke."

"I know. But I'm not afraid. There's not much that really scares me anymore."

"Maybe you'll fit in here after all."

He smiled at her as the guys came out of the church, causing them both to look over. Holly looked over at Clay, getting up and going over to him, handing him the file that Rosen asked her to give Clay.

"Once again, I'm playing note passer. I didn't read it, I don't know what's in it, nor do I care."

"Thanks, sweetheart. Bobby?"

She smiled a bit when Clay kissed her head, watching Bobby going to get her usual amount of cash that Clay gave her for note passing. $200 even. She put the cash in her purse and squeezed Bobby's hand in appreciation before going back to the bar for her wine. She didn't have any plans for the rest of the day and didn't feel like driving anywhere else. So she was gonna drink until she couldn't anymore. Not the healthiest thing to do, but that was her choice for the rest of the night. She talked and laughed with the guys for a few hours before most of them left. Jax was the only one around anymore. The last thing she remembered before everything went black was making out with Jax in his room, their hands all over each other.


	3. Fun Town

Holly woke up the next morning with a massive hangover, rolling over and burying her face into the pillow to block out the brightness from the sunlight pouring through the open windows, her head pounding. She couldn't remember anything from the night before, but she knew she was in the clubhouse. She looked over when she realized that the shower was running, sitting up slowly. As the blanket that was covering her fell, she realized that she was completely naked. She looked down at herself for a minute, trying to remember why. Her head hurt even more as she tried to think and she let out a nauseous moan, the pain shooting to her stomach, making her bolt out of bed and rush to the toilet, just barely making it as the bile rose in her throat. She bent over the bowl as she emptied her stomach, gripping the sides tightly as she heard whoever was in the shower come out and go over to hold her hair back. Not that it mattered much. She'd already gotten some of it in her hair.

"Let it out, darlin'."

She threw up for 3 minutes before she was able to stop, groaning in pain as she sat back on her knees and ankles, her hands and frame shaky. She looked back at Jax a bit as he helped her stand up before flushing the toilet. Flashes from the night before coming to her. She slept with Jax. She wanted to be embarrassed and feel guilty, but she couldn't. 1: because she felt horrible right then and 2: because she'd wanted it for so long that she would be happy if she weren't in such pain. She let him get him in the shower and wash her up, leaning against him because she needed the support right then.

"When did I start mixing alcohol?"

"Midnight. You went from wine to vodka to rum to tequila. That's when you got charming."

"How bad was I?"

"You were dancing on the pole to Backstreet Boys."

"Was it at least a good song?"

"It was a slow song."

"Was I any good in bed?"

"You were surprisingly dominant. Although, it didn't last long."

"What do you mean?"

"You started falling asleep after you came."

"Did you get to cum too?"

"On my own."

She winced a bit, letting out a soft groan, her head falling back against his shoulder.

"I really am a fucking idiot."

"No you're not. It wasn't bad considering how plastered you were."

She rolled her eyes as he turned off the water, carrying her into the bedroom before towelling her off. She watched him, taking in his naked form as he grabbed her some comfy clothes, their clothes from yesterday thrown around the room. She got herself dressed as he got dressed, having to tighten the drawstrings on his sweatpants so they wouldn't fall off of her hips.

"I'm gonna go get breakfast for us. What do you want?"

"You should know my hangover food by now, Jax."

"Tacos and mac and cheese, right?"

"A blt and coffee. Lots and lots of coffee. It would be better if you took my car. The keys should be in my purse. Wherever it is."

"I was going to send the prospect to go get it. You just lay back and relax. I'll be back in a bit. Where's your laptop?"

"Plugged in at home."

"I'll have Juice go get it."

"You and Gemma are the only ones that have a key to my place."

"Right. I'll go get it."

Holly pulled into the hospital parking lot, going inside. She wanted to check on Abel for a minute before going to her appointment. She was a bit surprised to see Jax's bike and Gemma's caddy in the parking lot. She walked inside and went to go look for them. Not that it took very long. She went over when she found them, tapping Jax's shoulder.

"What's going on here?"

"Holly? What are you doing here?"

"I have an appointment in a few minutes and I wanted to check in on Abel. Why are you here?"

"You didn't hear about what happened at Fun Town?"

"No. What happened?"

"Oswald's daughter was raped?"

"What? By who?"

"We don't know yet. But Oswald reached out to Clay and I, asking us to find this asshole before the cops do."

"Is Tristen ok?"

"Yeah. Her parents are with her now."

She let out a small sigh of relief as Jax pulled her in for a hug, kissing her head gently.

"You're friends with the Oswalds, right?"

"I'm not gonna be a note passer for you on this. I'm not gonna let you use this little girl's tragedy as a paycheck."

"Holly, please? We need to do this. You know me well enough to know I don't care about the money for this shit. Whoever did this raped a 13 year old girl. You of all people should know I won't handle this shit."

"You won't, but I don't trust Clay's need for money. I never have. So if you can promise me that you'll turn this monster over to Hale then I'll do it. Otherwise, you're on your own."

"You know I can't do that, Holly. We promised Oswald."

"Then you can do it by yourself. And if you ever use that night against you, I'll cut your dick off and feed it to the lions at the zoo. You understand me, Jackson Teller?"

Holly walked away from him and Gemma, going to the elevator to head up to her appointment, giving him a light glare as the doors closed. When her appointment was over half an hour later, she went down to find Karen, tapping her on the shoulder when she went over.

"Holly?"

"Hey, Karen. I just heard about Tristen. Is she ok?"

"She's traumatised."

"I don't blame her. That's horrible, what happened. I'm so sorry."

The two women hugged each other, Holly rubbing Karen's back gently.

"Did she say who did it? Or does she not know?"

"She said it was one of the clowns. Some fat guy who smelled like liquor."

"Poor thing. Is she sleeping right now? I'd love to give her a hug if I could."

"No, she's not. She was playing on her phone when I left. But I need coffee."

"Do you want me to stay with her while you go get some coffee?"

"You don't have to…."

"Go get your coffee, Karen. Tristen will be ok with me. I promise."

"Ok. Thank you, Holly. You're an angel."

She smiled a bit before letting her go, knocking on Tristen's door before walking inside. She'd known the Oswald family since she was a kid. She used to babysit when Tristen was little and was pretty good friends with Karen and Elliot. So Tristen wasn't surprised to see Holly walk inside.

"Hi, Tris. How are you feeling?"

"I'm sore and tired."

"Do you want a hug?"

She went over when Tristen nodded, sitting down on the bed, letting Tristen lean into her, kissing her head gently as she rocked her, hearing the girl start to cry.

"I know it doesn't feel like it now, but you will move past this. One day, you'll be able to think about this and not feel weak or powerless. You'll use this as a motivator to become strong and and as a tool to decide who to trust in the future. But you will always have people who love you and who you can lean on whenever you need to. Me included."

"Thanks, Holly."

"Any time, sweetheart."

She sat with Tristen until Karen came back, hugging Karen before leaving, shutting the door behind her, going over to Jax.

"What did she say?"

"You know what it'll cost for me to tell you."

"I can't, Holly. We made a promise to Elliott and even if I wanted to go back on the promise, I couldn't. So please just tell me and I'll do whatever else you want?"

"No, Jax. That little girl has been through a horrible trauma and I don't care if the president of the US told you to bring this guy to him, I'm not gonna let you use this as an outlaw's version of citizens arrest. You'll have to figure it out for yourself."

"God damnit, Holly! This is important. If we can't bring this guy to Oswald then Clay loses that money, and I'll feel like we can't protect the town that I've been trying to protect."

"The fact that you brought Clay into this at all just solidifies my resolve. You can hate me all you want, but I'm turning my information into Hale. Not you."

Holly sat in her apartment, listening to music and reading, humming to herself. She'd stayed away from the guys for the rest of the day after telling Hale what Tristen told her. Clay called her a couple times and so did Chibs, but she dodged their calls. She sighed deeply when she heard her door open, knowing it was Jax by the sound of his feet walking on the hardwood floor.

"I'm not gonna apologize, Jax. I did what I felt was the right thing to do and I'm not gonna apologize for that."

"I know. That's not why I'm here."

"Then what are you doing here?"

"I'm just here to check on you and tell you what happened. So drop the attitude."

She sat up, putting the book down on the table, watching Jax walked around to sit down on the couch next to her.

"So what happened?"

"We caught the guy. When he came to Clay and I, Elliott said that he wanted to kill the guy himself. But he couldn't do it. He backed out, leaving his knife behind. Clay cut the clown's balls off and sent them to Oswald, but kept the knife."

She shifted in her seat uncomfortably.

"He deserved it, but damn. That's harsh."

She noticed face and how cut up and bruised he was. She figured it was from fighting with the carnies and took Jax's hand gently, leading him into her bedroom, sitting him onto her bed before going to grab her first aid kit. She came back out, tied her hair up into a ponytail and started cleaning Jax up, putting bandaids on his cuts and scrapes, trying not to hurt him. As she put the last bandaid on his hand, she rubbed her thumb over it, thinking to the other night.

"What was the other night, Jax? A drunken night?"

"Are you talking about us sleeping together?"

"What else could I be talking about?"

"I don't know what that was. I do know that even with you as wasted as you were, you were all I could think about. And I haven't been able to stop thinking about you."

"And what about Tara? She and I have never been and will never be friends, but you're still with her. And I doubt she's gonna be thrilled to find out that you slept with me. Even if we were both drunk. And even if you weren't drunk, lie and tell me you were."

He sighed and ran his hand over his face and through his hair, looking at Holly, who was knelt in front of him.

"I don't know, Holly. I don't know what I wanna do here. I thought my time with Tara was done. It's why I got with Wendy. But I never stopped thinking about Tara. And then….I don't know…..something about you changed to me. You became someone I had to get to know like I know Tara. Before the other night, it didn't matter who I was inside, all I could see was Tara's face. But your face has been my nearly every thought for a couple months now."

She had tears dripping down her face, sniffling softly. She couldn't get her thoughts in order at all.

"What are your other thoughts?"

"Abel and the club. And my dad."

"What are your thoughts of me about?"

"How much I want that huge smile you get when you're really happy to be on your face as often as possible. How I want to take you on a ride on my bike and not stop until I run out of money for gas. I sometimes see you at the hospital when you go to visit Abel and how much I wish he was yours and not Wendy's. How I wish that I could've been with you from the beginning instead of Tara."

He brought her hands up to his lips, kissing them gently before leaning over to gently put his forehead against hers, breathing her in. She looked into his eyes for a minute before she stood up, cupping his face gently before pulling him in for a kiss, keeping it slow and passionate until Jax deepened it, pulling her shirt up as he pulled away, laying her down on the bed. She watched him take his clothes off before taking hers off, hovering over her and pressing his lips against hers. Holly wrapped her arms around his neck as she planted her feet flat on the sheets. She hadn't made her bed from last night and in the moment, she couldn't bring herself to think about it, letting out a gasp as she felt him slowly push into her, slowly bottoming out inside of her. Tig had been impressive, but Jax Teller was well hung, thick in the best way and just long enough to hit the right spots inside of her. He hadn't even moved and she was already arching her back and letting out a soft moan. She gripped his arms as he started to move, her fingertips pressing into his skin. He kept his thrusts slow and deep for a little while, each thrust pushing a soft and breathy moan from her throat. She could hear her phone go off in the living room, but she didn't care. All that mattered to her right now was Jax and the pleasure he was giving her. He picked up speed, his thrusts not quite as deep but still amazing. She trailed her hands down to his ass, digging her fingers into his cheeks, her moans louder and more frequent as they both started to sweat a little, their skin shimmering in the moonlight floating in through the open windows. She couldn't bring herself to make any other sounds than her pants and moans, which were mixing with his grunts and groans, both noises growing louder and louder with each passing moment. Holly could her stomach start to tighten, signalling her oncoming orgasm. She could tell Jax could feel her walls trembling around him, burying her face in his neck as she let out an involuntary scream. Hearing her scream because of him seemed to spur him on, because he rolled her over onto her hands and knees, without pulling out of her, going as hard and fast into her as he could, pounding into her her. It didn't take her long to cum around him, but he didn't stop, pounding her through not one, not two, but three orgasms in a row before having to pull out and cum on her back, the whole time Holly was moaning more than a porn star, flopping onto the bed when she finally finished cumming, looking back at him when he came on her. She didn't know where they would go, but she'd certainly enjoy the ride.


	4. Patch Over

Holly stood with Jax as Dr. Namid explained was going on with Abel. Abel was being taken down for surgery on his heart to repair that damage.

"We want to wait to see how he deals with the first surgery before doing the surgery for his belly."

"Why can't you just do both?"

She rubbed Jax's arm gently, looking up at him.

"It would be too hard on his system, babe. He's only a couple weeks old and heart surgery can be hard on a grown adult."

She watched Jax tear up and walk away, watching Tara go after him to comfort him. He hadn't told Tara about him and Holly yet, but they hadn't broken up yet either. It was hard on Holly, but she endured it for now. She told Jax if he didn't tell Tara soon, she would. And that wouldn't be a pretty or pleasant conversation. She turned her attention back to Dr. Namid, listening to the rest of his explanation of how the surgery was gonna go. She let him go, going with Gemma to see Abel before he was brought into surgery, bending down to kiss the little boy's head.

"You're so strong, Abel. You can do this. You can make it through. I know it."

Wanting to get out of Charming for a little while, Holly had asked for a couple days off so she could go with Jax and Bobby up to see uncle Jury. She'd missed him quite a bit since she hadn't seen him since her 21st birthday. She packed a backpack with just a change of clothes, her toiletries, purse, wallet, laptop and cell, keeping it by the door. Jax was gonna pick her up in the morning and she'd ride on the back of his bike the entire way. It would be the first time she had done that since she started dating Jax. She felt a bit guilty about it for a while because she didn't condone cheating, but she and Jax fit so well together that she stopped feeling guilty after a while. She was just finishing up her breakfast when Jax came into the apartment, getting up to wash her bowl and glass quickly.

"Morning, darlin'. You ready to go?"

"Almost. I have to finish this and grab my shoes and bag."

"Take your time. We still have a little before we have to hit the road."

"Why? What did the road ever do to you?"

She bit back the smirk that she wanted to give, hearing Jax laugh at the bad joke she just told.

"You're not a dad, babe. You can't give off dad jokes like that."

"Why not? I like dad jokes. Sometimes."

"You literally slapped Tig when he made a dad joke the other day."

"That wasn't a dad joke, that was a dirty and wildly inappropriate joke. He deserved that slap."

Jax chuckled and turned her around to pull her in for a kiss, deepening the kiss after a minute, picking her up and wrapping her legs around him, carrying him into the bedroom.

"Jax…. I thought we had to leave."

"Like I said, darlin'... we have some time."

By the time they reached Jury's clubhouse, Holly had to pee and she was anxious to see Jury. She climbed off of Jax's bike, taking his helmet off and handing it to him, her backpack hanging on her back. When the door to the clubhouse slid open, she turned to look, smiling as she met Jury's eyes. She took off her bag, letting it fall to the ground before running into his arms happily.

"There's my girl. How are you doing, princess? You've gotten taller."

"And fatter."

"If this is fat, then you wear it well."

"I'm doing good, Jury. But I have to use your bathroom."

"Go on in. And get yourself a beer and something to eat."

She smiled and nodded, looking behind her to see Jax with her backpack, hugging Jury, before going inside to find the bathroom. She didn't remember too many of the men that was in the clubhouse, but she hi to everyone, nonetheless. She could tell which ones hadn't ever seen her before by the ones that had grabbed her ass, hearing Jury set them straight as she walked into the bathroom. When she came out, she went over and asked for a beer, talking to a girl named Cherry, getting to know her a little, having fun with her. Until Jax came over a little while later, dragging her over to the couch, holding her close to him.

"You doin' ok, darlin'?"

"I'm doing fine. You look a little tense, though. Are you ok?"

"Yeah. Kind of."

"What happened?"

"Clay wants to patch the Devil's Tribe into SAMCRO. Jury's not taking it any better than I thought he would."

"What does that mean for Jury's group?"

"Some of them will leave, that's for sure. None of these guys are able to handle this kinda heat. They're on their way to retirement."

"Then why does Clay wanna patch them in?"

"It'll give him more men to help him when he needs it."

"He needs a reality check."

He chuckled a bit and nodded.

"Oh, I meant to tell you. Abel made it through his heart surgery. Mom told me when we stopped on our way here."

"That's great, babe! Did Dr. Namid say when he wanted to do the surgery on his belly?"

"It'll be a few days before they decide anything else. He made it through, but they're monitoring him for signs of stress or something."

"He's strong, like his daddy. He'll be just fine. I know it."

He smiled at her, pulling her in for a kiss, his arm wrapped around her shoulders as she curled into him. He put both of their beers on the table next to them, the rest of the guys partying around them, everyone being served and serviced by the club hangarounds.

"Wanna go somewhere private? Jury's letting us stay in one of the back rooms for the night."

"Again? You're insatiable, Jackson Teller."

"Well, I have a goddamn amazing inspiration."

"You flatter me, Jax."

"Oh yeah? How much?"

"Oh, I don't know. How about I just show you?"

"Or, I can show you something?"

"Like what? I've already seen quite a bit of you."

"You'll see…."

He smirked as he led her back to the back room they were staying in for the night, pinning her to the bed once they were both undressed and the door was locked.

Holly woke up the next morning to someone knocking on the door, groggily looking at the door before nudging Jax awake, untangling herself from him. She kissed his cheek gently when he didn't move. But that got him waking up.

"Someone's at the door, babe."

"Who?"

"I don't know anything more than you do. Get up and see who it is."

"I don't have any clothes on."

"Neither do I. Do you really want someone seeing my tits and pussy?"

"Shit."

She got up and grabbed her toiletry bag before going into the bathroom to take a shower, playing music through her phone as she washed up, the hot water helping to wake her up. She heard Jax come into the shower when he was done talking to whoever was at the door.

"Clay and the guys are here. Everyone except Juice and Tig. That was Bobby letting me know."

"Ok. I wanna go out for breakfast. I want donuts and coffee."

"We've got coffee here."

"But not donuts. And I want them both together."

"You're gonna be stubborn about this, aren't you?"

"You know me too well."

He smiled and let her climb out of the shower, moving into the hot water to wash himself up as Holly dried off. She admired him as he washed up, smiling to herself for a minute before going to get dressed before doing her hair and makeup.

"Do you want something for breakfast?"

"Nothing comes to mind. But please take someone with you? There are Mayans around here and I want you protected."

"I don't want a babysitter, Jax."

"Not a babysitter, Hol. A friend that'll protect you. Why don't you take Chibs or Happy?"

She sighed and gave in, not having the energy to argue so soon after waking up. She grabbed her wallet and her backpack before going out to find Chibs.

"Morning, lass. You sleep ok?"

"I slept amazing. Life a freaking log. Would you mind taking me out for breakfast? Jax doesn't want me going alone out here."

"The girls just made breakfast."

"No offense to them, but I'd kill for coffee and donuts. It's all I've wanted for a couple days."

"Alright, lass. Let's go get you some damn donuts."

She smiled at him and followed him out. But just as they were walking outside, Holly tripped over a rock and fell to the ground, just narrowly missing getting hit by a bullet coming from someone a group of Mayans. They opened fire on them and the clubhouse as Chibs pulled her back inside frantically, helping to pull the door shut.

"Go back to the bedroom, Holly."

She didn't need to be told twice, running back to the bedroom and diving into the room as Jax came running out, making sure she was ok before going out to help.

Getting back to Charming, Holly was tired, nearly falling asleep on the road. She hadn't slept well last night after the vote came in to patch over the Devil's Tribe to SAMCRO. Just like Jax had predicted, half of the guys jumped ship, turning in their vests as they left the clubhouse. Up until the party, things were pretty tense for a while. She had a couple beers before going to bed. But the noise coming from the party outside and the memories of the shootout with the Mayans kept her wide awake and a bit paranoid at moments. When Jax finally got her to sleep, it was uneasy at best. She woke up a few times throughout the night, thinking she heard gunshots. When she fell asleep completely, she kept replaying the start of it all. And how close she was to being shot in the head and being killed. So when morning rolled around, she was anxious to get home and into her own bed so she could sleep peacefully. But they had to stop at the hospital first to check in on Abel. Dr. Namid had decided not to wait to do the stomach surgery. As Jax kissed Abel's head before he was wheeled down, Holly made the mistake of sitting down and leaning her head against the wall behind her, quickly and unintentionally falling asleep where she sat. She was in such a deep sleep that she couldn't feel anything. Meaning that she couldn't feel Opie picking her up and drive her to her apartment in his truck or put her in bed. When she woke up, she heard someone messing around in her kitchen, grabbing the pistol in her dresser before going out to investigate, not fully awake yet. She let out a breath of relief and a grunt of frustration as she saw Gemma cooking.

"What the hell are you doing here, Gemma?"

"You're awake. Good. You hungry, baby?"

"Yes. But what are you doing here?"

"Jax told me that you didn't sleep well last night so I thought I'd check in on you. I popped my head into your room but you were out cold. I got you some groceries and more laundry detergent."

"You didn't have to do that."

"I don't mind doing it, baby. I like knowing you're taken care of."

Holly let out a huge yawn and stretched before putting the gun on the table. She rubbed her eyes as she sat down, looking over at Gemma.

"How did Abel's surgery go?"

"I guess it went really well. Jax is there now with the baby. Abel's definitely a fighter."

"That's great. I knew he'd pull through it. You Tellers are strong as hell."

Holly walked into the hospital, looking around for Jax, finding him with Tara in Abel's room. She took a deep breath and walked away, not wanting to deal with that. As she walked back outside, she got stopped by an older man, who pulled out his ATF badge.

"Can I help you, agent…"  
"Kohn. Excellent manners. Most people get defensive when I pull the badge out."

"Well, can you blame them? Usually an FBI agent doesn't spell trouble. Especially in a small town like Charming."

"Fair enough. I'll get to the chase then. I'm looking into the Sons of Anarchy MC and I've noticed that you've been seen with quite a few members of the club."

"Let me stop you right there, agent Kohn. Just because I know a few members doesn't mean that I know what they get up to. Though I'm more than just a hangaround, I'm family. All I can tell you is they're loyal as hell to each other and their families and take care of their own. Beyond that, you'll have to talk to the guys yourself. I don't know what goes on behind closed doors."

"Alright. What can you tell me about Jackson Teller?"

"He's been my best friend my entire life. We were born and raised together. What do you want to know?"

"Does Tara know you've been sleeping with her boyfriend?"

She looked at him in shock. Who did this asshole think he was?

"I don't know what you're talking about. I haven't been sleeping with Jax. And you need to back off of it. FBI or not, I don't like being threatened or lied on. Don't make me show you how much I hate that shit. Now if you don't mind, I have things to do that don't involve being insulted or blackmailed. Good day, agent Kohn."

She walked to her car, trying to keep the panic off her face and out of her attitude, climbing into her car. This wasn't good.


	5. Giving Back

Holly let out a loud moan as Jax pulled another orgasm from her. This was her fifth one that night and he wasn't showing any signs of stopping, still pounding into her, gripping her hips tightly. She arched her back as he hoisted her hips up, another orgasm washing through her as soon as he switched angles, her face screwed up in a silent scream, pleasure going through in blinding waves. She now felt like she was caught in an orgasm loop. As soon as one orgasm stopped another one started and it was getting to be too much, smacking his arm as he started rubbing her clit, trying grab whatever energy she could to form words.

"Too…..much…..need to…..breathe….."

She shook as he pulled out of her, gasping for air as tears dripped down her face from the intense pleasure she just experienced. She felt her muscles twitch visibly as Jax pumped himself, spilling out on her stomach with a groan. She looked at him as her breathing slowed to a normal rate, her heart rate slowing down a bit too. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him in for a kiss, holding onto him, her body still shaking a bit. She felt him pull her close to her as he laid down next to her, both of them panting in exhaustion. They laid there for a while in silence. It had been a long bad day and they both desperately needed some sort of escape. And they most definitely found it. Holly turned to look at him when her breathing evened out.

"What were you telling me earlier?"

"About what?"

"You started talking about your mom doing something and I interrupted you."

"Oh. She's helping out in some kind of fundraiser for the school. She's asking all of us to help out and wanted to know if you would do some singing."

"It's gonna cost her."

"She's aware."

"Ok, then."

She sat up and looked at him.

"When is it?"

"This weekend."

"Oooh."

"You're working, aren't you?"

"Yes and no. I have jury duty this weekend. In one of Rosen's cases."

Holly walked over to Jax when she pulled into the clubhouse lot, tapping him on the shoulder.

"Hey, darlin'. What're you doing here? I thought you had jury duty."

"Guy pled out. I'm free. So I thought I'd come with you. And why does everyone look so freaking tense?"

"April Hobart approached Gemma and asked if she'd get Clay to do a vote."

"On what?"

"Kyle coming to the school to see his son play in his band tonight."

She glared at Jax, anger flashing in her eyes at that name. Before Opie's arrest, Holly and Kyle had been sleeping together. Kyle had never told Holly that he was married, telling her that April was just someone he was co-parenting with. The truth came out when it was revealed that Kyle's cowardice had gotten Opie arrested, causing him to become excommunicated from the club. April had found a pair of Holly's panties in Kyle's underwear drawer as she was packing up his things and confronted Holly, telling her everything. Holly was humiliated and beyond guilty about what happened. It took a little while to get over that, but when Kyle left, he'd never apologized to either April or Holly.

"He's not coming here to Charming."

"Well….."

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me?"

Jax pulled her over to the bikes as a couple of the guys looked over at them.

"It's already been decided. No one else wants him here, but Opie okayed it."

"So I mean nothing to anyone. That's great to know that the people I've considered family doesn't fucking care about me."

"We do care about you and you know that. But you're not a member, Holly. But Opie was arrested because of that asshole. We all said no but Opie said to let him come. To remind him how things could've been had the roles been reversed. So chill out, ok?"

"I will not chill out, Jax. I'm glad Opie can put the past behind him and allow that piece of shit to come, but that man is a son of a bitch and I don't want him in my town. I was born and raised here, he's an outsider."

"It's your time of the month, isn't it?"

He smirked at her, trying to calm her down a little. Not that it worked. He sighed deeply and pulled her in for a hug, holding onto her.

"Seriously, Hol. He's only gonna be here a couple hours. Spend some time with his kids, see his son play and then he'll tuck tail outta town. I'll make sure of it. Ok?"

"If you see him, let him know that if he comes within ten feet from me I'll cut his dick off and fuck him with it."

"Are you sure you shouldn't be with Tig?"

She playfully slapped his shoulder, listening to him laughing at her.

"Keep laughing at me, Jax and I'll leave you for Half-Sack."

"I love that you think I'll let you go that easily. You're mine now."

"I belong to no man. And I truly belong to no little boy. Emphasis on little."

He gave her a playfully shocked face, gripping her hips as he smirked evilly at her, his fingertips dancing across her skin making her squeal as it tickled. She tried to hide her laughter.

"Oh really? Little boy? You said the opposite this morning when I made you scream my name."

"I did. But I've changed my name."

She was on thin ice and she could tell. Not that she cared at the moment.

"I think I might have to punish you for lying."

"Oh, I'm the liar? Says the man that lies to the cops on a daily basis."

"Oh, darlin'...You ain't seen lying yet. You're gonna have to do some amazing storytelling to explain the marks I'm gonna leave on you."

"Don't mark me up, Jax. I do have to look professional for work."

He leaned in to whisper in her ear, his warm breath sending shivers down her spine.

"I'll write a note for you."

Holly stood next to Gemma, helping her to serve chili to some people, taking the cash people were giving her, putting it all in the collection box, not noticing that there was anyone staring at her. She let Gemma go so she could yell at Bobby for being late, not hearing Jax come over to her.

"Mom's got some fine looking servers. I might have to hire you to serve me."

"Honey, you couldn't afford me. No matter how hard you tried."

"Oh, I don't know. I'm pretty resourceful. I think I could swing it."

"I don't know, mister. I'm pretty expensive. And worth every penny."

He chuckled and kissed her softly, grabbing a bowl.

"How are you doing over here?"

"I'm doing ok. I've been on your mom's good side so far."

"Enough that I can take you out for lunch? I'm assuming you don't want chili."

"I don't see why not. I'll go ask her."

She went over to Jax when Gemma gave her the go ahead. Things were finally ending with Jax and Tara, because Tara was talking about leaving again and acting really weird. The acting weird was new for her, but the leaving wasn't. And Jax wasn't gonna deal with that again. But the sight from the parking lot had her stopping in her tracks. She saw Jax and Opie standing at the entrance to the parking lot, waiting for Kyle. Who had some college aged looking bimbo on his arm. She didn't wanna go over there, but she couldn't just stand there. So she walked over, getting there just as Opie was walking away. She stood next to Jax and Kyle sent his girlfriend away, looping her arm through his. She watched as Kyle came up to them, biting back the comments that kept popping up in her head.

"Holly? Your hair's different."

"Yeah. That's what happens when you change your hair. I just went back to my natural hair color. A change in my life I desperately needed."

"You look good."

"Thanks. You can go now."

"You can't still be mad at me?"

"You not only made me the other woman, but you lied to me on top of it. You humiliated me and got my best friend, someone who's like a brother to me, someone I grew up with, arrested because you're a fucking coward. The only good thing I could say about you is that you weren't abusive."

"Oh come on, Hol. That's not the only good thing….."

"You do not get to call me that. And yes, Kyle. That's the only good thing. You were never that good in bed. A 13 year old is better in bed than you."

"That's a bit harsh, don't you think?"

Before she could say anything else, Jax silenced her by squeezing her hand gently.

"Knock it off, both of you. Kyle, you watch your son play then take your barbie doll and get the hell out of town. Got it?"

"Yeah. Thank you, Jax."

Jax motioned for him to walk off before looking at Holly.

"Down, girl."

Holly walked into Jax's house. Once again, she wasn't staying at her apartment. This time because Laroy's gang had some beef with one of her neighbors and, knowing that she was important to Jax, gave her a heads up that she should clear out for a while. So she was staying with Jax until she was told that she could go back. She had just finished grocery shopping and was putting groceries away, humming to herself as she worked. She had just finished putting everything away when she heard someone knocking on the door. She went to open the door to find the agent from before. Kohn.

"Agent Kohn. Can I help you with something?"

"I thought you said you weren't sleeping with Jackson Teller?"

"What do you want? Because it shouldn't matter who I'm sleeping with."

"Tara needs to be protected from that dog. He'll just hurt her. I'm trying to prove that to her but she's not responding to me."

"First, Jax Teller is not a dog. He's not perfect, but he's not a dog. Second, Tara Knowles is none of my concern. She and I aren't friends or family. And third, my love life is not for you to worry about. So unless you're going to arrest me, I'd suggest you leave. I have a few things that I have to do that don't involve dealing with your weird and creepy obsession with Tara."

"Tell Tara to stay away from Jax or she'll get hurt."

Holly rolled her eyes and shut the door in Kohn's face and locked it, going into the kitchen to star making dinner. She watched out the window as Kohn got back into his car and drove off. He hadn't flat out threatened her, but she got a bad feeling from him. She would tell Jax when he got home.


	6. AK-51

Holly stood next to Jax and Piney, watching Piney's friends shoot off the guns they were paying for to test them out. She wanted Jax to know that she really was ok with the outlaw life and knowing EXACTLY what Jax got up to. She leaned back against the tree she was standing in front of. She'd made the mistake of letting Jax tell her what to wear that morning, so now she looked like someone out of Dukes of Hazard in shorts, riding boots, a tank top and one of his plaid shirts, her hair done up in a messy bun and a sucker in her mouth. She felt like a cowgirl hooker, though this was her usual attire when she wasn't working. She looked over as the guys were done with the guns, stretching as she pushed off of the tree, standing next to Jax as Russ handed Jax the envelope of cash, watching Jax count it. She could tell, before he even said anything, that Russ was trying to rip them off. After getting caught and paying the rest of the money, as he was leaving, Russ looked at Holly with what was supposed to be a smirk but just came out looking creepy.

"If you ever want a real man, honey, the old fat bastard has a way to get ahold of me."

"I already have a real man and I didn't have to go through the 'old fat bastard' to get him. So just get in your truck and drive off. You'd have better luck fucking your tail pipe."

Russ drove off as Jax and Piney started laughing, flipping them all off. Holly looked at Jax as he pulled her in close to him.

"Down, girl."

"Bite me. That kid needs an attitude adjustment. And good hard kick in the dick."

Sitting at her desk at work, Holly was dealing with a potential client for Rosen when her computer dinged, signalling that she got an email. She didn't usually open emails while on the phone, but it was marked urgent.

"So, just so I tell the right story, you want a divorce because you have evidence that your husband is cheating on you with your sister and he's claiming that you forced him to sign the prenup you had drawn up?"

"That's right."

"Did you go through a lawyer to draw up the prenup?"

"Yes. And I'm trying to find that paperwork so I can show it to the new lawyer."

"Ok. Cause we'll need to know everything so we know how to proceed. Oh my God!"

"What is it?"

"Sorry. I got a really shocking email. Ummmm….. Gather up everything you can and come in for that appointment and we'll be able to tell you what you need to do next, ok?"

"Ok. Thank you for your time, sweetheart."

"No problem. Have a good day, ma'am."

She hung up the phone and clicked through the pictures on her screen. All of them were pictures of Jax sleeping with different women. Most of them were either Holly or Tara, but there was one picture of a known crow eater positioned in doggy style. She put them on a USB drive and then deleted the email, knowing exactly who sent them. She took a second to calm her breathing before looking at the clock. It was time for her to go to lunch. She grabbed her purse and clocked out, going to her car and heading to the clubhouse, trying to keep herself from panicking too much. But she was starting to tear up pretty bad as she pulled into the lot, getting out after she parked and going inside to find Jax, not knowing he wasn't there until Bobby told her. She couldn't stop the tears anymore, letting Bobby pull her over to the couch and hold onto her, letting her cry until she could talk.

"What's going on, sweets?"

"That agent that rolled into town, Kohn? He knew that Jax and I started sleeping with each other while he was still dating Tara. I couldn't figure out how because at that point the only one who knew was Tig. Kohn told me I needed to be careful."

"Did he threaten you?"

"No. But he showed up at the house the other day to tell me that I needed to get Tara to leave Jax because Jax was a dog and just gonna hurt her. And then today while I was on the phone with with someone, I got an email from him. It didn't have his name on it anywhere, but I know it was from him."

She pulled the USB out of her purse and showed it to Bobby, who called Jax, having to leave a message.

"I know you might not want it, but I'm sending the prospect with you for the rest of the day. He'll stay with you at work and then he'll follow you back here. Ok?"

She nodded, hugging Bobby. She'd always known that Jax kinda liked to spread it around, but also knew how loyal he could be when it mattered. She didn't think that he'd cheated on her, but it wasn't a good feeling to see your boyfriend fucking other girls. The rest of the day went by in a bit of a blur. She couldn't focus much on anything cause she constantly felt like someone was watching. He might not be a patched in member, but she felt better having Half-Sack there. He was nice enough and pretty easy to talk to. She was nearing the end of her shift when her cell went off, making her jump a bit. She looked down to see Jax's number flashing across her screen.

"Hey, babe. What's going on?"

"I just talked to Bobby. You got an email from Kohn? What was in it?"

"I don't wanna talk about it over the phone. But it wasn't anything too bad. Pictures."

"Show me when you get to the clubhouse, ok?"

"Ok. I'll be leaving soon. I'm almost done with work."

"Bobby said he sent Half-Sack with you back to work. Keep him with you, you hear me?"

"You know I will. Are you ok? You sound stressed."

"I am."

"What happened? Is there anything I can do?"

"No. The guns we sold to Nate's crew were used in a robbery and three people got shot. Including a cop."

"Holy shit. Anyone die?"

"The cop."

"Oh God, babe….."

"I know. So we're trying to deal with it. We still have more guns and Clay got arrested."

"Are you sure there's nothing I can do? I don't think Rosen's meeting with anyone right now. I can send him over to Clay. Get him out."

"No. Not yet, anyway. But we're trying to get him clear of this."

"Ok. I'll see you soon. I love you."

"I love you too."

Holly was laying down in Jax's room at the clubhouse, having fallen asleep after talking with Jax about the pictures and what Kohn said when he stopped by the house. Jax assured her that he'd take care of everything and Kohn wouldn't come near her again if he had anything to say about it. She trusted him and had him lay down with her for a while. But it didn't take long for her to fall asleep. It had been a long couple of days and she hadn't got much sleep. Laroy's men had been going in and out of her apartment building and she had decided to move out. The problem was that there wasn't anything in Charming, Lodi or Stockton that was in the price range that she wanted and she didn't want to move in with Jax because it was too soon. She'd been jumping back and forth between his room in the clubhouse and his house. She was just this side of sleep deprived and desperately needed sleep because it was starting to affect her noticeably. She didn't know how long she'd been asleep, but she was woken up to someone shaking her vigorously. She bolted up and it took her a second to realize that there was a mix of officers and ATF agents going through the clubhouse. She was harshly escorted outside by an agent, who did not seem to care that she was only in Jax's t-shirt and her panties, pushing her onto the ground outside, despite her cooperating. She cried out a bit as she scraped her chin on the cement, sucking in a breath as she looked around at everyone who was in the lot before looking at the guys, laying down next to Juice.

"You ok, Hol?"

"My chin hurts but I'm alright. What the hell is going on?"

"We wanted to warn you but we didn't have the time. Sorry about that. There was a warrant for these assholes to search the clubhouse."

She laid there on the ground until the agents and officers left, standing up and going back inside quickly, stopping in her tracks when she saw all the damage that had been done. There was stuff thrown everywhere. She didn't have any shoes on so she had to be careful when she walked through the clubhouse since there was glass everywhere. She walked to the back room and let out a loud gasp when she saw the damage in Jax's room, letting out a louder cry when she stepped on glass. But the damage in here was more substantial than anywhere else. Everything was broken or thrown around. The stuff from her purse had been dumped out onto the floor and was covered in glass dust and shards from the mirror on the big dresser; the food that was on the shelves by the bathroom was thrown around and the shelves were smashed; the clothes in the dresser had been thrown all over the room, the drawers taken out and the whole thing had been knocked over; the pictures that Jax had on the mirror were strewn across the room; the posters and dartboard had been ripped off the walls. But the thing that upset her the most was that the locket that her mom had gotten her before she died had been thrown against the wall and was laying broken on the floor. She fell to her knees, ignoring the glass cutting into the skin of her legs as she picked up the small trinket, tears filling her eyes as she looked at the broken locket in her hands. One side had a picture of her parents and the other side had a picture of a butterfly on a rose petal. There were only two people in the world that knew why those two things meant so much to her and why she always kept the locket with her. Jax and Opie. She heard someone come into the room but couldn't bring herself to look at them.

"Oh, darlin'..."

"I can't believe he broke it….. He purposefully picked it up and threw it and broke it…."

"We'll get it fixed and it'll be like it never happened."

"That's not the point, Jax! Out of everything that was broken in here, this was unnecessarily broken! This was personal!"

He picked her up and brought her out to the main area, getting Chibs to patch her up as he went to start cleaning up in the back room.

Holly sat in Abel's room, sitting next to little boy and reading to him. She looked over at Abel as she finished the book she'd been reading to him, putting the book down on the table next to her.

"As you grow up, you'll see a lot of evil in this world. With what your daddy does and with outside forces. But I don't want you to become one of those evil forces. I want you to be like your daddy. I want you to have a big heart and strong arms that you'll use to comfort people that need it. I want you to be smart enough to know that crying is not a weakness but naive enough to be able to see things in a good light. I don't want you to get wrapped up in how bad the world can be."

She bit back tears as she watched him, shaking her head as she sat back. She kissed Abel's incubation chamber gently before gathering her stuff and leaving. Since shit went down at the clubhouse, she just wanted to drink until she couldn't see straight. Or get away. She decided she was gonna do both. She drove to the liquor store in town, got a couple bottles of whiskey and rum before driving up to the cabin. She was glad there wasn't anyone there. She hadn't told anyone she was going up there and she had plans to ignore her phone until the next day. And that's exactly what she did. She drank and watched TV, curled up on the couch, drinking until she literally passed out, her problems temporarily forgotten. When she woke up the next morning, she had to rush to the bathroom to empty her stomach, her hair already up in a messy bun. When she came out after she finished, she found Jax coming in with the guys and the guns. When he saw her, Jax went over to her and pulled her in for a tight hug.

"Why the fuck didn't you answer your phone?"

"Can you not yell at me right now? Or touch me? I've been drinking all night and I feel like death warmed up."

"Have you eaten at all?"

"I swear to God, Jackson Nathaniel Teller, you mention a single food item I will shoot you with one of those guns."

"I wasn't going to. But you need to eat something. Or at least drink some water."

"You need to stop talking."

The guys chuckled a bit as they listened to the two and watched them both. Holly laid down on the couch again, holding onto her stomach as she curled up, letting out a soft groan. She looked at Jax when he sat down next to her, covering her up with the blanket she'd grabbed herself.

"Why didn't you answer your phone? I was worried about you."

"I needed to forget for a while. I needed to run away from my problems. And I didn't want anyone talking me out of it or trying to keep an eye on me. I wanted to be alone for a while."

He nodded and rubbed her arm gently. She leaned into his touch, closing her eyes.

"Why don't you go to the bedroom? It'll be quieter in there than it'll be out here. We'll be assembling guns all day before going to transport them."

"I'm comfortable and don't wanna move."

"I can carry you back there."

"No. I just want to sleep through my hangover."

"Ok. Will you eat when you wake up?"

She had already fallen back asleep, breathing deeply and evenly as she slept.

Holly sat in Jax's living room, drinking some tea as she watched a movie, curled up on the couch with her feet in Jax's lap. It was nice to be able to have a few quiet moments with Jax, not doing anything important. Abel was doing pretty good in the hospital and Holly was not focusing on anything special. After all was said and done, she due a real vacation. One she hoped to take really soon. Or, at least a therapy session.


	7. Old Bones

Sitting at her desk, Holly laid her head down with a soft groan, closing her eyes. It had been a bad day from the time she woke up, and there was no sign it was gonna get better. She had finally gotten a new place, but it was more than she had wanted to spend; she had a couple hospital bills to pay for her parents; she had to pay to have her parents' ashes to be shipped to her and the urns that she wanted for them; she had bills to pay and she had to get her car fixed. She was so broke that she'd had to ask Gemma for a couple hundred dollars so she could go grocery shopping the previous day. She hadn't told Jax about it, since her whiskey fueled break down had him watching her as closely as he could without driving her completely insane. She had a headache and she was so ready to go home and take a bubble bath. She was so looking forward to her next paycheck. She desperately needed money.

"Baby? Are you ok?"

She looked up when she heard Jax's voice.

"Hey. Yeah, I'm fine. I have a headache that I can't shake. What's up, babe?"

"Clay sent me for a favor."

"No."

"You don't even know what it is."

"What is it?"

"We need money to get us flush with the Irish."

"No."

"Why not?"

"I don't have any money. And by any, I mean absolutely none. All of my money's gone."

"How is that even possible?"

"I got a new house, I'm getting my car fixed, my parents' ashes are getting shipped here, I had bills to pay for the house and hospital bills. I had to borrow money so I could go grocery shopping last night. I have no money to give you."

"Why didn't you tell me you were having money issues? I would've helped you."

"I know you would've. But I didn't want you to. You've been bailing me out since we were kids. I don't wanna always rely on you, Jax. I wanna know that I can stand on my own two feet from time to time. This is just one bad instance."

He sighed and shook his head, watching her drink some of her tea.

"Alright. But next time, don't be stubborn and say something to someone?"

"I did say something this time. To Gemma."

"You know what I mean."

"Jax, the club is going through some money troubles. I'm not gonna add more. But I'll be fine. I just have to wait for my next paycheck and then I should be fine."

"And your headache?"

"Nothing a bubble bath, a glass of wine, some good music and a night with my vibrator can't cure."

"Sounds like a good night. Care for some company?"

"Nope. No boys allowed. Sorry, babe."

She gave him a playful smile before getting up to kiss him softly, leaning into him, taking in the scent she loved so much. Weed, Old Spice, leather, cigarettes and motor oil. A weird combo to anyone else, but it was heaven to her. It was home.

Holly walked into Jax's house with Gemma, both of them having been dropping stuff off for Abel and Jax. She put the few groceries away before going to help stock up the nursery. When she saw the damage, she gasped as she looked around. The two most disturbing things were the picture collage on the wall, the one that her eyes landed on was a picture of her and Jax having sex in his room, and the puddle of piss that Gemma had just stepped in.

"Holy shit. That's disgusting. Who would do such a thing?"

"Kohn."

"Who?"

"Kohn. That agent that's been coming around."

"The guy or the bitch?"

"You really think a woman would be so heartless as to destroy a baby's nursery? Or take the time squat down and piss on the carpet?"

She watched Gemma go out to call Jax while she took pictures of the damage. She wouldn't put up with anyone harming her family in any way, shape or form. She'd nail this guy and get him out of her town. She called Hale.

"Do you have any proof that it was Kohn?"

"Will you just get your ass down here, Hale? You're a cop. Not an intern getting coffee. Someone, most likely Kohn, broke into Jax's house, destroyed his son's nursery, put up and defaced his pictures and pissed on the carpet and you're gonna ask me stupid questions over the phone? He stalked Tara and emailed me those gross pictures. What isn't this monster capable of?"

"Alright. I'm coming. But next time? Don't yell at me. Not the best way to get a police officer to do what you want them to do."

She let out a huff and hung up on him, going out to sit next to Gemma, who was wiping off her shoes.

"Hale's on his way. What did Jax say?"

"He's pissed."

"I'll bet. I am too. I hate this asshole."

"He's on his way."

Both women turned their heads when they heard Jax's bike pull in.

"Shit."

Holly stood up as Jax came in, following him to Abel's nursery.

"I'm getting tired of seeing pictures of us like that, Jax. He's stalking Tara and it seems like he's starting in on me. I want this guy gone."

"This asshole's dead."

She followed him out to his bike.

"Let me come."

"No. I don't tell you to stay put very often cause I know it won't work. But you need to listen this time. I don't want you around this guy anymore. You hear me?"

She frowned but nodded, kissing him softly.

"You be careful, ok? This guy is psychotic."

"I will. I'll send the prospect to clean the house."

"I'll help your mom with it. You know she won't let the prospect do it alone."

"I thought you were gonna go back to work?"

"Not now. You go take care of this. I love you."

"Love you too."

Holly let Jax into her house, locking the door behind him. He called her asking if he could stay with her for the night. It had been a long day for both of them and they both just needed each other. She grabbed them both a beer, sitting down with him on the couch, leaning into him.

"How's your leg?"

"It doesn't hurt as much and they didn't go in too far. I'll be fine. How about you?"

"I'm ok. I'm glad the day's over and Kohn's gone. That man freaks me out."

He nodded, pulling her in for a kiss, holding her close and taking care to not hit his leg. She melted into him, her arm wrapping around him. She pulled away for a second and put their beers on the table before pulling him into her bedroom. She didn't necessarily want sex. She wanted to be alone with him in the silence and darkness. She wanted to feel something besides scared. She wanted to feel safe.

"I don't want to do anything but cuddle with you. I wanna fall asleep in your arms with nothing on. I want us to be alone."

"We are alone, babe."

"No we're not. We haven't been since Kohn came into town. And there's no such thing as alone with the club. But, just for tonight, I want to have you all to myself."

The tears swimming in her eyes had Jax pulling Holly into him and turning off his phone. She let him help her get her clothes off, helping him with his before climbing into bed with him and curling into him, laying her head on his chest. With each beat of his heart, she let her thoughts leave her head, however temporary a solution. The sound lulling her to sleep.


	8. The Pull

Holly moaned into her hand as Jax went down on her, one hand tangled in his hair tightly. She arched her back off the shelves, tugging his hair as she moaned out his name. She had been stuck at work through their lunch date, so Jax came in to be with her. But normal conversation ended up in them sneaking off to the supply closet for a lunchtime quickie. She had been trying so hard to be quiet, but it was a battle she was losing as her stomach started tightening up. She knew Jax could tell that was getting close, because he did something that she wasn't expecting and almost made her scream as she came apart as he pushed a finger into her ass, her legs trembling a little. She had to bite her lip hard enough to draw blood to keep herself quiet. Just as she collapsed from the intensity, Jax stood and held her up, holding onto her as she calmed down. He smirked at her, kissing her before they both got their clothes on and leaving the supply closet, going back to her desk to finish what was left of their lunch.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you. Abel's getting out of the toaster today."

"What? Jax that's amazing! When are you going?"

"Tonight. You coming?"

"Try and stop me. This is so great, babe. You're gonna get to hold your son for the first time."

Sitting in the small room in Jax's lap, Holly and Gemma were waiting with him for Abel to be brought in. She felt Jax's arms around her waist, holding onto her. She looked over as Tara carried Abel in, standing up with Jax. She let out a soft gasp and covered her mouth a bit, tearing up as Tara handed Abel to Jax.

"Jax, he's so big…"

Holly took a couple pics of the two of them on her phone as Jax looked at her, holding Abel.

"I'm holding my son."

She smiled and nodded, a couple tears falling, not hearing Gemma and Tara leave the room. Holly and Jax both sat down, watching Abel.

"I can't believe this. He looks so much like you, babe."

She watched as Jax teared up before looking at her with a happy smile.

"I want you to be Abel's mom."

Holly sat with Gemma in Abel's room, watching Abel sleep.

"What did you say to him?"

"I didn't get to answer. He got called away."

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"What are you gonna tell him?"

"I don't know, Gemma."

"What don't you know? You love Jax."

"Of course I do. But that's not what's holding me back from answering."

"Then what is it? You've been waiting around from since you two were in school."

"That's the point, Gemma. I used to envision a life with him. Us getting married and having kids and growing old together. Watching him become president when Clay steps down. But he was gonna marry Tara, if he'd had his way then. He did marry Wendy and had a baby with her. While I was getting beaten to a pulp, I had to watch the guy I love be with women who were so wrong for him. So I was in a constant state of feeling just as bad inside as I did outside. He's finally with me and he's asking me to mother the child he had with another woman. The child that should've been mine. Maybe it's selfish to think like that, and I love Abel, but I feel like I wanna run away from this. Yes, I love Jax and I finally have him. But it's not right. It's not the way things were supposed to be. We were supposed to have what you and Clay have. What you and JT had. What my parents had. From the very beginning. Not because the relationship he was in was getting stale."

She sat down crying, putting her head in her hands, sniffling.

"Jax loves you. He always has. You should've seen him when you were in the hospital after that dick beat you so bad he put you in a coma. He rarely left your side and when he did, he made sure there was always someone there in case you woke up. When the doctors said that they didn't think you were gonna make it, he borrowed money from the club to pay for whatever surgery or treatment you needed. You've always been on his mind, baby. He hated seeing you with other people that weren't him. He's like me. He doesn't always speak his feelings. He didn't wanna ruin your friendship with him. It might not have been the magical beginning you wanted, but you have him. Tara doesn't hold his heart anymore and neither does Wendy. The fact that he's asking you to be Abel's mom means that you hold more than just his heart. You hold his soul."

Holly sat in the office at TM with Gemma, both of them talking as the guys came back, going out with her, but broke off to go over to Jax, placing her hand in his when he reached out for her. He looked frustrated and tired.

"You ok, babe?"

"Yeah. Long night. I really just wanna have a beer and head to bed."

"Before you do, I have something for you."

She handed him a small bag with a slightly nervous sigh, biting her lip as she watched him open it, confused. She watched him pull out the shirt she bought on her way to the clubhouse. It was a crop top that had small birds printed on it with the words 'Mama Bird' across the chest. She hoped that he would get what she was trying to say, and judging by the smile that was creeping across his face, he got it. He smiled happily and picked her up, twirling her around, laughing excitedly.

"Thank you so much, babe. I was afraid you were gonna say no."

"I love you. I'm honored that you asked me."

He kissed her softly and passionately, holding her face gently. When they pulled away, the ambulance in the garage caught her eye.

"What's with the ambulance?"

"Oh. Half-Sack stole it."

"What? Why?"

"I don't know. But it came in handy tonight."

"What happened?"

"Someone tried to kill Clay. Shot a friend instead. They're both fine, but things are gonna get bloody. Probably."

"Why didn't you take him to a hospital?"

"I guess he's wanted on a few continents."

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Keep someone with you for a little while? Just until this shit gets cleared up?"

She let out a dramatic sigh and eye roll that earned her a light smack on her ass, making her squeal a bit.

"I guess I can do that, but it'll be so inconvenient. Especially when you and I are in bed together."

"If you don't knock it off, you'll get punished."

"Oh no. Whatever will you do to me?"

"I'll think of something."

She giggled softly and kissed him.

"Get me a list of what Chibs needs. I'll stop by Tara's and see if she can help out."

"You're an angel."

Holly walked into Tara's house, following her in.

"Sorry to call on you so late, but we appreciate you doing this for us. I know you and I aren't exactly friends."

"It's alright. I would've gone to St. Thomas but they inventory everything."

"It's alright."

Tara handed her her medical bag.

"Look, I'm sorry about the way things went down between me and Jax. I never wanted to be the other woman. I fought it for so long and I tried to get him to see reason. It wasn't fair to you and I'm sorry."

"I know you did. We might not have been friends, but I always admired you, Holly. You fit so well into the world I wanted to be a part of for Jax's sake. But I never fit into it. I'm not that kind of person. I knew when Jax and I got back together that it wasn't gonna last. But I hoped it would. But seeing you two together….I always saw the way he looked at you. I wanted that. I'm just glad he's happy."

Holly nodded, looking at her as she listened.

"I've gotta go. But can I use the bathroom first?"

"Yeah, go ahead."

Walking down the hall, she didn't see or hear anyone come up behind her until she felt something hard hit her over the head, knocking her out. She didn't know how long she'd been out, but when she came to, she realized she had been tied to a chair, her hands bound behind the back of the chair and she was naked except for her bra and underwear. She was gagged as well. She looked around for her phone, looking towards Tara's room when she heard a gunshot, letting out a scream. She struggled to free herself, ignoring the pain in her head. She fell over in the chair, able to get her arms in the right position but she couldn't get her hands free since they were zip tied together. She watched Tara come out of the bedroom and come over to her, cutting her free. Holly pulled the gag out of her mouth and looked up at Tara.

"What the fuck happened? I heard a gunshot."

"I shot Kohn."

"Holy shit."

Both women stayed where they were for a minute, catching their breath. Holly looked at Tara as she sat up.

"Ok, here's what you're gonna do. You're gonna call Jax and tell him to come over. Jax'll help us and he'll know better what to do. While you do that, I'm gonna go throw up."

Laying in bed that night, Holly curled into Jax, staring at the ceiling, in a state of total shock. And had been since watching Jax shoot Kohn. She had seen quite a bit involving the club, things she wouldn't have seen if she were anyone else, and it never phased her. But she had never seen someone get shot before. She'd always been taken somewhere when shootings happened around her or she'd be hiding somewhere. She'd never seen it up close before. And it seemed that Jax had expected her to freak out, but she hadn't. Yet. She hadn't cried or screamed or anything. Tara had screamed bloody murder and broke down in tears. But Holly couldn't anything more than stare at the man laying on the bathroom floor, bleeding out from the head and stomach. And now here she was, staring at the ceiling, the silence very prominent, not saying a word as Jax watched her in concern. He reached over to rub her arm gently, hoping to make her look at him. But it just made her whimper, the dam starting to break as she slowly started crying. Jax pulled her into his arms, repeating that it'd be ok as he ran his fingers through her hair.


	9. Hell Followed

Holly woke up and rushed to the toilet to empty her stomach, not hearing Jax in the shower. She'd fallen into an uneasy sleep last night, having nightmares all night about Kohn getting shot. She flushed the toilet and stood up to brush her teeth and rinse her mouth out, sitting down as Jax came out, holding her head in her hands before looking at him when he said her name.

"Call off work and hang out at the clubhouse with me today. I don't want you alone today."

"Ok…."

"Take a shower and come get dressed."

She nodded and got up to take a shower. Half of her was numb and the other half was shaky and jumpy as hell. She felt like she was going around life on autopilot today. Almost in a daze. And Jax could see that. He knew she'd need some help getting through this. It was almost as painful as watching her when she was in her coma a couple years ago. He made a mental note of asking his mom to keep Holly company today if he had to leave. He picked out some clothes for her and laid them out on the bed before going to help her out of the shower and dried her off. He got her dressed before taking her out to his bike, sighing as he watched his mom pull into the driveway followed by Tig.

"Where the hell have you been? And what's wrong with Holly?"

"I've been here. And Holly had a long night and is having a bad morning."

"You've been here all night? Clay gets shot at and you decide it's a good time to get laid?"  
"It's my fault, Gemma."

Holly spoke so quietly, which was so not like her, that they almost didn't hear her. But when Gemma saw her face now that she was closer, she could see just how rough Holly looked. She looked like she had no emotion yet she'd been crying.

"Baby? What happened to you?"

"I was having a rough night and I called Jax. I forgot that there was something Jax needed to do."

"Are you alright? Why did you need Jax?"

"Grill her later, mom. I have to get to the clubhouse. You mind taking her with you?"

"Yeah. Come on, baby. Let's go."

Jax helped Holly into his mom's car, buckling her up before kissing her head. He went back over to his mom.

"Keep an eye on her. I'll tell you what happened later but she's on auto today. I had to help her shower and get dressed."

"I can see that. I'll keep her close."

"Thanks. If you need help with her, call one of her friends."

"Don't worry about her, baby. She'll be fine."

"Thanks, ma."

He kissed her cheek before getting on his bike, riding off after a small staring contest with Tig. Holly rode with Gemma in silence, her mind going blank out of preservation.

"What happened, baby? You're so quiet."

"Kohn's dead. Tara shot him in the stomach after he tried to rape her and Jax shot him in the head. I've never seen someone get shot before….."

"Shit…. Is that why Jax was at your place all night?"

Holly just nodded, staring out the window, not really looking at anything.

"I'm so sorry you had to see that, baby. But you'll be ok."

Holly woke up to Jax gently kissing her cheek, turning to look at him. She stretched and yawned, slowly sitting up.

"How're you doing, babe? Ma said she was able to get you to eat earlier before you fell asleep."

"I'm not so numb anymore. I think the shock's starting to wear off."

"Good. You had me pretty worried for a while."

She kissed him softly.

"How's the Irishman?"

"He's good. Tara really saved his ass. No pun intended."

She smiled, laughing a little. She sighed softly.

"I still can't believe he's really gone. What'd you do with the body?"

"It's done. That's all that matters."

"Please tell me? I know I've been off lately, but I need to show you that I can handle things. Club business and personal shit. I need you to know that I'm ok with all of this."

"You don't have anything to prove to me, Holly. I know what you've been through and I'm not expecting anything from you but just to be there."

"But I'm like your mom. I need to take care of my family. And you're my family. You mean the world to me. And if I'm gonna be Abel's mom, I need to prove to him to what it looks like to have a real woman in his life. To have a good old lady in his life. And to be an old lady means taking care of my man."

She looked at him, watching him run a hand over his face, listening to him as he told her how he felt and how scared he was about things.

"You can tell me anything at anytime. I don't care where I am or what I'm doing. You're my best friend and my boyfriend and I love you. I want you to be ok. Ok?"

"I can't lose you, Holly. Not like I've lost everyone else. I wouldn't be able to handle it."

"I'm not going anywhere, Jax. I'll always be right by your side."

A soft and passionate kiss was her response, wrapping her arms around his neck as he laid her down, hovering over her.


	10. Better Half

Holly was on the phone with her aunt when there was a knock on the door. She got up and went to answer the door, letting the agents in.

"Aunt Lisa, can I call you back? I have company?"

"Yeah, I guess. But this is important, Holly."

"I know it's important. And I will call you back. But I have something that's requiring my attention in front of me."

"Fine, Holly. Thanks for listening."

She rolled her eyes as her aunt hung up the phone, looking at the agents.

"Can I help you with something?"

"I'm agent June Stahl and I wanted to ask you a few questions, if I could."  
"I guess that's fine. What do you want?"

"I'm just wondering why you didn't stick with the plan your parents set out for you. I mean, you got accepted to Harvard, Yale, Sarah Lawrence and quite a few other colleges. And yet, you didn't go to any of them. Why not?"

"I hated school. Just because I did really well in school, doesn't mean anything. I found my happiness in life. I have people that I love and care about that love me in return and go out of their way to take care of me as well."

"Fair enough. Do you have any idea what Sons of Anarchy gets up to?"

"No, I don't. And it's really not my business. I'm just a friend."

"I saw the pictures Kohn took."

Stahl pulled out some pictures from a folder, putting them down in front of Holly.

"And I've seen you with Mr. Teller. You look like more than a friend to me."

"We've known each other our entire lives. Our dads created Sons of Anarchy together. Feelings were bound to blossom."

"Why not between you and Harry Winston?"

"They did but nothing ever came of it. Opie took my virginity. And then I introduced him to the woman that would become his wife."

"I think you know more than you let on. And I think you're an idiot to allow your parents' dream for you to die with them. That's a little selfish, don't you think?"

Holly's jaw clenched in anger, glaring at Stahl, who was smirking at her.

"First off, bitch: even if I did know what the guys got up to, I would never tell you. I'm not a snitch and I'm not in the habit of hurting the people I love. Second: the only thing I know about the guys of SAMCRO is that they all have HUGE dicks, know how to use them, throw wild parties and are fiercely loyal to those they love. And third: you can leave my house now. And the next time you come anywhere near me, you'd better make damn sure that my lawyer is standing next to me. Until then, no comment, no comment, no comment."

Holly went to the door and held it open for Stahl and the other agent, hearing Jax's bike pull in as they left, glaring at them as they walked out.

"And one more thing, don't talk to me about Kohn. He's a psychopath that deserves to rot in hell for the things he's done to Tara and I."

Their first fight as a couple and it started over something that would be crazy to anyone else. Holly had made a joke to ease the tension and it didn't go over well. Holly was currently sitting in an armchair, listening to Jax rant at her. And then he said the magic words. The words that sent Holly into a frenzy.

"You're being a bitch. Stop it."

"I'm being a bitch? Did you really just say that to me, Teller?"

"Yes I did. And I meant it."

"If you really meant it then you can walk your ass out of my house and go back to the bitch that's packing her shit and getting ready to leave."

"I don't want Tara."

"If you're willing to throw 'bitch' around then you obviously don't want me either."

"You know I want you. But you can't say shit like that. It's not a joke."

"It was a joke. And I know you don't really want me because you're taking this so fucking seriously. You know I would never rat. If I were gonna rat on you, on the club, do you think I'd still be in Charming? I'd be halfway around the fucking world by now and you would never find me. I'm not stupid, Jackson."

"I never said you were."

"No, but apparently you think I'm an inappropriate bitch. So fine. Then that's what I am. But I'm not gonna waste my time with someone that's gonna point that shit out when I don't deserve it. I've been through that kind of relationship before and I won't do it again."

She glared at him, her arms crossed across her chest.

"So what's it gonna be, Jax? Are you gonna take back what you just said?"

"No."

"Then you can get out and I'll just see you the next time there's a SAMCRO party. Maybe I'll sleep with Tig again. He was fun."

"That's really not funny."

"Neither is being called a name by the man I love who knows why I hate that word so fucking much."

Holly walked into the clubhouse, looking around for Jax, going back to his room, knocking on his door. He'd called her and asked her to come over.

"Jax? It's me. Can I come in?"

"Yeah, come on in, babe."

She walked in and closed the door behind her, sitting down on the bed, looking at him.

"You wanted to see me?"

"I wanted to apologize for earlier. I shouldn't have gone off the deep end with your joke. ATF's trying to use RICO in anyplace they can and they were going after all the women. It was tense and I didn't handle that shit well. And I'm sorry."

She nodded, looking at him.

"Maybe I shouldn't have made that joke, but you didn't handle it right at all, Jax. I'm not with him anymore, but the scars he left behind are still there. I don't need new ones."

She watched as he came over to her, getting onto his knees in front of her and taking her hands.

"Holly Skye Pavlov, I swear to you on my son's health, that I will never lay my hands on you in a way that you don't like or ask for. And I swear on my mother's life that I will always love you."

"Shut up and kiss me, idiot."

She smiled at him as he kissed her, laying her down, rubbing her sides gently, making her giggle into the kiss. They weren't able to do much because Jax had to leave.

"Let me come with you this time? Please?"

"Ok. Grab a helmet and let's go."


	11. Capybara

"Oh God, babe…...you're so fucking big….."

Holly arched her back as Jax pounded into her, his grip on her hips tight enough to leave bruises in her skin that she didn't mind. She panted between moans, which were growing in volume the more he hit that special spot inside that had her seeing stars behind her closed eyes, her knees coming up to hug his hips tightly as her nails dug into his skin as she scratched up and down his back. He was driving her crazy and they'd been going at it all morning with no signs of stopping anytime soon. They were both sweaty and out of breath. But it was as if someone had slipped them something. Jax had to change his condom twice in their session and Holly had lost count of how many times she'd cum. Her legs were completely useless at this point and she was surprised she could say anything. She was so close to cumming again, but it felt different this time. She was hypersensitive and she didn't know how much more she could take. She whited out when he reached down to rub her clit with his thumb, screaming his name as she gushed around him, arching her back so much that he had to wrap his arms around her waist to support her so she wouldn't hurt herself. Her entire body shook in his arms, her screams turning into moans which quieted into whimpers as he came inside her, filling up his 3rd condom almost to the brim with a groan of her name. They laid there entangled in each other, spent, satisfied and waiting for their breathing to even out. Holly ended up falling asleep in his arms, relaxed and happy. Jax watched Holly for a minute, smiling to himself before getting up to clean himself up before getting dressed and going outside. Right as a bunch of officers and agents poured into the clubhouse, pushing everyone on the ground before arresting Bobby. At least Holly hadn't woken up to this.

Holly sighed as she walked over to Tig, sitting down on the table next to him outside, taking a hit of the joint he passed her.

"You have to know that Opie wouldn't rat. He's put way too much time into this club to earn that disrespect, Tig."

"This isn't about respect, Holly. And this has nothing to do with you."

She looked at him pointedly. She hated when people said that to her. It pissed her off.

"My best friend is being set up to look like a rat to the club that he joined and has done time for. He lost time with his kids, his wife. My other best friend is getting caught up in the consequences of a club she's not a part of and is doing what she can to take care of her kids. Her family. And my last best friend, my old man, is hopping in between his best friend, who he grew up with, and his club, which his dad created and he has a ton of love for. Jax doesn't want to believe that Opie would rat because that would mean the death of his best friend, who he has the utmost faith in. And as his old lady, I'm supposed to put his mind at ease, and I'm having trouble doing that."

"It's none of your business, Holly. Because you're not a member and you're not an old lady. You're just someone Jax is sleeping with. You're a glorified sweetbutt with daddy issues. So you don't get to talk about things you have no business putting your nose in. You got it?"

She watched him leave in shock. Tig had never talked to her that way. It was weird and uncomfortable. She took another hit before putting out the joint, going to her car, climbing in as Jax ran over.

"Babe? You leavin'?"

"Yeah. Tig has an attitude that I don't wanna deal with. Besides, I have some stuff I have to do. I'll see you later."

She kissed him softly through the window before taking off, driving off to her house.

Walking up to Abel's room, Holly stopped in her tracks seeing Jax and Wendy with Abel. She debated turning around and leaving, but something told her to go into the room.

"Hey, babe. Hey, Wendy. You look good. Rehab treating you ok?"

"Hey, Holly. Uh… Yeah, it is. I'm moving into a sober living house."

"Good for you. That's great."

Jax got up and kissed Holly softly, holding onto her.

"Did you tell Wendy?"

"Tell me what?"

Holly looked at Jax apologetically before rubbing Abel's hand gently, smiling softly when she felt him grip it as tightly as his little hand could.

"I put Holly's name in the papers as Abel's legal guardian. Legally speaking…..Holly is Abel's mom."

Holly looked at Wendy, sitting down next to her.

"But, I don't want you to think that I'm taking over. If you wanna get to know Abel, he is still your son and our door's always open. It's just for legal purposes. I swear."

Holly sat in the clubhouse with everyone, smiling when she saw Opie come in, giving him a huge hug, feeling him pick her up a bit.

"It's good to see you out. I have some chilli waiting for you when you get out of church. Super spicy just the way you like it."

"Damn. I should get carted off more often."

"Bite your tongue, you behemoth. Go on."

She watched Opie go into the other room with the guys, going into the kitchen to keep cooking, pulling the cornbread out of the oven and stirring the chilli. She was happy that Opie was home finally. She'd been trying really hard to stay away from Tig. They hadn't talked since he chastised her and she wasn't gonna make the first move. He would have to do that. She sang to herself as she cooked, something she'd NEVER let anyone hear her do. It was the one thing about herself that she was embarrassed by. She didn't even know why, she just was. It was only a few minutes later before she heard the guys come out, bringing out the two different kinds of chilli she'd made and cut up the cornbread before bringing it out so everyone could eat, smiling as she watched her family from behind the bar.


	12. The Sleep of Babies

Waking up in Jax's arms, she couldn't think of a better way to start her day. She kissed his chest gently, kissing her way up his chest, jaw and over to his lips. She could feel his muscles jumping at her touch, which only made her smile.

"Wake up, babe. You've got stuff to do."

"No. I wanna stay in bed with you."

"I have stuff to do too. I have to go to work."

She laughed when Jax groaned playfully and rolled over on top of her, pretending to fall back asleep, trying to push him off of her. When he didn't budge, she smirked as she reached down to squeeze his dick tightly, making him jump a bit and gasp as he rolled over onto his back, both of them laughing.

"No fair, Holly."

"Deal with it."

She jumped out of bed before he could hold her back and went to take her shower. She washed up quickly, getting dressed and going down to make coffee and breakfast for them both, turning on the news.

Holly rolled her neck, trying to crack it a bit. She'd been working nonstop since she got to work, mostly putting info into client files in the computer system. Her eyes hurt from looking at the computer screen all morning and her fingers hurt from typing for hours. She couldn't even focus on the one thing that she was excited about, otherwise she'd get distracted. But she was almost done. She finished the last file, not hearing Jax come up to her desk with Wendy until he knocked over her pencil cup. She looked up at him, ready to yell at him until she saw him, a beam crossing her face quickly.

"Is it time?"

"Yeah. You ready to go, darlin'?"

"Almost. I have something I have to drop off with Jason, file a couple things and then we can go."

"Ok. But hurry up."

She smiled and kissed him softly before picking up the pens and pencils and going to finish everything she had to do. She went over to them when she was done, letting Jax take her hand and lead her outside.

"I'll follow you there. I can't wait to bring Abel home."

"Me neither. You have the carseat in place?"

"Yeah. Made sure it was locked in this morning before I left the house."

She got in her car and followed Jax and Wendy to St. Thomas, growing more and more excited the closer they got. She was practically bouncing as they walked inside Jax's house when they finally walked through the door.

Holly stood in the kitchen, making herself a drink, needing something to do with her hands instead of using her fists to knock Tara out after she kissed Jax in front of her and Wendy. She knew that Wendy still loved Jax and that Holly was dating him, but the beer took her inhibitions. So now, Wendy was hurt and Holly was angry. Donna came over to her, putting a hand on her back.

"So Tara has some balls, huh?"

"Pretty big ones."

"Don't let that bitch bother you. She's not gonna be around for too much longer."

"It's the fact that she's around at all that bothers me. I know Jax broke up with her and she told me she was ok with it all, and yet here she is, trying to start shit."

She and Donna talked for a little while longer, having fun until Donna and Ope had to leave. She hugged them both goodbye, kissing the kids goodbye before they left, getting her turn to hold Abel finally. She looked over at Gemma when she said they were out of dish soap.

"I'll go get some, Gem."

"No, it's alright, baby."

"I don't mind. I need some air anyway."

She kissed Abel's head before kissing Jax softly. She grabbed her purse and walked outside, surprised to see Donna and Opie still there. Donna went over to her.

"I was gonna stay and help clean up after the party. Where are you going?"

"We're out of dish soap, so I'm heading up to the store. Wanna come with?"

"Yeah. You mind taking Ope's truck?"

"I don't mind. I don't feel like driving anyway."

Driving and talking to Donna proved to be cathartic for Holly. She needed to be with just a friend for a little while. Being stopped at the light, Holly bent down a bit to retie her shoes. As she sat back up, she heard a few gunshots, one of the bullets hitting her in the shoulder, screaming in fear and pain. And then she heard the horn and turned to see Donna laying on the horn, watching the light leave her eyes, tears filling her own. She looked over when she heard a car pulling up next to them. And she could've sworn she saw Tig's shocked face in the driver's seat of the SUV. but the SUV drove off before it really registered with her. She only saw one other person in the street as she called Hale.

"Holly? What's wrong?"

"Donna and I have been shot. Some asshole in an SUV pulled up behind us and shot into the back of Opie's truck."

After getting off the phone with Unser, she shakily called Jax, trying to ignore the throbbing and burning pain in her shoulder as she tried to hold back tears.

"Hey, babe. When're you coming back? Everyone's getting ready to leave."

"Jax…. Donna's dead…."

"What?"

"Donna and I were heading to the store when an SUV pulled up behind us and shot into Opie's truck. Donna got hit in the head and I got hit in the shoulder. Donna's dead…."

The tears stung her eyes, begging to be let out. She felt like she was gonna pass out as she heard the ambulance and police sirens coming closer. She could hear Jax calling for her as everything went black, falling over onto the sidewalk where she'd been sitting.

Holly woke up in the hospital, her eyes adjusting to the dim light in the room, hearing snoring coming from someone next to her, looking over to see Jax sleeping in a chair next to her bed, his hand resting on hers. She moved her hand from under his and reached so she could hit the call button before shifting, the pain that radiated from her shoulder making her cry out in pain, squeezing her eyes. She looked at him when Jax got up and rushed to her side, helping her sit the bed up, neither one of them having heard the nurse through the speaker. He pushed the hair out of her face and kissed her head as the nurse came in with some painkillers.

"How are you feeling, sweetie?"

"I feel like I got shot…."

"There wasn't an exit wound so the doctor had to remove the bullet. There weren't any complications and you should be able to leave tomorrow afternoon."

"Thank you."

"And you have a couple other visitors, if you're up to it."

She looked up at Jax, the rest of the events came back to her. Jax saw the tears in her eyes and looked at the nurse.

"I think she's still pretty tired. They're our friends. Will you please tell them that she's not up to it?"

"Yeah. Get some sleep, sweetie."

Holly broke down in Jax's arms when the nurse left, sobbing hard into Jax's chest as he held onto her, tearing up himself. He saw Donna's dead body and saw Ope's reaction to losing his wife. And now his old lady had just lost one of her best friends. What started out as a normal day turned out horribly, horribly wrong.

Holly walked into her house with Gemma and Jax, letting Jax help her upstairs and into bed, kicking off her shoes.

"I don't wanna stay in bed, Jax. I wanna go see Opie and check on the kids."

"Later. Get some rest first."

"Jax, please? I can't just sit here and pretend like nothing happened. Donna's gone and Opie's gonna need some help. I have use of my other arm. I want to help."

"Not right now, Holly. The doctor wants you to take it easy today and not move around too much. So just stay here? Please?"

"Fine. But don't treat me like a child today? I'm doing ok considering."

Jax nodded, kissing her softly before going downstairs to get his mom to make Holly something to eat and drink.

"How's she doing, baby?"

"She doesn't wanna stay in bed. She wants to go help Opie. So she's over her shock. I hate this shit."

"I know. I do too, baby. But Holly will be fine and Abel's home. Try to focus on the good for a little bit. Ok?"

He nodded, wiping his tears as he brought Holly some water so she could take her meds, sighing softly when he saw her sleeping. He put the pill bottles and the glass of water on her bedside table, covering her up with her comforter before kissing her head gently, letting her sleep. He watched her for a little bit, thinking to himself. He'd never had any doubt in his mind that she was the one for him. His love for her went beyond what he had for Tara. The thing he loved the most about her? She put her family above herself. No matter what. He had planned to ask her to get his crow when they went to bed that night. But he'd have to wait.


	13. The Revelator

Holly did as much as she could over at Donna and Opie's house, mostly helping out with the kids, keeping them occupied with Opie. She and Ope were sitting at the table, smoking a joint and talking.

"How's your shoulder?"

"Hurts still. It's only been a few hours since I woke up. I keep reliving it in my mind."

"I'm sorry you had to see that."  
"I'm sorry she's gone. I wish there was something I could've done."

"Did you see anyone?"

She hesitated for a minute, not knowing if she should say anything. Damage would be done either way.

"I could've sworn I saw Tig. But I doubt I actually did. I was in shock."

"Tig? That's random."

"I know. I thought the same thing. So it might be nothing."

Opie nodded, finishing off his joint, putting it out. Holly watched Kenny and Ellie on the swings. She didn't know who to feel worse for. The kids, who would miss out on so much with their mom…..Or Opie, who had lost his reason for living. She hadn't expected to feel Jax's arms around her.

"I knew you'd come here."

"Sorry. I couldn't stay in bed anymore."

"It's ok. As long as you take it easy. And I brought your painkillers."

She got up so Jax could sit, sitting in his lap and letting the two men talk, her mind wandering. She couldn't believe Donna was gone. It wasn't fair. She'd lost a really great friend. And all because that ATF bitch wanted to bury the club.

Holly sat in the bathroom, staring at the stick in her hand, wondering if she were dreaming. Hoping she was. It wasn't that she didn't want kids, but this was the absolute worst time to have one. For her but especially for Jax. With club shit and Donna's death and Abel…. She didn't even want to tell him. She knew she'd have to decide something soon. She was going over her options in her head, trying to predict the consequences to all of her options. Each consequence adding more weight on her shoulders, making her head hurt. She scrambled to put the stick somewhere Jax couldn't find it when she heard Jax coming in her front door and coming upstairs. She tossed it in her sock drawer and closed the drawer as Jax came into the bedroom.

"Hey, babe. What're you doing?"

"Just some tidying up. We still going to lunch?"

"Yeah. But we have to make a stop first. At Laroy's bar."

"What? Why?"

He sighed and looked at her.

"Piney went looking for Laroy in retaliation for Donna."

"Shit. Let's go."

Holly got off the back of Jax's bike, holding his hand as they walked inside the police station. Her head was swimming with the info they'd earned from Laroy. When Hale led them back to the cells, she had a bad feeling. And her instincts didn't disappoint. Watching David leave, she jumped when Jax kicked the door of one of the cells, sitting down on the bench in the room, taking a shaky breath.

"When, uh, when Donna got shot, after it happened, the SUV pulled up to my side of the truck. I took a second before looking, but the face….."

"Who was it?"

"I could've sworn I saw Tig. But the person drove off before I could get a really good look."

Holly sat in Jax's room with a joint and tears running down her face. All the guys were out, so she was alone in the clubhouse. She had her hand over her belly that would remain flat for a while. She'd made her decision and there was no going back. It was hard as hell, but she didn't regret it. She'd received the sign that she'd been asking for all morning. She wasn't ready. And neither was Jax. She cried herself to sleep, dreaming of the child that would never be. When she woke up the next morning, she got dressed, checking her phone. There weren't any messages. She texted Jax to see if he needed a ride today. But when she didn't get an answer, she went ahead to the cemetery. She sat with Gemma and Clay, holding onto Abel, who was sleeping in her arms. She was just getting up to put a flower on Donna's casket when she spotted Jax coming over. Even from this distance, she could tell he was angry. She didn't say anything as she took Jax's cut from Juice before going over to him, holding onto Abel. She watched Jax put his cut on and go over to grab a flower for Donna, putting it on her casket before he went back over to her.

"Let's go home, babe. I want you to move in with me. Please?"

"You think we're ready?"

"I know we are."

She smiled a bit and nodded, kissing him softly.

"I drove here."

"I'll follow you to my place."

"Our place."


	14. Albification

Holly walked into St. Thomas with Abel, both of them had an appointment there. She walked into her room, waiting for the doctor. Things had calmed down quite a bit in the last few weeks. Bobby was coming home from prison, Opie was coming home from his trip, her shoulder had healed quite a bit and she and Jax had just finished unpacking Holly's stuff at their place. She thought she might be pregnant again, but she wanted to make sure before she said anything. She still hadn't told Jax about her abortion, and she wasn't planning on ever letting him know. Not because he didn't deserve to know, but because he didn't need to know that that decision had been made without him. And it was a big decision at that. But this time if she was, she would talk to Jax. She looked over when the doctor came in, setting Abel down on the floor next to the table. It didn't take too much longer for the doctor to start up the ultrasound monitor and put the wand on her belly with the gel, which was surprisingly warm. Holly kept her eyes closed, biting her lip nervously. And then she heard it. The heartbeat. Her eyes flew open and her head snapped over to the monitor to see what looked like a little white bean in a sea of black. She couldn't believe it, tears filling her eyes as the doctor took a picture.

"Would you like a picture to take home?"

She just nodded, rendered speechless as she sat up, doing up her jeans before getting the printout and leaving, going to Abel's appointment. It was a routine checkup, so she was in and out quickly. She called Jax, leaving a message that he had to get to clubhouse right away, but not telling him why before driving to the store to buy a card for him, putting it in the card before sealing the envelope and driving off to the clubhouse. When she got there, she had to focus on not ruining the surprise. She got out of the car and got Abel out, grabbing the card before going in, seeing Jax come over to her.

"I just got your message and was just about to call you. What's wrong? Is Abel ok?"

"Abel's fine."

She handed him the card before going to put Abel in the office with Gemma, waiting for Jax to come find her. Which didn't take long. She smiled to herself when she heard him running to the office.

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah, I am."

"Holy…."

She smiled when he pulled her in for a hug and a passionate kiss. Holding her close but being careful with her. When they pulled away, she had tears in her eyes.

"You're happy about it? Really happy?"

"It's not the greatest timing in the world, but I'm happy."

"What are you two talking about?"

Jax didn't say a word as he handed his mom Holly's ultrasound, both of them smiling when Gemma jumped up and smiled, hugging them both.

Holly was sitting at work, doing a lot of filing and taking a lot of calls. When they told the club, everyone had been really happy for them, hugging both of them. Jax had decided that they'd buy Holly's house back because it was bigger, and Holly was sure the landlord was gonna yell at Jax before he pulled out a huge wad of cash and handed the whole thing over. And then Jax was the best person in his life. She looked at the time, seeing that she could finally go home. She couldn't wait to see Bobby and Opie. She went to the house to change, getting dolled up before heading to the clubhouse, helping Gemma out a bit.

"I still can't believe you're pregnant, baby. You look amazing."

"I can't either. I'm just happy that Jax is happy with it. Especially with how young Abel is. Not even a year old. But after what's happened with ATF and Donna, I think we could all use some happiness."

Holly stood next to Gemma as a silver car pulled up, watching as at least 4 men climbed out of the car, all of them going up to Clay as the guys followed him over. She was just far enough that she couldn't hear what was said, but close enough to know it was a tense confrontation. She watched as one of the men, the guy that looked like he just ate a lemon and was trying not to show he was affected by it, turned to look at her, giving her a look that sent a shiver down her spine. She let out a breath she hadn't known she was holding when they left, going over with Gemma, wanting to know who it was. It wasn't too much longer that Bobby was brought to the clubhouse by Stahl and another agent. She was happy to see Bobby, but she had to speak to Stahl.

"Did you get what you wanted, agent? Did you get the peace of mind you were looking for?"

"I got a bit of it, yeah. But you know what I can't figure out is why you chose this life? You were smart enough to do anything and yet you chose to live with outlaws."

"No I didn't. I grew up with these guys. I had plenty of opportunities to leave and go to college or travel the world and I never took them because I had already found my happy place. I had already found my calling in life. I was raised to hold onto the people I love and take care of them. These guys are my family and friends. I'd go to the ends of the earth for them because they would do the same for me. And until you get that kind of friendship with someone, you will never understand my decision."

Holly had left with Gemma to go check up on Abel, driving down the road with her. She'd left the party a little earlier than she wanted to, but she had promised Jax that she would take it easy. Sitting at a stop light, she looked over at the radio, changing the station as someone pulled up behind her, a girl getting out to come over, screaming that her baby was choking on something. Gemma got out as Holly grabbed her phone to call for an ambulance. But she hadn't even finished dialing the number before she got hit upside the head and knocked out immediately. When she came to a while later, she was chained up to a gross mattress, laying on top of it completely naked beaten, bruised and really cold. She could feel that she'd gotten cut by whatever hit her upside the head by the blood that was drying on her face. She looked around and saw Gemma tied up to a chain link fence wall, starting to stir as well.

"Gemma? Gemma? Wake up…."

"Where are we?"

"I don't know."

She lifted her head up as much as she could, watching as three men came in wearing masks, going pale as it clicked in her mind what was going to happen, struggling against her restraints. One of them came up to her and started pulling down his pants.

"The more you struggle, the harder I'll be on you. So just stay still."

She struggled harder, starting to cry and scream as she heard Gemma putting up a fight against the two guys she was dealing with. As she was entered, she screamed bloody murder. It hurt like hell and she was terrified. At least they wore condoms. Not that it was a consolation. After the second time with the first guy, she passed out from the pain, Jax's name leaving her mouth on a whisper as she fell into darkness.

When Jax walked over to Holly's doctor, he tried to keep himself from panicking. Unsuccessfully. All he'd heard from Unser was that Holly and his mom were in the hospital after an accident.

"Are you here for Holly?"

"Yeah. Is she ok?"

"She's stable for now. She's been unconscious since she's been brought in and doesn't show any signs of waking up right away. She could wake up tomorrow or next week or next year. We don't know for sure."

"Holy shit. What's the damage?"

"Cuts, bruises, there's some swelling. There's a small break in her foot that should heal pretty quickly."

Jax ran his hand over his face, not even bothering to hide his tears.

"What about the baby?"

He let out a pained groan, seeing the sympathetically sad look on the doctor's face, feeling Clay hold him up when his knees buckled. His kid was gone and he never got to hold them. And he could lose the love of his life to stupid car accident.

"You can go see her if you want."

He just nodded, following the doctor to Holly's room. Walking into the room, the first thing he noticed was how pale he looked under the cuts and bruises on her face. He slowly made his way over to her, tears blurring his vision as he grew closer, taking her hand gently when he reached her. He broke down as he watched her, the beeping of her heart monitor the only other sound in the room.


	15. Small Tears

It took Jax a while to notice the bruises on Holly's wrists. And it made him suspicious. If she was in an accident, why would she have bruising there? He checked her ankles before going to find her doctor.

"What are the bruises on her wrists and ankles? Was she tied down in the ambulance or something?"

"She didn't come by ambulance. Chief Unser dropped Holly and your mom off. And we saw those too. We asked Unser what happened and he didn't answer."

"If she was in an accident, why would she be bruised on her wrists and ankles?"

"I don't know, Mr. Teller. We can run some more tests if you'd like."

"Please do."

He grabbed his cell and went outside, calling Unser's cell.

"What's going on, Jax?"

"What happened to Holly, Unser? I didn't know you'd brought her in."

"You know what happened, Jax. Your mom and Holly was in an accident. I found them and brought them in."

"She's got bruises on her wrists and ankles."

"I, uh….I just figured you guys were kinky or something."

"Not going there. But I know you're lying. What happened?"

"I don't know, Jax. I gotta go."

Jax walked back over to Holly's room, watching as his mom talked to the doctor about something, going over.

"You ok, ma?"

"Yeah, baby. Holly's awake. I was talking to the doctor about getting her some food."

"I'll send the prospect out."

He rushed into Holly's room to find her crying into her hands, going over to her side and putting a hand on her shoulder, making her jump and let out a yell.

"Babe, it's me! It's me…."

Holly looked at Jax and immediately leaned into him, wrapping her arms around him as she cried into his shoulder, feeling him climb into bed next to her, holding her close. She'd been raped, lost her baby and she was told by Gemma not to say a word to anyone. She just stayed in Jax's arms, starting to relax after a while, feeling Jax petting her head in a comforting way as he kissed her forehead gently.

"How are you feeling, darlin'?"

"Horrible. I wanna go home."

"When the doctor comes back I'll ask when you can."

Holly had been transferred to the mental ward after a suicide attempt that was almost successful had it not been for Tig finding her when he stopped by to check on her. He called a nurse in immediately and had to help hold Jax back from seeing Holly being worked on because she tried to kill herself. And nobody knew why. Or at least, not the full story. She had been told by Gemma quite a few times that they couldn't tell Jax or Clay what really happened. It was eating Holly alive, to the point where she was put on suicide watch and avoided Jax altogether. She knew he didn't deserve that, but the stress of everything was getting to her and she didn't know what else to do. The isolation wasn't helping matters. She'd only allow a few people to see her anymore. She was sitting in her room, watching TV as Chibs and Juice walked in.

"Hi, lass. You've gotten some color in you today. How are you feeling?"

"I'm alright, I guess. I'm hungry and tired. I had another session today. I hate talking to strangers. I have to be so careful about what I have to say."

"I know. But you can always talk to us, lass."

"Not according to Gemma, I can't. The queen bee won't let me talk about it."

Chibs and Juice looked at each other for a second in confusion.

"Holly? Did they give you meds before we got here?"

"Yeah, they did. But they don't do what they're supposed to do."

"Do you need different meds, lovey?"

"No. They're supposed to calm me down completely and make me sleep. But I don't sleep anymore. I can't turn my brain off."

"Why do you wanna turn your brain off?"

"Because I want to forget…."

"Forget what?"

She looked at Chibs with a goofy smile, booping his nose.

"I. Can't. Tell. You. Gemma said I couldn't say anything."

"But Gemma isn't here. You can tell us and we won't tell her that we know."

"She's always around. In the room, in my head, in Jax's head, in Clay's head. I can't get rid of her."

Chibs looked at her in confusion and concern, watching her fall asleep. He looked at Juice, both of them having the same expression on their faces.

Holly walked down the hall with Jax, holding his hand. She'd finally broke down and let Jax come see her. She missed him and felt a bit better with him around.

"How's Abel?"

"He knows that you're not around. I can tell he misses you. I do too."

"I miss you both so much."

"Then come home. You don't belong here. I don't understand why you keep trying to off yourself."

"It's not….I don't…."

"Please tell me why, Holly? Is it because of the baby? Because I know it hurts, but we can try again when you're ready to."

"That's not the only thing."

"Then what?"

She looked at Jax, her heart breaking as she saw the pain in his eyes, both of them tearing up.

"Ask your mother….."

Holly sat in her room, holding Abel as Gemma stared at Holly. She was doing her best to ignore Gemma, but she couldn't anymore.

"I have to say something, Gemma. I can't keep quiet anymore. It's driving me crazy and it's killing me."

"You can't. We don't know anything about these guys. Just what their goal is. We can't let them win."

"You don't get it. I can't stand that Jax doesn't know. He's wondering why I tried to kill myself. What could be so bad in my mind that would make me want to take myself away from him and Abel. it's not fair to keep him in the dark."

"Play this out, Holly. If they find out, they'll go looking for blood. These guys are dangerous. They'll hurt our boys or worse. Do you wanna raise Abel alone?"

"No. Of course not."

Holly was finally able to go home and it felt pretty good to be leaving the hospital. She wasn't 100%, and it would be a while before she was, but she was taking it one day at a time. More for Jax's sake than her own, but she was trying. Jax looked at Holly and smiled, kissing her.

"You ready to go home, babe?"

"Beyond ready."

"I hope you don't mind that I have the bike. I didn't think you'd wanna be in a car right now."

"No, it's fine. I just wanna get home and be with you. And get some food. I haven't eaten all day."

"Whatever you want, babe. What do you want?"

"As long as it has bacon, I don't care."

She smiled when he nodded, following him out to his bike, climbing on behind him after putting on her helmet. It felt really amazing to have her arms around him again and to feel the wind across her face. She missed this. She asked him at the first stoplight to take the long way home, and he had no problem obliging. When they finally got home, she let him carry her inside, holding onto him. She smiled when she saw Abel, who was being held by Gemma, picking him up when he reached for her, kissing his face all over as she held the little boy in her arms.

"I think I missed you most of all, scarecrow."

"Welcome home, baby."

"Thanks."

She walked away from Gemma, carrying Abel into the bedroom, sitting down on the bed, playing with him. She was still mad at Gemma, even if she knew Gemma was right. It was really hard to keep such a huge secret from Jax. From everyone. All she could do was take it one day at a time. She spent the rest of the day playing with and taking care of Abel, relaxing as Jax went to do some club shit. She'd made it very clear to Gemma that she would be as polite as possible in front of the others, but by no means was she ready to forgive her yet. She put Abel down for bed as she heard Jax come home, shutting the door to the nursery before going to Jax, who was grabbing a beer from the fridge, wrapping her arms around him from behind, kissing his back gently. She felt him turn around in her arms, pulling her face up gently to pull her in for a kiss. It started out slow and loving but turned deep and longing. She let it go on for a minute before pulling away, wincing a bit. She normally just let it go on and followed where it led, but all she could think about right then was the feeling of someone else inside her than Jax. She looked down at the beer in his hands, feeling him staring at her in confusion.

"You ok, babe?"

"Yeah. I'm just tired and wanna curl up with you. Is that ok?"

"Yeah. Come on. Let's go to bed."

She nodded at him.

"You know what? I'll be right there. I want snacks. You want something?"

"No. I'll be waiting."

"Ok, baby."

She watched him go to their room, feeling guilty and trying to keep herself from crying. When she was in the hospital, it was easier to keep that secret from him because she could just avoid him. But they lived together. This was gonna be so much harder….


	16. Fix

Holly bolted up in bed, woken up by a nightmare, her hair sticking to her sweaty face as she tried to catch her breath as she buried her face in her hands. She didn't know that she had woken Jax up until he put his hand on her thigh, which made her jump and scream, putting her hands over her mouth when she realized that she smacked Jax in the face, looking at him apologetically.

"I'm so sorry, Jax. Are you ok?"

"Yeah. I didn't mean to scare you. I just wanted to see if you were ok."

"I just had a bad dream. I'll be ok."

"Damn, babe. You got a mean backhand. At least you don't have your rings on."

She hadn't meant to start crying, but she couldn't hold back the sob that bubbled from her throat. She flinched noticeably when Jax held her close to him, leaning into him.

"What happened? You've been ok all day."

"I don't wanna talk about it, Jax. It just hurts."

"What does?"

"I feel like I'm being punished…."

"Punished for what?"

"I got pregnant a few months ago. But there was so much going on and I didn't think either one of us were ready to add that kind of responsibility to our lives. So I went to a clinic…."

"You had an abortion…."

She nodded. She had never meant to tell him that, but she had to tell him something.

"We were dealing with so much with Kohn and Tara and Wendy and club shit…. I'm so sorry, Jax."

She didn't wait for his response before she climbed out of bed and went downstairs, putting on a pair of shoes and went out to her car, climbing in and driving off. She didn't have a destination in mind, she just needed some space. She ended up at Chibs' apartment, going up to his door and knocking. She knew it was late, and she felt bad that she was waking him up.

"Lass? What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

"Can I crash here tonight?"

"Yeah. Come on in."

She walked inside and rubbed her arm gently, sniffling.

"Does Jax know you're here?"

"No. Nobody does. I just…..I just needed to get away."

"Away from what?"

She let a few more tears fall before looking at him.

"I have a huge secret that I'm sitting on, that I need to tell someone, cause it's not something that you keep secret, but I've been told to keep quiet by the other person that shares this secret. But I have to tell someone or I'm gonna explode. But if I tell you, you have to promise me, on Fiona and Kerrienne's lives, that you won't tell a single soul."

"What could be so bad that I would have to promise something like this?"

"Promise me, Chibs…..I need you to promise me. Right here and right now."

She watched him with panic in her eyes, hoping he would promise. Because she really couldn't keep this secret anymore. She watched him search her eyes, instinctively taking a step back when he moved towards her.

"Alright, lass. I promise."

"Say it the right way."

"I promise on the lives of my wife and daughter that I won't tell anyone what you tell me."

She let out a breath of relief when she heard him. She walked over to the couch and sat down with him, taking a deep breath before she looked down at her hands.

"The night of Bobby's party, when Gemma and I were driving home, we got stopped at a red light. Some girl pulled up behind us, screaming about how her baby was choking on something. Gemma went out to see if she could help and I went to call for an ambulance. I got knocked out and when I came to, I was chained to a dirty mattress and…."

She had to stop and swallow back the emotion choking her. Even when the doctors performed that exam, she hadn't spoken about this. To anyone. This was harder than she thought it was gonna be. She flinched hard when Chibs put his hand on hers, seeing the sympathy on his face felt better than she thought it would. He gave her a nod, silently telling her to go on.

"Gemma was cuffed to a chain link wall. There were three men that came in, wearing masks. The only thing I could see was their eyes, and even then they were hidden pretty well. They….they…."

"They what, lass?"

Without looking at him, she could hear the anger in his voice, knowing he knew what she was about to say without her saying it. When she found the voice to say it, it came out in a whisper.

"They raped us. All three of them. More than once."

Holly woke up a few hours later, feeling someone sit down on the couch and move her feet onto their lap. She jumped a bit and looked over to see Jax rubbing her legs a bit. It looked like he hadn't slept since she left.

"I didn't think you'd want to see me. What are you doing here, Jax?"

"Chibs called and said you had crashed here and that you needed me. I'm not mad at you, darlin'. I understand why you did it and why you didn't tell me. And you're right. We weren't ready. And apparently we're still not. But when the time comes, we'll be ready. It'll happen one day, darlin'. I promise."

She teared up a bit, sniffling softly and itched her nose a bit. She could tell that Chibs kept his promise. So far.

"It just hurts to think about what it would've turned out to be. Would it be a mama's boy or a daddy's girl? Would they have your smile or my hair? Would they love growing up with the club like I did? I had all those thoughts. And then it was all gone. Everything I didn't know I had wanted. I feel like I didn't have time to blink before it was all over."

She let him pull her into a hug. She didn't even have to lie about how she felt about losing the baby. She felt like she was drowning. Like she was enduring one tragedy after another. Like she was trying to breathe but couldn't. And the one person that could always fix her problems, for the first time in her life, he wasn't helping. He wasn't making the situation worse, but he wasn't helping her. She couldn't find the comfort in him that she usually did. She wanted to blame him and the club for the rape, but she couldn't. Who could've predicted that a friend or family member of the club could be attacked in such a brutal and violent way? Who could've guessed that two newcomers to Charming would react to being told no in such a horrific way?

"Why don't we get away for the day? Have Neeta watch Abel and you and me go for a drive?"

"Where would we go?"

"Wherever you wanna go. We could go to Vegas or to a beach or anywhere. Just the two of us."

She nodded, holding his hands, lacing their fingers together. She looked at him.

"Did Chibs tell you anything else?"

"Just that you were hurting and needed a getaway."

Holly sat on Jax's bike while she waited for him to come out of Cara Cara, playing on her phone. She looked over as some car came in, watching as some porn star got out of her car.

"Shouldn't you be polishing that bike? Jax likes it nice and shiny."

She just rolled her eyes and let her go in, ignoring her comment. It wasn't too much longer after that she watched as Gemma pulled in, followed by Clay and Tig. She rolled her eyes once more, going back to the game on her phone. And then it started. Clay and Gemma were yelling at each other until Clay smashed Gemma's window in with a cinderblock. She ran inside to find Jax, finding him sitting next to the bitch that had the balls to comment on something that had nothing to do with her.

"He's occupied. You should go wait outside like you're told."

"I'm sorry. She's out of her mind."

"She's not the only one."

She led him outside to find Clay punching the shit out of Gemma's car as Gemma yelled at him. When Clay went to grab her after some more yelling, she instantly felt bad, knowing that jolt of fear that Gemma just showed. She went over to Gemma and gently touched her arm, hugging her when Gemma saw her. She led her inside and away from Clay, letting Luann take over before going out to Jax.

Holly sat next to Jax, leaning into him as they sat at the wrap party at Cara Cara, sipping her drink. She hadn't wanted to come, but she had to keep up appearances. So there she sat, dressed up to the nines, watching a bunch of people having sex, trying to pretend she didn't wanna throw up. She looked over at Jax when he squeezed her thigh gently, giving him a small smile.

"You doing ok, darlin'? You're awfully quiet over there."

"I'm fine. Just….."

"Just what?"

"Tired. Funky sleeping pattern that I'm trying to get out of. That's all."

"You wanna get out of here?"

"No, it's fine. You look like you're having fun and I don't wanna ruin it for you."

"I really only had to make an appearance. We can go."

"You don't mind?"

"No, babe. Let's go."

"Thanks, Jax."

She kissed him softly before hugging Opie goodbye, leaving with Jax. When they got home, she went to the bedroom to change into pajamas before taking off her makeup. She watched Jax change from the doorframe. She could very easily tell him that she just wanted to go to bed and sleep. But she didn't want him to think there was something wrong. She took a deep breath before going over to him as he was putting on a shirt, stopping his hands from continuing, pulling his shirt back off from behind, kissing his back gently. She could feel her hands shaking as she pushed his pants down a bit before he turned around to face her.

"You're shaking. You alright?"

"Yeah. I just w-want you."

"You're acting like you're forcing yourself to do this. I don't wanna force you, Holly."

"I know. You're not."

She took off her own shirt with her still shaking hands, looking at his chest. Her heart beating hard in her chest. She gripped his arms a bit when he leaned in to kiss her neck, trying to keep herself from flinching. She led him over to the bed, letting him pull her shorts off before she laid down, looking at him.

"I don't want hard tonight. Can you just…..love me?"

He hovered over her, leaning down to kiss her slow and passionately, slowly grinding against her, getting himself hard. She forced herself to keep herself in the moment, to focus on Jax. She kept her eyes open as he kissed her neck and her chest, tearing up. When she felt him moving his head to look at her, she gently held onto his head, keeping him in place as he slowly pushed into her, stretching her out. She let out a pained moan, feeling the burn.

"You want me to stop?"

"No. It's just….been a while. I just have to get used to it."

She tangled her fingers in his hair, letting out little noises that, to Jax, sounded like noises of pleasure, but to Holly sounded like small grunts as she tried to muffle her tears. There was a tiny part of her that was into it, but the rest of her was reminded of the rapists. She prayed for him to be done, holding onto him. When he reached his release, she let out tears of relief, feeling him pull out of her, rolling over onto her side, feeling him spoon her. She laid there as Jax fell asleep, wondering if or when she'd ever get the relief she needed.


	17. Eureka

Holly woke up to find Jax watching her as he slowly rubbed her clit, making her let out a soft moan. She'd been able to let herself relax a bit about things and open herself up to Jax over the last few days. Sex was fun again. She wasn't fully healed yet by any means, she still had nightmares. But she didn't flinch when touched anymore. And she could tell Jax noticed the difference. He smiled more around her and held her closer.

"Morning, darlin'."

"Hi….What are you doing?"

"Waking up my old lady. Buttering her up so I can ask her something pretty big."

"What do you wanna….unh….know?"

"I'll ask you when I have your full attention."

She gripped his wrist a bit when he moved his hand faster over her, her increasing wetness making it easy for him. She moved her hand to trail down to return the favor, but he moved her hand away.

"This morning's about you, babe….."

"But…."

He silenced her with a deep kiss before kissing his way down across her chest, biting her nipples gently, making her gasp; down the valley between her breasts, sending a shiver down her spine; down her stomach, making goosebumps erupt all over her skin; across her hips, smirking when she bucked her hips involuntarily; finally reaching his destination, making her moan his name as he replaced his fingers with his tongue. She gripped the sheets as he went down on her, his tongue hitting every centimeter of her walls, feeling a slow and delicious burn as his beard and mustache tickled her thighs. She let out a shaky moan when he teased her hole, her hands going down to his head, her fingers tangling in his hair, gripping as her pushed his tongue into her. She arched her back as she felt the coil in her belly tighten a little more, clenching around his tongue involuntarily.

"Fuck, Jax….."

That earned her a chuckle, the vibrations nearly pushing her over the edge. So when he stopped and pulled away completely, she let out frustrated whimper, looking at him, watching him go over to her underwear, wiggling in anticipation when she realized what he was getting.

"Jax, I just want you. I don't need it."

"Then why do you have it?"

"It's for when you're on a long run and I miss you."

"Well, I'm gonna give you something to miss."

He smirked as he went back over to her, carrying the purple wand, turning it on its lowest setting before lightly placing it on her clit, the vibrations stronger than they sounded, making her grip the bars of the headboard tightly, arching her back and letting out a loud moan. She was quickly brought back to the edge, panting hard between moans, only to feel the vibrator being taken away again, making her let out an almost angry cry.

"Jax! Don't keep stopping! You're driving me crazy…."

"Good…."

"You son of a bitch…."

She heard the vibrations increase and she sighed, closing her eyes. But she couldn't relax for long, the wand pressed against her again, making her scream. She felt Jax put his hand over her mouth, not wanting her to wake up Abel. But his hand could only do so much.

"You gotta be quiet, babe."

She just shook her head. She couldn't if she wanted to. It felt too good and she was so close. She wasn't sure she was gonna last too much longer. She looked up at him and begged him through his hand, not holding back when he nodded at her.

"Cum for me, babe…."

She moaned his name loudly as she came hard, her legs shaking. But he didn't remove the wand. Just the opposite. He turned it to its highest setting and watched as she went cock-eyed as she squirted against his legs, soaking the sheets under her, getting hard at the sight, watching her writhe in pleasure as one last orgasm washed through her, making her squirt more.

"Jax, please….I can't stop...cumming….."

He pulled the wand away and pulled her up for a deep kiss, cupping her face in his hands before laying her back down, hovering over her, his hard on pressed against her belly.

"I want you so bad, babe."

"Take me, Jax…..please?"

She moaned when he pushed into her, wrapping her legs around his waist, making him go as deep as he could go, both of them letting out groans, her nails going down his back, leaving red trails up and down his back. She was still sensitive so it didn't take very many thrusts to push her back over that edge. Over and over and over. To the point where she was crying from the intensity, her nails digging into his back.

"J-Jax….I can't be the o-only one cumming…."

"You're not…."

She watched him pull out and finish on her stomach, chest and face, some of it even hitting the headboard, before he laid down next to her, both of them out of breath and sweaty. Holly looked over at him when her breathing evened out.

"You said you had something you wanted to ask me?"  
"Huh? Oh, right. Hold on."

She sat up, using the blanket to wipe herself off. She had been planning to do laundry today anyway. She watched Jax come back with a piece of paper, taking it when he handed it to her, looking at the drawing on it. It was a design for a crow tattoo. She looked up at Jax in shock.

"You want me to get your crow?"

"Only if you want to, darlin'. But you're already my old lady."

She smiled and nodded, getting up and jumping into his arms, kissing him happily.

Holly held onto Jax as she rode with him to the pickup. It took a lot of convincing to get Clay to let her go. She had to promise to keep herself outside when they got the guns and to keep her mouth shut about anything she saw or heard. She was never gonna say anything anyway. She just wanted to tag along and help out anyway she could. Especially since she quit her job with Rosen. She wanted something better for herself. She just had to figure it out. She stayed in the main part of the surplus store, looking around while the guys got the guns, finding a couple things that she wanted to get, waiting for the guys to come out. She looked over when they did, holding up the stuff she found, making Cameron smile.

"I tell you, lad. That's an old lady you keep close to ya. So comfortable with this kinda thing that she goes with ya. I miss having that."

"Yeah. I lucked out with this one."

She blushed and smiled, handing over some cash, letting Jax see what she got. A set of dog tags, a flashlight and a bunch of batteries for it.

"What the hell do you need a flashlight for?"

"For the house in case the power goes out or something."

She blushed harder when the guys laughed at her, putting the bag in her purse, grabbing the gun roll from Jax, marching outside to get it hooked on. When they took off again, she held onto Jax, laying her head on his back, shielding her face from the wind. She was starting to really enjoy it, starting to tease Jax, when she heard someone cry out, looking back to see Tig crash and roll down a hill, getting off when Jax parked his bike, calling for an ambulance as the guys went to see to Tig.

Holly went over to Jax and Clay when Tig got checked in.

"I'm gonna stay and help out here. Help keep Tig from killing Bobby."

"You gonna be ok, darlin'?"

"I'll be fine. If anything happens, I've got the guys. Besides, it'd probably be better for Clay's heart if I let you guys go on without me. I wasn't supposed to be here anyway."

"Ok. But keep your cell on you. I love you."

"Always do. Love you too."

She kissed him softly before placing her hand on Clay's arm.

"Don't worry. Tig'll be ok. I promise."

"Thanks, Holly. For everything you do for us."

"You're family. It's the least I could do. Ride safe. All of you."

She kissed Jax one last time before going over to Happy, letting him wrap his arm around her shoulders, watching the guys ride off. She looked at Bobby with a soft sigh.

"You ok, Bob?"

"Yeah, sweets. Feeling guilty."

"Maybe it really is time to retire the fat boy?"

"That thing is my baby."

"I know. But how many times have you worked on it only to have it break down or backfire like that? I think it's time."

He just walked inside to go check on Tig. She followed with a soft sigh, wrapping an arm around Happy's waist as they walked inside. She went over to Tig, holding his hand as Bobby went to go see how long it would be before Tig would be seen.

"How you doing, Tiggy?"  
"I'm doing ok, doll. My leg hurts a bit, but I'm ok. How about you? We haven't talked since you were in the hospital. I heard about the baby. I'm sorry."

"I'm doing a lot better. It still hurts a bit, but I'm doing ok with it. Jax has been a huge help. He was pretty upset about it too. I guess it helps to know I'm not alone."

"You're never alone, doll. You have all of us."

"Thanks, Tig. That means a lot to me."

Holly went outside with the guys to get Tig loaded in the ambulance, talking with Happy when a van pulled up to them, feeling Happy push her behind him as a bunch of guys climbed out to load Tig into it. All she could do was stand there helplessly as Bobby called Clay while Half-Sack trailed after the bounty hunters. She climbed on the back of Happy's bike, holding onto him as they rode off. When they joined up with Clay and them, she got off and went over to Jax, letting him hold onto her.

"You ok, darlin'?"  
"I'm fine. I told you would be. I had Happy. Nothing could happen to me with Hap around."

She held his hand for a minute before going over to Opie, watching Clay and Jax argue about what to do. She knew this wasn't gonna end well. And she was right. She stood with the rest as Piney drove off with Jax, Chibs, Half-Sack and Happy to go get Tig, shaking her head. She looked over at Clay, who was none too happy about it.

Holly sat next to Chibs, drinking and laughing as she talked with everyone. It felt really great to let loose like this. It was fun. She looked over at Chibs when he said her name.

"Take a walk with me, lass?"

"Ok."

She kissed Jax softly before walking off with Chibs, stumbling a little. She'd had quite a bit to drink and it was just now hitting her. She had to hold onto Chibs for a bit of support. She'd been talking to him quite a bit over the past few days, and it had been a huge help.

"How are you doing, lass? Are you any closer to telling Jax?"

"We're sleeping together again. And I don't think about the guys during it anymore. Just Jax. But I don't know if I'll ever tell him. It's not even that he'd go after the people responsible anymore. I'm afraid if he found out….He wouldn't want me anymore. That he'd think I was damaged goods. I have been waiting for him for so long….. I don't wanna lose him."

"You won't lose Jackie. He wouldn't leave you because of this. If anything, he'd try to help you through this. You just have to let him in."

"Oh I've let him in, alright."

She giggled, trying to lighten the mood. He chuckled softly, making her smile.

"Truth be told, Chibs….I don't really want anyone else to know. I know it's a huge thing to keep to yourself, but I appreciate that you haven't told anyone. It was killing me to keep it to myself. But I'm glad that I told you. It helped me out so much. Thank you, Chibby."

Holly laid down with Jax, staring at the ceiling as he slept. She couldn't sleep, Chibs' words playing round and round in her head. Could she trust that he'd be right and Jax wouldn't leave her? Could it really be so simple as to tell him and things wouldn't be weird? She didn't know if she was ready to find out.


	18. Smite

Holly had been driving in town when she spotted Jax and the guys outside of the new cigar shop, pulling up next to them and climbing out, going over to Jax.

"Hey, babe. What're you doing here?"

"I have to hit the grocery store and I saw you. You want me to pick up something special for dinner?"

"I don't care, babe. I trust ya."

"You should know better than that. You gotta pick something."

"Ok fine. Steak and potatoes."

She playfully rolled her eyes.

"You always pick something easy. Pick something different."

"No. That's what I want."

"Fine. We'll go simple…."

She trailed off as she noticed the three men standing outside staring at the bikers. There was something familiar about them, but she couldn't think of how. Until she heard them talk. She felt her stomach churn and it took everything she had to keep herself from screaming as she turned around, getting ready to run away, shaking like a leaf as Jax stopped her. Only Chibs would know why she were freaking out.

"Ma'am? Are you ok?"

Her eyes went wide when she heard Weston getting close, starting to hyperventilate, shaking even more in Jax's arms, trying to keep herself upright. She couldn't talk, she couldn't breathe. She felt frozen in absolute fear.

"Babe? Talk to me? You're scaring me…."

"Does she need some water or something?"

"No. I've got her, man."

"I've got her, Jackie Boy. Don't worry about her."

Feeling Chibs' hands on her, she flinched and jumped, feeling like she was running away until she realized she wasn't and she was in Chibs' arms now, relaxing. But as she was led away, tears dripping down her face, she could see Weston smirking at her. She felt Chibs let her go and she immediately fell to her knees in the middle of the street, her knees buckling under her, failing to support her weight. Chibs picked her up and carried her over to the nearest bench, sitting her down as Jax ran over. She broke down in Chibs' arms, feeling him hold onto her.

"It's time to tell him, lass. This isn't good for you. And we can't stand seeing you like this."

"Tell me what?"

She looked at Chibs, shaking her head. She couldn't. She just couldn't.

"You might wanna sit down, Jackie Boy. This is gonna be hard to hear."  
"Chibs, no….Please?"

"Then you do it."

"I can't."

"Then I will."

She glared at Chibs as she stood up. She didn't care how it looked, this secret was gonna be kept.

"You swore on the lives of your family that you wouldn't say a goddamn word! You keep that promise or I will kill them myself!"

She stormed back to her truck, speeding home, getting as much distance as she could.

Holly sat in the living room, feeding Abel as she looked through her laptop for a new job. She didn't wanna just live off of Jax and club money. She'd made Jax promise that he wouldn't do something stupid when it came to Weston or Zobelle. And then she got the call that Jax and the guys got into a fight with Weston and his crew. She didn't wanna deal with it. It had been a long emotional day and she was tired. She got up when the doorbell rang, going to open the door when she saw Unser, letting him in.

"Can I get you some coffee, Wayne?"

"No thanks, sweetheart. I just wanted to check on you. You were unconscious the last time I saw you."

"I'm doing ok. I'm doing better."

"That's good. Maybe you could get Gemma to where you are."

"Gemma and I aren't talking right now. We're not seeing eye to eye on this shit. She doesn't anyone to know, but this isn't a secret you keep. I've seen a lot of rape victims come through the office that say that the only thing they regret if they didn't win their case."

"I know. I just wish she'd see that she needs to talk."

She went to say something else when she heard Abel start gagging, looking at him, feeling his head.

"He ok?"

"He's a bit warm. I have to take care of him. Thanks for coming over to check on me."

She got him a bottle of water, trying to get him to drink. But when he threw up on her shirt, she panicked a little, going to get him some medicine as Unser left, giving him a rushed goodbye. Over the next couple hours, she tried to get Abel to feel better, to no avail. She decided to take him to St. Thomas, to get him checked out. When he had been checked in, she sat next to Abel as she called Jax.

"Babe? What's wrong? I figured you'd be asleep by now."

"Abel's sick. He started throwing up a couple hours ago and the medicine wasn't working so I brought him to St. Thomas."

"Shit. Is he ok?"

"He just got admitted and has an IV in him. Please get here…."

"I'm on my way. Just sit tight, babe."

It was about half an hour before Jax showed up, and Abel had finally fallen asleep. Holly sat on the couch in the room, keeping an eye on him as Jax came into the room, looking at him as he walked in, standing up and going over to hug him.

"It turns out he has a stomach flu. The doctor gave him some medicine and I got him to sleep. He should feel better by the end of the day tomorrow. All we can really do is give him medicine when he needs it and keep an eye on him."

"Shit. At least he's ok."

She nodded and looked over at Abel, sighing softly. Everything was catching up to her and she was tired. But Jax seemed to want to talk. Which she was kind of expecting.

"What happened to you today? You freaked out on Chibs like that and you were talking about promises and secrets. Are you ever gonna tell me the truth, Holly?"

She sighed deeply and went to the couch to sit, hearing Jax go over to the chair to sit. She had the opportunity. But Gemma's voice entered her head and stopped the words as they came into her mouth.

"I've seen a lot of shit when it comes to the club. Dead bodies, shootouts, lockdowns, and so much more, and I don't hesitate to help however I can. But Zobelle and Weston incite a fear in me that I've never felt before. I don't know why or where it comes from, but there's something about them that terrifies me to my core and I'm not handling it well. I fear for my life, for Abel's and yours and the guys', and with everything else going on, I'm drowning. Every once in a while I can come up for air and things are fine for a little bit. And then I'm reminded of their presence and I panic."

He looked at her, meeting her eyes as he took her hand.

"We're trying to get rid of them, but it's proving harder than we thought."

"I know you are, Jax. And I'm being as patient as I can with it. But I don't feel safe with them around. Even if I'm with you or any one of the guys. I'm scared being in Charming with them here. I've never asked this of you, but I wouldn't care if they don't make it out of Charming alive."

Holly sat with Jax at the clubhouse, outside on the picnic table, holding his hand, listening to him talk about the vote.

"At least you guys are being smart. You don't know how far Zobelle's reach goes."

"I know. I don't know how much longer I can keep Clay at bay on this shit. Something's gonna happen and he'll win out."

"He'll see reason eventually. I know it."

No one got to say anything else due to the explosion coming from the van that Chibs had been sitting in. She looked over in time to Chibs go flying and land on the ground, immediately grabbing her phone to call for an ambulance.


	19. Falx Cerebri

Holly sat next to Gemma as Jax came over to them, kissing him softly.

"What do you need me to do?"

"Keep your phone on you and charged at all times and stay as safe as possible."

"Ok. Is that all?"

"Get a guard dog. I was ask you to do it before the explosion, but I couldn't. It'll help us both feel safe."

"Ok. I'll do it in the morning. I'll bring Abel with me. Now that he's feeling better."

"Take the prospect with you. And mom."

"I can handle dog searching with Abel on my own."

"Holly? Not now. Don't argue with me on this. I don't care what's going on between you and mom right now. Take her and the prospect with you tomorrow."

She bit back a comment and nodded, her lips pressed together.

"Thank you. Go home and get some sleep."

"Ok."

Holly walked into the living room with Abel, biting back a sigh when she saw Gemma sitting and waiting for her.

"When are you gonna stop hating me?"

"I don't know. When are you gonna let me talk to Jax about what happened? Chibs took it well and kept my secret."

"You told Chibs? I told you to keep your mouth shut about this!"

She put Abel down in his bouncer before glaring at Gemma.

"You talk like you're the only suffering with this shit, Gemma! You weren't the only one that was raped! I lost your grandchild because of the stress of what happened and I tried to kill myself because I couldn't talk to anyone! If it hadn't been for Tig, you'd be watched Jax mourn the loss of yet another girlfriend, and all you care about is yourself! I understand why you don't wanna let Zobelle and Weston win, I don't want them to win either. But I'm tired of dealing with the stress of keeping this secret and dealing with everything else I'm dealing with. I can't do it anymore, Gemma. And let's face it, you can't either. I've had just as many STD tests as you, just as many doctors visits as you. I've vented to Jax about how I feel about the miscarriage and the abortion, so there's quite a bit of relief there, but I still have this weight on my shoulders and I can't do it. But everytime I go to tell Jax, I have your fucking voice in my head telling me to keep my mouth shut! So I'll stop hating you and avoiding you when I no longer have your fucking voice in my head and Jax knows and I'm completely free of this shit."

Both women looked over when the doorbell rang. Holly sighed softly before going over to open it, letting Eddie in.

"Hey, Eddie. I still have to take a shower and get dressed. There's fresh coffee and donuts in the kitchen. Help yourself. I'll be right down."

"Thanks, Holly. You ok? You look angry about something."

"I'm fine, Eddie. Been a long night."

She went upstairs and into the bathroom to take her shower, trying to clear her head. She brought a change of clothes and Abel's diaper bag before getting Abel dressed for the day, ignoring Gemma as she put Abel into his carseat in the car, putting her purse and the diaper bag in the back.

"Eddie, will you get in the front?"

"Yeah. I was gonna follow on the bike."

"I figured it'd be easier if we have to make a quick getaway if we're in the same vehicle."

"Uh….Ok. Sure."

Holly walked into the living room with David when he came over, letting him sit down, sitting down next to Abel, letting their new puppy, Emika, sniff at David.

"You got a dog?"

"Yeah. Jax wanted me to get a guard dog, and I figured that it'd be easier to get a puppy so I know for sure she'll get along with Abel."

"What's her name?"

"Emika. Half-Sack named her and I liked it so much we kept it."

"Has Jax met her yet?"

"No. He's been out all day. What're you doing here, David?"

"I wanted to talk to you and to see if you would be willing to help me out with something."

"What is it?"

She pulled Emika back, holding the puppy as she scratched her ear.

"Unser told me what happened to you and Gemma."

"Gemma's gonna kill you both, you know?"

"We need a reason to bring Zobelle down. But we can't do that without probable cause. And Jax can only do so much when he doesn't have many people on his side in the club. Please give me something, Holly?"

"If I do, it can't get back to the club."

"I won't tell anyone. I promise."

She sighed deeply before putting the puppy down, letting her run to get some water. She went upstairs to grab the package she'd gotten in the mail when she got home, going down to give it to David. She watched him pull out the masks.

"What's this?"

"There were three of them. That's what they were wearing. And one of them had a tattoo on the base of their neck. It looked like an upside down peace sign. I didn't see anything else."

She looked at him as he stood up and went to her.

"I'm not kidding, David. This can not reach Jax. Or anyone else."

"Thank you, Holly."

Holly sat in the living room with Abel, Emika sleeping next to her on the couch as Holly fed Abel while looking a new job. Though nothing paid as good as when she worked with Rosen. She was a bit startled when Gemma burst into the house, putting Abel in his bouncer.

"I told you to keep quiet about the rape!"

"What the fuck are you doing, Gemma? And keep your voice down."

"You told Hale what happened."

"I didn't tell David what happened. Unser did."

"Then what the hell did you tell Hale?"

"I showed him the masks that I got in the mail."

"Is that all?"

"What the fuck does it matter to you, Gemma? You don't care what happens to me, you've made that abundantly clear."

"Of course I care."

"No you don't! I tell you that I miscarried and you shrug. I tell you that I tried to kill myself and you say fucking nothing! If you hadn't made me stay quiet about it, they wouldn't have tried harder to crush the club!"

Holly was silenced by Gemma smacking her in the face. Holly returned the favor by backhanding Gemma across the face.

"You ever put your hands on me again, I don't give a flying fuck who's mom you are, I'll throw you through a goddamn window. I'm a grown woman who has more than earned the right to say whatever the fuck I want to whoever the fuck I want without being yelled at for it."

She glared at Gemma before Gemma tackled her to the ground, narrowly missing Abel's bouncer, both women fighting and screaming obscenities at each other.


	20. Gilead

Holly sat with Gemma after Rosen left, taking the piece of paper from Gemma before grabbing her cell and Abel before going back into Jax's room to call Laroy. She put Abel in the bassinet she had put in there as she sat down on the bed, waiting for Laroy to answer.

"Who's this?"

"It's Jax Teller's old lady. Clay asked for someone to pass on a message."

"How do I know this is for real?"

"Would you rather meet in person?"

"Yeah. I'd rather know who I'm talking to."

"Fine. Name the time and place."

She wrote down the address Laroy wanted to meet up with her at in an hour.

"I have my son with me because my usual sitters are all busy. Is that ok?"

"I guess."

"He doesn't know how to talk. He's only a few months old."

"That's fine."

"I'll see you in an hour."

She hung up and grabbed her purse before walking out with Abel, looking at Gemma when she spoke up.

"Where are you going with him?"

"What I do with my son is none of your fucking business. You might be Jax's mother, but your not mine. Anymore questions?"

"No."

She put Abel in his carseat, plugging the address into her GPS and drove off. She got to the place, a soul food restaurant before Laroy and his guys, going in and ordering something for lunch since she hadn't eaten all day. When Laroy got there, she waved him over.

"I know you. I didn't know you were Teller's boo."

"It's nice to see you again."

"Have you ever been here before?"

"No. The food's good."

"So what did you want?"

She handed him the piece of paper, not knowing what was on it.

"The guys have been arrested and need protection. We're having a problem with a group of supremacists and the guys are left one their own. I'm hoping you can help out. I don't know what's on that paper, but I'm sure that's what Clay's asking for too."

Laroy looked at her after he read the paper, waving his guys off.

"Why would you come here willingly on your own?"

"I've been threatened, I've been raped, I got into a fight with my old man's mother last night. I'm tired, I'm frustrated and I'm worried. All I want right now is Jax and the club out of prison, or at least protected while they're inside. I'd go to whoever I need to go to to make that happen."

"I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you. Do you know who did it?"

"Yes, I do. And it's someone that you and your friends and families should stay the hell away from if you come to Charming. The guys are trying to get rid of them, but their reach is far and they're working both sides of the law and they don't give a shit who they hurt or what they do as long as they're the ones that are getting what they want. So if you find yourselves in Charming, though it's probably smart that you don't for a while, be careful. I'd hate to see you or family get hurt because of these monsters."

Holly looked in the mirror as she changed the bandages on her face, sighing deeply as she finished. Things were falling apart around her and she needed a change before things got worse. She checked on Abel in the nursery before going out to check on Kenny and Ellie. She'd taken over watching them for Gemma, texting Opie about the change in plans. She was just finishing up making dinner and putting the plates of food in front of the kids when the doorbell rang. She opened the door.

"You're…..Lyla, right?"

"Yeah. Holly, I believe?"

"That's right. Did Luann send you over?"

"No. Opie did. He said he was gonna call you."

"He didn't. But Ope's going through a lot right now."

"I get that. I'm here to pick up his kids."

"Please don't take this the wrong way, but I don't know you and neither do the kids. I'd be irresponsible if I handed them over to a stranger."

"I told Ope I'd take his kids and mine out for dinner and then to his place."

"How about you bring your kid here instead? Less money you have to spend and you won't be a stranger for the next time Opie asks you to pick up the kids."

"Fair enough. But I don't wanna impose."

"You'd actually a welcome imposition. My boyfriend's been arrested and I'm not so good alone. It'd be nice to have an adult to talk to."

"Ok. I have to get my son from my mom's. I'll be back in about 20 minutes."

"Ok. I hope you guys like lasagna."

"That's Piper's favorite. I'll bring some wine."

"You don't have to if you don't want to."

"Well, what girl's night is complete without wine? Do you prefer white or red?"

"White. But rose is also acceptable."

Holly was woken from her dream as her cell went off, sitting up to answer it, getting a call from the prison the guys were at.

"I'll accept the charges."

"Hey, doll. It's Tig."

"Hey, Tiggy. What's going on? Is Jax ok?"

"Yes and no. He and Clay got into it earlier."

"What? Why?"

"It's been a long time coming. But Jax asked me to check in on you. See how you were doing. I didn't mean to wake you up."

"It's alright. I'm…..doing ok."

"What happened?"

"Gemma and I got into it too."

"Why?"

"Something else that's been a long time coming. Did Laroy come through for you guys? Did you guys get protection?"

"Yeah. He put in a good word with his cousin. We were only able to do one thing that Russell wanted us to do."

"What did he want us to do?"

"Deliver a couple people to him for retaliation."

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No, doll. Trammell already got shot trying to help us. Wouldn't want you getting hurt too."

"Gemma broke my nose and busted my lip. I'm already hurting."

"Shit. Are you sure you're ok?"

"I will be. I'll be even better if you guys stay safe. If he can, see if Jax can call me? I wanna hear his voice."

"I'll do what I can, dollface. Go back to bed. Love you."

"Love you too, Tiggy. Give my love to the rest of the guys."

"I will. Sleep well."

"I'll sleep better when you're all home in your beds."


	21. Potlatch

Holly woke up to Jax crawling into bed next to her, rolling her over to get a look at her face.

"Tig tell you what happened?"

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine, babe. And no, I don't wanna talk about it. I'm just glad you're home."

Before he could say another word, she pulled him in for a kiss, tangling her fingers in his hair as she sat up a bit. She looked at him when he pulled away, meeting his eyes.

"Things are crumbling around us, Jackson. I know you wanna change things, and I know that change isn't gonna happen right away, but this isn't working. You and Clay have butted heads before, but never like this. And never so hard."

"This shit with Donna….I don't know how to get right with that. I know why he would go after Opie. It looked like Opie had rat. But Donna paid that price. It was a mistake that he didn't even try to right. He told lie after lie after lie. He's been watching Opie lose his mind over Donna's death. That guy we killed was a dick and deserved to die, but not like that. And not for that reason. Opie's taking Clay's side on everything and he doesn't even know that the people he's choosing are the people that killed his wife. And I'm the bad guy. I'm the asshole that's undermining Clay."

She took his hands and kissed them softly before looking up at him.

"We need a break, Jax. Just you, me and Abel. How about we go up to the cabin and ignore the world for a little while? Turn off our phones for a couple days and just be a family? A couple?"

"That would be good if I could leave town. I have to stay in town until the trial."

"Oh right. I forgot."

"But how about you go? You need a break too. You've been through as much shit as I have."

"I don't wanna leave you alone to deal with this shit. I won't."

"Babe, Stahl is back in town and I don't want her anywhere near you or you anywhere near Zobelle or Weston. So why don't you head up to see Jury? Or go to Vegas. Anywhere that isn't Charming for a while."

"No. I'm not gonna leave you or Abel behind. We can't take Abel too far away from the hospital for a while, you can't leave because of the trial. And, to be honest, Jax…..If I leave, there's no guarantee that I'll come back."

He looked at her in confusion and concern, still holding her hand.

"I won't deny that I need a break, cause I do. But I'm doing so well here. With everything going on, I feel like I'm losing myself. That fight with your mom made me realize something."

"What is it?"

"I don't know who I am without the club. I know who I am without you and I don't like that girl. The girl that'll jump into bed with the first person that calls her pretty or shows her even the tiniest fraction of the attention she craves. But the club is all I've ever known. I was raised around all of this and when something happens I know exactly what I need to do or who to go to for what thing. But this? The fighting between you and Clay, the thing with Kohn and now Zobelle? I've never been more lost in my life. And that scares me. I've never been more afraid that I'm gonna bury you than I've ever been in my life and I don't know how to handle that."

She sighed shakily and stood up, tears dripping from her eyes as she went to get her laptop, opening it up and setting it down in front of him, showing him the page she'd been on last.

"My parents used to talk about taking me to go see the countries they came from and how upset they were that they never got to go. I was hoping that I could convince you to come with me. Then it became apparent that that would never happen, but I've been dying to see Russia and Italy. And now…..I wanna go, but if I do, I'm afraid I'll never come back. And it's not because I don't love you. I've loved you since I knew that boys were who I wanted to date. But because I wanna know who I am and I wanna get away from all of this bullshit. I've never doubted my safety because of the club before and the fact that I am is something that I can't get right with."

Holly let Gemma inside, shutting the door behind her, holding onto Abel as she went over into the living room. As soon as Gemma walked into the living room, Emika started growling at her, stopping as soon as Holly snapped her fingers.

"vniz devushka"

"What the hell was that?"

"Russian. I've been brushing up on it. That and Italian. I've been trying to teach Emika and Abel both languages."

"Why?"

"For Emika, it would mean that only I could tell her what to do. And for Abel, it would mean that it would be easier for him to to get ahead in life. Some places ask people to learn or know at least two languages so that they can help people easier."

"That's stupid."

"That's life. Times are changing and we need to change with it. And Abel's not your kid. You don't get to decide shit."

She put Abel in her bouncer, watching as Emika walked over to him immediately, plopping down in front of the little boy protectively, before she looked at Gemma.

"What are you doing here, Gemma?"

"I'm doing a dinner tonight and I want you there."

"No. I think it'd be beneficial for both of us to spend some more time apart. Especially after what happened the other night. We agreed not to press charges because we didn't wanna deal with the hassle, but I'm reaching my breaking point, Gemma. You keep pressing me, I'm pressing charges against you, I'm telling the club about what happened with Zobelle and Weston and I'm gonna make sure that you never see Abel again. I don't care if Jax hates me for keeping you from my son."

"Abel is not your son."

"The law would disagree and so would Jax. And I have the papers to prove it and multiple copies so you can destroy as many as you want."

"You try and take Abel from me and I'll…."

"You'll what? You can't do shit without getting in trouble for it. You go to Jax with this and all I have to do is remind him that you broke my fucking nose. You go to Unser with this and all I have to do is show him the papers. You try to go to court with this and all I have to do is show the judge my record. I may have a couple speeding tickets, but I've paid them all. I don't steal, I've never assaulted anyone without provocation, I've never killed anyone, I don't do drugs nor have I ever done drugs, and when I drink I make sure that Abel is taken care of. My record is spotless. You, on the other hand, have a few notches on your belt. Don't start this war with me, Gemma. You will lose. Royally. And I won't bat an eye over it. So, no. I'm not going to your dinner tonight. I'm gonna stay at home, watch some TV with my son and my dog and then when Jax comes home, we're gonna fuck and then go to bed. Like a normal couple. You should go so you have time to make dinner. I'd appreciate it if you'd call before you come over in the future."

Holly walked into Chibs' hospital room with Abel's carseat draped over one arm, her purse over her shoulder, a bag of homemade food in the hand of the arm with Abel's carseat and a bag of stuff from Chibs' place. She put the food down on his little table before putting Abel down on one of the chairs in the room and then the bag and her purse on the chair next to him, not hearing Chibs wake up.

"Lass? What're you doing here?"

"You're awake. It's nice to see those beautiful eyes. How're you feeling, Chibby?"

"Like I got landed on my head after getting thrown from an exploding car."

"At least you're alive. And you remember me. That's the most important thing. You hungry? I brought you some food. Chicken and broccoli alfredo, a salad with homemade dressing, breadsticks and a big peach raspberry iced tea."

"I was wondering what smelled so good."

"It's the food. I'll sit you up so you can eat."

She kissed his cheek before sitting the bed up before going to unload the food, pushing the table over to him after loading up his plate, pouring him some tea before pulling over one of the chairs next to him, sitting down.

"I also brought you some clothes and toiletries from home. The soap and shampoos they have in hospitals suck balls and I doubt you're gonna want to wear that gown the entire time. No matter how beautiful it makes you."

She smiled when he chuckled as he ate.

"What happened to your face, lass?"

"Gemma and I got into a fight. We're fine. Just a misunderstanding."

"Was it about the rape?"

She sighed softly and nodded.

"Things are going to hell, Chibs. I still haven't been able to tell Jax and now I'm afraid to."

"Why?"

"Things are worse between him and Clay. I won't give you all the details, but Jax feels like he's alone in this. I don't know how to help him, but telling him that I was raped by the people they're trying to take down isn't gonna help."

He reached for her hand, pulling her up so he could kiss her cheek gently, whispering in her ear.

"beidh rudaí níos fearr, grá. geallaim. ní bheidh tú gortaithe go deo."

Holly smiled at him and kissed his head gently.

"How do you always know the right thing to say to make me smile, Chibs."

"Filip's always had that ability."

Both of them turned to see Fiona, Chibs' wife, standing in the doorway, watching them both with a smile. Holly smiled at her and went over to hug her tightly.

"Fiona. Chaill mé an oiread sin duit."

"I've heard a lot about you, lovey. You're even sweeter and prettier in person."

"Oh, stop. You're the only pretty one in the room."

"Oh hush, love. You're gorgeous. I'm just an old lady."

She smiled and shook her head.

"I'm gonna go and let you two have some time. The big bag is his and there's plenty of food if you're hungry. There was only one plate, though."

"You weren't gonna eat with me, lass?"

"I already ate. Sorry, Chibby."

"Thank you, Holly. It's nice to know that Filip is being taken care of."

"He's easy to be around. He's a good guy."

She smiled, kissing Chibs' cheek softly, feeling him kiss her back.

"I'll come back later, ok? I'll bring my laptop and some movies. Any requests?"  
"Nothing scary. You're the only one that likes that horror shite."

"So romance movies. Got it."

She winked playfully, grabbing her stuff before leaving, hugging Fiona on the way out.

Holly smiled when she heard Jax come in, watching Abel crawl around the floor. He finally started crawling and she couldn't stop smiling.

"Pridi ko mne, mal'chik."

"Babe?"

"Jax, come here. Abel's crawling!"

She stood up and watched Abel crawl over to Jax, who smiled happily, picking up the little boy as Emika sat by Holly, happily wagging her tail.

"Are you crawling, little man?"

"He'll be walking in no time."

He smiled and kissed her, while holding Abel.

"While you're in a good mood, I want you to come somewhere with me. But you need to get dressed first."

"Tell me where we're going."

"It's a surprise. Neeta's gonna watch Abel tonight. She's right behind me."

She decided to trust him, going to put on a pair of jeans, a good shirt and tied her hair up in a nice ponytail before coming out to put on her favorite pair of boots, saying hi to Neeta before kissing Abel's head and scratching Emika's ear as she laid in front of Abel. She was glad that Emika had taken to Abel so quickly. That was her biggest worry.

"Ready to go, babe?"

"Yeah. I'm coming."

She climbed on the back of Jax's bike, holding onto him as he rode off to his mom's. When they got there, Holly sighed deeply, punching Jax's arm.

"Why the fuck did you bring me here, Jax? I already told her I wasn't coming."

"This shit between the two of you needs to be solved just as much as the shit between me and Clay. This is the start. And I want you here."

She rolled her eyes as she walked in with him, biting back so many comments. She stuck close to Jax until she saw Lyla, going over to her and giving her a small hug before going over to Opie, pulling him into the other room.

"I know you've heard this from a lot of people, Harry, but I'm gonna be another person that you hear this from. I know you're hurting over Donna. I am too. But you cannot take this out on Kenny and Ellie. What happened is not their fault anymore than it is yours. I will always be there for you and for them, but I'm godmother. Which means I get custody if something happens to you AND Donna. Not just one or the other. I will take care of them whenever you need me to but I am not their mother. And neither is Gemma or Lyla or Mary or Neeta. Take care of your fucking kids, Harry. Because if you don't, they'll either be taken from you or they'll grow to hate you. Just like you hate your mom. Is that what you want for them?"

"Would you stop calling me Harry?"

"No. Because I'm mad at you. You've been through horrible shit, but so have they. You lost your wife. They lost their mother. And speaking from experience, there is nothing worse than knowing that my parents are gonna miss so much in my life. And no matter what happens, even if I get Clay or Chibs or Piney to walk me down the aisle when I get married or if I get Gemma to give me away, it will NEVER be the same. Kenny and Ellie are gonna need you now more than ever. I love you, Harry, but I will not let you ignore those kids any longer. Now if you need someone to vent to, you can come to me. You need someone to let you crash for a night or two, my door is always open to you. But take care of your kids. Or things are gonna go to hell for you cause you'll lose them."

She walked away from him, hoping that he'd listen to her words, grabbing the beer that Bobby handed her, taking a big drink.

"You ok, sweetheart?"

"I don't wanna be here."

"Jax said he had to drag you here. Why don't you just hang out with Lyla while you're here?"

She nodded, kissing his cheek before going over to Lyla, sitting down to talk with her for a little bit before she went to talk with Opie, leaving Holly to sit by herself to watch over everyone quietly. She looked as Jax came over to sit down next to her, trying to hold her close until she pulled away from him.

"Please don't hate me."

"Oh I don't hate you, Jax. I could never hate you. But I'm not your biggest fan right now. You know why I don't wanna be here and you still made me come. Your mom and I aren't gonna get along for a while and you're just gonna have to fucking deal with it. Just like the guys are gonna have to deal with you and Clay not getting along for a while."

"Why do you hate her so much? What did she do to you?"

She looked at him for a second before putting her beer on the table next to her and turning to look at him again.

"I'd love to tell you EXACTLY why I hate your mother, but I can't. And if you wanna know anymore than that, ask her."

She looked over when Gemma called everyone to the table, grabbing her beer and getting up, going over to the table, sitting down as Clay came in, a fight breaking out almost immediately. Holly got Kenny and Ellie into the other room as Tig started talking about club shit, bringing them upstairs to play before going back downstairs as David came in. She looked at him in shock when he dropped the bomb that Luann had been beaten to death. She had been standing next to Opie, looking over at Lyla when another fight broke out. When Tig shoved Bobby again, Bobby got knocked into her, causing her to fly back, hitting her head on the cabinet behind her, letting out a gasp as she hit the floor, closing her eyes as she passed out.


	22. Fa Guan

Holly sat in her car outside of Zobelle's cigar shops, just staring at the storefront for a few minutes before climbing out of the car and going inside, trying to keep her fear at bay.

"Ms. Pavlov. Can I help you with something? You don't strike me as a smoker."

"Oh, I'm not. Not in the normal sense, anyway. I was actually hoping to talk to you."

"Me? What can I do for you?"

She walked over to one of the shelves, not looking at him, feeling her heart pounding in her chest.

"I know what you are, what you do and what you ordered to happen to me and Gemma Teller. And before you deny it, I don't really have the time for bullshit. I have a kid, a family and Jax and I were expecting our first child together and, because of what happened, what you had Weston and his guys do to me, I lost that baby. I was unconscious for a week and on suicide watch after Tig found me with blood pouring from my wrist. I will admit that the suicide attempts were more because Gemma told me not to say anything to Jax or Clay or the guys because they didn't know anything about you at the time so if they retaliated, they could have gotten hurt or worse, than the actual rape. I told one person about it. About the rape. Chibs. The one who got hurt because of the bomb you planted in the van that got brought into Teller-Morrow. The same van that your daughter drove up to us the night we were raped. The night that I lost something that I never got to know. The night that my world shattered around me. And, I wanna blame the club and the things they do. But none of them are psychic. They couldn't have predicted the kind of monster you really are. They know ATF can't touch you because the FBI are interested in you. But I can promise you, Ethan Zobelle, your day will come. The day when you lose everything that you've taken from us. You have tried your hardest to break the Sons of Anarchy, but there is one huge thing that you haven't taken into account."

"Oh? And what is that, Ms. Pavlov?"

"SAMCRO is the mother charter of Sons of Anarchy. There are charters all over, not just the United States, but also the world. And every charter has different friends with different MCs and gangs. So you can try your hardest to break us, but Sons of Anarchy is like a hydra. You cut off one head and two more will take its place. And I can guarantee that if you keep pushing us, the might of every single charter will rain down on you like holy fire. This is my town, Mr. Zobelle. And I'm no longer afraid of you. But you should be afraid of me."

Holly sat in the clubhouse next to Bobby at the bar, eating some of his fresh banana bread, smiling at him.

"It's because of you I was a chubby kid."

"Hey. It's not all my fault. You volunteered to be my test taster."

"Because you were always such a great baker."

She laughed softly when he put some butter on the tip of her nose like he used to do when she was a kid and teasing him, making her go cross eyed trying to see it.

"Hey. I'm the only one that gets to make you do that."

She smirked at Jax, blushing softly as she felt him kiss her nose, getting the butter off before kissing her. She was gonna say something until Clay called Jax over, watching to see if she should jump in. And she almost did when Clay blamed Luann's death on Jax, knowing that it wasn't gonna end well. She got stopped by Tig, though. She got out from behind Tig's grip when Jax gave Clay his gun only to get stopped by Opie when Clay actually took it, watching in horror until Clay put the gun down. As Jax came over to her, she let him lead her outside before she smacked him across the face.

"I know things are crazy between you two, but you ever do something that stupid again, I'll kill you myself. I thought he was gonna do it."

He pulled her into a hug, knowing she was just scared, rubbing her back.

"I'm sorry. I was just making a point."

"Next time, do it in a way that isn't gonna make me wanna shit myself."

Holly made sure Abel was sleeping before going into the bathroom to take a shower. She turned on some music before stepping into the shower. She got into it, relaxing under the hot water, not hearing Jax come home. But she could feel someone staring at her, looking back to see Jax watching her through the steam. She watched him take off his clothes before climbing in with her, kissing her deeply. After a couple minutes of making out with him, Holly felt him turn her around and press her against the wall a bit, pulling her hips a bit, reaching around to rub her clit, making her moan softly. She pressed into him, feeling his hard cock teasing her entrance. She bit her lip as she started rubbing herself against him, hearing him groan. It seemed that he didn't wanna wait too long to fuck her, glancing back to watch him pump himself a couple times before pushing into her, not giving her time to adjust as he immediately started pounding into her, gripping her hips tightly. She moaned loudly as her nails clawed at the wall, her tits pressed against the wall. After a minute, he moved to grab her arms, pulling them back, switching angles, making her cry out in pleasure. The sounds of his balls smacking her clit mixed with the moans and groans and pants of the couple, echoed through the bathroom along with her music and the shower head.

"Baby, I'm cumming….Baby I'm exploding…."

He groaned as he found his release with her, his hips stilling as his dick twitched with each spurt of his hot cum inside her, making her cry out his name. She stood up as she felt his cum drip out of her, turning around to look at him, both of them panting lightly, kissing him softly and passionately. When she finished washing up, she got out to dry off and get dressed. She heard the landline ring, talking to David for a minute, looking at Jax when he came out.

"That was David. Cara Cara burned down."

"What?"

"He's there now with fire and a few officers."

"Call Bobby. Tell him to meet me down there."

"Ok. Do you want me to do anything else?"

"No. Just call him."

She nodded, watching him leave. She could tell he was pissed because he left without a kiss or an 'I love you', which he never did. She held onto Abel, kissing his head before calling Bobby.

"You need to go meet Jax at Cara Cara."

"Why? What happened?"

"It burned down. Jax is pissed off."

"Oh shit. Thanks, Hol."

She hung up and looked at Abel, rubbing his back gently as he laid his head on her shoulder, singing softly to herself.

"Just another manic Monday…."


	23. Balm

Holly looked at Jax when he told her what he was planning, a little shocked.

"Nomad? I know you're pissed at Clay, but are you sure this is the best idea? The enemies that the club has?"

"I need distance from Clay. He's not gonna let me have anything while we're fighting."

"I know, babe. But nomad? That's huge. You know I will support you no matter what you decide, and I will do whatever I need to do to adapt. But I need to know that you've thought this through."

He looked at her and nodded, lighting up a cigarette and taking a drag from it.

"I'm doing it. I had Happy call Quinn. I'm waiting hear back from him. I'm not expecting you to wait for me or follow me."

"You know I will, though."

"I don't want you to. I want you to take care of our son in your own home in your town."

"My home is wherever you are. This house is just a roof and walls. You've heard the saying 'Home is where the heart is'."

Holly walked into Chibs' room, smiling at him as she helped him get dressed, hugging him just as tightly as he was hugging her, giggling as he picked her up.

"Put me down, leathcheann. You'll pop your stitches."

"Let's get out of here."

She smiled and let Eddie in, grabbing Chibs' bag and followed the two out, shaking her head when they took off running. She went over to Jax, walking out with the guys. She climbed into the back of the van and sat down. She didn't feel like riding bitch on the way back. She talked with Eddie and Chibs as they drove. She looked at Chibs in confusion when he had Eddie make a detour. But when they stopped in front of Cameron's surplus store, she knew what was going to happen, going inside and trying to get Chibs to think about this. Not that he actually listened to her. She gasped when he shot at Edmond, letting Eddie push her behind him, watching as things escalated. But her fear went from 10 to 50 when she saw Jimmy O come out. She stayed quiet, looking down at the floor. She looked back when Jax came in, going over to Chibs to lead him outside.

Holly walked into the office at TM, sitting down next to the desk after shutting the door and looking at Gemma, taking a breath before telling her what Jax told her.

"As his old lady, I'm gonna support him. But you and I both know this isn't the best thing for him."

She watched Gemma pace around a bit, thinking before dropping a bomb.

"I know what to do to keep him from leaving. It's time to tell him."

"Tell him what?"

"About Zobelle."

She looked at Gemma in shock, letting out a humorless laugh.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me…..Are you shitting me right now?"

"No, I'm not."

"So, if you were gonna end up telling them anyway, why the fuck did you make me go through all of that shit? Or do you really hate me that much?"

"It's not about you. And I never intended to tell them."

"So then you're a fucking psychopath. You're toying with so many lives, Gemma and you don't even care. You're acting as if you're the only one keeping this secret only to turn around and use this tragedy as goddamn bargaining chip. This didn't just happen to you, bitch, it happened to me too. It's my life you're toying with."

"This will keep Jax in Charming, it'll end this feud between Jax and Clay and it'll get them back on track with getting Zobelle out of Charming. It's a win-win."

"I DON'T FUCKING CARE! You're so arbitrary with this shit. I've been torturing myself trying to keep this secret and you're just….You know what? I'm done with it. And I'm done with you. As far as I'm concerned, you're crazy. And I'm not about to let some psycho around my son. I don't want to see you around the house anymore. And don't even think of going to Jax with this. He might be your son, but he's my old man. I have his crow and I hold his heart."

Holly walked into the living room with Abel, laying him down on the floor to change his diaper, letting him crawl around with Emika, keeping an eye on him as she got onto her laptop. She bit her lip as she typed up an email to Stahl, glancing over as Abel crawled over to her, picking her up and holding onto him.

"What do you think, buddy? Should mommy do this? Should she make this deal?"

She couldn't help but laugh a bit when he shook his head, kissing his cheek gently, deleting the email, sitting back with him to watch cartoons, laying him on her stomach, holding him close. They eventually fell asleep together, Emika sleeping in front of the couch. She woke up a couple to the sound of Emika barking at the ringing doorbell. She yawned as she put Abel in his bouncer, getting her to stop barking as she went to open the door, letting Stahl inside. She led her into the living room, letting her sit down.

"What do you want, Stahl?"

"I know what happened to you."

"What are you referring to? Cause a lot has happened to me since the last time you saw me. For instance, I had to bury my best friend. Which, by the way, spun Opie out. Pretty damn bad."

"I know. I didn't mean for that to happen."

"But it happened. And you can't take that back. No one can. Opie has no wife and those kids have no mom. Donna's gonna miss out on their first days of highschool, their first crushes, their first boyfriend and girlfriend. On everything. Because you just had to crush the MC. And there's nothing you can do to make it right, either."

Stahl just nodded, actually looking guilty.

"So what are you talking about when you say you know what happened?"

"Hale told me what happened to you and Gemma. With Weston."

Holly hung her head and let out an angry sigh before looking at Stahl.

"Don't talk about shit you know nothing about."

"He gave me the results of the DNA they pulled off the masks. They're a match to AJ Weston and two of his men."

Holly took the papers from Stahl, covering her mouth as she looked at them before looking up at her.

"You're not shitting me? This is real?"

"Yes it is. It's a 100% match. We'll be picking them up for the rape."

"No. I'm not gonna press charges. Too much time has passed and I never had a rape kit done. But thank you for this."

Holly sat in Unser's office, helping him pack his boxes.

"It's gonna be weird to be in a town where you're not chief. Almost like I'm in a different town."

"I'm gonna kinda miss it. But it'll be nice not to have to cover for your guys anymore."

She laughed softly and nodded, putting some more stuff in a box, checking in on Abel, who was sleeping in his carseat.

"Have you heard from Della?"

"Not since the divorce call."

"I'm so sorry, Wayne. If you ever need help with anything, promise me that you'll call me?"

"I will, sweetheart. It's nice to know I have you in my corner."

"Always, Wayne. You've been there for me through everything, and I never got to thank you for that."

"You don't have to thank me for that. No one should go through shit alone."

She smiled and nodded, getting up to hug him tightly. She looked over when Jax came into the room, tears dripping down his face, thinking he was upset about the vote.

"Are you officially nomad?"

"Why didn't you tell me, Holly?"

"Tell you what?"

"I just left mom's. She told me everything. Is that why you've been so hot and cold the last couple months?'

She sighed sadly, hanging her head, tears pricking her eyes, unable to look at him until he grabbed her hands. She looked at him as he kissed her hands, both of them sniffling. She didn't want to say anything until he did, not knowing what he was gonna do.

"Is that why you tried to kill yourself? Why we lost our baby?"

"I couldn't handle keeping that secret. It hurt so bad and I couldn't tell you why. I'm so sorry, Jax. Please don't hate me…."

"Holly Skye Pavlov. I don't hate you. And if you think I ever could, you should stop smoking."

She couldn't help but giggle a little, meeting his eyes.

"Now I know why you and mom have been at each other's throats lately."

"Don't bring up your mom. Just because she came clean doesn't mean I'm gonna forgive her. She only told you to keep you in the club and from going nomad. She's manipulating you and Clay. The rape actually happened, and while it's nice to not have that weight on me anymore, it doesn't erase the fact that she hurt me, Jackson. She continuously asked me to keep quiet, despite knowing what it was doing to me. She acted like she was the only one going through it. I'm glad that she came clean about it, but that doesn't erase what she put me through. I'm not gonna ask you to pick sides because that's not fair, but I don't wanna be around her anymore. Ever."


	24. Service

Holly sat at the kitchen table, sewing the patches back on Jax's cut while he was in the shower, pausing to take a drink of her orange juice. Jax was kinda treating her with kid gloves, which is one of the things she was afraid of. She looked over when she heard Jax come in, cutting the thread as she finished sewing his patches on. She took Abel from him, giving him his bottle.

"You didn't have to sew my patches, babe. I would've done it."

"I don't mind. It gave me something to do with my hands. You hungry?"

"No. I'm heading to the clubhouse. Clay and I are gonna tell the guys. Why don't you come by later?"

"I don't wanna see the looks of pity on the guys' faces. I've been fine lately. I don't wanna be pitied. Or treated like I'm made of glass."

"What do you mean?"

"You've been tiptoeing around me since last night and I don't want you to. I'm not gonna break. It's not like the attack just happened. We've had sex plenty of time since then and I haven't freaked out when I've been touched. I'm fine Jax."

"I just feel bad that I couldn't help you."

"You couldn't help me because I didn't tell you. And it's my biggest regret. But you don't need to worry about me. Yes, it happened, but I made it through the other side stronger than before. I'm not scared of my own shadow anymore. I'm not a child. You don't have to be careful around me. Ok?"

Holly walked into the clubhouse just as the guys were coming out of their meeting, hugging them all when they came over, hugging Chibs last.

"I'm glad you finally spoke up, lass. It was time."

"I didn't. But it's nice to not have this weight on me anymore."

"Babe? What're you doing here?"

"I remembered something. A couple months ago, someone, I'm assuming Weston or one of his guys, left two of the masks they were wearing that night. David had been told by Wayne in an attempt to get him to stop working with Zobelle, and David came to me asking me to give him something that might help take Zobelle and Weston down. I gave him the masks. Stahl came by the other night with the DNA results from the masks. Weston and his men must've done time or something because their DNA is in the system. It was a match."

She handed the papers to Jax, watching the guys look over the results.

"I don't know what you guys have planned, and I don't ask for this kind of thing, but I want these assholes dead. Deader than dead."

Holly watched as Laroy pulled up to the park, watching him come over to her, handing him the bag of food she'd brought for him. He'd been keeping in contact with her since they last spoke, meeting up with her every now and then.

"How you doing, boo?"

"I'm doing even better now that Jax and the guys know."

"How'd they take it?"

"Jax is treating me a bit different and the guys are pitying me a bit. Even if they won't admit it."

"You hate that."

"With every fiber of my being. Things'll go back to normal eventually. But I kinda need a favor. If you can't help, I understand."

"After everything you've done for me, I'll do what I can."

"The guys are going after retaliation on Zobelle and Weston for what happened. They're being smart about it, but they don't have enough guns. I know things are pretty tight for you, but if there's anything you can spare I'd be appreciative."

"Does Clay know you're here?"

"No. No one does. They don't know I've been talking to you. Not that I'm embarrassed or anything, just hasn't come up. We've been dealing with a lot of shit."

"I hear ya. I wish I could help, boo. But we're using everything we have."

"I get it. I figured that would be your answer, but it doesn't hurt to ask. Thanks anyway, Laroy."

She got up and hugged him, kissing his cheek gently.

"You take care of yourself, ok?"

"You too, boo. Stay safe."

She nodded, clapping his friend's shoulder before heading towards her car.

"Hold up."

She looked back at Laroy, going back over to him, following him to his SUV.

"I can give you something to protect yourself and your kid. You know how to shoot?"

"Yeah, I do. But I don't need a gun for myself. I have one at home. But thanks, Laroy. I appreciate it."

Holly walked into Opie's room at the clubhouse, knocking to get his attention. She sat down on the chair by his bed as he sat down on the bed.

"Bobby told me what happened. Are you ok?"

"No, I'm not. I don't know what to do. The thing between Jax and Clay makes a lot of sense now. I could never figure out why they were fighting so hard and now I know. Jax knew. He knew why Donna died."

"We wanted to tell you, Ope. For a while, I thought I was going crazy. That night, I thought I saw Tig's eyes, but I let myself believe I was just in shock."

"How do I get right with this, Holly? Sharing a patch with Clay and Tig?"

"I wanna tell you, Ope, but I can't. I don't even know how I'm supposed to get right with anything anymore. I don't know how I do it. But whatever it is, it's a mask. I can smile and hug them, but in the back of my mind, I wanna kick their asses for everything that's happened. But I can tell you that no matter what you decide, I'm with you. Always."

Holly walked into the office and shut the door before sitting down, looking at Gemma. She took a breath before talking.

"I can lie and tell you that things are fine between us or gonna be fine between us, but I'm not in the mood to pussyfoot around with anyone. You're my godmother and the day has finally come where I can honestly say that I hate you. And I can't say if that'll ever change. You toy with lives like a baby plays with toys. As soon as you get bored you move on to the next thing. You totally disregarded what I was going through, telling me to continuously stay quiet about something that was literally killing me. I was put on suicide watch and you played on my need to keep Jax safe. If it weren't for Jax, you would no longer have any say in Abel's life. You are on ice so thin that you only need to breathe for it to crack. If and when that ice breaks and you fall into the icy waters below, you will never be a part of Abel's life or mine. I'm not someone that'll do this, but you have single-handedly pushed me to my breaking point. You continue to play with my life as if I'm a yo-yo, all I have to do is bat my eyes at Jax and you're done. And I won't hesitate to do it. Your reign of terror is soon to be over. You might be queen now, but your time is almost over. As soon as Clay steps down and Jax becomes president, you're stepping down too. No ifs, ands or buts. You're done, Gemma Teller."


	25. The Culling

Holly moaned out Jax's name, gripping his arms as he pushed into her ass, looking into his eyes, both of them panting. She squeezed her eyes shut as she felt Jax thrust into her, reaching down to rub her clit, arching her back.

"So tight, Hol….."

"You're so big, babe…."

She got lost in the pleasure, not knowing that she was dreaming until she felt herself being shaken awake, looking up to see Jax hovering over her with a small smirk.

"What the shit….what time is it?"  
"It's time to get ready to go. I hope you were dreaming about me."

She let out a frustrated sigh as she sat up, looking at him.

"Why haven't you touched me since you found out that I was raped? You've kissed me and hugged me, we've fucked and made love, but the second you find out that I was raped, it's like I'm damaged goods. Please tell me I'm wrong about this, Jax."

"You're not damaged goods, Holly."

"Then why? We were hotter when you didn't know. So if you don't think I'm damaged goods, then what's the problem? Are you bored? Did you cheat on me or something?"

"No. Of course not."

"Then what is it, Jackson? Because I miss you. I ran out batteries two nights ago finishing myself off because you won't touch me."

"I don't wanna push you."

"You're not pushing me. I want you. That hasn't changed. No matter what happened. So if you don't think I'm damaged goods, then prove it. Take me. Right here, right now."

"We don't have time, Holly."

She looked at him, tears filling her eyes, getting up and walking past him to take a shower, silently crying as she washed up, sliding down the wall to sit on the floor of the stall, burying her face in her hands. When Jax came in to pick her up, she pushed him away.

"Don't touch me. Just go. I'll meet you at the clubhouse."

"No one goes anywhere alone."

"Get. Out. Jax."

She pushed past him after she turned off the water, drying off and going to get dressed, calling Opie.

"Holly? You alright?"

"Will you come get me?"

"Isn't Jax taking you to the clubhouse."

"No. He has something to do first."

"Ok. Let me drop Lyla and the kids off. Do you have Abel?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Alright. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Thanks, Ope."

She looked at Jax when he stood in the doorframe.

"There. I'm not going alone."

She watched him leave with Abel, texting Opie back, telling him that plans had changed. She grabbed her purse and went out to her car, climbing in and driving off, blaring her music as she drove in the opposite direction of the clubhouse, her mind racing as she drove into town. She pulled up to the cigar shop and got out, grabbing the carjack from the backseat before going inside, smashing everything up, letting out her anger and hatred and every other negative emotion she had inside her. By the time David came over to arrest her, the shelves were smashed to bits, there were cigars and cigarettes and tobacco strewn everywhere and Weston had a broken nose and a black eye forming from when she started hitting him when he tried to grab her. She was sitting on the curb, waiting patiently for David, cooperating when he put her in cuffs and helped her into the car.

"I'm gonna have to call Jax."

"I don't give a fuck what you do, David. Or what Jax does. Or what Gemma does. Or what anyone else does. I'm done."

"Done with what?"

"Done with not feeling safe in my own town. Done with shit crumbling down around me. Done with shit changing in such a drastic way. Done with my life being controlled by other people. Done with not knowing who I am anymore."

"What happened, Holly?"

"Gemma told Jax and Clay about the rape as a tool to anchor Jax to Charming and the club. She let me go through hell and kept adding salt to my wounds only to talk about the worse moment in my life as if it were a goddamn joke to her. And now, as a result, Jax won't touch me. It's been a few days and it's as if I'm broken to him. Like he's bored with me. And they expect me to fall in line and be a good little girl. None of them realizing that they're the ones breaking me. People can only deal with so much before they break. And I'm almost there."

Holly laid on the bed in the cell, staring at the ceiling as she heard a couple people come back to her, letting out a deep sigh as she sat up, seeing David leading Jax and Opie to her cell.

"I'm not leaving. So you can just go back, Jackson."

"Stop being a brat, Holly and let's go."

"I'm not a brat! I've given you everything I had. My heart, my time, my life. I watched you go through two different relationships and multiple croweaters before you even gave me the time of day and the only reason you did that was because you were getting bored with Tara. I've given you my support and my love and you took everything and twisted it."

She took a deep breath, wiping away the angry tears filling her eyes as her raised voice echoed around the room and halls.

"You asked me to be Abel's mom and to get your crow, but when I ask you when you want me to get your crow, you keep putting it off. I go through something so horrible, you find out and then you act as if I'm a broken toy that you don't wanna play with anymore. Yes, I smile and I take care of business, but you've known me my entire life, Jackson! You should know what it looks like when I'm faking it! You should know what it looks like when I'm broken inside. I ask for the tiniest amount of comfort from you and it's like a chore for you. I wish your mom had never told you about the rape. No…..I wish my parents had taken me out of Charming. Just go away, Jax. You've taken everything I had. I have nothing left for you."

"Holly…Come on, babe."

"I'm not your babe. I'm not your old lady. I'm nothing. To you or the club. I don't want you to bail me out or take me home or do anything to me. Do what you have to do and leave me alone."

She sniffled as she sat back down, letting her tears fall as she waited to hear Jax and Opie walk away.

"Holly, you know I love you. Where is this coming from?"

"No you don't, Jax. Not anymore. We've slept together plenty of times since the rape and then suddenly you don't want it anymore? You keep trying to get your mom and I to be friends again despite knowing what she put me through? You don't love me. You love knowing you had me wrapped around your finger. I was just an eater to you. I'm done. With the club and with you. So go away."

Holly sat up as Piney came up to her cell, getting Wayne to open the door so she could talk to Piney.

"What are you doing here, Piney? I haven't seen you in a while."

"I heard about what happened to you and Gemma. Was wondering how you were doing."

"Did Jax or Opie send you? Cause if that's the case, you don't have to placate them with this. I'm not a charity case."

"Have I ever treated you like a charity case?"

"Everyone else has been the last few days. Why not you too?"

"I can tell you're angry."

"I'm not angry."

"Don't interrupt, little girl."

"Knock it off, Piney. Don't pretend you give a shit about me. You didn't pay much attention to me as a kid, why the hell would that shit change now?"

"Because you need someone to listen to your issues."

"And it's not gonna be you. You're no different than any other guy in that sense. You're just hoping to calm me down so I'll stop yelling. I'm not in the mood to be talked down to."

"Jax wants to help you but he doesn't know how. So if you're not gonna let him help you, find someone who you will let in."

"That's the point. I don't have anyone outside the club anymore. I've given everything to you fuckers."

"What about Gemma?"  
"And the fact that you would ask me that proves my point."

She went back into her cell and shut the door, laying down on the bed, facing the wall. She rolled her eyes when she heard someone come down the hall. She wondered if there was just a line of the guys coming to talk to her. She looked back, surprised as shit to see Gemma standing and staring at her. She sat up again, watching her.

"What do you want, Gemma? What could you possibly have to say to me?"

"I wanted to say sorry. I knew what I was doing to you and all I could think about was my son and my husband."  
"Thanks for telling me what I already knew. You can go now."

"I didn't mean to break your heart."

"You didn't break my heart. You did something so much worse. You broke my spirit. Your husband broke my heart and your son broke the rest of me. Do you have any idea what it's like to lose a child that you didn't get to know on the same day you found out you were pregnant? To have your power and your freedom and your sanity taken from you in one fell swoop? To not be able to tell the one person that could make you feel better what was hurting you so fucking bad that you were willing to leave them without so much as a goodbye or a fuck you? To be crushed under the weight of your anger, your guilt and your heartache at the same time? To give yourself to someone who you think loves you only to have them look at you like you're broken? To have the person you trust with everything be the person that stabs you in the back harder than anyone ever has? You're sorry that you hurt me? Are you sorry for getting Chibs blown up? For manipulating your son? For making your son watch his girlfriend go through the worst emotional pain she's ever been through?"

She watched as Gemma started crying, rolling her eyes as she stood up, going over to the door, hanging onto the bars.

"You were sitting on such a huge secret that didn't just involve you, and you did what you always did and dug your nails in, manipulating the situation to get the outcome you wanted, not caring who you hurt in the process. You're my godmother. The woman that my mother loved and trusted enough to leave me in your care should something happen to me while I was younger and you broke my heart harder than your son. Since you told him, we haven't slept together. He won't touch me. As if I were broken. Maybe I didn't handle it the way I should've, but I hit my breaking point. And it's your fault. Just like what happened to Chibs. If you had told Clay and Jax sooner, things would be different. If you had trusted them with this information, they might've done the same thing that they're doing now and things would've been better. Now I can't stand to look at you and my old man is pulling away from me. So the next thing out of your mouth had better be a hell of a lot better than a damn apology."

She glared at Gemma, shaking her head as Gemma floundered for something to say.

"I didn't think so. When you see your son, tell him I'll be staying somewhere else for a while and not to look for me. I need some space from SAMCRO for a while. And it starts now."

Holly sighed softly as she was brought to the clubhouse by Unser, climbing out when he parked, immediately going up to the roof, climbing up the ladder and sitting down, pulling out her phone and calling the airport, arranging for a flight to Italy, booking a flight for the next day before calling for a cab, glancing over when Jax came up and took her phone, closing it and putting it in her purse.

"This shit that's been going on is the reason I won't touch you. I'm trying to get right with the fact that you getting raped is my fault."

"It's not your fault, Jax."

"Shut up and let me finish. I never looked at you like a toy. You're not damaged goods. I watch you sleep at night, wishing I could turn back time and keep you from leaving with my mother. Keep you two from getting attacked. I haven't slept with you because I feel guilty. I got so wrapped up in my own shit with Clay and the club that I didn't realize you were breaking. But I love you. I kept putting off you getting my crow because the only one I trust to see you without a shirt and knowing that nothing's gonna happen is Happy. You are one of the most important people in my life and it would crush me if I lost you. I should've taken the time to talk and I'm sorry. You're not a toy or anything less than perfect in my eyes."

Before she could say anything else, he stood her up, cupping her face before pulling her in for a deep kiss, laying her down on the cement, starting to take their clothes off, kissing her neck.


	26. Na Triobloidi

Holly cleaned up Jax's face when he got home, listening to him fill her in on what happened.

"I knew there had to be more to the story. Squeaky clean my ass."

He stopped her hands, noticing they were shaking and cold, lightly breathing on them to warm them up.

"I was eating ice cream. I'm fine."

"How are you feeling?"

"My ass is sore and having Chibs look at the scrapes going up and down my back, to include my ass, is a bit embarrassing. But, I'm working on healing."

She kissed his head, sighing softly.

"I'm sorry for the shit I said yesterday. I guess I was holding onto more than I thought I was."

"It's ok. We all need to vent from time to time. We rely on you and mom for so much that we don't think of the weight of this shit. You're doing alright considering everything that's happened. Tell me next time you're hurting like that, ok? I wanna be there for you too."

She nodded, kissing him softly, letting him pull her into his lap carefully. She gripped his hand, gently playing with his fingers, letting her mind wander for a minute.

"When my parents died, all I could do was wonder if I were living the life they wanted for me. Was I the daughter they'd wanted? Even from a young age, I never felt like I was. I always felt like I was letting them down somehow. When you and I started sleeping together, things changed. I felt like that doubt was going away. Like I wasn't letting them down anymore. But since Kohn, I feel like I'm letting them down again and I can't shake that feeling. When I read your dad's journal, I knew why my dad left the club when he did. But I couldn't ever figure out why he didn't leave Charming altogether. And then I found a letter my dad wrote me when I was 16. Just like your dad, my dad liked to write. He was always writing me letters. But this letter was talking about how Charming was the first place that grabbed at his soul. The only place that he had been that made him wanna return if he left. Almost like it was calling him home. When he met my mom, he said he felt like more pieces were falling into place for him. Like he was more whole. And when they had me, he felt complete. He said when he saw the three of us together, you, me and Ope, he could see us having the same kind of relationship that he, my mom and your dad had. That he hoped I would find the happiness in life that he had in Charming."

"And have you?"

"Yes. And no. I'm worried that history's repeating itself. That we're gonna end up like our parents did."

"We're not gonna become our parents. I promise."

Holly sat in the car as Gemma drove to the store. They needed to get groceries for Holly and Jax's house. She glanced over for a second.

"I'm sorry for what I said. I don't think you brought on what happened to Chibs. I was hurt and felt like I was alone. I shouldn't have taken it out on you like that."

"It's ok, baby. You weren't entirely wrong, though. I didn't care. I was worried about what it would do to our family that I just let you fade. And for that, I'm sorry."

"We are family, Gemma. I'm still not thrilled about how you handled things, but I can kind of understand why you wanted to stay quiet about it. Something big happens, we have to stick together."

"We will, baby."

She smiled a bit and nodded, watching out the window.

"The ice you're standing on is a little thicker now."

When they got to the store, she let Gemma get the produce while she and Eddie took Abel to get the rest of the stuff, chatting until she went up to pay for everything. As she went to load up the car, she watched as Gemma walked off, putting Abel in the carseat as Eddie helped to load the bags in the trunk. She looked over when Gemma came over to the them.

"What's with you? Why'd you walk off?"

"I'm driving."

She nodded, confused by her behavior. Until she saw Zobelle's daughter. She looked over at Gemma as she started driving.

"Gemma, don't do this. I know why you want to, I want to too. But you'll just get in trouble for this."

But nothing Holly said made any difference. When they caught up with Polly, Gemma jumped out of the car and went after her. She told Eddie to stay there in case Gemma needed to get away fast.

Holly put away the groceries as someone knocked on the door, going over to look through the peephole, letting Eddie in, locking the door behind him.

"Where's Gemma?"  
"Lost her. Feds stormed the house that she went to."

"Shit. If I don't hear from her within the next hour or so, I'm gonna have to call Clay. And I really don't wanna do that."

"It would probably be best if you call Jax now."

She sighed and nodded, going over to grab her cell, dialing Jax's number.

"Holly? What's up?"

"I didn't wanna bother you with this, but it's Gemma."

"What happened?"

"She ended up chasing - Holy shit!"

She let out a small scream as Cameron pointed a gun at her, taking her phone and hanging up on Jax before getting Eddie to give over his gun. She kept glancing over at Abel, who had started crying, and then at Emika, who came running in, barking and growling at Cameron. Until he shot her in the head, making Holly scream louder. She started crying when Eddie got stabbed trying to protect Abel, standing up when Cameron went over to Abel.

"Wait! Cameron, you don't wanna do this. Gemma has no reason to kill Eddie. Polly Zobelle, definitely, but not Eddie. You know how this shit works. Old ladies don't usually get involved unless absolutely need be. But if you really wanna get back at Gemma for what happened to Eddie, then take me instead. It'll hit Gemma, Clay and Jax at the same time. You'll have more leverage."

"How about I kill you, take the kid and be done with it?"

Holly held onto Abel as Cameron drove to the docks, looking at him as he parked.

"Cameron, you still have the chance to make things right. Let us go and the guys'll forget about this. They'll let you go, I'll make sure of it."

He cocked his gun and pressed it against her head, making her fall silent.

"Get out."

"I'm not going anywhere without him."

"Get out or I'll kill you both right here."

"No."

"Get out, bitch."

She shook her head, trying to keep a straight face. She needed to buy some time for the guys to catch up to Cameron. She blinked back tears when she heard the motorcycles, still staring at Cameron.

"This is your very last chance. Let us go."

Cameron cursed and took Abel from Holly. Holly yelled and climbed out of the car quickly, taking off after Cameron, quickly followed by the guys, all of them giving chase. She ran as fast as she could, but they didn't make it, not that it stopped her. In one last ditch attempt to catch Cameron, she drove into the water. But she couldn't swim fast enough to catch up to the boat. It didn't help that her ankle got caught in a net coming off one of the boats. Juice had to cut her free and bring her onto the dock. She sat there in shock next to Jax, who was screaming. Just like she was on the inside, but she couldn't get her burning lungs to expel the air needed to scream.


	27. SO

Holly had forced herself to step into old lady mode, taking care of Jax, making sure he at least had pretzels to eat as he drank and smoked. She'd done her best to get him to move every now and then. Unsuccessfully. Chibs made her sit and feel everything she needed to feel that first day, making her sit and talk to him. She was currently making coffee as the guys came into the house. She looked at Clay.

"He's in the nursery."

She walked back with Opie, cleaning up the bottles and empty cigarette cartons, letting the guys in. She went to start a shower for Jax, having gotten good at getting him in and out on her own. She let Opie help her get him into the bathroom and out of his jeans and boxers before kicking him out so she could washing him up and dried off. She wrapped them both in towels before bringing him into the bedroom to get him dressed and getting dressed herself. As she went to put some socks on him, she looked up when she felt him grip her wrist gently. The first real movement he made that didn't involve cigarettes or alcohol.

"I can do it, babe."

"Are you sure? I don't mind helping you out."

"You haven't been helping out, Holly. You've been doing everything on your own."

"You're hurting, Jax. You've been numb. I don't mind doing things. It helps to stay busy."

"You're hurting too."

She shrugged as she bent down to put his socks on, biting back the thought on her mind. This was not the time to bring up her possible pregnancy. She looked at him as she stood up, helping him up.

"The guys are here. I guess Laroy found the guy that gave Cameron a fake ID or something."

"Ok. Would you mind making me some coffee?"

"Already did. And some breakfast. And before you argue, don't. You've been eating nothing but pretzels and whiskey. You need something substantial. I'm making the guys stay for breakfast too."

He nodded and kissed her softly. She kissed him back, trying really hard to stifle her gag reflex. He hadn't brushed his teeth yet and his mouth tasted like cigarette smoke, whiskey and morning breath. She pulled away and walked out with him, going to make the guys plates of food before making them all sit and eat, giving Jax a cup of coffee, kissing his head gently before going to the bathroom to empty her stomach as quietly as she could. She couldn't wait to hear the results from her OB. She brushed her teeth before going out, running into Jax, who was just about to knock on the door.

"Hey, babe. Did you get enough to eat?"

"Yeah. I just came to talk to you."

"Ok. Let's go into the bedroom."

She walked into the bedroom with him, closing the door before going to sit on the bed with him, looking at him.

"How are you doing with all this?"

"That's kind of a stupid question, Jax. I'm in pain. I couldn't catch up to Cameron and save Abel. I tried super hard and I failed. You made me his mom and I got Eddie killed and Abel kidnapped. I had hoped that I could at least get Cameron to take me with him and Abel so that you knew Abel had me with him, but I failed. So now I'm putting all of my focus on you so you can find our son and bring him home."

"This isn't on you, Holly. Stahl, once again, blamed one of us and didn't care about the consequences. A member's dead, mom's hiding out and our son is missing."

"Ya sobirayus' ubit' etu suku."

He pulled her in for a hug, kissing her head gently.

"I can't believe he killed the dog too. I know that's not the most important thing right now, but it's just….."

"I wanna talk to you about something else."

"If you're gonna tell me that I should leave you, I'm gonna kick your ass."

He looked at her, keeping quiet but she knew what he was saying. She got frustrated and smacked him across the face, the slap loud enough to echo throughout the silent room.

"I am not about to leave you at a time like this, Jackson Nathaniel Teller. No matter what you say. And not after all we've been through. It would take a lot for me to leave you."

"You deserve better than this. You shouldn't be a part of this."

"You don't get to make that decision for me, Jackson. I want you. No one else. Don't say shit like that again."

Holly stopped in her tracks as she looked out on the docks, the memories flooding her mind freezing her in place. She looked over at Chibs when he put his hand on her back.

"Why don't you stay here, lass? We got this."

"I'm not ok, Chibs. I have been so focused on taking care of Jax because that's all I can do right now. But being here? I can't….breathe. I feel like I'm gonna puke or pass out or something."

She let out a gasping sob, burying her face in Chibs' chest as he pulled her close, rubbing her back.

"It's my fault. Abel's gone because of me. Half-Sack is dead because of me."

"This isn't on you, lass. I promise you. We'll find Abel."

"And what if we don't?"

"Don't think like that, Holly. We'll find him and get him home where he belongs."

It took a few minutes to calm Holly down. She walked onto the dock with Chibs, looking around. She watched as Jax picked something up, closing her eyes when she saw him holding Abel's hat, turning around and walking back to the bikes. As she got back, she saw a couple guys pull in in a car. She didn't think anything of it until they ran back to their car, being chased by the guys. Sitting on the back of Jax's bike, she rode with him as he went with the guys to chase the two men. When Jax and Opie pulled up behind the others, she went over to the men holding guns.

"They weren't after you at the dock. The boat we were looking at, the guy that owns it kidnapped my 8 month old son. We just want him back."

"Irish guy?"

"Yeah…."

She looked at the black guy with hope in her eyes. Only to have it squashed immediately after.

"He didn't have no kid with him."

She closed her eyes, feeling her bottom lip start trembling as she nodded. She grabbed some cash from her purse, handing it over with shaky hands.

"For the window…."

Holly sat in the clubhouse with Lyla and the kids, sitting on the couch with her knees hugged to her chest, silently crying. She couldn't keep up pretenses anymore and it showed. She was breaking all over again and Jax had made it clear that he didn't want Holly alone. She looked over when Lyla called her name.

"Why don't you go lay down in Jax's room? Try and get some sleep."

"I don't sleep anymore. My mind plays tricks on me. I thought I could hear Abel crying for me and when I went into his nursery, I remembered that he wasn't….."

"Ok. Do you want some tea?"

"No."

"Will you at least eat something?"

"I can't keep anything down…"

"Holly, this isn't good for you or the baby."

"What do you want me to do, Lyla? I can't stomach anything and I can't sleep."

Opie called Lyla over as Holly buried her head in her knees, a fresh wave of hot tears streaming down her face. She ignored it when she heard her name being called, standing up to go to the bathroom. But the exhaustion was starting to take over and she made it as far as Opie at the bar before passing out, just barely feeling it when Opie caught her and picked her up. When she came to a couple hours later, she was in a hospital room, hooked up to an IV. She looked over when she heard movement, seeing Bobby stand up, seeing her awake.

"How long have I been out?"

"6 hours. You were massively dehydrated and undernourished and beyond exhaustion. Jax went home to relax a bit. I told him I'd keep an eye on you. The doctor wants you on bedrest for a while. I convinced him to draw up your discharge papers so I could take you home."

"Does Jax know about the baby?"  
"He does now."

She nodded, rubbing her eyes gently before looking back at Bobby.

"I'm not doing so hot, Bobby."

"I know, sweetheart. No one is right now. Let's get you home and in bed. We'll take care of finding Abel. You work on getting better."

"I can't breathe. And I won't be able to until Abel's home."

Holly woke up, feeling Jax push some hair out of her face, looking up at him, blinking the sleep out of her eyes. She yawned as she sat up.

"Lyla brought over some food if you're hungry. I can heat something up for you."

"Ok. Thanks….."

She watched him move to leave, taking hold of his hand, stopping him from going any farther. She looked at him as he got back into bed next to her, pulling her close.

"I know. I'm not doing so good either."

"Even if you don't blame me, I blame myself. I should've done more."

"There was nothing more you could've done. There was nothing more I could've done."

"I am so tired, Jax."

"Then go back to sleep."

"Not that kind of tired. I feel like I can't breathe. I don't wanna have you take care of me like this or have you think that I can't handle things."

"You've been through a lot this past year. One thing after another with next to no time to come up for air in between. I'm struggling with it too."

"Are things ever gonna calm down, Jax? Or is this just gonna be our lives from now on? Because I don't think I can handle that. I don't think we could handle that. We need to be able to come up for air. And we can't right now."

"I honestly don't know. I would love to say yes. To tell you that things are gonna be perfect from here on out, but I just don't know."

Holly walked around the funeral home, ignoring the fact that she was supposed to be on bedrest, she had to do something. She walked around, making sure everything was perfect for Eddie's wake. She hesitated for a second before going into the room with Eddie's casket, closing the doors behind her before going up to his casket, kneeling down in front of it, kissing the side of it. Looking at the picture on top, she couldn't help but tear up, placing her hand on the side of it.

"I'm so sorry, Kip. You died in vain. Abel's gone, you're dead and everything's upside down. I wish I could take back what happened to you. I'd trade places with you in a heartbeat if it meant you were ok and Abel were home."

She stood up quickly when the doors opened, wiping her eyes before turning around, meeting Opie's eyes.

"You shoulder too much responsibility, Holly. Don't you ever get tired of it?"

"Every second of every day. But this is all I know. I didn't go to college so I can't be a lawyer or a doctor. I suck with cars and I've never been farther than Vegas. I have no other home, I don't talk to my parents' families and I couldn't bring myself to leave Jax."

"You need a break. We all do."

"Again, Ope….Where would I go?"

"I don't know. The cabin, Vegas, hell, go to Hawaii. But you and Jax need something."

"We need Abel back."

She walked outside, needing some air. She sat down on the wall next to Jax, taking a deep breath of the night air.

"Chibs is gonna take you home after the wake. I'm gonna crash at the clubhouse tonight."

"I don't wanna sleep alone. And I don't sleep well without you with me."

"I need a night to think, Hol. I'm working on autopilot just like you. I need to feel something and I can't right now."

She just nodded, looking down at her hands.

"I'll see if he can crash at the house with me, then."

"Ok. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I get it. I really do, babe. Just promise me you won't do something stupid?"

"I promise. Worse thing I'll do is drink until I pass out."

"I'll bring some pancakes over for you in the morning."

Neither one of them got to say anything else as gunshots rang out. She felt like everything was happening in slow motion. She hadn't gotten hit, but looking around at all the damage was intense. She didn't know what to do or where to go first. She looked to Jax, only to find him running towards one of the gunmen, watching in horror as he pounded the guy's head into the ground. She watched as the guys went to pull him back. She'd been waiting for him to break like that, but to watch it happen like that was terrifying. The screams and crying ringing in her ears didn't help. She had to look away, only to see David's brother, Jacob crying over David's body, making her fall to her knees and empty her stomach onto the sidewalk, feeling Lyla hold her hair and rub her back gently.


	28. Oiled

Holly sat in the living room with Chibs, both of them eating breakfast as Gilmore Girls played on the TV. Holly needed something that had nothing to do with violence for a while.

"Maybe you should get out of Charming for a while, lass. We can't worry about you and Abel at the same time. It's taking too much of our concentration. And you're focusing on Abel and Jax and it's taking too much out of you."

"I want him home."

"We'll bring him home. You need to trust that."

"I trust you. I just can't sit around."

"Why don't you go visit Gemma and Tig? Take some time to take a breath."

She nodded, leaning into him, letting her mind wander. When Jax got home, she looked back at him, getting up to make him some food, only to be stopped when he grabbed her arm.

"You ok, darlin'?"

"No. But neither are you."

He kissed her head gently, placing his hand on her belly gently.

"I've been thinking about it, and I'm gonna go see your mom. Maybe I should get out of Charming for a while. My being on autopilot isn't helping you or anyone else but I can't get myself out of it."

"I think that's a great idea. You want me to call Tig?"

"If you don't mind. I'll go pack a couple bags."

"Ok. Mom doesn't know about Abel, and Clay and I wanna keep it that way."

"No more secrets, Jax. I can't handle it."

"Then tell Tig. But not mom. I promise to update you when we find anything, but if mom finds out, she'll come back and we'll have her to worry about too."

Holly pulled up to the address Tig sent her, getting out and grabbing her bags before going up to the door, knocking. She walked inside when Tig let her in, letting him lead her to the room she'd be staying in. She closed the door behind her, looking at him.

"Cameron killed Sack. And kidnapped Abel. We don't know anything for sure."

"Shit. Why didn't Clay tell me?"

"They don't want Gemma to know. Don't want her coming back to Charming right now."

"Shit. How are you doing, doll?"

"Horribly. I wanna go back and help out, but I'm not helping. I'm just floundering right now. So Jax sent me here."

"Please tell me you'll be easier to handle than Gemma."

"As long as Gemma doesn't find out about Abel, yeah."

He pulled her in for a hug, kissing her head.

"I'm pregnant."

"You are? Does Jax know?"  
"Yeah. I'm supposed to be on bedrest, but I've been restless, so I've been running around."

"In other words, I'm to keep you in bed?"

"Yeah."

"Alright. Climb in, doll. Why don't fire up your laptop, watch some netflix? I'll bring you something to eat."

"I already ate. But I'd love some tea, if you don't mind."

"Alright. I'll be back."

Holly sat up in bed, her phone going off having woken her up. She answered her phone when she saw Jax's number.

"What'd you find?"

"Jimmy says Cameron's still stateside. We're seeing a bounty hunter to see if they can help."

"Jax….I don't trust Jimmy. Not just because of Chibs, but because of who he is. Anyone who has the balls to steal someone's wife and kid and do what he did to Chibs would have no trouble lying about something like this. I wanna believe that Abel's stateside, but I have the sinking feeling that he's not. I don't trust Jimmy O, and I don't think you should either."

"We're looking into it, babe. I just wanted to let you know and check in. Were you asleep?"

"Yeah. Although, I think Tig slipped me a couple sleeping pills."

"Tell him not to do that. I don't want anything to happen to this kid."

"Tell him yourself."

"How's mom treating you?"

"She's been treating me ok. I told her that I needed some time to recover from what happened with Weston and that Zobelle got away and that you wanted me out of town in case he came back. For my safety."

"Smart thinking. What'd you tell her about Abel?"

"That I would've brought him but you wanted to stick by him while they did a couple tests and checkups."

"That's smart. I gotta go, babe. I love you."

"Love you too. Stay safe and keep me updated."

"I will."

Holly helped Gemma patch Tig up, cleaning up the wound and stitching up bullet hole after cleaning it out, keeping her mouth shut so she didn't puke, keeping her lips pressed together. She felt Tig looking at her as she started gagging.

"Was it the sound?"

She nodded, clearing her throat a bit, putting a bandage over it, not saying anything.

"Go, doll."

She ran to the toilet, holding her hair back as she emptied her stomach, coughing hard and wet as she finished, flushing before going to rinse her mouth out and brush her teeth. She groaned softly as she walked back out, taking the water Gemma handed her, taking a couple sips as she sat down on the bed.

"You doing ok, baby?"

"I am now. You ok, Tig?"

"I'm better than your stomach."

She nodded, clearing her throat as she sat back, looking over at him.

"How's Nate?"

"I don't know. I haven't seen him."

"Why don't you go look for him?"

"What about you?"

"I'll be fine. I'm gonna try and go back to sleep."

"Have you not been sleeping well? You've been doing nothing but sleeping since you got here."

"Not really. I usually don't sleep well without Jax around, but I'm so tired."

"Ok, baby. I'll bring you some soup in a little bit. Get some rest."

Holly looked at her phone, seeing Jax's number, staying in her laid back position.

"Hi, babe. What's up?"

"Have you actually been in bed this whole time? I keep waking you up with my calls."

"I've been up and down, but I'm catching up on sleep, I guess. I was more tired than I thought. Nightmares take their toll on you."

"I'm sorry. I wanted to let you know that Abel's in Canada."

"What? You finally found him?"

"Yes and no. We're gonna go find Cameron and bring Abel home."

"I wanna go with you. Please? I need to see that he's ok with my own eyes."

"I don't want you to see what I have to do. What I'm gonna do to Cameron when I catch up with him."

"Then I'll stay in the fucking car. I'm not gonna….."

"Holly? Relax. I don't want you to see this because I want to keep you from as much stress as possible so we can carry this baby safely. Ok? So take a breath. I will bring our son home and then come get you."


	29. Caregiver

Holly dialed Jax's number, sitting outside in the backyard, taking a drink of her tea.

"Babe? Everything ok?"

"I just needed to hear your voice. I had a bad dream and I got worried about you. How are you doing?"

"I'm trying to hold on, but I'm still struggling a bit. You sound better. Like you finally got enough sleep."

"I did, actually. I don't feel as nauseous either. So I decided to sit out in the backyard. Get some fresh air and some sun."

"You wearing that little bikini of yours?"

"Only for you, my love."

She smiled, hearing the smile in his voice. She knew he was probably faking it for her sake, but she'd take it. She took another drink and sighed softly.

"Any more news?"

"Nothing yet. We're working on it."

"I'm thinking about coming back to Charming. As much as I needed this getaway, I wanna be at home. I miss our bed."

"I would say go ahead but there's no one we could spare to watch over you. We're working on recruiting bodies on top of looking for Abel. Everyone's tied up in shit, babe."

"I know. I miss you."

"I miss you too."

She heard voices in the background.

"I'll let you go. Call me later."

Holly drove around, looking for Gemma's dad's caddy, finally spotting it outside the woods, following the trail down to a gorgeous lake, sitting next to Nate.

"You remember everything, don't you?"

"Yes, I do."

"Tig is fine. We were able to get the bullet out and there's no damage. Gemma's worried about you."

"I hate this."

"I'm sorry. And I wish that I could change things for you. But I can't. All I can do is tell you that you have someone you can lean on."

"Oh please. Gemma's been gone so long that we don't know each other anymore because of how things went between her and her mother. And my caretaker's only around because Rose paid for it. I'm supposed to go to a home and I don't want to."

"I'm sorry."

"Who are you to Gemma?"

"I'm dating her son and carrying his baby."

"Congratulations."

"Thank you. But things aren't going so well for us right now either."

"What do you mean, darlin'?" 

She smiled softly and let out a soft laugh.

"That's what Jax calls me. Jax's son, our son, was kidnapped. Gemma doesn't know, because Jax doesn't want her to have a heart attack or irritate her heart, but I miss that little boy. I've been through more than my fair share of tragedies this past year and this is just the latest. I'm doing a little better, but I'm still struggling pretty hard with things. All I can do is hope that things will get better."

She looked at him when he took her hand, kissing it softly, giving him a small smile.

"You'll be fine, darlin'. Your boy'll come back to you and you'll be able to breathe again. You're lucky that you have people in your corner that care about you."

"I am lucky on that front."

She sat with him and looked over on the water for a few minutes before going back to the cars with him, following him back to the house.

Holly looked over at Gemma, letting out a deep sigh.

"You're an idiot, you know that right? This is the last thing the club needs. A dead caretaker, killed by someone on the run."

"It'll be taken care of, don't worry."

"Don't worry? Gemma, I'm supposed to be on bedrest and you have me out looking for your dad, only to come back to see that you killed his caretaker! I came here to get away from drama. Not get in the middle of more."

She sighed softly, sitting back in her chair, feeling her stomach start to lurch, gagging hard as she jumped out of the chair and rushed to the sink, emptying her stomach for a solid two minutes before she was able to stop, holding onto her stomach.

"Goddamn baby symptoms. This fucking sucks."

"Have you eaten anything today?"

"Only the pancakes you made this morning. And an apple."

She rinsed out her mouth before washing out the sink as Tig came back in, going back into her room to call Jax, shaking her head.

"Hey, babe. I was just getting ready to call you. You ok?"

"You mean after I spent 2 minutes puking because of your demon spawn? I'm great. Brilliant. I'm just fucking aces."

"Ok I get it. I'm sorry you're not feeling good. Anything I can do?"

"You're in Charming, babe. There's nothing you can do."

"I'm heading up there tomorrow. We're gonna go get our boy."

"What? Are you serious?"

"As a heart attack. I'm taking mom with us and keeping her there for a while. Get her out of dodge."

"She'll love that. Does that mean you're gonna tell her about Abel?"

"I'm gonna have to."

She started munching on some crackers.

"What are you guys gonna do about the charges?"

"We'll be back in time for the hearing. Or, try to be."

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Front us some cash?"

"How much do you need?"

"10,00k?"

"I can do that. I'll wire the amount to the garage. Will that be ok?"

"That's fine. Thanks, babe. I'll make sure you get compensated."

"Anything else I can do?"

"No, that's it. Thanks."

"No problem. I can't wait to see you."

"Me neither. I miss you. In more ways than one."

"I do too. Stupid fucking hormones."

He chuckled.

"I'll more than happy to take care of your hormones."

"Shut up, Teller."

She laughed softly.

"I gotta go. Tig needs me for something. We finally found Nate and we wanna make sure he's ok."

"Ok. Take it easy, babe."

"I will. I love you."

"Love you too."

She hung up and went downstairs to talk with Bachman. To say the guy was creepy, was an understatement.

"I can help you with the music. As long as you don't get my laptop dirty."

"I can do that."

She nodded, racing upstairs. She wanted the guy out of the house as quickly as possible. She queued up the music as she walked back downstairs, setting it down on the counter before going back up with Tig and Gemma. She let out a shiver as she heard her cell rang, picking it up.

"Hello?"

"Holly? It's Cherry."

"Shit. Cherry. How are you holding up, chick?"  
"I'm fine. I need a favor. I need a number for Gemma."

"Why do you need it? Is everything ok?"

"Someone in Belfast needs it. Maureen Ashby."  
"You ended up in Belfast? How is it out there?"

"Cold as shit. I hate it."

"At least you're safe. It's probably best you deal with me. Gemma's got a lot going on right now. Give this Maureen my cell number."

"Ok."

"I want you to know, Kip got made a member posthumously."

"Post….. He's dead?"

"You didn't know? Shit. I'm so sorry."

"How?"

"He died protecting me and Abel."

Holly picked up her phone when it rang, looking at the number, seeing that it was withheld, answering it cautiously.

"Hello?"

"Is this Holly Pavlov?"

"Yes it is. Can I ask who's calling?"

"Maureen Ashby. Cherry told me you'd ask I talk to you instead of Gemma."

She sat up, turning on the bedside lamp.

"Yeah I did. Why did you wanna talk to us?"

"I know what my cousin did and I wanna make it right."

"Who's your cousin?"

"Cameron Hayes."

She let out an angry sigh.

"Cameron's dead. Was killed for his mistakes. We know that Gemma wasn't the one that killed Edmond, it was ATF."

"Where's my son?"

"In Belfast."


	30. Home

Holly tried to keep her anger under control as she took a few deep breaths. She dialed Jax's number. She knew Jimmy had been lying.

"I'm in the middle of it, babe. Can I call you back?"  
"No you can't. I just got a call from Cameron's cousin in Belfast. That piece of shit asshole brought Abel to Belfast. To his cousin to take care of. I told you not to believe Jimmy. He's a lying sack of shit. I don't give a flying rat's ass if the club has some kind of pact with Jimmy O. The next time I see that bastard I'm gonna chop off his head and mount it on our bedroom wall."

"How do you know it was a legit call?"

"Because Cherry called me ahead of time, told me that Maureen wanted to talk to Gemma. You said you didn't want Gemma knowing about Abel, so I told her to have Maureen call me instead."

She heard him sigh deeply before talking again.

"I just got off the phone with Jimmy and one of the guys from SAMBEL. They both told me that Abel's still in Vancouver."

"Then they're both fucking lying to you, Jax. You cannot believe them. Jimmy is manipulating you. I don't know why he's keeping Abel from us, but it stops now. We are going out there to bring our son home."

"You're not going anywhere, Holly. You're supposed to be on…."

"Shut the fuck up, Jackson. You asked me to be Abel's mom. This is what this shit looks like. I'm not gonna sit on my ass anymore when I finally know where my son is. You wanna sit on your thumbs, that's fine. I'll go get Abel on my own and bring him home."

She hung up on him, throwing her phone onto the bed, leaning against the wall.

Holly looked up from her spot on the floor when she heard Jax coming into Amelia's room, standing up and going over to him, hugging him tightly, kissing him.

"You don't look so angry anymore."

"I just want Abel home. I'm tired of being jerked around by people. By life."

"We're gonna go get him. But I'm gonna have to hide out with mom for a while."

"I heard that bail got pulled. Anything I can do to help with that?"

"No. But I want to talk to you about something."

"What is it, babe?"

"I want you to go back to work. I think you did better when you had something that had less club involvement than what you've been dealing with lately. I want you to have something that makes you happy. And I think you were happier when you worked with Rosen."

"You make me happy, Jax."

"I know, babe. But this is what I want for you. I wanna know that you can take care of yourself and our kids without the club."

"Where is this coming from, Jax?"

"You said before that you wanna know who you are without the club. You're a caregiver. You take care of everyone you come into contact with that deserves your love and attention. Inside and outside the club. You told me that you wanted to know if you were living the life your parents wanted for you, and I think you are. I know the last few months aren't the best examples, but you are doing better than you think you are. Anyone else that's been through even a fraction of what you've been through lately would be in an institution on suicide watch. Look at what you've been doing without therapy. You've been helping take care of the guys, mom, Nate. You're always calling to ask how I'm holding up. You're keeping us in decent standing with Laroy without us asking you for anything. You just forked over 10k without asking as to what it was for. You're willing to put yourself in immense danger to prove how ok you are with what I do. Tara never would've done that. Neither would Wendy. I knew I chose right when I turned to you. When I made you my old lady."

She sniffled softly, a tear falling down her cheek, her throat thick with emotion as Jax took her hands, kissing them.

"That's a long winded way of saying you love me."

He laughed softly, pulling her into his lap, holding her close by her hips, looking into her eyes.

"What do you say?"

"About going back to work?"

"Yeah."

"After Abel's home and the baby is born. I'll go back to work."

He nodded, kissing her deeply, picking her up and carrying her into her room, ignoring the door as he laid her down on her back, taking off her clothes before his own, kissing her neck as he pushed into her, not waiting for anything.

Holly walked downstairs with Jax, labelling some of the boxes.

"What's with the wheelchair?"

"Huh?"

She looked over and sighed softly.

"Shit. We weren't gonna tell you. The caretaker learned of the reward for Gemma and Gemma tied her up before Amelia could turn her in. Things went downhill from there very fast."

"Shit. Why weren't you gonna tell me?"

"You didn't need that on your mind too. Tig helped get rid of the body. Sorry, babe."

Holly answered her phone as she waited for the guys to get there.

"Maureen? Is Abel ok?"

"Honestly? All I can do is take my brother's word. But he says he's fine. But I have to tell Gemma."

"You can't. Gemma doesn't know that Abel's been kidnapped and we've been trying to keep it that way. She has a heart condition. This could literally kill her."  
"I have to, Holly. I've been instructed to."

"I don't care if the Pope himself instructed you to stand on your head and shoot nickels out your ass, Gemma can't know about this."

"I'm sorry, Holly. If I had my way, I'd be delivering Abel to ya myself. But things work differently here."


	31. Turning and Turning

Holly sat in the chapel by herself, her hand resting on the tiny bump that had formed between her hips. Jax had insisted on getting an ultrasound done while they were there and the baby seemed to be fine. She looked up at the Jesus statue in the chapel, her other hand holding onto the ultrasound, tears dripping down her face.

"I don't ever do this, because I've never been particularly religious, but I'm in need of a sign that things are gonna be fine. Not just for me, but for my family. For Abel. I know Jax needs to know that he's actually gonna get his son back. I need a sign that I'm doing the right thing by staying with Jax and the club. I know they do things that aren't good, but they're good guys. None of them deserve this stress. So if you're listening like everyone says, than please send me some sort of sign."

She wiped her eyes and cleared her throat when she heard the door open, looking back to see Opie come in and sit next to her. She handed him the ultrasound.

"So the baby's ok?"

"Yeah it is. Thankfully."

"Is that why you're crying?"

"Partly. I was also thinking about my parents."

"I miss your parents too. Spent a lot of time over there."

"Yeah, we did. Still can't believe they're gone. I sure as shit didn't think they'd meet their end because of a damn car accident."  
"Me neither. Especially with the way your mom drove. I hated being in the car when she was driving."

"I loved it. She always said she did that on purpose. La vita è fugace e abbiamo bisogno di approfittare dei momenti che i nostri cari."

"What?"

"Life's fleeting and we need to take advantage of the moments with our loved ones. It's what she would tell me when I asked her why she drove so slow or took the long routes."

"She was a smart woman."

"I know. And she loved Donna. She knew that you two would end up getting married. She said that you two looked at each other like she and daddy looked at each other. That the way you treated her meant that you two would last forever."

"That was the only thing she was wrong about."

"Not the only thing. She was sure you'd have more kids. Like, a million more."

He laughed a bit and nodded.

"We'd talked about having more. And then I got arrested. And that was the end of it."

"I miss Donna so much."

"I do too. I'm sorry you had to see how it happened. I'm just happy she wasn't alone."

She nodded and leaned into him, looking up at the statue.

Holly looked over as Jax came into the chapel. She hadn't moved much since they'd gotten to the hospital.

"You ok, babe?"

"Yeah. Are you ok? You've been here since we got here."

"I've just been thinking."

"About Abel?"

"Surprisingly not. My parents."

She watched as he came over to sit down next to her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders, kissing her head.

"I've been praying for a sign that we're on the right path. That we're doing the right thing in life."

"And?"

"So far I've talked to Opie and now you. Otherwise, I've been sitting in silence."

"How are you holding up, darlin'?"

"I don't know. I want to say I'm ok, to make you happy, but I can't bring myself to lie. I'm better than I was before. All I can do is take it hour by hour."

"You should go see mom."

"No. All she's gonna do is blame me for Abel getting kidnapped."

"She's not gonna blame you."

"Yes she is. And you know it. Things are better between us, but not healed."

She looked back when someone came in, rolled her eyes when she saw Stahl, looking at Jax in irritation.

"I asked for a sign that I'm doing the right thing and she shows up? I'm starting to think I prayed to the wrong entity."

Jax smiled as Stahl came over to sit behind Holly. Holly looked back at her.

"What could you possibly have to say to me or ask me that isn't gonna make me wanna bash your head into the pew until your skull is showing?"

"Calm yourself, Ms. Pavlov. Wouldn't wanna miscarry again. I have some news for you."

"Which one of my friends or family members are you gonna frame for something you did this time?"

"Nobody. It's about you this time. Before his death, Weston had decided to press charges against you for attacking him. It was brought before a judge before he died and right before his body was found, the judge ruled in your favor after learning about the rape, which you are still within the statute of limitation of, and you are being paid back for what happened."

She took the envelope from Stahl, looking inside.

"Weston had quite a bit in his account and it's all yours now. All 5 million dollars of it."

She looked at Jax in shock and then looked at the statue for a minute before looking at Stahl.

"Thank you. Now if that's all, you can go now."

"That's not all. Gemma made a deal with me that's been nullified unless I can get some intel on Cameron Hayes. Plus it'll help find Abel."

"Before you continue, you were in the room when I gave my statement. The truth. Everything I knew and did. I don't know where that asshole took my son. All the info I have on him I gave you already."

Holly sat up in bed, replying to the email Rosen sent her, telling her he'd give her her job back as soon as she had her baby. She thanked him and closed her laptop as she heard Jax come in.

"Hey, babe. Where'd you go?"

"I made a deal with Stahl."

"What the hell did you do, Jackson?"

"Don't worry about it. I can promise you that things will be fine."

"What's the deal?"

"I can't tell you right now. Not because I don't trust you, but because I need as few people to know as possible for the time being because things are gonna get tricky for me."

She looked at him in shock and concern.

"Are you gonna rat on the club?"

"Yes."


	32. The Push

Holly arched her back off the bed as far as she could, crying out Jax's name, gripping the bars of the headboard tight enough to turn her knuckles white, moaning so loudly that she was nearly screaming as Jax went down on her. She didn't have the voice to warn him that she was reaching her end before she actually came on his face, her leg shaking around his head, her moans coming out shakily. She tapped his head, panting hard, watching him look up at her.

"Satisfied yet, darlin'?"

She shook her head a bit, motioning for him to kiss her, cupping his face when he got close enough, pulling him in for a deep kiss, tasting herself on him, wrapping her legs around his hips, rubbing herself against him.

"Tell me where you want me. I can't help scratch this itch if you don't tell me where it hurts."

"Fuck my ass, Jax. Please, baby…"

"Your wish is my command."

She watched him reach over to grab the lube from her bedside table, putting some on his rock hard cock and some against her hole, putting the bottle down before rubbing the lube on himself before pushing in slowly, letting out a low and long groan. Holly felt her breath hitch in her throat, her head falling back against the pillows, squeezing her eyes shut.

"You've got such a tight ass, babe….Fuck…."

"Oh Jax….So fucking big….I'm already close…."

Neither of them heard the front door open as Jax started moving inside her, his thrusts slow and deep. Holly dug her nails into his back, piercing his skin.

"Bite my neck…..Please…...Mark me…."

He obliged, leaning down to sink his teeth into the skin on her neck, just hard enough to make her feel, but not enough to break the skin, making her cry out his name, pushing her to the edge.

"Faster….."

"Oh shit! Sorry!"

Holly gasped when she heard the bedroom door open, looking over to see Juice standing there looking embarrassed while trying to look anywhere but them.

"Get out, shithead!"

"Ok. Yeah. Sorry."

Juice scrambled to shut the door when Jax yelled at him. Both Jax and Holly could hear a couple guys laughing from the living room, looking at each other.

"Do you want me to stop?"

"Don't you dare. They want a show? Let's give them one."

Jax smirked at her as he leaned back down to bite her neck in a different place, thrusting into her again, making her moan loudly. She could feel the coil tighten more and more as he thrust into her, panting hard between moans, dragging her nails up and down his back, drawing blood here and there on accidentally. The little cooling off period gave them an excuse to go a little longer, meaning Jax could do a little more. He reached down to rub her clit with his thumb as he moved his head down to lightly bite down on one of her nipples, sending her over the edge with a scream of his name, gushing as her pussy clenched around nothing as her body went rigid, wave after wave of white hot pleasure washing through her, forcing his orgasm from, twitching and throbbing inside her vice tight ass. She laid there as he spilled out inside her, letting her vibrating body calm down. She felt him pull out of her, feeling his cum slide out of her and out onto the sheets, her eyes closed in contentment.

"Holy shit, Jax…."

"Glad I could be of service, darlin'."

She giggled a bit and sat up, getting up to clean up, but her legs were shaking too much for her to do it. She watched him get up to grab a washcloth to clean her up before cleaning himself up and getting dressed. She took a minute to get her legs to stop shaking so she could get dressed herself, running a brush through her hair before putting it up, going out with him, blushing when she heard the cheers and applause from the guys that were there. She shook her head as she went to make the guys some coffee as they sat down.

"Hell of a wake up call, Hol."

"Shut your face, Trager."

"I'm just saying. You've got a huge smile on your face and Jax's hair's still messy. You two just look like you had some fun."

"Keep teasing me, Tig and I'll kick your ass."

"Just drink your coffee, asshole."

She put a bunch of mugs on the table along the creamers and sugar, going to make herself some tea, listening to the conversation.

"How much money do you guys need?"

"We're not taking your money, Holly."

"Yes you are, Jax. If it'll get Abel home sooner, then you're gonna take whatever you get. So how much?"

"No, goddamn it! You already coughed up the 10k for the head hunter. You're gonna save the rest of your money."

"Jax, you asked me to be Abel's mom. This is what that looks like. This is what it looks like when parents care. They would go to the ends of the earth for their kids. Abel is somewhere in Belfast away from his family and that doesn't sit right with me. You want me to be the person to take care of that little boy, to show him what it's like to have a real old lady in his life? Then let me do this. Let me help bring my son home."

Holly pulled into the garage as the cops were leaving, waiting until they were all gone to climb out of the car, going over to the guys, handing Clay an envelope of cash before looking at Jax for a second.

"Are you sure about this, Holly?"

"Why does everyone keep asking me that? If I weren't sure I wouldn't have handed over the cash. Take the money and just fucking say thank you."

Opie looked at her, noticing the attitude as soon as she came over.

"What happened?"

"Stahl managed to dig up something on me that I didn't even know was a thing and is rubbing it in my face."

"What'd she find?"

"I have ties to Russian and Italian mobs. Both my parents have family in two different warring mobs and I didn't know."

She shook her head when Jax held her hand, pulling away before going inside to get some water and coming back out. She watched as Lyla and Ima got out of Lyla's car. She knew Ima was gonna go over to Jax, and she was proven right. At least Jax turned her down, waving at him as he left. She got up and went inside the clubhouse, sitting down at the bar.

Holly looked at Stahl as she came over, sitting at the park as Stahl sat down. Stahl smirked at her as she sat.

"I'm surprised you called me. Didn't think you would."

"I wasn't going to, but then I thought of something."

"What'd you think of?"

"How desperate you must be if you're rubbing a connection that doesn't exist in my face. Yes, I have family in both the Russian and Italian mobs, but you're under the mistaken impression that I knew anything about it. My parents, who would've been incredibly proud of the woman I grew into, were people that wanted nothing to do with organized crime. It's why my dad pulled out of the SoA when it grew into something he didn't approve of. He let me become friends with Jax and Opie because of the connection he had with JT, Piney and Clay. My mom was friends with Gemma Teller because of the goodness she saw in Gemma. They didn't tell me about their families because they didn't want me to get caught up in that kind of shit. Because let's face it, mob life is more intense than outlaw life. So you can try your hardest to find a connection, but you'll fail. Miserably. And when you do, I'll be right there to return the favor. And I'll leave you with one piece of advice. The reason that Unser has worked with SAMCRO for so long is because there's an understanding in place. It'd be stupid to pretend the club isn't what it is, but when you take the time to stop and really look into who these guys are, you'll see that they're a bunch of boys playing a game of cops and robbers. They're loyal to each other because they've earned each other's loyalty and love. And just like any other family, they take care of each other. When someone they love is threatened, they all respond by surrounding that person and protecting them. By any means necessary. Kohn stalked Tara and Jax drained fluid out of Kohn's car. Gemma and I were gang-raped and Jax and Clay got their revenge for us. Watch yourself, June Stahl. Because if you keep pushing us….You'll feel the full might of SAMCRO."

She tapped the table a couple times before getting up and walking back to her car, climbing in and driving off.


	33. Widening Gyre

Holly woke up next to Jax, both of them naked and watching each other.

"I wanna come with you to Belfast. I know you don't want me to, but I don't wanna wait any longer to see our son. I'll stay wherever you want me to, keep quiet or whatever else you want, but please let me come."

"I want to say yes. I'd love nothing more than to have you with me when I get our boy. I know you've been told a million times by now but I'm gonna say it again. You're supposed to be on bedrest. You've been doing so much running around, and we got lucky this time that the kid's ok."

He put his hand on her tiny bump, looking down at her belly as she put her hand on his.

"I don't wanna lose this one too. And I don't want to watch you go through another miscarriage. So I'm gonna ask you to stay put this time. I'm gonna ask you to do as I ask and actually listen for once. I need to know that I'm gonna have something good to come home to."

She sighed softly and nodded, keeping her hand on his, searching his face before kissing him, placing her head against his, whispering when she spoke.

"Promise me that you'll call me everytime you find something out? Or when you find Abel?"

"I promise, babe."

She looked at him, sitting up, making him sit up too.

"What about this deal with Stahl? If the guys find out what you've been up to with that cunt, you're gonna be killed. And that will actually kill me. So before you tell me that I'll have to trust you, I need to know that things are actually gonna be ok. I need to know that you're going to be safe. Because right now, you're turning me into April Hobart."

"I'm not gonna die. I'm gonna tell the guys. They won't be happy about it, but it'll work out in our favor. To include you. It'll work out. I promise you, babe."

He pulled her in for a kiss, laying her down. Things were gearing up to progress until Juice knocked, telling Jax that they were meeting at the table. Holly took Jax's face in her hands and stared into his eyes.

"One more time."

"What?"

"Promise me one more time."

He hovered over her and looked into her eyes.

"I'm going to talk to the guys. Everything. Will. Be. Fine."

Holly groaned softly, closing her eyes for a second, trying to shake the week feeling she was having. She felt like incredibly lightheaded. She didn't wanna say anything because she had things that she had to do. But when she started stumbling when she walked, she knew she couldn't keep quiet anymore. She walked out into the main area of the clubhouse, looking around for Jax. One of the prospects saw her and asked if she was ok. She shook her head as her vision blurred and she started swaying dangerously. She only had time to say two words before she passed out, being caught before she hit the ground.

"Call Jax."

She came to a while later, feeling Jax run his fingers through her hair, looking over at him, feeling cannulas in her nose and an IV in her arm. She felt better. Like her head wasn't gonna float away at any second.

"What happened?"

"Low blood sugar, low blood pressure and low iron. You just bottomed out pretty good. The baby's fine and they've got your iron and blood pressure evened out, but you have to eat to get your sugars up."

She nodded, moving the bed so she was sitting up, looking at him as she took his hand.

"I'm sorry I scared you, babe. I didn't mean to."

"I know. Just take care of yourself, ok?"

"I will."

"I'll get the prospect to get you some food."

"When do you leave?"

"In an hour. I was on my way to the clubhouse to say goodbye when I got the call and I rushed here."

"Promise me you'll call me when you get there?"

"As soon as I get to the clubhouse, I will."

She nodded, tearing up, but trying to hold them back. Unsuccessfully. He pulled her close and kissed her softly and passionately, holding her face gently.

"I know. I wanna take you with me, but I can't. The prospects are gonna rotate taking care of you and Lyla said she'd stay with you from time to time. And I called a couple of your friends. Melissa and Mallory are gonna help you out too. And I'll call as often as I can."

She sniffled and nodded, crying softly as she kissed him again.

"I love you, Jax."

"I love you too, Holly. Don't worry. Things will be fine."


	34. Lochan Mor

"Shit. You've gotta be kidding me! I'm sitting here waiting to find out I have gestational diabetes and your mother gets to go with you to get our son back?"

"Hey, relax. I didn't get her, she blackmailed one of the doctors into helping her escape. And what the hell is gestational diabetes?"

"It means I have to check my blood sugar twice a day until the baby's born."

"I'm sorry, babe. The prospects taking care of you?"

"Yeah. But with the big guy around, I had to get him to go out and get me food cause I have nothing in the house."

"Already? Lyla said she just had the girls stock the house two days ago?"

"It was mostly snacks and desserts. Not much with substance. Lyla said she'd take Melissa and go in a little bit."

"Ok good. As long as you eat. They put you on meds?"

"Yeah. One of them make me sleepy as shit and the other makes me hungrier than I already am. And the last one is a fucking sugar pill."

"That doesn't sound right."

"I know. I have to deal with it for a little bit before they'll fuck with them, so…."

"I'm sorry, babe. I gotta go. We met up with McGee and the guys. I'll call you when we get to the clubhouse."

"Ok. Ride safe. I love you."

"Love you too."

Holly looked at Lyla as they ate in bed.

"You really wanna do this, Lyla?"

"I don't wanna hurt Ope, but I'm not ready for another kid. Not yet while I'm still doing porn."

She sighed softly and nodded before reaching over to grab her phone, looking for the number she hadn't gotten around to deleting yet, putting it into Lyla's phone.

"There. Tell them Holly sent you. Friend of mine and the club's works there. She'll treat you good."

"Thanks, Holly. I know this is huge."

"It's not my place to criticize. Plus it would make me a hypocrite."

"Did it hurt?"

"Not really. Although, I asked to be knocked out so they gave me a sleeping pill and then woke me up afterwards."

She looked at Lyla.

"I will say, though….Opie doesn't handle things like this well. He never has. I'd hate to see both of you get hurt by this."

Holly looked at her phone when it went off later that night, the ringing having woken her up.

"Hello?"

"Did I wake you up? I'm sorry, darlin'."

"Jax? It's ok. Are you at the clubhouse?"

"Yeah, finally."

"Finally? Did you guys get delayed or something?"

"Yeah, you could say that. But we're fine and whole."

"Have you found out anything on Abel?"  
"Not yet. We're being jerked around still."

"What? Why?"

"I don't know. But I intend to find out."

She sat up in bed with a yawn, looking at the time.

"So how Happy is Chibs to be with his friends and family again?"  
"He's stoked. But everyone wants to know how you are."

"I'm alright. Tired, but I'm good. And hating bedrest."

"I know, babe. But it's for the best. You're ensuring that Abel will be coming home to a family."

"Don't say things like that to me right now. I don't wanna cry."

"I love you, babe. Take care of yourself. I'll let you get back to sleep."

"Love you too. I'll call you later."

Holly looked at her phone in confusion, not recognizing the number that flashed on the screen, but she could tell it was a European number. She answered cautiously.

"Hello?"

"Is this Holly Pavlov? Viola Moretti's daughter?"

"Who's asking?"

"Answer the question."

"You first."

"I'm not playing with you, girl. Answer the damn question."

"I won't say another word until I know what this is. I'm not an idiot."

She heard a deep sigh.

"Proprio come tua madre. Proprio come maledettamente testardo."

"Se tu sapessi chi ero, allora perché lo chiedi?"

"Your grandfather heard you have a problem with the Irish. Particularly James O'Phelan."

"How did he hear that? I've never talked to either of my parents' families."

"Both sides have been keeping tabs on their kids."

"If you've been keeping tabs then why didn't you intervene when something happened? Because I've been through a lot of shit that I could've used help with."

"Your parents made it very clear when they left their families that they were to be left alone. As were you and the sister you lost."

"How much do you know about me?"

"Enough to know that the SoA are taking care of you. Enough to keep your grandfather happy."

"So how do you know about Jimmy O?"

"He's a problem for us. We have a relationship with the IRA as well as SAMCRO. In keeping tabs on him, we've been keeping tabs on the people he

Employs, recruits and comes into contact with. We want to help bring Jax Teller's son home."

"How do you propose to do that?"

"The less you know, the better."  
"I don't work that way."

"Do you want to see that little boy again?"

"More than anything."

"Than you will introduce us to the SoA."

"One problem with that, I'm supposed to be on bedrest. I can't travel anywhere and they're in Belfast."

"We can help with that. Be ready to go in the next 2 hours. And meet us at St. Thomas."

She heard the other person hang up, not knowing what to do. She weighed her options. If this really was her mom's family and they wanted to help bring Abel home, then she should take the chance. But if this was a trick, she could be walking into a dangerous trap. She bit her lip, tempted to call Jax and see what he had to say, but she didn't care what it cost her to get her son home. She got out of bed and packed a bag before going out to Phil, telling her to take her to the hospital.

"When we get there, I need you to go back to the clubhouse. And don't ask any questions. I know what you were told to do, and I will deal with the fallout. This won't blow back on you. Ok?"  
"I can't just let you go, Holly. Jax'll kill me."

"I won't let him, I promise. Just do this. I'll be ok. I know it."

When they got to St. Thomas, she sent a text to the number saying she was there, but she never got a response. Until a doctor came up to her.

"Ms. Pavlov? Are you ready for your appointment?"

She recognized the voice from the phone and nodded, looking at the guy. He looked like her mom. Like they could've been twins or something. She carried her bags out to the SUV he led her to, letting him take them and put them in the back as she climbed in. She looked at him as he climbed into the front seat.

"The woman next to you is a doctor on our payroll. Amelia. She doesn't speak a word of English. Only Italian. The man next to me is your cousin, Dante. And I'm your uncle. Giovanni."

"Why did mom stop talking to you guys?"

"She was never a big fan of organized crime. Neither was your father. It's why they left their countries to come here."

"And why my dad pulled out of SAMCRO when it turned to running guns."

"Exactly. Now sit back. We have a jet to catch. Did you tell your boyfriend that you were coming?"

"No. I figured I would call him on the plane or something."

"We'll make it a surprise."

Holly looked over as the doctor started talking.

"Ti darò qualcosa per aiutarti a dormire sul jet. Ti sveglierai quando arriveremo."

"Cosa mi stai dando?"

She looked over, starting to panic a little as she pulled out a syringe, pushing it into Holly's arm, pushing the liquid into her. It was only seconds after that Holly passed out, slumping back against the seat.

Holly woke up slowly, shielding herself from the sunlight pouring in through the car window. When she looked outside, she could tell that she wasn't in California anymore.

"Are we in Belfast?"

"Almost. We have a few more minutes. Call your old man."

She looked over at her uncle, still not fully awake yet.

"What?"

"Call Jax Teller. Tell him you're coming. He already called you once."

She looked at her phone's call log, seeing that Jax had called, calling him back.

"You're awake. How're you feeling, babe?"

"I'm, uh….I'm not sure."

"What do you mean? What happened?"

"I'm in Belfast…."

"What? I told you to stay home!"

"I'll explain when I get there."

She hung up before he could say anything else, watching out the window as they drove, the bumps in the road making her stomach hurt. Not that the fact she was in trouble was helping matters. When they pulled up to the clubhouse, she got out shakily, biting her lip as she watch Jax come over to her.

"What the hell, Holly? You're supposed to be in bed right now."

"Jax? This is my uncle Dante, my cousin Giovanni and Amelia. The doctor the mob has on payroll. My mom's family wants to help us get Abel back."

She turned around when a car pulled up behind them, knowing automatically that this was her grandpa. The don. She turned to Jax, a little shaken up, seeing that he was confused as hell.

"I got a call at home from my uncle saying he wanted to help. Next thing I know I'm being told to go to St. Thomas and being put to sleep for the plane ride. I didn't wanna say no, but they have a relationship with the IRA and Jimmy's become a problem for everyone, it seems. So, just be nice. Ok?"

She looked back to find her grandfather standing in front of her, looking her over.

"Sembri proprio come tua madre. Proprio bello e radioso. Posso dire che ti ha allevato bene."

"Grazie, nonno. Questo è Jackson Teller. Il mio vecchio e il padre di mio figlio."

She watched silently as her grandfather looked Jax over, holding Jax's hand.

"Assomiglia un po 'a tuo padre. Stessa posizione. Lo stesso stupido sguardo confuso."

"Di solito non assomiglia a questo, nonno. Sei arrivato in un momento stressante. È un brav'uomo e mi tratta davvero bene."

He looked at Holly, taking her face in his hands for a minute before smiling and kissing her head.

"Sono felice di vederti di persona finalmente. La mia bellissima nipotina."

She smiled a bit at him, lacing her fingers with Jax, hearing the guys behind them.

"Voglio incontrare le persone che si sono prese cura della bambina della mia bambina. Presenta, piccola colomba."

She nodded, looking at Jax.

"He wants to meet the guys. The people who have been taking care of me for so long. Is there somewhere private we can go?"

"Not really. The place is pretty small."

"Ok. Let's sit down then. I'm not feeling so good."

She let him lead her to the other side of the courtyard, sitting down next to Jax and her grandfather.

"Nonno? Sono Clay Morrow, Gemma Teller, Chibs Telford, Juice Ortiz, Happy Lowman, Opie Winston e Bobby Munson. Ci sono più membri, ma sono di nuovo a casa in Incantevole. La famiglia che i miei genitori mi hanno dato."

"Grazie a tutti per esservi presi cura di mia nipote. Sono sicuro che non vorrai essere associato al mob. Tendiamo ad essere molto esigenti e difficili da gestire. Ma se c'è sempre qualcosa che posso fare per ripagarti, non esitare a chiedere. È tuo."

She smiled a bit as she looked at the guys.

"He's saying thank you to you all for taking care of me. He's not using this as a business opportunity but if you need anything, don't hesitate to ask. He'll do it."

"Now, down to business. Jimmy O. Where is he?"

"You speak English, nonno?"

"Of course, piccola colomba. I just don't like to."

She smiled and shook her head, looking at Jax, leaning into him a bit. The shock was wearing off, but the nausea wasn't.

"I'm gonna go in and lay down. Irish roads aren't sitting well with my stomach."

"Take Amelia with you and get some rest. Eat. Gestational diabetes aren't a joke."

"I will, nonno. I promise. E per favore sii gentile con loro? Questi ragazzi significano molto per me."

"Lo farò. Ora vai sdraiato o ti rompo le gambe."

She smiled when he winked at her, leading Amelia inside, going to lay down.

Holly looked up at Jax as he walked into the room.

"I'm sorry. Everything happened so fast. I saw an opportunity to help out in person and I took it. I don't care what it costs me to get Abel home. I want nothing more than to have a baby with you. A family. But that family includes Abel."

"I know. Your grandfather's pretty cool, actually. He told me a lot about your mom that I didn't know. You're almost exactly like her. I always knew you and were similar, but I never knew how much. She lost a lot but it fueled her decisions like it does for you."

"I know. I always hoped to be like her when I grew up. Even if it was only a little."

"Your grandpa made it clear that he doesn't want us to get into bed with the mob. I think he's trying to keep his promise to your mom. Keep you out of that life."

"Good. I have my fill of organized crime."

She smiled playfully at him as he crawled into bed with her after closing the door, letting him spoon with her, putting her hand on top of his on her bump, pressing herself against his front.

"You doing ok? Your stomach feeling better?"

"I'm not nauseous anymore, but I'm hungry."

"Why didn't you eat?"

"Everything smells funny."

"What do you want?"

"I don't wanna say."

"Why not?"

"It's gross."

"What could be so gross?"

She blushed and shook her head, rolling around to face him.

"Come on, babe. I can't help you if you don't tell me."

"How's your mom?"

"Don't change the subject."

She laughed when he started tickling her lightly, trying to squirm away, shaking her head. He didn't stop until she gripped him over his jeans, squeezing lightly. Not that it went anywhere. Juice came in to tell Jax that Chibs was leaving.

Holly sat in the kitchen with Maureen, Amelia sitting in the dining room, watching over Holly.

"I wanna thank you, Maureen. For telling us about Abel."

"How are you doing with that, love?"

"Not good. To be honest, I get your cousin's side of it. Someone kills your kid, you want revenge. But what I don't understand, and no offense meant to your family, is your brother's side of it. Why keep a kid away from their family? Knowing how much pain he's causing, why wouldn't he just give Abel back?"

She got up and walked outside to find Jax, asking Amelia to go back to her hotel room, not wanting to be babysat. She walked over when she found Jax, kissing him softly.

"You gonna fight, babe?"

"Yeah, I am. Wrap me up?"

"Ok. And after the fight, we could wrap something else up."

She smirked at him, wrapping up his hands, kissing them for luck.

"Kick his ass, baby."

"I will for you. Kiss for luck."

She smiled and nodded, kissing him passionately.

"You win, I'll give you more than just a kiss."

She stood next to Bobby as she watched and cheered for Jax, applauding happily when he won, jumping into his arms.

"I think someone promised me a victory lay."

"Yes, I did. Andiamo a vedere se riesci a farmi urlare."

She giggled as she felt him carry her off, smiling at Juice, Bobby and Opie as they walked past them. She looked at the priest coming towards them, climbing out of Jax's arms.

"You must be father Ashby."

Holly sat in the pew with Jax, holding his hand.

"I don't feel right about this, Jax. The need to get rid of Jimmy, I get. But they're using Abel as a fucking bargaining chip. I don't feel good about this. At all."

"I don't either. Call your grandpa. Plug him into our meeting with father Ashby. See what they have to say about it."

She nodded, walking out with him after kissing the feet of the Jesus statue, showing respect.


	35. Turas

Holly took a deep breath as her grandpa pulled into the lot, going out to greet him.

"Qual è il problema, piccola colomba?"

"Il prete usa Abel come un maledetto chip di contrattazione. Vuole che uccidiamo Jimmy per riavere Abel. Ma non possiamo uccidere Jimmy."

"Non possiamo usare l'inglese qui?"

"No. Non sappiamo di chi fidarsi. C'è almeno una persona a letto con Jimmy. Clay pensa che potrebbe essere il vicepresidente. Non sarei sorpreso se anche il presidente fosse."

"Andiamo dentro e parliamo con i ragazzi."

"Prima di fare ... Jax ha fatto un accordo con ATF. Lo dirà ai ragazzi, ma non menzionare nulla di personale. Non voglio vederti colpito da questo."

"Ti farà del male?"

"No. Jax ha promesso che non l'avrebbe lasciato."

She walked him inside when he nodded, leading him into the living room and going over to Jax.

"I told him everything Ashby told us."

"Holly is right. You can not kill Jimmy. The man is a monster and deserves to die, but he still serves a purpose to us."

Holly looked at Jax, holding his hand, whispering to him as her grandpa talked.

"I think it's time to tell them about your deal with Stahl. It'll be worse if you tell them later."

He sighed and nodded. She kissed his hand gently, looking up at him.

"I'm right here by your side. Always."

She got the guys' attention, lacing her fingers with Jax's.

"I have something to tell you guys. I talked to Stahl before we left. Made a deal with her. Abel, mom and Holly's safety and immunity for the club, the IRA and Jimmy."

Holly looked down, licking her lips as the guys reacted, looking over at her grandpa when he took her hand.

"Why would you rat, Jax?"

"We've been taking heavy hits lately. We need to protect our loved ones."

"You know that bitch is gonna turn on you."

"I know. I was gonna tell you when we got back to Charming, but things have changed. I had to tell you now."

Holly pressed her head against Jax's shoulder, holding onto his arm.

"Why would you tell us at all?"

"I have to give her info. But I know we can get ahead of her."

Holly stood next to Jax, kissing him softly, whispering in his ear.

"Keep your eyes and ears open. I don't trust people here. Not for a second."

"I will. I don't either."

"Come back to me."

"I will. Always."

"I love you."

"Love you too. And I always will."

She kissed him one more time before going over to Chibs, Fiona and Kerrianne, hugging Chibs.

"You take care too, ok?"

"I will. Take care of my girls, ya?"

"You know I will."

She smiled at Kerrianne before giving Fiona a hug, walking inside with them.

"Da says you've been taking care of him. Thank you for that."

"Anytime. Your dad's a great guy. I know he misses you and your mom so much."

"We miss him too."

She walked to the bathroom, coming back out when she was done, sitting on the couch next to Kerrianne. After a few hours conversation, she fell asleep, clutching the locket around her neck as she slept in one hand, the other one on her belly. When she woke up, it was to someone forcing her up, pressing the gun against her baby bump. She looked over to see Jimmy in the kitchen. Her mind was running in slow mo, but the whole ordeal was over before she could fully register it. She stared in shock, her legs shaking, not noticing the blood trickling down her legs. It took a second for her to realize what had just happened, looking at Fiona.

"Thank you for getting rid of him, Fiona."

"Don't thank me yet, lovey. You're bleeding."

"What?"

She looked down at her leg, tearing up as she cursed out loud, looking up at Gemma.

"Not again."

Holly was asleep when Jax walked into her room at the hospital, breathing deeply. The doctor came in after Jax. He was a friend of the club, so Holly was being really good care of.

"She's fine, lad. And so's the baby. When women get pregnant, there's extra blood that flows to her cervix for the baby. Sometimes a good jab during sex or an exam can cause some bleeding. It's nothing to worry about. She'll be fine. But she should go back home and stay on bedrest. Your ma said she was but there were some….circumstances….that brought her here. I don't think Belfast is agreeing with her."

"It doesn't seem so. Thanks for fixing her up."

"Would you like to see your wee one?"

"What?"

He handed Jax the ultrasound that had been done, looking at the door as Gemma came in.

"That wee one's a fighter already. Just like his ma. Her blood pressure was too high for comfort, so we gave her a sedative to let her sleep, relax her a bit. She'll be out for a while. I suggest finding a way to get her home that doesn't involve flying."

Jax nodded as he looked at the ultrasound before looking at Holly, moving her hair out of her face, kissing her head as the doctor left. He looked at his mom.

"Am I doing the right thing, keeping her around? She's been through hell since we got together. Maybe she should leave me. Go find different happiness."

"You two are good for each other. You just started shit at a complicated time. Things'll settle down and you two will be fine. I promise. That's how shit always goes for us."

It was another hour or so before Holly woke up. Jax looked at her, sitting up straighter.

"How's the baby?"

"Still in there. Doctor thinks it's time for you to go home. And so do I."

She just nodded, looking at him.

"I'll call my grandpa."  
"I already did. He said that he'll arrange for some transport back home for you. Something that's not a plane."

"What about you? You find out anything about Abel?"

"No. Still being taken for a ride."

"The guys on board with the deal with Stahl?"

"Yeah. We worked it out."

"You should tell my grandpa what happens. He can help."

"I will, babe. Just go back to sleep."

"I woke up because I'm hungry and I have to pee."

He nodded, helping her out of bed and into the bathroom before helping her back into bed, climbing in with her, being careful of her IV, holding her close and rubbing her arm, his mind wandering over to Abel, wondering where his son was.


	36. Firinne

Holly stood with Jax, crying softly as she and Jax kissed, feeling Jax hold her close, her fingers in his hair, holding him against her.

"I hate this shit."

"I know. But it's for the best."

"I know it is. I hate that I won't know that you're ok until I hear from you."

"I promise you that I will be fine. I'm keeping my eyes and ears open."

She closed her eyes gently as he pressed a kiss to her forehead, feeling his hand on her belly.

"È ora di andare, piccola colomba."

She sniffled and nodded, kissing Jax again before pulling away, looking at him for a minute before going over to Chibs, who was standing with Fiona and Kerrianne. Her grandpa had arranged for a cruise ship to take her to LA. She'd managed to convince Chibs' girls to come with her while Jimmy was still in Belfast. Chibs pulled Holly in for a hug before placing a long kiss on the side of Holly's mouth. She could tell by the wetness on his cheek that he'd been crying too.

"Take care of my girls, ya?"

"You know I will, Chibs. We'll call you when we get there."

"Taisteal slán, mo chailíní."

"Déanaim aoibh gháire ort agus tú a choinneáil slán."

She watched as the girls climbed into the van before she went over to Gemma, hugging her tightly.

"Bring my boys home with you. All of them."

"I will, baby. You keep yourself as relaxed as possible. And stay safe."

"I'll have Tig, Kozik and Piney. I'll be fine. I love you, Gemma. I'll see you in a couple days."

"See you, baby. Call me when you get to the clubhouse."

"I will."

Holly went over to Maureen and hugged her too.

"I'm sorry we didn't get to talk much. But thanks for your hospitality. I won't forget it anytime soon."

"I'm sorry you're not going home with your boy."

"I'm sorry about McGee and O'Neill. I know they were rats but they were still your family. Losing people is never easy."

Maureen kissed her cheek before letting her go. Holly watched out the window as they drove off, watching the guys getting farther and farther away.

Pulling into the harbor, Holly let out a sigh of relief as she saw Tig and Piney waiting for the three girls. She went over to hug the guys tightly before introducing Tig and Piney to Fiona and Kerrianne. She let the guys take their bags, climbing into the van with everyone, sitting back and letting Tig plug her in to everything that's been going on at home. By the time they got to the clubhouse, Holly and Kerrianne were fast asleep, sleeping against each other. Holly was the first one to wake up a few hours later, going out to the main area of the clubhouse, seeing Fiona talking with Piney. She looked at Kozik, who was behind the bar.

"What can I get you, sweets?"

"Ginger ale. Tig any closer to letting you patch in?"

"Of course not."

"Do you want me to talk to him?"

"I doubt it would do any good. But you can try."

Holly answered her phone when she saw Jax's number.

"Please tell me that you've found Abel and you're coming home? I can't wait to see you guys anymore."

"I need your help, Holly. I'm lost right now."

She sat up, concerned at the sound of pain in his voice.

"What happened, Jax?"

"I found him. He was adopted out. Kellan has an illegal orphanage that he took Abel to. Couple picked him up two days ago as part of a four day test period."

"Holy shit. If he was picked up two days ago, Kellan knew about it."

"That's what Opie said."

"The fucking Judas. I'm gonna come back and slit his goddamned throat."

"That's not why I called you."

"Sorry. Keep going."

"I followed the couple. They had Abel with them."

"Did you talk to them?"

"No. I let them."

She bit back a comment, starting to breathe heavily for a second.

"Why did you let him go?"

"The last time I talked to Kellan, he said that my dad wanted to save me and my brother from this life. He died before he could do that so Kellan took it upon himself to save Abel from this life. I have his voice in my head. What could his life be like without the club? We wouldn't have to worry about whether or not one of our enemies could get to him. Wouldn't have to worry if he's gonna have to watch me get buried."

She teared up, so many thoughts running through her head that she wanted to voice.

"Getting to know my grandpa these past couple days have brought up a lot of questions. What if my mom had let me get to know that part of my family? What would've been different? What would've been the same? Would I live in Charming? What's my dad's side of the family like? If I reached out, would they be receptive? And I can say, without a doubt, as nice as it is to know he's out there, I wish I had never met him. I wish I had never known he existed. That that illusion my mom gave me remained. If you completely let that little boy go, the day will come where he'll find out he was adopted. And then he'll have the same question that every kid that's gone through that have. Why didn't my parents want me? Who are they and why did they give me up? What was so wrong with me that I couldn't stay with them? Even if he grows up with good parents who give him everything on a silver platter. They're not his family. You are. I am. I think, if you really want my opinion, that you letting him go is the worst idea you've ever had. If you really wanna give him a life away from club shit, then bring him home and leave the club. Black out your reaper and turn in your cut. But don't leave him with people that don't know him like we do. Don't make everything that's happened been in vain."

She wanted to be angry, but hearing him crying broke her heart, letting a few tears fall herself.

"What do I do, Holly? I want my son back. But he's with a father that didn't help torture and kill a man yesterday. He's with a mother that didn't shoot up while pregnant. A couple that want a baby, not knowing they picked up someone so special."

"Baby, I can't make this decision for you. As much as I might want to. This decision has to be yours. But I can tell you that I know you well enough to know that, even though you'd be doing it for Abel's well being, you'll regret giving him up. You'll regret letting him go and you won't be able to do anything about it. I know how guilt and regret eat at you and make you feel. You'll be miserable and nobody will be able to help you out of it. And what do you plan on telling our other kid when they ask what happened to their big brother? Like I said, if you want Abel to grow up in a different life we can leave the club. We can do what my parents did and remain friends with the guys."

Holly stood in the clubhouse, cleaning up a bit as she waited to hear back from Jax. She hadn't heard from him since he called to tell her he had let Abel go. And she was going crazy. She had tried to call him a few times, but she always got to his voicemail. She couldn't take not knowing. It was bugging her. She needed to know if she was gonna get her son back or not. She bit her lip, calling Bobby's phone, knowing he'd answer.

"Hello?"

"Bobby? It's Holly. Are you with Jax? I haven't heard from him."

"He's in with Kellan and the IRA, sweetheart. What's going on? Are you ok?"

"Do you know if Jax got Abel back?"

"Not yet. Jimmy has him now. We're gonna get him back, though."

Holly paced around the kitchen, chewing on her thumbnail. Fiona had set up Kerrianne with Netflix and some dinner, standing in the kitchen with Holly.

"You should sit down, lovey. You're just worrying and it's not gonna help anything."

"I can't sit until I know what happened. I need to know."

"I'd rather you sit and tap your leg again."

She went to go say something when her phone chimed, immediately opening the text she'd gotten, crying happily when she saw the picture Gemma took of Jax and Abel together, falling to the ground as her phone rang, answering it.

"Your boys are coming home, baby. Abel's coming back to his mommy."


	37. June Wedding

Holly stood outside, waiting impatiently for the guys to pull in, bouncing in place when she finally saw the van. Tig had to hold her back until they actually saw Jax. At which point, it would've taken all of the guys to hold her back as she ran to him, jumping into his arms, hugging him tightly, feeling him smile into her neck.

"Babe, you just saw me less than two days ago."

"You brought Abel home and you're back in my arms."

"Speaking of which. I think somebody missed you."

She teared up happily as she watched Gemma climb out with Abel, clapping her hands over her mouth for a second, starting to cry when he reached for her, taking him from Gemma and peppering his face with kisses.

"You're home, ragazzino. And I'm never letting you go again."

"Can we get you inside and into bed, Holly?"

"As long as I don't have to give him up."

"For three seconds and then you'll get him right back."

She let Jax lead her inside and into his room, keeping his hand on her back, taking Abel so she could climb into bed.

"I have a couple tats I want Happy to do. Soon."

Holly sat on the couch, holding onto Abel, feeding him as she finished eating herself, Wiggles playing on the TV. She was curled up under a blanket, smiling as she felt Abel curl into her, kissing his head gently as she heard Jax come out of the bedroom, coming down to look for her.

"Hey. How long have you been up?"

"An hour or so. I went to check on Abel and he was awake in his crib, so I brought him down to feed him, not wanting to wake you up."

"How'd you sleep?"

"Great now that Abel's home."

He kissed her head gently, looking at her.

"I talked to Happy. He said he'd have no problem doing your tats. As long as you're sure about it."

"I'm sure. It's time I got your crow. And there's a couple other tats I want done."

"Ok. We've got club shit to do and I have to meet with Stahl."

"How much time do you have before you have to go?"

"A couple hours. Why?"

"I never got to reward you for winning that fight."

She smirked at him, watching him smile and shake his head.

"I'd say yes, but I already made you bleed once. Let's wait until you're out of the woods before we do anything."

"Are you sure you can wait, Jax? You're not exactly the most patient when it comes to sex."

"I can wait. I want to keep you safe."

Jax watched Holly sleep, playing with her hair as she slept, thinking to himself. He couldn't be luckier than he was right then. Holly was safe, their baby was still growing inside her, Abel was home and he had the family he'd always wanted. Curling up with her, he held her close as he started to drift off to sleep himself. Things were already starting to calm down. Even with the upcoming prison sentence. The club would be fine and his family would be protected.


	38. NS

Holly woke up to find Jax watching her sleep and glared at him sleepily.

"Don't do that. It's creepy."

"What's so creepy about making sure my old lady is ok and happy?"

"It's creepy when I wake up to see you just staring at me. You look like something out of a horror movie."

"Oh yeah? You think so?"

"Uh-huh."

"Well….Would a horror villain do this?"

She gasped softly when she felt Jax trail his hand down to her clit, trapping her leg under his own as he started rubbing her slowly. She let her eyes fall shut as she felt her breath hitch in her throat, one hand going down to rest on his forearm while the other hand lightly held onto the blanket covering them. She looked over at Jax, feeling herself getting wet for him.

"No villain has ever done that."

He chuckled, leaning in to kiss her neck, hearing her moan as his fingers started gliding through her folds easily, her wetness aiding him. She moaned his name softly, her breathing starting to get labored, feeling the effects his fingers were having on her. She looked over at him with a pleading look.

"I want you inside me, baby. Please?"

"I don't wanna hurt the baby."

"We haven't yet. It's still there and growing. I need you."

She kissed him deeply as he climbed over her, reaching down to wrap her hand around him, getting him hard in a matter of seconds, guiding him to her, moaning as he pushed into her, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, pulling him down on top of her, loving his weight on her. She buried her face in his neck, panting and moaning as he thrust slow and deep into her, wrapping herself around him.

"Oh God….You're so big, baby. Feel so fucking good…."

She dragged her nails down his back, feeling a slow burn flowing through her, getting her closer quicker than a good hard fuck. She could feel herself tiptoeing to the edge, her walls shaking around his dick, moaning in his ear.

"I can feel you. Let go for me, babe."

She obeyed, arching her back as she came, falling apart around him, crying out his name as he spilled out inside of her, gripping his arms tightly.

Holly sat in the clubhouse, holding onto Abel as she ate, talking with Jax. Abel had been passed around, and he didn't seem to be having it anymore, holding onto Holly as tightly as his little hand could, not letting her go. She looked at Abel and smiled, kissing his cheek gently, letting him stand on her leg. She leaned into Jax with a happy smile.

"Penny for your thoughts, babe?"

"Things are gonna be ok. I'm just happy."

"Speaking of which….You wanna get that tat done now?"

"I don't know if Abel's gonna let me go so I can get it done."

"We'll wait until he goes down for his nap."

She smiled and nodded, kissing him softly.

Holly sat on the bus next to Chibs. She'd been looking forward to this since Jax told her what was gonna go down. She finished the juicebox that Chibs handed her.

"God, I can't wait for this."

"Me neither, lass."

"Thank you all for letting me be there. I know old ladies don't usually do this kind of thing."

"You're not just an old lady, lass. You're almost like one of us."

She smiled at him and kissed his cheek.

"Did Fiona and Kerrianne get home ok?"

"Yeah. Kerrianne said she had a lot of fun with you. Thank you for taking care of my girls. I owe you for that."

"You owe me nothing, Filip. You're family to me. You've taken care of me since the day we met and this is my way of paying you back. You're family, therefore they're family."

As they pulled over to the side of the road, she climbed off the bus with the guys, going over to Stahl first, staring at her for a couple seconds before slamming her fist into the agent's face.

"That's for hanging Opie as a rat."

Another punch to the face, hearing Stahl grunt in pain.

"That's for getting Donna killed."

Another punch, seeing blood coming from Stahl's nose.

"That's for hurting my family."

Another punch, splitting Stahl's lip.

"That's for lying on Gemma and framing her."

Another punch.

"That's for getting my son kidnapped."

Another punch.

"That's for setting Jax up."

One last punch.

"And that's for trying to stir up shit with my parents' families. But it didn't work, bitch. I have no affiliation with either mob. And you're a dead cunt."

She walked over to Chibs and Jimmy, glaring at Jimmy as Opie dealt with his unfinished business with Stahl.

"You and the priest used my son as a bargaining chip in your war. You killed beloved members of my club and you tortured my family. There's no heaven waiting for you, tú cunt salach. My only regret is that I don't get to kill you myself. But I'll be able to sleep so much better at night, knowing that Fiona and Kerrianne are free of you and you will be worm food. Rot in hell, James O'Phelan."

Holly went to the bedroom, taking all of the dirty laundry from around the house and from their bags from Belfast. As she grabbed the clothes out of Jax's bag, she pulled out a stack of letters tied with a ribbon with a note attached from Maureen to Jax. She put them on the dresser before continuing to grab the laundry, going to put it in the laundry room before going to go get Abel from Gemma's place. When she walked into Gemma's bedroom, she smiled at her.

"You knew about it."

"I saw Jax coming out of the chapel with Stahl and confronted him about it. I knew the guys needed to know about it, so I got Jax to tell them. I didn't know what they had planned until yesterday morning. Jax told me the plan and asked if I would take care of you while they were inside."

"Thank you, baby. You're better for my boy than I thought you would be. I'm glad Jax has you."

"Thank you, Gemma. I'm glad I have Jax."


	39. Webisodes

1

Holly got Abel bathed and dressed, kissing his head gently as she sat down to feed him. She had to drop off the baby with Lyla before heading up to Stockton to visit Jax. And she couldn't wait. She missed him so much. It had been a month since she saw him last. She had just finished getting ready to go when her cell rang, answering it.

"Hello?"

"Is this Holly Pavlov? Jackson Teller's girlfriend?"

"Yes it is. Who is this?"

"Dr. Marks. I'm the head doctor at Stockton prison. Jackson Teller is being transferred to St. Thomas hospital after an attack on him here at the prison. It's nothing too severe, but I don't have the equipment here to take care of him."

"Oh my God. Thank you for letting me know. Do you know when he's gonna get there?"

"We sent him off 10 minutes ago, so it should be another 30 before he gets there."

"Thank you, doctor."

She hung up and rushed to get Abel into the car and off to Lyla and Opie's before going to the hospital, waiting for Jax to get there. When she saw Jax being wheeled in, she got up and followed them into a room, sitting down next to Jax, holding his hand. She sat and waited for Jax to wake up, looking at him with a small smile when he did.

"Hi, baby. How are you feeling?"

"Hey. This isn't how I wanted our visit to go."

"That's alright. It just means I get to see you more."

She kissed his hand gently before putting it on her belly, her bump more pronounced now.

2

Holly rubbed her belly gently, feeling a small contraction as she sat at the bar in the clubhouse. She was a few days overdue and she was a bit uncomfortable. But she and Gemma were gonna go for a visit at Stockton that day. Gemma was getting Abel ready for her. When Gemma and Abel came out, she smiled at them, picking up Abel.

"Ready to go see daddy?"

She walked out with them, getting Abel into his carseat. But as she stood up and went to move, she felt a pop and felt something trickling down her legs, looking down to see that her water had just broke. She looked at Gemma with a smile.

"You ok, baby?"

"My water broke."

"Shit. should we get to the hospital?"

"No. I wanna go see Jax."

"Are you sure?"

"I am. I miss him and I can't wait for him to see that Abel's walking."

"Ok, baby."

"I'm gonna go change my pants real quick and then we can go."

She went inside to change, putting on the only other pair of leggings she had there before going out, climbing into the car, letting Gemma drive there. Which was a good decision, because her contractions were worse by the time they got there.

"Are you sure you wanna do this today, baby? Jax would understand if you skipped today."

"I know he'd understand, but I wanna see him. Especially since I had to skip last visit."

"Alright. Come on then."

She nodded, getting out with Gemma, letting her take Abel as they went inside, holding onto her belly as they walked into the visitation room, smiling happily when she saw Gemma put Abel down, both women watching the little boy walk to his daddy. She teared up happily as she watched Jax pick up Abel, kissing him all over, making the little boy giggle. She waved at him as he walked over, feeling him pull her into a big hug, kissing him softly.

"Still no baby?"

"No. But my water broke before we left. So it'll be today or tonight. Hopefully."

"Why didn't you stay home then?"

"I missed you. I had to see you."

"You should get to the hospital, babe. It's 40 minutes to the nearest hospital."

"I will. I just wanted to see you and wanted you to see that Abel was finally walking."

She smiled at him, leaning in to kiss him as another contraction washed through her. This one harsh enough to make her cry out in pain, gripping Jax's leg hard.

"Shit. Holly?"

"Teller? What are you doing over there?"

"My girl's going into labor."

She looked at him when it was over, feeling him rub her back.

"This baby's coming…."

"Shit. Come on. Let's get you to the infirmary."

She nodded, getting up with him, letting him lead her there. She had to stop a few times when a contraction would hit her. By the time they got to the infirmary, she was crying in pain, sweaty and getting tired. She sat down on the bed when Jax took off her leggings, tossing them aside as the doctor came in.

"I need to push!"

The doctor barely had time to get to Holly when she started pushing, Jax helping her push, holding her hand. Tommy wasn't waiting for anything anymore. It was only 3 good pushes before he was born, crying immediately until he was placed in Jax's arms, calming down quickly. Holly panted, watching her boys with more happy tears, not realizing that she was hemorrhaging until she started feeling weak. Jax saw her fading when he heard the doctor curse.

"She's hemorrhaging. We gotta get her to a hospital now or she's gonna die."

"Is there anything you can do here?"

"There's one thing. Go ask for an ambulance."

Holly passed out as the doctor shoved his hand into her, the pain too much to deal with. When she came to a few hours later, she woke up in the hospital, hearing Gemma singing to Thomas.

"Did you tell Jax I'm ok?"

"Yeah, I did. I'm gonna go back tomorrow to see him. How are you feeling, baby?"

"Tired, lightheaded, sore and hungry."

She sat the bed up so she could take Tommy from Gemma, holding the sleeping baby close to her.

3

Holly sat with Gemma at a table in the visitation area, waiting for Jax. Thomas was sleeping in his carseat. She looked up when she heard her name, standing up and going over to hug Jax, being careful of his chest.

"You look good, babe. How're you feeling?"

"Better. I'd have brought Abel, but he's got a little cold. He's been staying with your mom."

"That's fine. Tell him I hope he feels better."

"You ready to see your little boy?"

"You brought him?"

"Of course, I did."

She smiled softly as she bent down to pick Tommy up out of his carseat, handing him to Jax so he could hold him.

4

Holly walked into one of the solitary confinement rooms with Jax. She'd paid off one of the guards to give them, not only some extra time, but also a private conjugal visit. As soon as the door closed, she kissed Jax deeply, not engaging in much foreplay. It had been a long time for them and she was finally healed up completely. She pushed his pants down before pushing him onto the bed, getting onto her knees in front of him, immediately taking him into her mouth, bobbing her head around him, feeling him get hard in her mouth. She pushed him deeper into her mouth, feeling his hands come down to grip her hair, glad she'd decided to bring her hair ties. She tasted his precum, pulling away and looking up at him for a second before taking off her clothes and grabbing a hair tie, putting her hair up in a ponytail. She kissed him deeply, straddling his lap, letting him roll her onto her back before he pushed into her slowly. She felt him groan into her mouth, feeling how tight she was.

"How'd you get to be so fucking tight?"

"Don't ask questions. Just enjoy it."

She moaned as he started thrusting into her, his thrusts slow as he stretched her out, her fingertips pressed into his skin as her head fell back against the pillow, feeling him attack her neck with kisses. She moaned softly, feeling him rub against her g-spot, hugging his hips with her knees. She looked into his eyes as she tangled her fingers in his hair.

"Fuck me….Please….."

He kissed her deeply for a minute before rolling her over, pulling her up onto her hands and knees, picking up speed on his thrusts, making her moan loudly. Nobody was in solitary at the moment, so their noises were echoing down the hall, not falling on anyone's ears but the guard's. Not that either of them cared at the moment. Holly buried her face in the pillow, screaming in pleasure. She felt Jax hit her g-spot with every thrust, her stomach tightening as she started getting close.

"Make me cum, baby….I need it so bad…"

"Fuck, Holly. I fucking missed you."

"Pull my hair. Please…."

She felt him grip her ponytail and tug hard enough to pull her up, onto her hands again, making her cry out, pushing her closer to the edge. She panted between moans, feeling her walls pulsate around him.

"I'm gonna cum….."

He wasn't far behind her and she could feel it, moving so she was just on her knees, the angle pushing him directly into her g-spot, reaching behind her to hold onto his head as she came hard around him, arching his back as she gushed, her toes curled as she heard him groan in her ear.

"I wanna taste your cum, Jax."

"Then get down. I'm about to bust…"

She pulled away from him and got onto the floor, moving his hand from around his dick and replacing it with her mouth. It didn't take long for him to cum in her mouth, holding herself there as she felt him throb and twitch, swallowing as much as she could before he laid back on the bed. She took a second before brushing her teeth in the little sink as the guard knocked on the door.

"Wrap it up, Teller."

She looked at Jax, kissing him deeply before getting dressed.

5

Holly walked into the visiting area, smiling when she saw all the guys waiting for her, Gemma and the remaining guys. It was her birthday and she really wanted to spend it with her family. She let Abel run to Jax as she carried Tommy over, both of them wearing matching shirts that she couldn't wait for Jax to say. She had just found out she was pregnant again from her last conjugal visit and she'd gotten the boys matching shirts. Abel's shirt said 'Promoted to biggest brother' and Tommy's said 'Promoted to big brother'. She let Clay take Tommy as she sat down.

"Daddy? I'm hot."

"Let's get that coat off you then, buddy."

She took Tommy's coat too, waiting for the guys' reactions. She hadn't told anyone, not even Gemma, who was putting out the food they'd brought. Holly helped pass out drinks, handing one to Happy as she heard Jax's excited cry, looking over at him with a smile, taking out the ultrasound from the previous day, handing it to him. She smiled, laughing as Jax picked her up, kissing her passionately before showing the guys, who cheered for them, smiling at everyone as they hugged her and Jax, congratulating them.


	40. Out

Holly sat at her desk, returning a few emails before she could go home. She had Tommy and Abel with her today since everyone was getting the clubhouse ready for the guys' homecoming. It had been 7 months since she told Jax about the baby but she'd been keeping the gender a secret from him, wanting it to be just as big a surprise. She finished the last email before getting ready to go, grabbing Tommy's carseat, taking him and her bags out to the car, locking the carseat in place and getting Abel buckled in before going to the clubhouse. She smiled when she got there, letting Abel out so he could go to Gemma, getting Tommy out along with his diaper bag and her purse. She walked over, sitting down on the picnic table. She waited patiently for Jax to come back, kissing Tommy's head as she heard the guys' motorcycles getting closer. She smiled when she Jax come over to her, kissing him back when he pulled her in.

"I have something to show you."

"What is it?"

She let him take Tommy, pulling out the ultrasound showing off Jax's little princess, handing it to him.

"It's a girl?"

She smiled and nodded, feeling him put his hand on her belly. She put her hand on his, kissing him again.

"You ready for your biker princess?"

"If she's anything like her mother, she's never dating anyone until I approve the guy."

"Shut up."

Holly had just put the boys down for a nap when she heard the doorbell ring, going downstairs to answer it, letting Eli in. She'd befriended the sheriff, not telling Jax about it. Yet.

"Hey, Eli. You want some coffee?"

"No. Thank you, Holly. How're you doing?"

"I'm ok. Glad to have my old man home. I'm happy to see they made it through your roadblock."

"Had to be done, Holly. You know that."

"I know. I was teasing you. How bout some tea?"

"No. I came to talk to you about something. Share some info with you because we're friends and I don't wanna see you get hurt or in trouble."

"What happened?"

"There's a group of agents in town. Rented some space upstairs in the precinct. The group is headed by an agent named Lincoln Potter. Guy wants to use RICO against the club. If he finds out that I told you, I'll lose my job and I'll be thrown in prison."

She sat down and looked at him, holding her belly.

"How are they gonna do it?"

"They have a UC agent in Putlova's crew. Once they get the intel on the guns, they can use it to get your guys and IRA."

She sighed deeply, letting out a breath, running her hand through her hair.

"Why are you telling me this at all, Eli? You've made it very clear how you feel about the club and what they do. Why would you risk everything to protect them?"

"I'm not protecting them, I'm protecting you and your boys. You're a sweet girl and you care about everyone. And those boys don't deserve to grow up with their dad in prison."

She looked over when she saw Jax come in, sighing softly before looking back at Eli.

"You had to know I would tell the guys about this. I'm loyal to Jax and the club. We're finally whole after going through hell and back, I'm not gonna let this break my family. Seriously. Why would you tell me this? Why not just let the club fall."

"You've helped my wife and I out when you didn't know us. I'm confident that this can work, even if you tell them. I'm just giving you a heads up."

She sighed and nodded, walking him out before going over to Jax.

"What was that about? Why was Roosevelt here?"

"Eli and I have been talking for a couple months now. More his wife and I, but we're friends."

"Why would befriend a cop?"

"Because sometimes I need a friend that has nothing to do with the club. But he was here to tell me something huge. There's a new agent in town trying to use RICO to take down the Russians, the Irish and SAMCRO. They've got an undercover guy in Putlova's group."

"Shit."

She nodded, looking up at him.

"Eli said this agent, Lincoln Potter, is threatening him into his silence. If Potter finds out that the club knows about what's going on, Eli willed be fired and arrested."

"And to protect you. Guys' got some mad love for you."

"He's happily married and I don't rat or cheat. Not my bag."

He smiled a bit and nodded, kissing her gently.

"Speaking of bag, before we left Belfast, Maureen put some letters in your bag. I didn't read them but they're all from your dad. I don't know what's in them. But Maureen wants you to know your dad like she did. I kept meaning to bring them with me when I went to visit, but I kept forgetting."

"I'll read them after."

"After what?"

"After I make my old lady scream my name."

"I just put the boys down for a nap."

"Who said I was bringing you upstairs."

He pulled her in for a deep kiss, leading her over to the couch.

Holly stood in the kitchen, wearing one of her nightshirts as she made herself some tea and some lunch, hearing Jax come down with Tommy, glancing back with a smile.

"Hi, baby boy. Are you hungry too?"

"Want me to feed him?"

"No, I got it. Would you mind finishing my mac and cheese?"

"Yeah."

She sat down on the couch, sitting back to breastfeed Tommy, watching him, rocking him gently, humming to him. It took her a minute to realize that there was something in his hand, looking at the ring in his hand.

"This is beautiful, babe. But what is it for?"

"The ring? Why else would a guy give a girl a ring?"

She looked at him when he came in with her food, looking at the smile on his face.

"Are you proposing?"

"Yeah, I am."

She teared up happily and nodded, kissing him.

"Do you like the ring, darlin'?"

"I love it. It's so beautiful."

"It was your dad's mom's ring. I asked Putlova to track down your dad's family and see if they would be willing to give you something from side of the family. Your grandmother died about the same time we went to Stockton and your grandfather wanted her ring given to you."

She let a few tears fall, letting him put it on her hand. When she finished feeding Tommy, she let Jax take him and burp so she could eat.

"Don't forget about those letters."

"Oh right. Thanks, babe."

She watched him put Tommy in his bouncer before turning on the TV as Jax went upstairs to read the letters. She watched TV as she ate, changing the channel when Abel came down, letting him curl in as he watched Cars. She was just about to get Abel some food when Jax came thundering downstairs, dressed and looking like he was ready for a fight, the letters crushed in his hand.

"Baby? What's wrong?"

"You really didn't read the letters?"

"No, they weren't for me to read. What happened?"

"Don't come to the clubhouse for a while. I don't want the boys around Clay or Gemma."

"What? Why?"

"Just stay put, Holly!"

She looked at him in shock as he walked out the door, slamming it behind him, which startled Tommy, making him cry. She blinked back tears as she went to go get him to calm down.

Holly stood with Lyla at the wedding, putting a smile on her face for the sake of not letting anyone know anything was wrong. She'd left the boys with Neeta for the night and hadn't talked to Jax since he yelled at her earlier. Because he was Opie's best man, he was at the altar with her since Holly was the maid of honor, but she hadn't looked at him. She smiled and kissed Lyla's cheek when Jax came over to her, asking to talk to her. She walked off with him, walking in silence until he started talking.

"I'm sorry for yelling. Those letters revealed something huge and I still don't know how to handle it or get right with it. This is just as big, if not bigger than Donna's death."

"What was in the letters?"

He let out a deep sigh before looking at her, tears filling his eyes.

"To put it simply….Clay and Gemma killed my father."

She looked at him in confusion, shaking her head.

"Why would they kill your father? I mean, he ran into a damn semi."

"I don't know how exactly but JT outlined it in his letters to Maureen. He knew Clay wanted to be president and would do anything to get it. He said he knew that if he died it'd be at the hands of his best friend and his wife."

"That doesn't make any sense, Jax. Gemma and Clay loved your dad. Why would they kill him? Clay's an asshole, but he never kill someone just because he wanted to be president."

"I don't know. I don't even know what Gemma's role in this shit is. But I'm bringing it to the club tomorrow. I don't want you there because I don't want you getting hurt. I want you to stay home and keep Roosevelt's number on speed dial. Ok?"

"Ok."

She looked at him, seeing how upset he was, hugging him and rubbing his back.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you. I didn't mean it."

"It's ok, baby."

Once she got Jax calmed down, she went with him so he could introduce her to the Russians. As honored as she was that Putlova had gone out of his way to get her grandmother's ring for her, she couldn't forget the fact that he'd had Jax stabbed while they were inside.

"It's nice to meet you, my dear. Jax seems to have done well for himself."

"Yes, he has. And I want to thank you for tracking down my grandmother's ring. That was very kind of you to do that for a girl you've never met."

"It was no problem. Your grandfather is very funny man."

"I wish I could've gotten to meet him. Khotya ya blagodaren, ya nakhozhus' boleye zlym, chto u menya byl ubit moy starik. Biznes ili net. YA dumayu, chto ty absolyutnaya svoloch', no ya sobirayus' sygrat' yeye, potomu chto eto ogromnaya chest' i ulybka, i ya vezhliv, no vnutrenne ya molyus' o muchitel'noy medlennoy i muchitel'noy smerti dlya tebya. Mudak."

She smiled and kissed Jax's cheek before excusing herself, getting into her car and driving home.


	41. Booster

Holly walked into the kitchen with Tommy, sitting down and looking at Jax, smiling as he colored with Abel. Although Abel was more interested in whatever was on the TV than coloring at the moment.

"So, your mom usually watches the boys until lunch and then either Neeta or Malory's daughter Jessica comes to watch them while I'm at work. But today's my last day before my maternity leave."

"I have to get to the clubhouse, but I don't want mom here."

"And what am I supposed to say to her when she gets here?"

"I'll deal with my mother. You can head to work now if you want. I'll wait for Jessica to get here."

"I thought you said you need to get to the clubhouse?"

"I don't want Gemma or Clay around the boys until I get to the bottom of this shit."

"Dada look. They're sleeping."

She looked over at the TV, seeing the dead bodies of the Russians, watching for a minute before turning on some cartoons for Abel, looking at Jax, holding onto Tommy, who had fallen asleep in her arms.

"You couldn't have waited until after Ope's wedding?"

"It was retaliation for what happened to me in prison."

"I get that. Maybe next time, wait until Ope leaves for his honeymoon?"

"Speaking of which, what did you say to Putlova last night?"

She smirked at him, getting up and kissing him before going to put Tommy in Abel's old bouncer before going to get ready for work.

Holly typed in some info into the computer while on the phone with one of Rosen's clients, not noticing Gemma come in.

"Like I said, Jason's in court at the moment. But I can see here that you accidentally sent us the wrong form. You filled out the form to give up parental rights. Not a change in custody form. If you want to come in and fix that, we'd be more than happy to help you out and fix things. Unless you really wanna give up your parental rights."

"No, I don't. Does he have something available tomorrow?"

"He does. Tomorrow morning at 8 or tomorrow afternoon at 2:35. Which appointment would you like?"

"Let's do tomorrow afternoon, I guess. Unless there's another day?"

"Not until next week. He'll be in and out of court and trials until Monday."

"Tomorrow's fine. I'll make it work."

"Ok, great. When you come in, ask for Melissa or Tyler."

"Why can't I ask for you or Rosen?"

"I'm on maternity leave after today, and you won't talk to Jason until after you fill out the right form."

"Congratulations. And thank you for your help then."

"Thank you. And you're welcome. Is there anything else I can help you with?"

"No, that was it. Thanks."  
"No problem. Have a great day."

She hung up and looked up when she heard her name being called.

"Hey, Gemma. What're you doing here?"

"Why is my son telling me that I can't see my grandkids? What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything, Gemma. All I'm gonna say is that whatever's going on between you and Jax is between you and Jax."

"Bullshit. What did you say to him?"

"I didn't say anything to him and you need to keep your voice down. This is an office building and there are people working and meeting with clients. So calm yourself."

"Don't tell me to calm down! My son is telling me that I can't see my family and I know you had something to do with it."

She sighed softly and stood up, leading Gemma out into the hall, looking at her.

"Maureen Ashby put letters in Jax's bag before we left Belfast and I told Jax that they were there. I don't know exactly what was in them because I didn't read them. You wanna know what they said? Ask Jax. I have nothing to do with it. Now you seriously need to leave. I still have work that I have to do before I can go home to the boys."

"You little bitch. Why would you let that Irish gash poison Jax's relationship with me?"

"I didn't do shit, Gemma. I didn't have any good reason to keep those letters from him! Maureen wanted him to read them and I didn't know what was in them. I'm his old lady. Not yours. I'm not gonna keep shit from him just because it'll fuck things up for you or Clay. Now get the hell out of here before I call security."

She didn't get to say anything else as Gemma smacked her across the face, hard enough to have the sound echoing down the hall. Holly gasped loudly, holding onto her cheek as she looked at Gemma, taking a second before smacking her back and going back into the office, calling security. She watched them escort Gemma to the elevator before going back to work, taking a few minutes to collect herself.

Holly walked into the precinct, going into Eli's office and slammed the door behind her, glaring at him.

"I get your hatred for SAMCRO. They're organized crime and you're a goddamned lieutenant. You care about the people you work with just like my guys do. The ONLY thing that differs the two groups is what you do with the resources you have. You did what you accomplished. They know how big your dick is. You made the wrong damn move Eli, and you made a huge mistake telling me that secret. The next time you whip your dick out when it's unsolicited, I'll go to agent Potter and tell him what you told me. I can't imagine he'll go easy on you knowing that you're the reason his agent is fucking dead. That clubhouse may not mean anything to you, but to us it's a home. You come into our home again, we will defend ourselves. And it'll be uglier than what you just did. Am I crystal fucking clear, Eli Roosevelt?"

He looked at her and nodded, obviously freaked out and trying to hide it.

"I mean it, Eli. I like your wife, but I will not protect her from the fallout of your mistakes. I have my own family to think of."

She walked out of his office, going out to her car and driving home, ready to spend time with her boys and relax. Of course, she got the call from Clay that they needed her help.

"With what, Clay?"

"I wanted to keep this from you, but Jax and Opie have been taken by the Russians. They're pissed that we stole their guns. You speak Russian. We don't. We need you to translate."

"Goddamnit. You're determined to send me into early labor, aren't you?"

"Of course not. But we need this."

Pulling up to the house with the guys, she was relieved to see that Jax and Opie were ok, going over and kissing him softly.

"Babe, what're you doing here?"

"Clay said he wanted me to translate. Are you ok?"

"I will be."

"You let your old lady join you on this shit?"

She looked over at the guy, wondering who he was as Jax answered him.

"Sometimes. She's been a huge asset to the club and the guys."

"Nunca pensé que vería el día en que una anciana estaba tan metida en el negocio del club."

"Solo hay dos maneras en que las ancianas lo hacen en esta vida. Les dices todo o no les dices nada. No me gusta no saber cosas. No es como me criaron. Thanks for saving my guys. I really appreciate it."

She looked at Jax as the two Mexican men looked at her, impressed.

"Jax? Who are those guys?"

He sighed deeply, looking at her before leading her away.

"They're cartel."

"Cartel? As in drugs?"

"...Yes."

She took a deep steadying breath, stepping away from him.

"There's no way in hell any one of you voted for that shit."

She looked at him when she didn't get an answer, noticing the sheepish guilty look on his face.

"Right?"

"We vote tonight. But I'm pretty sure we're all gonna say yes."

She gasped softly, looking at him in angry shock.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me! Are you stupid or just that fucking greedy?"

"We'll talk about this later, babe."

"No we won't. This is the stupidest thing that the club has ever done! I'm glad they came to your rescue, but you guys have always been adamant about not having drugs in Charming and you're gonna be dealing for the fucking cartel? For what? A few more bucks? If you're really that desperate for money, you can come to me or ask anyone else. But the cartel? This is dumb and dangerous and you put our family at risk with this shit!"

"This wasn't my idea, Holly."

"You don't say no to a cartel when you get into bed with them. It's no different than getting into bed with the mob or the Bratva. You say no, or renege in any way, they usually force your cooperation by going after your family. That means me or Abel or Tommy or Valentina."

"You're an old lady. You don't get a say in club shit, Holly."

She looked at him in angry shock, closing her hands into fists at her side. She took a deep breath before giving him an angry smile.

"Fine. You want me to be your old lady? Fine. I'll be your old lady. I'll let you do whatever you want. I'll stay home and be barefoot and pregnant. All for you, my love."

She went to walk away, heading towards her car before Jax stopped her, holding her arm.

"I didn't mean it like that, Holly."

"Of course you did. You're mad because I told you the truth and you couldn't handle it. I've never been just your old lady, Jax. I went halfway around the world to help get our son back, I delivered our other son in Stockton, I helped keep things going while you were inside and juggled two kids and being pregnant. I kept up with Abel's appointments while you were inside and I risked just as much as you did by helping you and the club out…."

"You didn't risk shit, Holly."

She slapped him as hard as she could, watching him stumble backwards, not caring that all the guys were watching them now, angry tears filling her eyes.

"I lost one baby because I was raped because of this club! You asked me to be Abel's mom and then he got taken from me. Actually taken from my arms. I've been attacked by your enemies, I've lost my friends and family because I've dedicated my life to you and this damn club, I quit my job so I could help your dumbass do illegal shit. I aborted a pregnancy to protect your mental state, I nearly killed myself more than once because of your fucking mother and you're going to stand there and tell me that I didn't risk shit? Que te jodan, Jackson Teller. ¿Quieres irte a la cama con el cártel? Multa. Espero que haya valido la pena porque solo le costó a su familia."

Holly laid in her hospital bed, Lyla standing on one side as her OB checked her to see how far along she was. As she was packing her bags, her water broke. Instead of calling Jax, she'd called Lyla, not wanting to do this alone but not wanting to even look at Jax. Things progressed quickly after that and Lyla drove her to the hospital. She had reached the point where if she delivered this early it wouldn't be the end of the world, but the OB would rather her carry the baby a little longer.

"So you're actually in labor and we can't stop it. You can still get an epidural if you want, but you've got a while to go before this baby's born."

"I don't want an epidural. I don't like needles."

"Ok. I'll come back in a couple hours to check on you. If you need anything, hit your call button."

She nodded, laying back in bed as the doctor left. She looked over at Lyla.

"Will you do me a favor and call to check on the boys? I wanna know that they're ok."

"Yeah. Do you want anything else?"

"Could you call Gemma?"

"Yeah. I'll be back in a little bit."

She nodded, turning on the TV as Lyla left the room, taking a deep breath and trying to relax, trying to let the day escape her mind, but all it did was make her break down, holding onto her belly with one hand, the other hand covering her eyes as she cried. No matter where they were in their lives, Jax had never been that cruel to her. Even when they weren't together. He'd always been the one to make her feel better. To dry her tears. Not cause them. She heard the door open and she didn't need to look to know it was Jax.

"Get out, Jax. I don't want you here."

"Please let me in, Holly. I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it."

"Yes, you did. You showed your true colors today and told me what you wanted from me."

"That's not what I want from you."

"Don't try to cover your tracks, Jackson. Just own up to your shit and accept the consequences. You royally fucked up and there's nothing you can say or do that can make this better. I've given up so much for you and you don't appreciate it."

"I do appreciate it. It was a bad day and I took it out on you."

"And I'm done being your scapegoat. I won't do it. We've been through too much shit for you to treat me like that. You. The guy that has always come to my rescue when I needed it. You killed my ex when he put me in a coma. You kicked guys' asses in high school when they hurt me. You used to walk me home from school or give me rides to and from work. You got me my first real apartment. You turned me into the other woman. Only to throw that shit in my face like I meant nothing to you. You can't just walk in here and bat your eyes and apologize and think that things are gonna be ok. I'm about to have your baby and I'm emotional and I'm tired and I can't even turn to the one person that I really want to. That I normally would in situations like this. And that hurts more than the contraction I'm having."

She moaned in pain, gripping the railing as she breathed through the contraction, glad he was staying quiet through it.

"I'm so sorry, Holly. I love you and I know how much you've given up and risked for me and the club. I shouldn't have said that shit. Please give me another chance? Don't run away from me. Not after everything we've been through."


	42. Dorylus

Jax watched Holly sleep, crying quietly as he watched her, holding onto his daughter, rocking her gently. Holly was right. As usual. He'd fucked up and he really hurt her. The one person in his life that had never let him down. That never turned their back on him. That was always in his corner no matter what. His guardian angel and his biggest supporter. He needed to make it up to her but he didn't know how. And as a result of this huge mistake, he'd missed the birth of his daughter. He wanted to be in the room for it and Holly actually had him pushed out of the room. He'd been forced to stay in the waiting room with the others. He looked down at Valentina, kissing her head gently before putting her in the bassinet before kissing Holly's head, feeling her wake up.

"What are you doing here, Jax?"

"I had to see you. Check on you."

"Have you been crying?"

"Yeah, I have. But it doesn't matter."

"What happened?"

She rubbed her eyes as she moved the bed so she was sitting up, looking at him. Despite how much he'd hurt her, he was still the love of his life and her old man.

"Talk to me, Jax."

"I'm sorry. I know you hate me and I know I hurt you, and I'd do anything to make it right. I'd give anything. I love you, Holly. When shit goes down, I wanna push you away to keep you safe, but I've come to need your guidance in everything I do, everything I come up against when I don't know what to do. It would kill me to lose you or the kids. I'm begging. Please give me another chance?"

She let a couple tears fall as she listened to him, watching him get onto his knees next to her bed and take her hand. She'd never seen him beg like this.

"I love you, Jax. I always have. Some of that was pregnancy hormones, but to have everything that I've done for you be shit on like that hurt more than I've ever been hurt before."

"I'd give anything to go back in time to take back what I said. To keep myself from saying that shit."

She sat there, thinking for a couple minutes. She could forgive him and be a family with him again. Or she could be strong and prove her point. But her need for comfort and to feel loved won out.

"You ever hurt me like that again and I'll take the kids, leave Charming and you will never see us again. And I'm not kidding. I can be as strong as I need to be, but I will not be treated like this. By anyone. Especially not by someone that I've given my life to. Am I clear?"

"Yes. Crystal clear."

Holly sat in bed, feeding Valentina, humming to her softly, looking up when someone knocked on the door, telling them to come in, smiling a bit when she saw Chibs, glad she was covered up.

"Hey, lass. Sorry to disturb you. Lyla dropped off some food and Jax asked me to bring you home today. If you're ok with that."

"Thanks, Chibby. I appreciate it."

"How are you feeling, lass?"

"Raw. Emotional. Like I wanna curl up and sleep for days."

"You know Jax loves you, right?"

"I know. It doesn't erase the sting."

"I know. Things are tense around the club with the cartel shit."

"I know. I just hate that the cartel is even a thing in club business. Cartels are no joke and I have a feeling that this is gonna end badly."

"None of us would let anything happen to you or the little ones. You mean too much to us to let anything happen to you."

She smiled at him, bringing Valentina out to burp her, adjusting her bra.

"Why don't you eat, take a nap and then I'll bring you home?"

"I actually wanna just go home and nap in my own bed. I've already signed the papers. You mind taking me home now?"

"Of course, lass. Let me get you a chair and I'll wheel you out."

Holly woke up hearing Valentina crying, getting up and going into the nursery, picking her up to change her and feed her, sitting down in the rocker, yawning deeply. She was exhausted and so hungry. She hadn't eaten since the night before after Valentina was born. She'd fallen asleep in the car when Chibs took her home and he had to carry her inside after he put the baby in her crib. She finished feeding the baby before going downstairs to find one of the prospects downstairs, eating cereal as he watched TV.

"Hey, dude. You want something to drink?"

"You're awake. I hope you don't mind that I grabbed a bowl of cereal."

She noticed that he had a mixing bowl of Lucky Charms.

"I don't mind. But you'll have to replace the box of cereal. It's the only kind Abel eats."

"I will. But I was told not to leave you alone."

"I don't need a babysitter. I can take care of myself."

"Jax's orders, ma'am."

She sighed softly and looked at him.

"I know that's supposed to be a sign of respect, but I hate being called ma'am. It makes me feel older than I actually am. Call me Holly. Ok?"

"Ok, Holly. Sorry."

She nodded, making herself some tea. She looked over when she heard someone come, looking over at Gemma, giving her a small smile. Things weren't ok between them, despite having Gemma in the room when Valentina was born. She needed to fix things.

"Want some coffee?"

"Yeah. Where are the kids?"

"Neeta took the boys to park and to run some errands and Valentina's asleep."

"Where's Jax?"

"I don't know. Probably clubhouse."

"Have you read the letters?"

"No. Jax hasn't asked me to."

"He didn't tell you what was in them?"

"Hold on."

She looked over at the prospect.

"You mind doing something for me?"

"What is it, Holly?"

"Would you mind picking up a few things from the store for me?"

"Um….I'm not supposed to leave you alone."

"I'm not alone. Gemma's here. We both have guns. We'll be fine."

She wrote down a few things that she really did need, handing him the list and some cash from her purse.

"Ok. I'll get this stuff."

"Thanks, dude. Drive safe."

She looked at Gemma when he left, putting the big bowl into the sink.

"He told me that JT had written to Maureen saying things like he noticed you and Clay getting closer. He mentioned how much Thomas' death hurt him. And that, if his letters to Maureen stopped, he'd be sure it would be because of you and Clay. Jax is pissed off about them, but I don't think he told Clay anything about it yet because of the cartel shit."

"You need to reign him in about these letters."

"Gemma, stop. I know things will be bad, but Jax and I are going through something right now. I'm dealing with a newborn, a 1 year old and a 5 year old. I don't have time or energy or patience to deal with much right now. So if you want this fixed, it's on you to fix it. I'm not getting in the middle of it."

Holly sat in the living room with Jax and the kids, playing with Abel and Tommy as Jax held onto Val, enjoying their time as a family. She'd finally gotten to read the letters, but she was trying not to think about them right now. She needed as much happiness as she could get for a little while. She looked back when the doorbell rang.

"Come on in."

She looked at Abel with a smile.

"Wanna go see who it is, buddy?"

"Yeah!"

She smiled, laughing softly when she heard Abel call Juice's name, holding onto Tommy, kissing his head as he colored at the table, hearing Juice bring Abel into the living room.

"Hey, Juice. We just finished dinner, but I can heat something up if you're hungry."

"I am, but I need to talk to Jax for a minute."

"I'll go heat up some meatloaf for you."

She stood up, putting Tommy down so he could color again, kissing Juice's cheek on the way into the kitchen, making a plate for Juice before bringing it in for him, getting him to sit down, playing with Abel again.

"So, Juice, what's going on?"

He took a deep breath before looking at Jax.

"Roosevelt had me brought in from the weed shop. He's trying to blackmail me."

"What's he blackmailing you with? The weed?"

"No. My dad."

She looked at him in confusion.

"I thought you hadn't ever seen your dad?"

"No I haven't. But he's…."

"He's what, Juice?"

He took a deep breath, tears filling his eyes, obviously trying not to freak out.

"He's black."

She looked at Jax, knowing Juice was freaking. The club had been created in a time of racism acceptance. She couldn't help but smile at Jax before looking over at Juice as Jax responded to Juice.

"It doesn't matter what you are as long as you're a loyal member. You should know that by now, bro."

She looked at Juice, putting her hand on his knee gently.

"Take a breath, Juice. You're panicking over nothing. It's a different time now than it was when the club was created. You're fine. And don't like that douchenozzle blackmail you with something that doesn't matter."

Holly looked at Jax as she walked into the bedroom after putting Valentina down for bed. She stood in the door frame for a minute.

"This thing with the cartel….I get Clay's end of things. He wants to go out with a bang. Set something up for him and Gemma. But I don't trust it. And I no longer trust Clay. Not just because of the letters or the cartel. He's doing the same thing that McGee did that he killed him for. The gun running is one thing, but drugs? Babe, that's huge. I don't understand your vote for it. So I need you to explain it to me."

He sighed softly, looking at his lap for a minute before looking at her.

"All of the shit that's happened has made me think. It's one of the only things I thought about in Stockton, even before I knew about the letters. How are we gonna raise the kids in this? What's their future gonna be like if I keep going with this? What's your future gonna be like? I don't want you to end up like my mother. Her whole life is the club and Clay. I want you to have a break from club shit and the fallout. I want the boys to know something different than watching their dad running from the cops and going to jail. I don't want Valentina to think that being an old lady means dedicating her life to club shit. I wanted out. Until I read those letters. Those goddamned letters that threw shit sideways. I need to know that my club, my brothers, my family is safe from Clay and his lust for power. If he's willing to kill my old man to become president, what else is he willing to do? I don't wanna find out."

"But you haven't told him about the letters."

"Not yet. When Clay told me about the drugs, I made a deal with him. My vote for my out. I wanted out when he stepped down and for him to push for Ope to take the gavel. But when I read those letters….."

"You changed your mind."

"Yeah. I can't leave the club in his hands, Holly. He'll run into the fucking ground, and I won't let that happen."

She nodded, looking at him.

"So what's your plan? And do you need help?"

"I'm gonna go along with this drug thing for the cartel for a while. Put in some time. Once things settle down, I'm gonna call for a change in leadership. Bring my dad's manuscript and the letters as evidence."

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Things'll get bad. I need to know that you and the kids are protected."

"I can call Laroy. See if he could spare a friend for a while."

"I don't want to get in bed with your grandpa, but see if he could spare someone too. I need to know you're safe. All of you."

She nodded, going over to him, climbing into bed and curling into him, resting her head against his chest, feeling him kiss her head gently.

"I'll call them in the morning."


	43. Una Venta

Holly looked up at Jax when he kissed her head.

"Is it time to go already?"

"It's 4. You don't have to go with us, babe."

"It's fine. I wanna go. It'll be nice to get out of Charming for a while. A chance to get away."

"Jessica's here to watch the boys."

"I'll shower quickly and get dressed."

"Want something to eat?"

She nodded, yawning deeply as she got up, stretching before grabbing some clothes and going into the bathroom. She took a quick shower and got dressed, going to get Valentina up, only to find that she wasn't there. She went downstairs to see that Jessica was giving the baby girl a bottle as Jax made Holly some eggs.

"Morning, Jess. thanks for coming so early."

"It's ok. I've been up all night anyway."

"Is everything ok?"

"Yeah. Trevor and I are going through some shit right now. I'll be fine."

"Well, you're welcome to crash here. It should be a few hours before the boys wake up."

"Thanks."

She nodded, taking Valentina from her, going to get her dressed.

Holly sighed happily when they reached Arizona, glad to see that Valentina had made it almost all the way through the drive without incident. But the stops they made to gas up, get food, use the bathroom or take a smoke break made all the difference. She got out and stretched deeply before getting in the backseat so she could breastfeed the baby, keeping an eye out as she fed her, making sure nobody came over. She burped Valentina before kissing her head, adjusting her bra and shirt before getting out, carrying the baby over to Jax and the guys, stretching her legs. She smiled softly as Jax pulled her in and kiss her head as the guys commented on how cute Valentina was, congratulating Jax and Holly. When everyone parted, she looked at Jax.

"Wanna rent a hotel room? I don't wanna stay at a clubhouse."

"Why not?"

"I don't know anyone and we have a newborn with us. Besides….I don't wanna share you tonight."

She smirked at him playfully.

"Aren't you still healing?"

"Yeah. Doesn't mean I can't play with you."

Holly woke up in bed alone, knowing that Jax had gone to the bike show. She smiled when she saw the note he'd left her.

'Mornin', darlin'. Sorry I'm not there to see you wake up. You or my little girl. I had to leave earlier than we'd planned, but feel free to call when you wake up or whenever. If I don't answer, don't flip. I'll get back to you, I promise. One of the SAMTAZ prospects is at the clubhouse and is at your disposal. I put the number in your phone. Give him a call when you wake up and he'll get you. Ti amo così tanto, Holly. (I had to look that up on google translate. I hope it's right.) I love you, babe. I'll see you later. - Jax'

She laughed softly, grabbing her phone and dialing Jax's number, smiling to herself as she checked in on Valentina, who was asleep in her carseat.

"You're up. Did you sleep ok?"

"I did. You did get it right."

"What? The Italian?"

"Yeah. Thank you for that. That put a smile on my face."

"I'm glad. How's the baby?"

"Still asleep. I'm assuming I have a few minutes before she wakes up and needs attention. So what are you up to right now?"

"Waiting for Romeo and dealing with some shit."

"I'm sorry, babe."

"It's alright. We'll get it done."

She went to say something when Valentina woke up, making her smile.

"She gave me less time than I thought she would."

"Go ahead. I'll talk to you later."

"Ok. I'll see you at the clubhouse."

"Love you, darlin'."

"Love you too, baby."

Holly hung up, getting Valentina and feeding her, turning on some music on her phone. She changed the baby before putting her back in her carseat and going to take her shower, singing to herself as she washed herself. She had just finished getting dressed before calling the prospect.

"Holly, right?"

"That's right."

"You ready for me to come get you, chica?"

"Yeah. Thanks."

"I'll be there in about 20 minutes."

"Gracias."

Holly was in one of the back rooms of the SAMTAZ clubhouse, feeding the baby when the prospect, Ricardo, came in. She scrambled to cover herself up when he came in.

"Sorry, chica. I came to check on you."

"I'm fine. Just feeding my kid. I'm not necessarily a shy person, but I don't like feeding her around people. You mind leaving the room?"

"Yeah, sorry."

"It's alright."

She watched him leave, getting a creepy feeling from him. She kept an eye on the door as she finished, making sure her phone was within reach as she changed the baby, putting her in her carseat so she could sleep, sitting back against the headboard, playing on her phone. After a while, she started dozing off, keeping an ear out for Valentina or the guys coming back. She came to not too long after falling asleep, hearing a strange sound coming from somewhere in the room. She looked around before her eyes fell on Ricardo. Who had his dick out and was playing with himself as he watched her sleep. She freaked out and stood up, standing in front of Valentina.

"What the hell, asshole! Get out of here before I call your president!"

"You don't have his number."

"You wanna test me? Get out!"

He moved as if he were gonna, turning at the last minute and lunged for her, chasing after her as she ran out of the room, phone in hand. She heard him curse out loud as she ran off. She hadn't wanted to leave Valentina alone, but she wanted Ricardo away from her. She found the kitchen, making a detour to grab a knife, grabbing one just as he caught up with her, brandishing it in front of her.

"Stay away from me, you son of a bitch!"

"Oh come on, chica. I just wanna talk."

"No you don't. You want something you're never going to get. Get the fuck away from me!"

He lunged for her again, grabbing the knife out of her hands and tossing it across the kitchen before grabbing for her phone, only to have her kick in the balls with her knee before running back to the bedroom. She thought she had enough time to grab Valentina and ran. But she was wrong. She made it as far as the end of the hallway before she watched him block her path angrily. She put Valentina down in the doorway of the room on her right, looking around for something to defend herself with. But there wasn't anything around. She looked back at him, panting in fear. She knew what was gonna happen as he backed her into the room she'd been in before. She watched him as he took his pants off all the way before punching her hard in the face, making her drop her phone and pushing her on the bed. She begged and pleaded with him, still looking around for nothing. There was still nothing and she had given up hope. At least her daughter wouldn't have to watch it happen. She looked away from him, crying as she heard him come closer to her. She would never fully understand how she managed it after losing hope that she'd be saved, but she managed to gather the courage to grab the lamp from the bedside table, ripping it out of the wall as he started to pull her leggings and panties down, cracking him over the head with it, getting him off of her before getting up, grabbing her phone as she ran out of the room, pulling up her pants, running out to get Valentina, who was now awake and crying. Her only problem now was that she had no way to get herself and the baby away from the clubhouse. She cursed under her breath before going back inside, going to the kitchen to grab the knife again, not hearing Ricardo for a minute. Until she heard him running towards her. She only had a split second to think as he rounded the corner, barrelling toward her. And directly into the sharp she held in front of her. She gasped as her eyes went wide, feeling his blood come over her hand as she stared him in the face. She let of of the handle, watching him fall to the ground. She felt frozen, only able to stand and watch as his blood pooled under him, spreading out across the floor, Valentina's cries falling on deaf ears. Holly started panting as the realization washed over her that, not only did she just kill someone, she killed a club member. She'd almost been raped, again, possibly killed and God only knows what would've happened to Valentina, and all she could do was stand and watch this guy die. It took a few minutes to shake herself out of it, calling Jax immediately, sitting down at the bar.

"Hol, I gotta call you back."

"Jax? I need you."

"Holly? Are you crying? What happened?"

She took a shaky breath, tears streaming down her face as the baby screamed and cried in the background.

"What the hell is going on over there?"

"Please just come to the clubhouse? I don't know what to do."

"What happened, babe?"

She could hear voices in the background and couldn't bring herself to say it out loud, hanging up on him, breaking down. By the time the guys got back, Holly was on her hands and knees, vomiting onto the floor, Jax rushing over to her as Chibs went to get Valentina calmed down, everyone wondering why Ricardo was dead. She immediately turned around and held onto Jax when she finished puking, crying into his shirt.

"Babe, you gotta tell me what happened. What happened to the prospect?"

She took a deep and shaky breath before she looked at him.

"He….tried to r-rape me. I didn't mean to k-kill him. I just had the knife out to protect myself and the baby but he…..he didn't stop coming at me…."

She watched him look at her face, examining the bruise forming on her face, his face growing angry as the guys listened to her, holding her close. She cried into his chest, holding onto him tightly, needing the comfort right then. She felt him pick her up, burying her face in his neck.

"Get that fucker out of my sight and set his ass on fire. Chibs?"

"I got the little lass, Jackie Boy. Just take care of Holly."

Holly sat in a booth at a diner next to Jax, Valentina sleeping in her carseat. The guys had all stopped for lunch. Holly wasn't on autopilot, but she was unusually quiet since last night. And it worried Jax, although he understood why. She'd done and seen a lot, but she'd never killed someone before. He'd hoped that she would never know what that felt like, but at least she was safe.

"You need to eat something, babe. Even something small. Like toast."

"I'm not hungry."

"At least drink something?"

She nodded, taking a drink of the water that had been put down in front of her. She felt Jax kiss her head as Chibs watched them for a second. The bruise around her eye spread over almost half of her face was so ugly, but there was nothing that could be done for it. She took a deep breath, glancing over at the baby when she started fussing, rocking her carseat gently, getting her back to sleep.

"Are you gonna be ok, lass?"

"I killed someone, Chibs. You guys might be used to it, but I'm not. No matter what the circumstances, I didn't want to kill him."


	44. Brick

Holly walked into the clubhouse with the kids. She wanted to get out of the house for a while, feeling cooped up and trapped. She looked over when Jax came over, picking up Tommy and Abel.

"I got something for you, babe."

"What is it?"

"Follow me."

She smiled a bit and nodded as she followed him to the back room, letting Valentina lay down on the bed as Jax put the boys down before grabbing a ton of cash out of a bag, handing it to her.

"Holy shit, Jax."

"From the run. Put it in the safety deposit box."

"That's a lot of money, babe."

"Yeah, it is. The first of a lot more."

She couldn't help but smile at him, kissing him softly for a minute before pulling away.

"How long has it been?"

"How long has what been, darlin'?"

"How long has it been since you and I had some actual alone time? Dump the kids onto Ope and Lyla or your mom and Clay or Neeta for a couple days, head up to the cabin or Vegas and just hole up with no electronics?"

"Way too long."

"How about this weekend? Head up to Vegas, stay in a suite and don't leave the suite for a couple days. Leave club shit behind and have some dirty fun."

"You can go a couple days without the kids? Aren't you breastfeeding both Valentina and Tommy?"

"Yeah. But things have been so crazy lately that we need some time, baby. We'll lose ourselves if we don't make some time."

He looked at her, holding her close.

"We can do a family trip with the kids another weekend. Take them to Disneyland or something. But I want some time alone with you, babe."

"I do too. But we'll see if we can actually make some time to be alone with everything going on."

Holly sat in the living room, drinking alone. Jessica had taken the kids for the night. Jax and her were supposed to have a date night, spend some time alone, but he'd been called away. So she was sitting in the living room, watching some stupid horror movie that she cared nothing about, eating a plateful of a dinner that she'd spent hours making and drinking vodka from the bottle while wearing a lingerie set that she'd bought just for tonight that she knew Jax would've loved. And it was all going to waste. She got up, stumbling over to the door when she heard the doorbell, letting Opie inside, pushing the door a little harder than she meant to and looked back for a second when it slammed shut, going over to Opie.

"You ok, Holly? How long have you been drinking?"

"Uh…..What time is it?"

"9:38."

"4 hours. Jax and I were supposed to have date night but he had club shit to do. Or so he says."

"He wouldn't lie to you."

"I'm not so sure about anything anymore."

She looked at Opie, smiling drunkenly at him.

"How's it being married to a porn star?"

"It was fun at first."

"At least she gave up sicking duck for you."

She watched him smile at her, not knowing why he was smiling.

"You mean sucking dick?"

"I'm taken, Harry. And so are you. Dirty old man."

She hiccuped a bit, offering him the bottle, taking a huge drink when he shook his head, turning on some music, looking at him when a slow song came on. The song that had been playing when Opie took her virginity when they were 14. Your Song by Elton John. She gasped dramatically and looked at Opie.

"Dance with me? Please?"

"Not right now, Holly. I was hoping to talk to you about something."

"Dance with me and we can talk."

"Fine. But it can't go any farther than dancing."

"It won't. I don't cheat. I wouldn't do that to Jax."

She pulled Opie up, the pink lace just barely touching her skin after it settled, her pink heels glittering in the light from the TV as she swayed with Opie, resting her head against his chest.

"What'd you wanna talk about, Ope?"

"Lyla. Did you know she was on birth control?"

"No. But she did get an abortion before the guys went inside."

"How did you know?"

"Because I told her where to go."

"Why would do that, Holly?" 

She looked up at Opie with a small drunken and sad smile.

"You know how Donna felt when it came to the club. Lyla's not ready to give up her life anymore than you're ready to give up the club. And it's unfair of you to ask that of her. It's how she's made a life for herself and Piper. It's what she knows. You can't just ask her to give it up."

She rested her head on his chest as she started swaying with him again.

"Besides, she's already given up some of it for you. That has to be enough for you."

"Things were easier with Donna."

"Because you were on the opposite end of it. Why don't you sit down and talk with her about this shit?"

Before Opie could answer, Holly pulled him in for a kiss, obviously not thinking. He tried to push her off of him, but she seemed determined. So he played along for a minute, picking her up and carrying her upstairs to her room, laying her down on the bed. When he went to stand up, she reached over to undo his jeans.

"Holly? What about Jax?"

"Jax and I haven't had sex since my 4th month. So much shit is up in the air with the club that he hasn't paid attention to me. I just want some relief."

"Then get some toys. I can't do that to Jax."

"But you just kissed me…."

"To get you up here. You need to get some sleep, Hol."

She looked at him pleadingly, getting up onto her knees, pushing her hand into his pants, wrapping her hand around him.

"Please, Opie? I need something…."

When they heard the door close from downstairs, he pulled away form him, doing up his jeans before looking at her.

"Problem solved. I'll see you tomorrow. Get some sleep, Holly.

Holly walked into the living room after getting ready, looking back when Jessica came in with the kids, smiling as Abel ran to her, kissing his cheek as she picked him up. She paid Jessica for the night before letting Abel and Tommy go play, placing Valentina in her bouncer, going to the kitchen to make some breakfast for her and Jax. She looked back when Jax came into the kitchen.

"Morning, baby."  
"Morning. Opie said you and me needed to talk. Something happen last night?"

She looked at him in confusion. She didn't remember anything from last night after she started drinking.

"Not that I remember. But I was pretty plastered."

"Ope said you tried to sleep with him."

She looked at him, furrowing her brows as she shook her head.

"I wouldn't cheat on you, Jax. I would never hurt you like that."

"I know you wouldn't do it intentionally. But I know that things have been crazy lately. I just wanna make sure you know that I love you."

"I know that, baby. But I bought four bottles of vodka yesterday. By the time Opie had come over, I was two bottles in."

She handed him a cup of coffee.

"Let's go up to the cabin. The guys can live without me for the weekend."

"Are you sure, babe?"

"Yeah. I think we need it. Wouldn't you agree?"

She smiled and nodded, kissing him softly, wrapping her arms around his neck.

Holly laid on the pool table in the clubhouse, resting her head on the pillow from Jax's room while Happy worked on the tattoos Holly and Jax wanted her to get, finally getting his crow. Why she'd decided to do her whole back, she didn't know. But it was finally getting it done. She laid there in silence as Happy worked until she fell asleep. She'd been expecting some pain. She hadn't been expecting it to be so relaxing. By the time Happy was done with the three tattoos she wanted, it was just starting to get dark. She looked at the huge crow and tree covering her back, smiling happily.

"Thanks, Happy. This is perfect. And I love the dove. What do I owe you?"

"You don't owe me anything, little girl. I'm happy for you."

She looked at him with a knowing look.

"Give me an amount for the ink, Hap. I gotta give you something."

"You wanna give me something? Make me a thing of cookies. My ma really liked the last batch you made."

She smiled at him, raising an eyebrow.

"I wonder how she'd feel if she knew I didn't make the dough. How's she doing?"

"She's got her good days and bad days."

She nodded, looking over as Jax and the guys came in, covering up her boobs as Happy put a huge bandage over her tattoos to help protect them before helping her put her shirt on after Jax saw his crow on her. Which made him smile happily as he kissed her.


	45. With an X

Holly walked into the clubhouse, letting a couple croweaters take the kids out to play. She sat on the couch, getting on her laptop to return some emails, smiling at the one from her grandpa, updating her on some family stuff, the pictures making her smile. But seeing Lyla come inside made her smile fade.

"You ok, Lyla? You get to talk to Opie?"

"No. Where is she?"

"Where's who?"

Her answer came as Ima came from the bedrooms, knowing instantly what was going on, hearing the kids come in, taking Valentina as she looked at Ima.

"You should get out of here. There's not one person here that wouldn't kick your ass or kill you in a second."

She watched as Tig and Bobby come in, pulling Abel behind her as Ima pulled a gun, watching Bobby stand in front of her and the kids. Thankfully the situation was diffused when Ima left, calming Valentina down when she started to cry, rubbing her back as she looked at Bobby.

"The next time I see that stupid whore, I'm gonna cut her in half."

She got the kids down for a nap before going outside as Opie and Jax came over. She reeled back and smacked Opie after he righted himself after Piney punched him.

"You're going through shit with Lyla, and I feel bad for both of you. But the gash you fucked last night pulled a gun out around my kids. You wanna fuck around on Ima, I can't stop you. But the next time your dick gets my kids threatened, I'm gonna it off and rape you with it. Am I crystal fucking clear?"

She watched him nod before going inside with Jax, letting him lead her to the bedroom so he could check on the kids.

Holly sat next to Juice in his hospital room, looking at him when he said her name.

"I need some more advice."

"Ok. What's wrong, Juice?"

"I did something pretty bad and put it on someone else and I don't know how to make it right."

"Is it a club thing?"

"Yeah."

"Does it have to do with Roosevelt blackmailing you?"

"Yeah."

She sighed softly, putting her phone down and looking at him, taking his hand gently, kissing it softly.

"The coke got put back, so you're safe on that front. But you killed Miles and that can't be made right. Your only options are to come clean and beg for forgiveness or black out your reaper and leave the club. But either way, you need to tell Roosevelt that he needs to stop blackmailing you. That it won't work for him."

She looked over when Chibs came in to tell her that Jax was there for her.

"I'll be out in a minute."

She looked at Juice, standing up and kissing his head gently.

"Whatever you decide, decide quickly. Speaking from experience, secrets like this will eat you alive until you either let it out or do something you can never take back."

She walked out to find Jax, kissing him back when he pulled her in for a hug, smiling at him.

"What's that for?"

"Mom's gonna watch the kids for the next three days. You and I are gonna pack a couple bags and head up to Vegas tonight. Piney has the cabin so I booked a room for the two of us for two nights, three days."

She smiled happily at him.

"Did you really? And Clay's ok with you disappearing for a few days?"

"He's not thrilled, but we have time before our next shipment. And I wanna spend it with my old lady."

She smiled and kissed him deeply, wrapping her arms around him before feeling him pick her up and carry her out to his bike, climbing on behind him, holding on as they rode home.


	46. Fruit for the Crows

Holly woke up the next morning to a note from Jax. He had to go see Alvarez about something that morning but as soon as it was over, he would pick her up and they would go. She sighed softly, getting up to take a shower. They would've left last night, but they ended up fucking each other and falling asleep. Their bags were already packed and by the door. She was just coming downstairs to make some coffee after getting dressed and doing her hair, looking over when Gemma came in.

"Hey. Are the kids ok?"

"Yeah. Neeta's at my house with them. But I came by to get some more diapers and wipes and I found this in the front seat of your car."

She took the paper from Gemma, her hands starting to shake as she read the note.

'You and your family will die by my hands, stupid whore.'

She looked at Gemma, not knowing what to do, watching her call Jax. She put the letter on the table and sat down, putting her head in her hands, trying to keep from panicking anymore than she already was. Unsuccessfully. She started hyperventilating.

Holly walked into the clubhouse, holding onto Abel, who was screaming for Jax, Tommy and Valentina were both asleep, Gemma taking them back to Jax's dorm to nap. She looked over when Chibs handed her his cell before going to help patch Alvarez up.

"Jax? Are you ok?"

"Yeah. Are you?"

"I'm freaking out a bit. Or a lot."

"Is that Abel I hear screaming?"  
"Yeah. He's asking for you."

"I'll be back as soon as I can. Promise me that you'll stay at the clubhouse? If you have to go anywhere, you take someone with you. I mean it, babe."

"I will. Stay safe, baby. And come back to me."

"I will. I love you."

"Love you too."

She hung up and put the phone down, focusing on trying to get Abel calmed down. Gemma had to take him from Holly so she could get a few seconds to calm her own mind. Not that it helped much. Chucky came over to tell Clay that Eli was there to talk to Holly. She sighed deeply before getting up and going outside and over to Eli.

"What're you doing here and why do you need to talk to me?"

"We got from an anonymous source that they think you're in danger. Any validity to that?"  
"Everyone's in danger everyday. You're gonna have to be more specific, Eli."

"I hear someone left you a death threat?"  
"How could you possibly know that? Unless you put it there."

"I didn't put anything anywhere. Is it true?"

"No. And even if it were, I wouldn't tell you. I don't want or need your help. I'm perfectly fine. Now get out of here."

He chuckled and looked at her with a smirk.

"You know you and your kids are safer without the club, right?"

"Thanks for that insight, now leave. Because there is absolutely nobody here that wants your input. On anything. And you're gonna leave Juice alone. He's been fucking spun out since your last meeting with him and you're gonna get him killed. And I won't let that happen. So leave him alone. Or it'll be the biggest mistake of your life. Do you understand me?"

Holly sat in the dorm, watching a show on her laptop, the babies in their portal cribs as Jax came into the room, carrying Abel inside and closing the door behind him.

"We'll go up another weekend. I already called the hotel and cancelled the reservation. Paid the cancellation fee."

"I'm sorry, babe. We should've left last night like planned."

"It's ok. We would've had to come back to deal with this."

"I would've turned my phone off."

"It's ok, Jax. I'm not mad."

"I feel bad."

"Don't. You'll get to the bottom of the note, take care of the problem and things will go back to normal."

He put Abel onto the cot they had before going over to kiss her, cupping her face gently. She put her hands on top of his as she looked at him.

"Are you sure you're ok? This is a lot to deal with."

"I'm fine, Jax. I'm where I need to be, the kids are you and I have you protecting me. I'll be fine."

Holly walked over to Rat when Jax left, making sure that Jax was totally gone before looking at Rat.

"I need you to keep an eye out for the kids. I have something I have to do and I can't take them with me."

"Jax wants you to keep someone with you."

"I'll be fine. I'll be safe where I'm going. But I do need you to keep quiet about it, ok?"

"I can't lie to Jax."

"You're not lying to him. I am. You wanna be patched in? I'll ensure that it happens when your year's up if you keep an eye on the kids."

She didn't let him say anything else before grabbing her purse and keys before leaving, going out to her car and driving off, going to the cemetery before calling her uncle, waiting for him to answer.

"Holly? It's late there, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is. But I need your help. I'm in trouble and I can't go to the club with it."

"Why not?"

"Because Clay's going off the deep end and I'm afraid of what he could do to me."

She heard shuffling in the background, sitting against Donna's headstone, waiting for his response.

"What happened?"

"When Jax left Belfast, Maureen put letters in his bag from his dad. I found them and had Jax read them after he got out. John Teller thought that he was gonna be killed by Clay. and then he died. It was ruled as an accident, but I got the report of his death. John only ever let one person work on his bike, and that guy ended up dead too. Now this thing with the cartel….."

"Cartel? What cartel?"

"Galindo cartel. They have the club selling them guns from the Irish and muling coke through Charming."

"How does this equal danger for you?"

"Gemma found a death threat in my car a mere hour before the leader of the Mayan MC gets shot. If it's a coincidence, it's a hell of a coincidence. I'm not an idiot. I know what would, or could, happen if the guys fall out of favor with the cartel."

"Alright. Don't panic, Holly. I'll look into this for you. In the meantime, I'll send someone to stay with you. Give you and the kids some extra protection. Ok?"

"Thanks, zio."


	47. Family Recipe

Holly woke up with a jolt when she heard the doorbell ring, sighing in frustration when the doorbell woke Valentina up, making her cry. She went in to get her, bringing her down with her to see who it was, telling Rat to go upstairs before letting Eli inside, listening as Eli told her that he was posting an officer outside the house and at the office for her sake. And the kids'.

"Don't fucking stand there and pretend you actually give a shit about my family. Spouting that legal duty bullshit. I don't want one of your lackeys babysitting me. I've seen what happens when they get impatient or bored and I don't have the time or patience to deal with that bullshit. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself and my kids. And what I lack, Jax has in turn. I see a single officer and I'm gonna file a complaint. Now get your ass out of my house."

Holly picked up her phone, putting it on speaker as she changed Tommy and Valentina's diapers, Abel watching the Wiggles.

"Hello?"  
"Holly? It's Dante. This a good time to talk?"

"Yeah. Give me a minute and I can take you off speaker."

She finished the diaper changing and let the babies crawl around their playpens before picking up her phone.

"Sorry. I dealing with mommy duty."

"It's ok. So, did some research into your cartel problem first."

"What'd you find out?"

"Romeo and Luis? Not Galindo. CIA."

"They're feds?"

"Yep. I doubt Clay knew he'd be getting into bed with feds, but that problem needs to be corrected."

"Shit. The guys are gonna be pissed."

"Onto your other inquiry."

"Ok?"

"Called in a favor and had the info on John Teller sent to me. I see what you mean. His bike was tampered with. There was a fingerprint taken, but the evidence got tampered with. My guess is that some cop ruined evidence because Clay asked them to or threatened them or paid them off or something."

"That makes sense. When it comes to being in power or having money, Clay is kinda ruthless."

"Without having more to go on with the death threat note, I can't do very much on that front. But I can tell you that it's not the cartel."

"That's alright. The club's looking into the death threat."

"I'm sending Giovanni and his old lady to stay with you until things settle down with this."

"I can't tell you how much I appreciate this, zio. And how sorry I am that I have to call on you with this shit."

"You're family, Holly. We'll always be here when you need us."

"Grazie, zio."

Holly climbed onto the back of Jax's bike, deciding to go with him to go check on Piney. She made him stop once to get something to drink and stretch her legs. When they got to the cabin, she climbed off and walked in with Jax, holding his hand. She grabbed her bottle of sprite, finishing what was left as she sat down, listening to Jax and Piney argue with each other. When Jax walked out, she looked at Piney.

"I can understand why you want things to change. I do too. But you need to stop putting that shit on Jax's shoulders. He was enough on his plate without you pushing his dead father on him. You're not helping matters and all that's gonna do is just spin him out. And I'm not gonna lose Jax because of anyone. Ok?"

She walked back out to Jax, kissing him softly.

"So, Dante and his wife are gonna be here tonight. I'm gonna have to go pick them up from the airport around midnight."

"Ok. It's good that they're coming. It's nice to know that you have some added protection."

"Before we go, I have something to tell you. Something huge."

He turned off his bike and looked at her. She took a deep breath before looking back at him.

"I called my uncle the other day to talk to him about what's been going on. With the cartel too. He said he'd look into some of that and see what he could find out."

"What did he find out?"

"Romeo and Luis? Not Galindo."

"What do you mean they're not Galindo? What are they?"

"CIA…"

"Holy shit…."

"I doubt Clay knew about that. He'd never get into bed with feds. But the guys need to know. Y'all are working with feds."

Holly pulled up to the airport, waiting for her cousin and his wife, listening to music to keep herself awake. She played some thoughts out in her mind, wondering how the guys were gonna take it when they find out they're working with CIA. It wouldn't be pretty, she knew that for sure. She was taken away from her thoughts when someone knocked on the window, looking over and waving at her cousin, getting out to help put their bags in the back before climbing back into the car, driving home.

"Dante told me to let you know that your cartel problem would be taken care of by the weekend's over. And nonno is allowing the Clay issue to be dealt with in house."

She nodded, glancing at him for a second.

"I appreciate that. But I'm too tired to talk about things. But are you guys hungry? We can stop somewhere for food."

"No thanks. We ate on the plane."

"Airline food? Brave ones."

"No. We brought our own food."

"We don't trust airline food." 

She looked back at Dante's wife, Maria with a smile before turning onto her street.

"Smart. I don't either. Well, we're almost at the house. You two will be staying in the basement room. We use the basement as the guest room since we've given the kids their own rooms."

"Thanks for letting us stay, Holly."

"Anytime. You're family. And Jax and I are both happy that you're here."


	48. Kiss

Holly sat at her desk at the firm, Valentina asleep in her stroller as Holly returned some calls and made some appointments. For once, she wasn't looking forward to going home. Jax was gonna tell the guys about Romeo and Luis and she was glad she wasn't gonna be there to witness that. She knew that it might end in another vote for change in leadership. She looked at her cell when it went off, answering it when she saw Jax's number.

"Hey, baby. How'd it go?"

"Not good. Shit went down pretty hard. I had to tell the club about the letters and the manuscript."

"Shit. Are you ok?"

"Physically. Where'd you put the letters and the manuscript? The guys want proof."

"They're all in the safe at the back of the closet. Combination's Abel's birthday."

"Thanks, babe."  
"Let me know what happens?"

"Ok. Love you."

"Love you too."

Holly sat in a cell at the jail, playing with her engagement ring with one hand and her locket with the other, letting her mind wander. She'd attacked Eli when he went after Juice again and got arrested for it. She'd asked to talk to agent Potter, sitting and waiting for him while Rosen was called.

"I hear you want to talk to me, Ms. Pavlov. What can I do for you?"

She looked over and couldn't help but laugh a bit when she saw him.

"You couldn't look less like an agent if you tried. You dress like my dad would when he wasn't working."

"What do you need, my dear? How did you even know about me?"

"Eli Roosevelt. He told me about you not long after the guys got home and what you were hoping for when you used RICO against the club. He told me what you told him would happen if you learned he told someone about you and your goals. I kept warning him that if he didn't leave my family alone, to include the club, or I would tell you that I know what you're here for. He didn't listen, so here we are."

"It seems I have overestimated our good sheriff."

"It seems so. And there's something else you should know."

"And what is that?"

"Romeo Parada and Luis Torres? Not Galindo. They're CIA. I had to tell the club, so they know too."

She looked at him, watching him start to pace.

"I'm gonna give you a piece of advice, agent Potter. Many people have tried to destroy SAMCRO and all have failed. A couple people have gotten close. They're now dead. And that's not a threat. It's a fact. I get you want to destroy organized crime, but enough people have been hurt or killed because of this shit. I don't know you from dick, but I'm tired of seeing dead bodies in my hometown. Quit while you still can. You might get close, but you will fail. Spectacularly."

"And what makes you say that?"

She smiled at him a bit as she heard Rosen walking down the hall with Jax.

"Let's just say personal experience. I'll wish you luck, because that's the kind of person I am…..But you will lose. It's just a matter of time."

She looked over when Jax called her name and went over to her, watching as an officer open the cell door, letting her out. She went over to Jax, kissing him softly before looking back at Potter.

"Oh. Before I forget…..Juice Ortiz isn't a rat. He's loyal. No matter who is father is. And one could, if one were so inclined, make a case that you using Eli Roosevelt, a black man, to get to Juan Carlos Ortiz, a half Mexican half black man, is racially motivated."

She watched him give her a small smile, anger playing on his face.

"That's very sneaky, Ms. Pavlov. It seems I've underestimated you."

"A lot of people do. They learn quickly. It was nice to finally meet you. I hope to do it again soon."

She smiled as she walked off with Jax, lacing their fingers together.

"I'm proud of you, darlin'. You did good."

"Is it wrong that I'm kinda turned on right now?"

"Only if it's wrong that I'm turned on by you."

She laughed softly, kissing him before climbing onto the back of his bike, holding onto him as they rode home.

Holly let Gemma into the house, leading her into the living room. She, Jax, the kids, Dante and Maria were sitting down to a late dinner when Gemma knocked on the door. It had been voted that Clay would meet Mr. Mayhem. She looked at Gemma with a look of slight sympathy.

"I know why you're here. And things aren't changed between us. I have no love for you anymore."

"Then why have you been so friendly with me since Valentina was born? Why did you let me into the room?"

"The simplest answer? Because of the kids. I can tell them stories about who my parents were until I'm blue in the face, but they'll never if it's true or not because they'll never get to meet them. Just like they'll never get to meet JT. You are their last grandparent and they should know you and the love grandparents have for their families."

"And the complicated answer?"

"Because with everything that's been going on lately, I needed something familiar. Something that was safe. When it comes to stuff like this, you're predictable. You step up and needed the mentor I grew up with for a little while. And I got that."

"So what happens now?"  
"With Clay stepping down, so are you. You're not an old lady anymore. You're simply a family member. You still don't have a say in the kids' lives or mine. You'll be in the kids' lives because they need it. But your time of being queen is over. Effective tomorrow."


	49. Hands

Holly couldn't stop laughing as she watched Jax get flustered as he tried to talk to Abel. What started out as something innocent turned very dirty and then kind of awkward when Abel had walked in on Holly and Jax having sex. When she was finally able to stop laughing, she picked Abel up and put him on her lap, looking at him as she held onto him.

"What mommy and daddy were doing was something that you'll experience when you're much much much much much much much much older called sex. It's a very special hug between two people."

"Why do I have to wait so long to do it?"

"Because there's a lot to this special hug that you have to know that would take way too long to explain."

It only took a few more minutes before she could get Abel to stop asking questions and go get some clothes on. She looked over at Jax with a huge smirk, watching him pull her in for a hug.

"I was thinking about it. Let's go take that vacation. Make it a family thing and take the kids. We'll go up to Disney."

"I know Abel would love that. But are you sure you can leave?"

"It'll be a few days before I can go anywhere. So I want you to pack our bags, book a hotel room for the 5 of us and take some time off work."

She smiled at him, cupping his face gently and pulling him in for a deep kiss, giggling into the kiss as he laid her onto her back, both of them picking up where they left off when Abel interrupted them.

Holly let agent Potter in when he knocked on the door, shutting the door behind him before going into the living room with him.

"What can I help you with, agent Potter?"

"I thought you should know, and I know you'll tell the club, Romeo Parada and Luis Torres have been found dead. Along with a few members of Lobo Sonora."

"Why would I need to know what happens to them? They're not my concern."

"They're not your concern anymore. Your mother's family have taken care of them for you."

"I don't know what you're talking about agent. You make me sound like some kind of double agent or something. I'm just an old lady and a mom."

She smirked at him, crossing her arms across her chest, looking at him. They both stared at each other for a minute before Potter looked away from her and down at the file in his hands.

"As for Eli Roosevelt, he's been fired and is currently being arraigned."

"Is his wife ok?"

"As ok as she can be in this situation."

"Am I right in assuming that you told her it was my fault?"  
"Yes. I'd expect a call from her if I were you."

"So you've said what you came to say. I have mommy duties. I'm gonna ask you to leave."

"I didn't say everything I needed to. Eli is pressing charges against you for attacking him. I'm here to arrest you. Do you have someone to watch your children?"

She looked at him in shock, her mouth open slightly as she shook her head.

"I'd have to call someone."

"Call them. I'll wait."

She watched him sit down on the couch before calling Jax.

Holly sat in her cell, tapping her foot impatiently, waiting to be arraigned. Jax had called Rosen, but there wasn't anything Rosen could do just yet. So Holly would have to go to court to get the charges dropped. In a week. Which meant that, once again, her time with Jax would be postponed indefinitely. She looked over when she heard someone call her name, seeing Opie come over to her.

"Hey. Jax told us what happened. You ok?"

"Are the kids ok?"

"Yeah. Gemma has them at her place with Neeta and Jessica. Is there anything we can do to help?"

"No. The only way that I'll be able to go home is if Roosevelt drops the charges. And I doubt that's gonna happen anytime soon. I'm just worried about the kids and Jax."

"Jax is fine. Worried about you. The kids are fine too. Just focus on staying whole."

"Call Laroy? See if he knows anyone on the inside?"

"Where are they sending you?"

"Corona. California Institute for Women."

"I will. When do you go?"

"As soon as they're finished with the paperwork. Another few minutes."

"You'll be fine, Holly. Stay strong and trust no one unless you hear otherwise. Ok?"

"I will. Tell Jax I love him."

"I will."

Holly was on the bottom bunk in her cell, rooming with a friend of the Niners who was protecting Holly, reading a book she'd managed to get. The charges hadn't been dropped and the judge had ruled in Roosevelt's favor. So Holly was sentenced to 9 months in CIW. In the 3 months since she'd been there, she'd kept to herself and spent most of her time in her cell or in the cafeteria. Until it came time to visit, when she spent as much time as she could with Jax and the kids. Which was a bittersweet thing for her, since she'd missed more than she thought she would. Tommy was starting to talk now and Valentina was starting to walk.

"You doing ok down there? You're awfully quiet."

"Yeah. I'm just reading. Waiting for my family to get here."

"How're they doing?"

"Good. The kids are all so big now. I'm missing so much."

"That's never easy. But you'll make it through. Just wait out the next few months and then you can go free, boo."

She nodded quietly, looking at the book, just starting to get back into it when the guard came over.

"Let's go, Pavlov. Your family's here."

She nodded, putting the book down before going over to the door, following the guard out to the visiting room, running and jumping into Jax's arms, holding onto him tightly as happy tears dripped down her face, feeling him kiss her neck gently. She took in a deep breath, taking in the scent she missed so much. She kissed him softly and passionately for a minute before pulling away, bending down to pick up Abel, noticing the babies weren't there, looking back at Jax.

"Tommy's got a cold and Valentina has the chicken pox. Abel missed you really badly."

She sniffled softly, nodding as she sat down, holding onto Abel, rubbing his back gently as he showed her all of the pictures he'd drawn and colored for her, smiling as she kissed his head. She looked over at Jax, holding his hand.

"How are you doing, darlin'?"

"I'm physically whole, anyway. But it's nice to have protection and a friend. It makes things easier."

"Has anyone given you a hard time?"

"Nothing too bad. I've been keeping to myself as much as possible. The guards seem to like me because I get some extra privileges here and there."

"Good. You'll be out before you know it."

"I can't wait to come home. I miss our bed."

"It's waiting for you, babe. I promise to keep it warm for you."

She smiled sadly at him, kissing his hand.

"Have you heard from Rosen?"

"Yeah. He tried to get the ruling appealed, but lost that case."

"It's ok. It's only a few more months."

Jax sat in the living room with the kids, some stupid ass kid's show playing on the TV for the kids as his mind wandered. He needed to protect Holly from this shit. He knew that, even though the club was all she knew, she needed something that had nothing to do with the shit he'd brought into her life. She deserved it after everything she'd been through. It killed him to know that it was all because of him. She'd been raped because of the shit he did for the club. He wanted to think that he could get out of the club and start over with her and the kids somewhere, but it was becoming more and more apparent that that wouldn't ever happen. He was too far into the shit with the club and he couldn't get out. He had to be strong enough to end things. He looked over when the house phone rang, getting up to answer it, seeing Laroy's number on the screen.

"Laroy? What's going on?"

"I heard from Yolanda. Holly's got sent to the hospital. She got shanked in the yard. It's pretty bad, man."

"Shit. What hospital?"

He got the name of the hospital before calling him mom. He had to wait for her to get there before he could go, speeding off to Corona. Walking through the hospital, trying to find Holly's doctor, he was in agony. He'd been thinking about leaving her while she was being attacked. He went to the nurse's station to ask for the doctor that was assigned to Holly, looking over when he heard someone saying Holly's name.

"Yeah. She's my fiance. Is she ok?"

"She's in surgery right now. But it's not looking good. Whatever she was stabbed with punctured her lung along with causing a lot of damage to her abdomen, torso and arms. It looks like she tried to defend herself."

"Oh shit….How bad is the damage?"

"I don't know. I'm not the surgeon working on her. But I'll make sure someone comes to update you on your fiance's condition."

"Is there anyway she can be transferred to St. Thomas after her surgery?"

"She's a prisoner, sir. I'm not in charge of that. You'll have to ask her guards."

Jax nodded, letting the doctor go, calling Opie as he walked into the waiting room.

"Jax? It's pretty late. You ok, brother?"

"No I'm not. Holly got attacked at the prison. She's in surgery at the hospital in Corona. It's not looking good, Ope."

He sniffled as he teared up, covering his eyes with his hand as the tears started falling. He didn't care who heard or saw.

"What do you need, brother?"

"I need her out of the woods and then I need her out of Charming. I'm tired of seeing her get hurt because of me. The club. She deserves better than this life."

"She doesn't want out, Jax. She was trained by your mother to take care of all of us. She loves you too much to leave this life. She might not be a member but she has the member mentality. It's all she knows."

"She'll figure things out. I can't let her stay. I won't let her get killed because of me."

"You won't get her to leave. She loves you too much, brother. You know that."

"I know. But I need to do something. I won't let her get hurt again. I couldn't handle it."

Jax sighed deeply as he wiped his eyes as he walked into the waiting room, having gotten a call from Opie that most of the guys were there for support. He looked around at Tig, Opie, Juice, Chibs and Bobby, hugging them all in turn. He looked over at Ope when he asked about Holly.

"She's been out of surgery for a while now and she's still out. She's got a punctured lung and there's a bit of tissue damage."

"You doing ok, brother? You still having those thoughts?"

"Now more than ever. She was pregnant again. Baby didn't make it."

He looked over at Chibs.

"I need some air. You guys mind staying for a bit? Keeping an eye on her?"  
"Of course, Jackie Boy. Go take a breath. She'll be just fine."

He nodded, clapping Chibs' shoulder as he walked out, going out to his bike, putting his helmet on before riding off, not knowing where he was going. But he ended up at Cara Cara, walking inside. He ended up talking with some brunette who turned out to be a croweater. After the conversation turned to one of the girl's movies, Jax let her lead him to her dressing room, locking the door behind him before pulling her in for a deep kiss. He tried to force himself to think of anything but Holly, but as he pushed into the girl, Holly's face was all he could see. Her smile, her eyes. Just like it was when he was after Tara left Charming. The eater's moans transformed into Holly's in his ears. As guilty as he felt, he couldn't stop. Not even rolling the girl onto her stomach on the floor helped. Looking at her back, all he could think about was how Holly had just gotten his crow nearly over her entire back. She'd given him two gorgeous kids and had taken such great care of Abel and he was betraying that. But through his guilt, there was a small nugget of hope that despite this, she'd heal from the betrayal eventually and start over with someone who wouldn't get her killed.


	50. Call of Duty

Holly looked towards the door when she heard it open, looking down at her hands when she saw Jax. She had just finished talking to the doctor. And Opie.

"I just talked to the doctor. How are you feeling?"

"Suspicious. You tell Opie that you want to push me away, from the only home I've ever had, from you, from my friends and family, and then not only are you not here when I wake up, I hear that you went out for some fresh air and didn't come back until just now. Where'd you go, Jackson?"

"Just for a drive. And I did tell Opie what was on my mind."

"I know you well enough to know when you're lying to me. So tell me the truth. Where did you go?"

"You need to calm down, babe."

"Don't change the damn subject and answer the damn question, Jackson. Where the hell did you go last night?"

She looked up at him, tears filling her eyes when she saw that he couldn't even look at her. She shook her head, biting her lip.

"I have your crow. You went out of your way to contact my father's father to get my grandmother's wedding ring, the side of my family that I've literally never spoken to. You asked me to be the mother of your son with another woman. I gave birth to two of your children. I've been raped. I've been kidnapped. I went through two miscarriages and an abortion. I went halfway around the world for your son. I've taken care of you and the guys. You threw everything in my face after twisting what I've done and I warned you. You hurt me again and we're done. And this is what you do? This is how you prove you love me? You make promise after promise after promise, don't deliver and then send your dick on a cheerleader hunt. And, if I know you, you're gonna tell me that you've changed your mind and you want me to stay."  
"Of course I want you to stay. But go over that list again, Holly. You deserve better than an outlaw biker with a GED who has no other skills than being an ok mechanic. I want to be able to give you more than what I do but I can't. The club is all I know. All I am. But you can be so much more. You can be better than my mother. But if you stay, you will turn into Gemma Teller, and I won't let that happen to you."

"STOP MAKING THOSE DECISIONS FOR ME! I'm not a fucking child, Jackson! I might not know anything other than the club, but I couldn't imagine the guys not being in my life! This is my home, my happiness and you are determined to take that from me. I don't care that you can't take me anywhere, or the kids. I've only ever wanted you and your heart and your loyalty. I've given you absolutely everything and, just like your mother, you don't fucking care. I'm done with you. I'm not leaving Charming, or the club. But those babies are mine. I will continue to do what I've always done and take care of my friends and family. But make absolutely no mistake, I'm not your old lady anymore. And I never will be again."

"You can't be around the club anymore. I don't want you to get hurt again."

"Than you shouldn't have cheated on me. You're so obsessed with keeping me safe and from getting hurt that you fail to see that you're hurting me more than I've ever been hurt."

She looked at him, both of them crying as the heart monitor beeped erratically in the background.

"I want you out of here, Jax."

"Out of where?"

"Out of the room. I don't want anything to do with you and I still have to call Dante to check in and I wanna check in on my kids."

"Our kids."

"MY kids! I told you when Valentina was born that if you hurt me again, you would lose me and the kids. If I have to, I will take you to court. For Abel too. It might be Wendy's name on the birth certificate, but you had me adopt Abel. As far as that little boy knows, I am his mommy. All I have to do is show the judge our records and they will be mine. You are an outlaw biker with a rap sheet as long as a football field. I have one charge on my record. Who do you think a judge will trust more?"

Holly looked over when Gemma came in, putting on a smile for the kids as they came in. She hugged Abel lightly, kissing his head gently.

"Hi, baby boy."

"Hi, mommy. Are you ok? Daddy said you got hurt."

"I'll be fine. I promise. Mommy's gotta stay in the hospital for a while until I get all better. But I'm getting moved closer to home. So I'll be able to see you more."

"Good. I miss you, mommy."

"I miss you too, baby. And I love you so stinking much."

"I love you too. Nonna and I made a bunch of sandwiches for you."

"You did? That's so sweet."

"Yeah. Jax said you wouldn't want hospital food."

"Oh yeah. What else did your son say?"

"He said you two got into it. You ok?"  
"I don't wanna talk about it in front of the kids. But know that things are over between us."

She looked over when Chibs came in.

"Hey, lass. Just wanted to let you know that we gotta leave for a bit. But we'll be back later."

"You guys don't have to babysit me. When you're done with whatever, y'all can go home."

"Are you sure, lass? We don't mind staying with you."

"I really want some time alone with my kids. I'll be fine."

Holly looked up from her laptop when she heard a knock on the door, surprised to see Wendy come into the room. She'd been transferred to St. Thomas a couple hours ago for better care.

"Wendy? What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see you at the firm, but I was told you were here. Are you ok?"

"I will be. You look good. Seattle treating you ok?"

"Yeah, it did. Been clean for over two years."

"Good for you. Why are you really here?"

"I want to get to know my son."

"Wendy…..I've always kept that door open to you but you never used it. You never walked through it. It's not open anymore."

"I gave up the right to raise him, but not to know him."

"Yes you did, Wendy. You gave up that right when you walked away. Going away for rehab was good. But I told you that if you wanted to get to know Abel, you had to make the effort. You made absolutely no effort. There was never any texts, calls, cards of any kind. Abel is my son. Not yours. You might have given birth to him, but I've been there for every appointment, every boo boo, every birthday. You can call a lawyer if you want, but you won't win. He might be your son, but you don't know him. And thanks to your laziness, you never will. Now get out of my room before I call security."

Holly woke up when she felt someone move her hair out of her face, looking into Jax's eyes. She moved away from him, watching him sit down.

"I thought I made myself perfectly clear."

"Please let me explain?"

"Jax? It's late, I'm tired and I'm so emotionally drained. I don't have anymore to give you."

"Just listen, please? And then I'll go. Let you sleep."

"Fine."

She moved the bed so she was sitting up, looking back at him, crossing her arms across her chest.

"5 minutes."

He sighed and looked at her.

"This isn't how I wanted it to go. I don't want you to leave me. I didn't want to cheat. It made me sick with guilt. But the one thing that you and Tara shared was that you hated disloyalty. I don't love the fact that I hurt you, but it was the only thing I could think of to make you leave. I don't wanna lose you or the kids, but I don't want them growing up in this life and think this is what life is. I don't want them thinking that this is what I want for them. I would do anything, give up anything to keep the 4 of you safe. And if cheating is what I have to do I'll do it again and again and again."

She looked at him with tears in her eyes, shaking her head.

"You know….I watched you while I was dealing with the rape. You knew something was up with me and I could tell that you were thinking that you would do anything to get me talking. That, even with club shit, I was your priority. Me and Abel. Not much else mattered to you. This thing with the cartel, it was bad shit that came at a bad time. If I had known what was in those fucking letters ahead of time, I never would've told you. Not because you don't deserve the truth, but because it spun you out just like Donna's death spun Opie out. He went crazy and now, so are you. I can tell that you don't really know what to do with yourself. You wanna believe that you can change the club and get out of everything that Clay started, and I genuinely believe that you can. But this shit with your dad's letters and his manuscript and how it spells out how he died has you so twisted up inside that you're hurting me worse than I've ever been hurt. You're so wrapped up in thinking that you're keeping me safe that you're putting me in more danger than I've ever been. If it were just you and me, I'd easily fall back into your arms and tell you that everything's ok and will continue to be ok and that I'll stand by your side, but it's not just us anymore. It's Abel, Thomas and Valentina too. You say that you don't want them growing up around club shit and thinking that this life is ok, but you think it's a good idea to let your children know that it's ok to hurt someone like you're hurting me and not at least try to fix it?"

"I am trying to fix it."  
"No you're not. And this isn't something you can fix, Jackson. This isn't Harry Potter. There's no Time-Turner that you can use to take back what you've done. You didn't think about all of the consequences that would come with you fucking someone else. You didn't just break my heart, you destroyed our family. You took something so amazing and you broke it. Beyond repair. You can apologize until you're blue in the face and say over and over again that you'd do anything to take back what happened, but you knew how I'd feel about this shit and you did it anyway. You were the one person in my life that I could trust with anything. I gave you my heart and you broke it worse than my ex did. I can't look at you the same way, Jax. You're not the guy I fell in love with."


	51. Burnt and Purged Away

Holly let out a soft grunt of pain as Happy placed her into her bed at the house. She'd been discharged that morning, and had been told that she needed to stay in bed for a few days until she could make it up and down her stairs without incident. She took a breath before looking at Happy, letting him help her get comfortable.

"You know, sometimes I forget how sweet you can be. You and I haven't had a lot of contact lately, so this is a nice change, Hap."

"How are you feeling, little girl?"  
"Physically or emotionally?"

"Let's start with physically."

She chuckled softly, shifting a bit to get more comfortable as Happy sat down.

"I feel like I'm recovering from surgery."

"And emotionally?"

She shook her head, trying not to get emotional. Not because she was embarrassed, but because she was tired of crying.

"I'll be fine. It'll take a while, but I'll be fine."

"He does love you. He went about it the wrong way, but he wants you safe."

"Then he could've kept someone on me. Given me a gun. He didn't have to sleep with someone else."

She heard someone come in downstairs, glancing towards the door, hearing someone come up, sighing when she saw Jax, rolling her eyes before she laid down, laying down on her side, wanting to get some sleep.

"I came to grab some stuff. I've been crashing at the clubhouse."

"Where are the kids?"

"Jessica took them up to Legoland with your cousins. I hope that's ok. Mom was busy and we need the prospects."

"Yeah, that's fine. I'm sure they're gonna have fun."

"Do you have your pain meds?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Take 'em. And get some sleep."

"Stop it, Jax. This is not the first time I've had to recover from shit."

"Right. Sorry."

Holly yawned deeply as she woke up, hearing her phone. She answered without looking at the number.

"Hello?"

"I know you don't wanna talk to me or hear from me, but Ope needs you. Clay killed Piney and Opie found him at the cabin. Piney's been dead for days and Ope's gunning for blood. He's heading to the clubhouse and I don't think I'll get there in time."

She cursed under her breath and hung up, getting up carefully and going straight down to her car, climbing in and driving off. She could feel the pain by the time she got to the clubhouse. She was sweating as she walked inside, her legs shaking a bit as she walked over to the chapel, holding onto the door.

"Opie? I know Clay deserves this, but not like this. Please put it down."

"What are you doing here, Holly? You should be resting."

"Jax told me about Piney. I can't believe he's gone. Jax wants me to talk you down from doing this, but I don't care. Clay deserves to die. Brutally. He killed Donna and now Piney. But think this through. He's meant to meet Mr. Mayhem for his crimes. You bring his killing Piney when that happens and it will ensure that he burns for what he's done. Past and present."

She met Opie's eyes, feeling herself growing weaker as she held onto the door, her bare feet warming up the chilled floor. She hated seeing her friend in so much pain. She watched him start crying, reaching out for his hand.

"I know it hurts. And it'll make you wanna fling yourself off a cliff for what feels like forever. And I wish I could help you and keep you from that, but I can't. No one can. All I can do is tell you that I'm here for you. And I always will be."

"What the fuck am I supposed to do here, Holly? It hurts so goddamned much. How do I get it to stop?"

"I don't have that answer, Ope. I'm still in pain from my parents' deaths. I can't make this decision for you."

She gasped loudly when Ope pulled the trigger, jumping a bit. She looked over to find a couple rounds in Clay's chest and shoulder as Jax came in, trying her best not to pass out. But it was a losing battle…..


	52. To Be Act 1

Holly looked back as Jax came in, struggling to keep her eyes open, feeling a couple of her stitches pop. She wasn't doing so hot right then. She motioned for him to go to Opie, holding onto the door a little tighter, trying to keep herself upright. But when Jax shot Ope in the arm to keep him from killing Clay, her vision went dark and she passed out, falling to the floor as she heard two more sets of running footsteps come into the clubhouse. When she came to a while later, she let out a soft moan, feeling a little better but still weak. She opened her eyes as she heard someone come in, seeing an officer come in, rubbing her eyes a bit before looking at them.

"Did you see what happened to Clay Morrow?"

"No. I passed out before it happened."

"What were you doing at the clubhouse anyway if you're supposed to be resting?"

"Jax called me and asked me to meet him there, wanting to talk. I should've just stayed in bed."

"Did you see anyone before you passed out?"

"No. Sorry. I wish I could help. Is Clay gonna be ok?"

"He's in surgery. Thanks for your time."

She laid back, watching the officer leave. She moved the bed so it was sitting up, calling for a nurse.

"Is everything ok, sweetheart?"

"How many stitches popped?"

"5. And you have a bit of an infection that we didn't catch in time. So we're gonna keep you here for a while."

"I'm assuming there are people in the waiting room for me?"

"Yes, there are. Would you like me to send them in?"

"Yes, please. For a little bit."

She tried to relax, sitting back as she waited for the guys to come in. She looked over as they came in, hugging Chibs back when he hugged her.

"Did you see what happened, lass?"

"Clay killed Piney. Piney must've been threatening him with the letters, not knowing that Jax already showed you guys. Ope found Piney up at the cabin. He's been dead for days. Opie went to the clubhouse looking for revenge. Jax called me to see if I could talk Opie down. I passed out after Jax shot Ope in the arm to keep him from killing Clay. I don't know what happened after that."

"They must've come up with the idea of pinning the shooting on black to protect Ope."

She just nodded, the pain meds kicking in and making her sleepy, yawning softly, her eyes starting to close a bit.

"Where's Jax?"

"I don't know, lass. You go to sleep. We'll track him down and send him your way."

Holly looked at Jax when he took her hand, blinking against the light until Jax turned the lights off before going back to her.

"Chibs said you were looking for me. You ok, darlin'?"  
"How's Opie?"

"I dropped him off at a quick care and he called Lyla. He'll be fine."

"No he won't. He's lost a lot because of club life. He'll be looking for revenge no matter how many times you stop him. And all it's gonna do is eat him up inside and make him resent you. Don't let that happen, Jax."

He nodded as he sat down next to her, still holding her hand. She let out a yawn as he rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb.

"Is there anything I can do to get you to forgive me?"

"No. I don't know if I can, Jax. I never thought the day would come where the person who came to my rescue even when I didn't ask for it, would become so different to me. I know you want me safe and taken care of, but you went about it the wrong way. Instead of talking to me and coming up with a plan, you slept with another girl. I wouldn't want to, and I would've argued with you about it, but I would've taken the boys out of town. I would've taken them to Disneyland or up to visit uncle Jury. Gone to visit another charter. But all you had to do was talk to me, Jax. I would've rather argued with you and went to bed mad than know that you cheated and grow to hate you for it."

"I know. I hate myself for this. I have to fix it somehow. Please give me the chance?"

"I'll tell you the same thing that I told Wendy before she left for rehab. Put in some time. If we're meant to be together then I'll be here when it's meant to be. But it won't happen overnight. This isn't something you can just apologize and kiss me and have things magically be ok. I put a friend's husband in prison to help out one of your brothers and you push me away from you."

Holly looked over when Opie came in, a bit surprised to see him, but glad to see him. She put down the book she'd been reading as he shut the door behind him and sat down next to her, taking note of the fact that his arm was wrapped up. She looked at him.

"How're you doing, Ope? How's your arm?"

"Hurts like hell, but I got good drugs. How are you?"

"I'm ok. I got some pretty good drugs myself. I'm on some antibiotics too. I'll be fine as long as I don't do too much."

"Good. Jax shouldn't have called you. He shouldn't have put you in danger like that and I didn't want to be talked down."

"I would've done it anyway, Opie. I know Clay needs to die for what happened with Donna and now your dad, but if you had killed him, it would've gotten you in trouble. Your kids have lost enough. They can't lose you too. And I can't lose you either. I've lost Gemma and now Jax. I need someone in my corner. I feel like I'm losing everyone in some way and it scares me."

"You haven't lost anyone, Holly. Jax is always in your corner, no matter what he does. He didn't want to push you away because he stopped loving you."

"I know that, Ope. But to know that he could do it so easily hurts. I know he's hurting from it, but that doesn't come close to how much I'm hurting. I have never been through so many tragedies in such a short amount of time as I have since Jax and I got together, but I've also never been more lucky. To have it all just destroyed like that? I almost wish Greg had killed me."

"Don't say that, Holly. Jax isn't the only one who's benefitted from the love you have to give. If it weren't for you, Donna and I never would've met. Kenny and Ellie never would've been born. Chibs would be so lonely without someone to take care of. All of the guys would be worse off without you. We would've been lost had it not been for you. Jax went through hell when Greg beat you to a pulp. When the doctor told Jax and your parents that they might have to pull the plug, it took me, Tig, Bobby and Clay to keep him from killing him. He didn't kill Greg, but he made sure that the entire town knew who Greg was. Two days later, Greg was found beaten to death in his house by his mother. The town rallied to get rid of him. Jax loves you more than he's ever loved Tara. Even when he wasn't around you, you were his first priority. It's always been that way."


	53. To Be Act 2

Holly was just getting back into bed after coming back from having a shower, getting comfortable as Jax came in. She looked at him as she sat back, watching him sit down next to her.

"You look like you're ready to hit someone. What happened?"

"Clay beat my mother over those fucking letters. I'm struggling with everything, Hol. And I don't know how to clear my head."

"Is your mom ok?"

"Yeah."

"Good. As for clearing your head, talk to me."

"I don't want to burden you."

"Go ahead, Jax. I don't mind."

She watched as he sighed, putting his head in his hands for a minute before looking at her.

"I never wanted presidency this way. At first, I thought I could just convince the guys to vote Clay out because of the shit he was doing and the way we were butting heads. The way shit went down with Cameron and Kellan and Jimmy O, I thought I could twist it and convince Clay to step down willingly. I'm finally president and it doesn't feel real. It doesn't feel right."

"It doesn't feel right because this wasn't out of revenge over something trivial. It doesn't feel real because this time you have everyone in your corner. You said it yourself, the reason you wanted Clay to step down because you were butting heads. With the way things went with the Irish when Abel was taken, you still weren't thinking straight. This time around, the revenge makes sense and the guys know it. It's the right time for you to step up and be president and the guys are all behind you. Look at everything you've done since. The shit with the cartel is done. You made a decent deal with the Irish to keep up the relationship. You're doing a great job. You just need to take a second to breathe and get used to the new patch. It's a new thing, Jax."

"And what about you? I always had an image of you standing by my side when I got the president's patch."

"I will always be on your side, Jackson. But the fact that I'm not your old lady is your own doing."

"I know. And I wish I had done things differently."

"I do too, Jax. But I don't wanna talk about us. I still don't know how I can get past this. It's gonna take me some time, Jax."

"I know. I'm sorry, Holly."

"I am too."

Holly walked into the clubhouse, knocking on the door of the chapel, opening the door when she heard Jax say to come in.

"Holly? Are you ok?"

"Yeah. I just wanted to let you know I was home. For good."

"Come here for a minute?"

She nodded as she walked over to Jax, letting him pull her into his lap as she looked him in the eyes. She'd spent the entire day thinking about their situation, and she'd come to a decision. A pretty huge decision.

"I'm still trying to forgive you. You have a lot to make up for and you're on your very last chance. And I'm not kidding this time. I won't take you back again if you hurt me. I don't care what the reason is."

She kissed his cheek gently before standing up, holding his hand.

"Will I see you at home?"

"Why don't you stay? I'll take you home."

"No. I need to get to bed. The pain meds are kicking my ass. I've got Phil waiting for me in the car. I love you. Jackass."

He smiled at her, kissing her hand softly.

"I love you too, babe."


	54. Sovereign

Jax stood in the doorframe of the bathroom, watching Holly in the shower, listening to her singing to herself, their song playing through the waterproof speaker she'd bought for herself for in the shower. He was lucky and he knew it. He knew he was on thin ice after cheating on her, but he had an amazing woman on his side, three great kids and his club was doing well. He smiled to himself as he took off his clothes, stepping into the shower. He turned Holly around in his arms and kissed her deeply. He pulled her close as he held onto her face gently, not letting her say a word as he picked her up and carried her into the bedroom, laying her on the bed, ignoring the mess they were making as he kissed her deeper, pouring as much love as he could into the kiss. Pushing into her, it felt like home. Like his own little slice of heaven on earth. The best part of being inside of Holly was seeing the look on her face. If anyone else were to see it, all they would see were the effects of them having sex. But he knew the truth. After what happened with Greg, Holly didn't trust anyone enough to sleep with them for the longest time. She didn't let anyone in because she didn't want to be hurt again. Every guy after Opie and before Jax had hurt her in a way that she never thought she'd recover from. She'd abused, humiliated and insulted to the point where, though Jax was the only one that knew, she would hate herself. Jax had watched her go through it all. The eating disorders, the depression. Knowing that he added to that hurt him more than he'd ever be able to explain to Holly, but at the time it made sense. But he'd saved her from it all. So the look on her face when he was inside of her was pure trust. He was just happy to know that she trusted him again. Slowly but surely, he was coming home.

Holly sat at her desk at the firm, using her downtime to look at wedding dresses. She'd never been the kind of girl to plan out her wedding. She knew that the guys she'd been with before Jax were never gonna last long in her life and Jax wasn't someone that was gonna get dressed up for anything. So she never saw the point. But Gemma asked how things were going between her and Jax and where things were headed for them. And it made her curious. She was halfway through her lunch break, eating the sandwich she'd made for herself as she looked through pages and pages of wedding dresses and the only thing she knew for sure was that the idea of tulle made her head hurt. But, just as she found a style of dress that didn't make her cringe, she heard her cell go off, jumping as she hadn't expected that. She looked at the number and answered, seeing Laroy's cell number.

"Laroy? What're you up to?"

"I hate to do this, but I need someone sympathetic. You got some time?"

"I still have some time on my lunch break. Can you meet me somewhere close?"

"Yeah. how about the diner in Charming?"

"Yeah. I'll meet you there."

"Thanks, boo."

"Of course. I'll see you soon."

She threw her trash away and turned off the computer before leaving, driving to the diner. She got there not too long before Laroy showed up. Looking like he'd been crying.

"Are you ok? You look horrible."

"Someone came after me. Killed my girl instead. I needed to talk to someone."

"Oh shit, I'm so sorry, Laroy. Do you have any idea who did it?"

"Not yet, but I will."

"If there's anything you need, let me know. Don't hesitate to ask."

"Thanks, boo. I appreciate that."

She nodded, talking with him until she had to go back to work, getting up to hug him.

"I mean it, Laroy. You need anything, you have my number."

"I will. Thanks for listening."

Holly took a deep breath, having just finished a yoga session while Gemma fed the kids dinner, looking over when she heard her phone ring, picking it up, slightly out of breath.

"Hello?"

"Hey, boo."

"Laroy? How are you holding up?"

"As well as I can be. So, that offer still on the table?"

"To do anything if you need me? Yeah. Why? What do you need?"

"Veronica's dad heard about you and how friendly you've been to me and my guys no matter what was going on between us and your old man. He wants to meet you."

"Why does he wanna meet me? I haven't even met Veronica."

"He wants to show his gratitude."

"Um….Ok. When?"

"Dinner tonight. Is that alright?"

She thought for a second, looking at the clock on the wall, biting her lip.

"Ummm….I guess that's ok. When exactly does he wanna meet?"

"7."

"Can we do 7:30? I was working out and need to get cleaned up."

"Yeah, that's fine. He's sending someone to pick you up."

"Alright. I'll see you in a couple hours."

She hung up on him after their goodbyes, laying back on her yoga mat for a minute before going up to shower and look for something nice to wear to dinner, calling Jax.

"Hey, babe. You ok?"

"Yeah. I got a call from Laroy. His old lady got killed in an attempt on Laroy's life. Veronica Pope. I guess her dad, Damon Pope is some bigwig gangster guy. I guess Laroy mentioned that I'm friends with him to Damon and he wants to meet me. Take me to dinner."

"I don't want you going."

"I can't say no, Jax. I have no real good reason to say no. Besides, I already said yes."

"Holly, call Laroy back and tell him you changed your mind."

"Jax, I'm not gonna do that. I'll be fine. I'll be there for an hour or so and then I'll come home. I just wanted to let you know."

"I don't want you doing this, Holly. I mean it."

"Jax, do you trust me?"

"Of course I do."

"And I trust Laroy. Nothing's gonna happen to me. I'll be back home in a couple hours and everything will be fine."

After a few more minutes of arguing, she got Jax to calm down and trust her, finishing getting ready. By the time she was done, she heard someone knock on the door, going downstairs, looking at Gemma.

"Where are you heading out looking like that?"

"Out with a friend. Jax already knows. I'll be back in a couple hours."

She kissed the kids goodbye before leaving, seeing one of Laroy's men at her door, following him to the SUV, climbing into the back. When they got to the restaurant, she was a bit taken aback. The restaurant that Damon Pope had picked out was a lot fancier than she'd been anticipating. She'd dressed up nice, but she hadn't expected this. She walked inside with the men, giving Laroy a smile and a hug, kissing his cheek.

"Holly, this is Damon Pope. Veronica's dad."

"It's nice to meet you, Mr. Pope. I wish it were under better circumstances. I'm so sorry for your loss. No parent should outlive their children."

"Thank you for your sympathy. I understand you've suffered a couple losses of your own."

"More than my fair share, yes."

She thanked Damon when he pulled a chair out for her, sitting down, putting her purse on the back of her chair.

"If you don't mind my asking, what happened?"

"I don't mind. I lost my parents 5 years ago yesterday. And then I've suffered 2 miscarriages."

"I'm so sorry. Do you have kids?"

"3. My oldest is my fiance's son from a previous relationship, my middle is 2 going on 3 and my youngest is almost 2."

"Congratulations."

"Thank you, Mr. Pope."

"Damon, please."

"Damon."

She looked over when the waiter, who immediately started flirting with her, asked for her drink order, ordering a glass of white wine and water. She looked over at Damon. He hadn't done or said anything to raise any red flags, but he made her nervous.

"So, please don't take this the wrong way, but why did you want to meet someone who you and your daughter have never met?"

"You can relax, Ms. Pavlov."

"Holly."

"Holly. You can relax. I only want to say thank you. Laroy Wayne has been under my employ for quite some time now, and I know how difficult it can be to make friends on the outside and make it work."

"I can understand that. I've spent my entire life around the club and to this day I don't have friends that don't know about some club things."

"It's good to know that the Niners have someone so understanding and sweet as your reputation hints at."

Holly had just gotten home as Jax pulled into the driveway, thanking Laroy with a kiss on the cheek before getting out of the SUV, going over to Jax, smiling at him. She'd had a couple glasses of wine and was a bit tipsy.

"I told you I'd be fine. You gotta learn to trust, baby."

"What did Pope want?"

"He wanted to thank me for being so nice to Laroy and the Niners and offering to help out with the funeral of someone I'd never met."

"Is that all he wanted?"

"Yeah, it was. Went to a nice restaurant, had a fancy dinner and high end wine."

Jax couldn't help but smile at her. He knew that Holly was not that kind of girl.

"Oh yeah? And what'd you think of it?"

"Weird sauces, tiny portions. The wine was really good, but give me a steak and fries any day."

He chuckled, kissing her softly and holding her close. He looked at her, keeping his hand on the small of her back.

"Why don't you go upstairs and get out of those shoes and that dress, come down and eat with me?"

"I've already eaten. But I haven't had dessert yet." 

She smirked at him before looking over at Bobby and Chibs.

"You guys wanna come in for some coffee?"

"No, lass. We've got stuff we have to do tomorrow. We're gonna head home."

"Ok. Goodnight, guys."

She went over to hug them before going inside and telling Gemma she could go home before going up to change into comfier clothes. She was just coming downstairs to start cleaning up as Jax came inside, looking at him when he stopped her and picked her up, putting her on the counter in the kitchen, kissing her deeply. She wrapped her arms around his neck, tangling her fingers in his hair.

"I hate that you cut your hair. I loved it long."

"I'll grow it back out just for you, darlin'."

"Good. I like having something to hold onto."

"Speaking of which, wanna go upstairs?"  
"No. I wanna stay right here. We've never done it here."

She smirked at him, gasping softly when he ripped her pajama shorts down her legs in one big movement, holding onto his shoulders. She pushed his cut off, gently placing it on the counter before pulling off his shirt, tossing it to the floor. She stopped and looked at the cut for a second.

"Do me a favor, baby?"

"Anything."

"Keep the cut on?"

"Anything for you, darlin'."


	55. Authority Vested

Holly sighed in frustration as her car broke down, putting her head on the steering wheel. She was on her way home from work when she noticed that her car was going slowly. She'd hoped that she could make it to the garage, but she wasn't that lucky. It didn't help that her phone had died because she forgot to charge it the night before. She took a deep breath before grabbing her stuff, putting as much in her purse as she could, grabbing her keys and getting out of the car, locking it. She looked at the building she'd broke down in front of. Diosa International. She walked inside and went up to the desk, looking at the older woman behind the desk.

"Can I help you, ma'am?"

"I was hoping to use your phone. My car broke down outside and my phone's dead. My fiance runs a garage and I need to call him."

"Go ahead."

"Thank you."

She moved over to the side, pulling the phone over with her a bit, dialing Jax's number, waiting for him to pick up.

"Hello?"

"Jax, it's me."

"Holly? Why aren't you using your phone?"

"The car broke down and my phone died a few hours ago. Can you come get me?"

"Yeah. where are you?"

"Some place called Diosa International."

She gave him the address from a business card she picked up from a container on the desk.

"Alright, babe. I'll come get you. Stay there, ok?"

"I will. Will you get someone to relieve Jessica? I was supposed to go home to relieve her and she has an appointment."

"I'll send mom over."

She looked in surprise when she saw Gemma come out of some guy's room with him.

"Um….How about Mallory? I don't think she's doing anything today."  
"Are you and mom fighting again?"

"We're always fighting, but that's not why I'm asking for Mallory."

"Alright. We'll talk when I get there."

"Love you, baby."

"Love you too, darlin'."

She hung up and looked over at Gemma, whistling to get her attention.

"Holly? What the hell are you doing here?"

"My car broke down and my phone's dead. What are you doing here?"

"None of your damn business."

"It is my damn business when I had to call Jax to get him to get someone over to the house to watch the kids cause Jessica has somewhere she needs to be and he wants to call you."

"Shit. I'll go now."

"No you won't. I'm having him call Mallory. I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume you don't want him to know that you're sleeping with some Mexican guy in an escort service."

"Actually, I run this place."

She looked at the guy and nodded.

"Sorry. I meant no offense. It's been a bad day from start to finish and now seeing my old man's mother in an escort service is a little shocking. I'm Holly Pavlov."

"Naive bitch, is more like it."

"Bite me, bitch. You're already on thin ice. You really wanna antagonize me? Knowing what's at stake?"

She watched Gemma back off, listening to her grumble as she walked away. She looked back at the guy.

"Holly Pavlov."

"Nero Padilla. It's nice to meet you, chiquita."

"You too. So you run this place? Gotta be nice surrounding yourself with cute girls. Although, some of them look pretty young."

"Everyone here's over age and I don't sleep with the employees. I prefer relationships over one night stands."

"Word of advice? Don't get attached to Gemma Teller. She has a habit of hurting the people she claims to love and care about and manipulate them."

"Sounds like there's a bit of bad blood between you two."

"That's being incredibly kind. She might be my fiance's mother, but there's a lot of love lost between the two of us."

"Do you want some coffee while you wait, chiquita? Or some water? It's a pretty hot day."

"Water would be perfect, thank you."

"Ok. Come on."

She followed Nero to the kitchen, ignoring Gemma completely until Gemma pushed her.

"I'm talking to you, Holly! You're so wrapped up in your hatred for me that you…."

Gemma didn't get the chance to finish her sentence due to Holly smacking her in the face.

"You know why I hate you! Why I keep you at arms length, Gemma! You were like a mother to me, shit you were my godmother, and you fucking stabbed me in the back in the worst way possible! You took the worst moment in my life, in our lives, and used it to manipulate your son and husband, ignoring how much it was affecting me. And you can say until you can't breathe how sorry you are, but it's not enough. It will never be enough. Even Jax cheating on me didn't hurt as much as what you did. He was trying to push me away to keep me safe. He had me in mind. You had yourself in mind and were so worried about how your son and husband would look at you that you tortured me and let me try to fucking off myself! You saw, firsthand, how much my suicide attempts hurt Jax and you still didn't care! As long as you had Jax and Clay you were happy. Meanwhile, I was in absolute hell. But, for the kids' sakes, I gave you one more chance and you seem to be determined to ruin that chance too. You and Jax and the guys are so busy with your own things, and I get you all are sorting through some absolute shit, but none of you are standing back to realize that I don't have many more chances to give out anymore. People can only handle so much before they break and I'm very close to my breaking point. And I'm not kidding. You're working on my last nerve, Gemma Teller. You push me one more time, literally or figuratively, and I will take away the one thing you love most in this world. I will keep you away from MY family. I will kill you to do it if I have to. Am I clear?"

She glared at Gemma until Gemma nodded, picking up her purse before looking at Nero.

"Is there somewhere I can be alone until my fiance gets here?"

"Yeah. I'll put you in one of the aromatherapy rooms. Maybe you should take a session? Calm down a bit."

"How about some tequila instead?"

"I don't have any."

"Then just the water and the room."

She followed him to the room in silence, walking inside and sitting down in the armchair in the middle of the room. She grabbed some cash out of her purse, handing Nero some.

"For the room."

"Keep it, chiquita."

"Please let me pay? I'd feel bad taking up one of your rooms and affecting your business. So please?"

She hadn't realized that she'd been tearing up until Nero wiped her eye gently, cupping face lightly. She tried to hold back more tears, looking away from him.

"It sounds like you need someone to talk to that doesn't involve your family, Holly."

"I can't. My fiance's club does things that if I told, not only would I be a rat, they'd get in trouble."

"Not with me. I used to be part of that life. And I was damn good at it."

She looked up at him in surprise.

"You? You don't strike me as the type."

"Nunca juzgues un libro por su portada, niña."

"Sorry. You're just so sweet."

"You look so sad, chiquita. I'm gonna go get Gemma to go home and then I'm gonna come back and you're gonna talk. Let out as much pain as you can before your old man gets here."

I don't wanna take up your time, Nero. I know you have to be busy."

"Shush. Pick some oils to put in the incense burner, sit, relax and I'll be back."

Holly took a deep breath after she'd finished washing her face in the bathroom of the aromatherapy room, looking into the mirror as she heard Jax come in, looking at him through the mirror.

"When does this shit end, Jax?"

"What shit?"

"Me being broken over and over and over again. I'm losing myself and I can't deal with it anymore."

"Bad day?"

"It's more than just a bad day, Jackson. I'm at the point where I'm starting to get used to being hurt and I'm starting to not care. I can't deal with much more, Jax, before I really leave. It would hurt to leave you, but I would."

He sighed softly, letting her come over to him, pulling her in and holding her close.

"Is there anything I can do? I hate seeing you like this."

"Stop hurting me. Stop letting your mother hurt me. I can understand if something happens because of the club. As long as the kids don't get hurt, I'll deal with whatever comes and I'll still be by your side. But when the pain comes from people I'm supposed to love, that's when I can't deal with it."

"I know. I'm so sorry, babe."

"Don't be sorry, Jax. Just fix things. But just know that I'm at the end of my rope with this shit."

He nodded, kissing Holly softly as he held her close. He looked at her when she pulled away. He could finally see just how broken she really was and it made him sick. When something happened, he would watch her struggle to smile again but she always managed to be happy again. It was never long before he saw the smile that he fell hard for. But the look that was on her face was different. It was the physical manifestation of how he felt when Abel had been kidnapped. His beautiful, supportive, amazing, wonderful, loving girl was broken. And all he could do was blame himself.

"Chibs has your car hooked up to the truck. Let's go home, babe."

Jax sat at the table at the clubhouse, taking a hit from his joint as he thought about Holly. How the fuck was he gonna fix her broken heart and soul? He found himself missing Holly's parents. Especially her dad. Holly and Daniil had always had a special bond. Holly loved her mother, Viola, with everything she had. But since Holly was born, she'd always been the biggest daddy's girl. Daniil could always get her to calm down when no one else could. If he were around, Jax would send Daniil to talk to her. But in thinking about Daniil, he got an idea. He put out the joint before grabbing his phone. He didn't know if this would work, but he hoped it would. Because he needed to see a smile on Holly's face again.

Holly bolted up in bed when she heard the door downstairs getting kicked in. she cursed under her breath before grabbing her gun, putting it in the hem of her sweats, tiptoeing over to Valentina's nursery, putting her in Abel's room before getting Tommy and putting him in Abel's room as well, going to grab her cell before locking herself and the kids in Abel's room, trying to keep them quiet and asleep as she called Jax, only to be sent to voicemail. He was probably asleep. She cursed softly before calling Tig.

"Holly? It's 3 in the morning."

"I can't talk too loud. Someone broke into the house. Get here now."

"Shit. Where's Jax?"

"He crashed at the clubhouse. Just fucking get here."

"I'm on my way. Keep the kids with you, escape if you can. I'm leaving now."

She had to hang up, hearing someone coming up the stairs. She pulled her gun out and stared at the door, trying to keep quiet. She bit her lip gently as the footsteps got closer to the door, looking around for a way to get the kids out, but there wasn't. And then the doorknob started jiggling, her heart pounding in her chest. She raised her gun and pointed it at the door.

"Get the fuck out of here! I called the cops and they're on their way."

"No you didn't, Holly. You probably called Jax. Maybe Tig or Chibs if he didn't answer."

"Clay? What the hell are you doing here?"

"Come out here, Holly."

"No, Clay. You're in a shit ton of trouble. Get out of here. Now!"

She let out a scream when she saw the door get kicked down, her eyes going wide as the kids all woke up, the babies starting to cry. Clay wasn't alone. Frankie was there along with a couple guys she'd never seen before. She panted in fear as she pointed her gun between the three of them. But she knew, as Abel cowered behind her, that she wouldn't make it out of this alive. She teared up as she lowered the gun, letting it fall to the floor, looking at Clay.

"Do what you want with me, but promise me the kids will be fine?"

"You know I wouldn't hurt them, Holly."

"Let me say goodbye?"

"Come downstairs when you're done."

She nodded, watching as the guys went downstairs with Clay. She let out a silent breath of relief. She had a chance. Clay was an idiot at the best of times, and she thanked God for that. She bent down to look at Abel kissing his head gently.

"I need you to be mommy's big brave boy. Can you do something for me, buddy?"

"Yeah….."

"I'm gonna put you in mommy and daddy's bedroom with brother and sister and lock you in. Do you remember daddy's and all of your uncle's phone numbers?"

"Yes, mommy."

"Good boy. If you forget at all, you'll have mommy's phone. I need you to call daddy. And if he doesn't answer, call uncle Chibs or uncle Bobby or uncle Juice or grandma. If anyone answers, tell them mommy needs help because she's hurt. I'm not actually hurt, but it'll get someone here quickly. If nobody answers, you call 911 and tell them that someone's trying to hurt you. You understand me?"

"Yes, mommy."

"That's mommy's boy. Unless you hear my voice at the door, you do not unlock that door. Am I clear?"

She kissed his cheek before picking up the babies, bringing the three of them into her room, putting the babies into the bassinets in the room, putting her cell on the bed before putting Abel on the bed next to it. She kissed the babies heads gently before looking at the three of them for a minute, hearing Clay call for her from downstairs. She rushed out, looking at Abel.

"I love you, buddy. Don't ever forget that."

She locked the door behind her, grabbing the gun from Abel's bedroom floor, checking to see how many bullets there were in the magazine. Thankfully, there were enough for the plan she'd come up with on the fly. All she could do now was hope that Tig would get there soon and that Jax would pick up for Abel. She held onto the gun as she made her way to the stairs, watching from the top as the guys started towards the stairs. She aimed the gun, pulling the trigger as soon as Clay's head came into view. The three guys behind him pulled him out of the way, but she hit Frankie in the shoulder. She jumped out of the way as Clay pulled his gun out and shot at her, just narrowly avoiding a bullet to the gut. She hid behind the wall out of sight.

"You're not gonna get another warning, Clay! Leave now and you'll make it out alive!"

"You're outnumbered, Holly. Give it up and accept your fate."

"I'm not giving up anything. You're already dead, Clay."

"Right. Which means I have nothing to lose."

She poked her head out and fired another shot, hitting one of the guys in the stomach, hearing him fall to the floor. She ducked back behind the wall as more shots rang out. She waited until they stopped before firing a few more shots. It took a few minutes before it was just her and Clay. And now she was out of bullets. She ran to the bedroom, knocking on the door.

"Abel, it's mommy. Let me in now, please!"

She kept glancing over her shoulder towards the stairs. She sent another silent thank you to God, glad that the fact that he'd been shot in the lung meant that he was slow. When Abel opened the door, she picked him up and put him back onto the bed, running into the closet to grab more bullets, quickly putting in a new clip in the magazine before running out of the room, locking it behind her as Clay ran up behind her, grabbing hold of her. She screamed and struggled against him. It took a good shot to the chest to get him to let her go. As soon as he did, she ran downstairs, hearing a bike turn down the street. She heard Clay chase after her, running to the front door. She didn't make it outside, hearing Clay right behind her. She didn't want to do this, but the only way to end this was a shot to the head. She had just turned around as Clay came up to her, not hesitating to pull the trigger, the shot echoing throughout the house. She looked over at the bodies one the floor in different places, feeling as if she lost her hearing, not knowing Tig had come in until she felt his hand on her shoulder, turning and pointing her gun at him. It took a minute before Tig's face clicked in her head, handing him the gun before running up to the bedroom, knocking on the door.

"Abel, it's mommy."

She picked him up and held him close, falling to her knees as she started crying, holding him close to her, feeling him cry into her shoulder. She'd come so close to losing her life. To being taken from her family. To say she was shaken up was an understatement. She put Abel on his face, cupping his face gently.

"Are you ok, buddy?"

"Yeah. I heard the shots and thought you'd been shot."

"I'm fine, buddy. I promise."

"I called daddy."

She nodded, kissing his head gently, looking over when she heard Jax calling for her, letting Abel run to Jax when he came up the stairs. She buried her face in her hands as she backed herself to the door, breaking down, her whole body shaking. She could hear the guys downstairs, not paying attention to anything else as Jax put Abel down and held Holly close, rubbing her back as she cried. She felt him rock her gently, as he told Abel to go to grandma, who was coming up the stairs. She held onto Jax when he picked her up, holding onto his cut tightly with both hands.


	56. Laying Pipe

Holly sat in the living room, going over what happened to the police, holding onto Tommy, who she had just got back to sleep. She was kinda numb at the moment, letting Jax hold onto her. It was a while before the cops left, putting the kids back in their rooms, letting them sleep. It was now 6 in the morning and she was wide awake and a bit jumpy. She looked over at Tig as she came back downstairs.

"I'll have the prospects clean up here."

"Fine. Thanks, Tig. Thanks for coming."

"Anytime, doll. Are you sure you're ok?"

"I'll be fine once the shock wears off."

She hugged back when Tig hugged her, feeling him kiss her head, feeling better and better with every passing second. She gave him a smile when he pulled away from her, kissing his cheek gently.

"I'll be fine, Tiggy. I promise."

"Ok, doll. Call if you need anything. And, by the way, you're doing great with those kids. Abel called me when he got off the phone with Jax. He called everyone to make sure you were gonna be ok."

She smiled a bit more, nodding as she let out a small laugh.

"Thanks. I needed that."

She watched the guys leave, shutting the door as much as she could. The front door and the door to Abel's room needed to be replaced. She wrote down a list for the prospects of things that needed to be done before going up to Jax, who was checking on the kids, watching him in Valentina's room, watching as he put his hand on her small body as she slept.

"Jax? They're ok. I wouldn't let anything happen to them."

She met his eyes when he looked back at her, holding her hand out for his, lacing their fingers together when he came over to her, kissing him softly.

"I know you wouldn't. I'm sorry I didn't pick up."

"It was 3 in the morning. I'm not mad at you."

"I'm mad at myself that I wasn't here."

"I'm not. I'm fine and so are the kids. Clay can't hurt us anymore. I'm sorry I took your job away from Mr. Mayhem, but he's finally gone."

She kissed him again before he could say anything, pulling him into their room, deepening the kiss.

"Before you argue this, I need something to anchor me to reality. Something that tells me I'm not dreaming. So please?"

She let him take off her shirt and sweats, tossing his clothes to the floor when she took them off, kissing him deeply as he laid her on the bed, reaching down to wrap her hand around his cock, pumping him until he was rock hard, wrapping her arms around his neck as he pushed into her, letting out a gasp of his name as he filled her up, moaning when he bottomed out inside her. She ran her fingers through his hair as he started thrusting into her, arching her back into him before rolling them over so she was on top of him. Each thrust bringing back a gunshot, holding onto the headboard as she squeezed her eyes shut, keeping the tears back as Jax held onto her hips.

Holly walked into Diosa with Gemma. She told Jax that she was going for an aromatherapy session, paying for one when she got up to the desk, letting Carla lead her to one of the aromatherapy rooms, sitting down in the armchair after picking her oils, sitting back and trying to relax. But she couldn't. Part of her was worried about the kids, although they were at the clubhouse with Jax and the eaters and prospects, and another part of her was going over everything she'd been through since she and Jax got together. Once again, she started doubting that she was doing the right thing or if she were on the right path. The more she thought about it, the more people's voices she had in her head, different pieces of advice playing in her mind at once. She looked over when the door opened, looking into Nero's eyes as he came in, once again letting him wipe away tears that she didn't know were there.

"Maybe you don't need relaxation oils, chiquita."

She couldn't even say a word as she leaned into him, wrapping her arms around his torso, feeling him hold her close, rubbing her back gently after he picked her up and sat her down, putting her in his lap. She cried until her tears dried up and she had a headache. She got up and went to the bathroom, washing her face before coming back out, looking at him.

"I need to do something impulsive. I wanna pay for a girl."

"Are you sure about this, chiquita? You know what it feels like to be hurt like that. You really wanna do this?"

"I need to do something, Nero. Or at least, start something. If I come to my senses than I'll go home and this'll mean nothing. But I need something. Something stupid, something quick. I need some kind of sign that this is really who I'm meant to be."

He looked at her and sighed deeply, running a hand over his face.

"I know someone. You want something big to trigger a sign? Than she's perfect. It'll be a while before she gets here. So sit back and take a few deep breaths. Think about things."

Holly nodded as she sat back down in the armchair. It was three hours before she heard another knock on the door, telling whoever it was to come in, seeing a woman come in, who was very clearly a transvestite.

"Nero called me. Are you Holly?"

"Yeah, I am."

"I'm Venus. It's nice to meet you, sugar. Nero says you're in need of some intense therapy?"

"You could say that."

"Well, follow me, sugar."

She hesitated a minute before following Venus into another room, looking around at the room. She looked over when she heard the door shut, watching Venus lock the door.

"It's just a precaution, sugar. People who ask for my services usually want as much privacy as they can get."

Holly nodded, not knowing what to say as she watched Venus put her bag down on the floor.

"So what are you into? What's your preference?"

"I don't, ummm….I've never done this before. I'm engaged to someone."

"I hear that a lot, honeybee. I promise you that my lips are sealed. If you decide to do this."

"And if I don't?"

"Let's just take it one step at a time. You're not the first one to have second thoughts about me."

"Just know that, for me, it's not you. It's the fact that I'm actually thinking of cheating on my fiance. I'm pretty open-minded. It's the situation I'm struggling with."

"How about we just talk, sugar? Get to know one another and see where your head takes you."

She nodded, sitting down on the bed, putting her head in her hands, shaking her head a bit. It was an hour of conversation before she turned her brain off, letting Venus take the lead. It was a weird feeling for her to be with someone else. She looked into Venus' eyes as Venus took off Holly's shirt, shivering a little at the chill.

"Just breathe, sugar. You'll enjoy it."

"Just kiss me? Please?"

She felt Venus kiss her softly, the kiss growing deeper as Venus laid her back, her breath hitching in her throat as she kissed Venus back. She watched as Venus took off her flip flops before taking off her jeans, sitting up to undo her bra.

"You said you have kids. You still breastfeeding, sugar?"  
"I'm weaning my daughter off to a bottle."

"I can tell how full your tits are. They look a bit heavy."

She felt Venus grab her tits as she gasped softly, her eyes closing in pleasure as her head fell back against the pillows, sighing happily. She could feel herself starting to get wet, every thought leaving her mind, replaced by the thought of how Venus might feel inside her. She could tell that Venus was going slow to put Holly's mind at ease about this. Though the wet spot on her panties told Venus that she didn't have to go too slow.

"Oh God….."

Venus leaned down to take one of Holly's nipples in her mouth, biting down lightly, making Holly moan softly. But the sudden feeling of her hands on Holly's clit had Holly gasping and bucking her hips involuntarily. She rubbed Holly over her panties softly, feeling the wet spot grow larger and larger. She pulled off the blonde's panties, tossing them onto the floor with the rest of their clothes, kissing down to the valley between Holly's tits, watching Holly start shivering in pleasure under her, her hand continuing to rub Holly, getting her as wet as possible. She got up to grab a condom and some lube.

"Where do you want me, sugar?"

"My pussy…."

She nodded at the blonde, putting the condom on, watching as Holly started playing with herself, getting herself worked up. She got herself hard as she walked over to Holly, climbing on top of her before slowly pushing into her, letting out a soft moan at how tight Holly was, hearing Holly moan softly as she gripped Venus' arms gently. She started thrusting slowly into Holly, watching as the blonde arched her back. She didn't know Holly too well, but from what she could see, she could tell that Holly hadn't been able to let go of her problems for a while. As Venus kept thrusting into her, Holly kept begging for more, getting louder and louder the closer she got to cumming.

"Oh fuck, I'm gonna cum….."

"Come for me, sugar. Let it out."

Holly screamed Jax's name as she came, arching her back off the bed, feeling Venus hold onto her hips to support her as she came hard, her pussy pushing Venus out on its own, clenching around nothing. As she came down from her high, the reality of the situation crashed down over her.

"I just cheated on Jax….."


	57. Stolen Huffy

Holly sighed deeply, the guilt mixing with an unknown feeling in the pit of her stomach as she got dressed, fixing her hair as she looked over at Venus.

"What do you I owe you?"

"I'm giving you a discount. $500."

"I'll give you an even $1000 to keep this quiet."

"My lips are always sealed, sugar. Keep your extra 500."

She smiled softly at Venus, putting her flip flops back on before fixing her makeup and leaving. She reached the door before Venus called for her. She turned to look back at her.

"I'm gonna give you my number. If you ever want to talk or need a break from mommy duty, give me a call."

Holly took the card that Venus gave her, looking at it for a second before putting it in her purse.

"Thank you, Venus. I appreciate it."

She walked out of the room, going out to the main area, stopping in her tracks when she saw Jax standing with Gemma. She went over to Jax, kissing him softly, the guilt getting stronger.

"Hey, babe. What're you doing here?"

"Mom called and said your session was about to end and I wanted to come get you. See if you wanted to go up to the cabin. The club has some down time, so I figured you and I could take the kids up to the cabin for the weekend. What do you say?"

She looked at him and nodded, holding his hand.

"That sounds great, babe."

"You ok? You don't look excited about it."

"Sorry. I am. The therapy session didn't work like I'd wanted it to."

Holly looked at Jax as he walked into the bedroom of the cabin, sitting on the bed as she watched him. He'd done everything for her since he picked her up a few hours ago. He'd got their bags packed for her and the kids, he'd gotten the kids into the car and buckled in, he'd even gone out to pick up dinner and dessert for them. It only made her feel guiltier. She looked at him as he came over to her. She had to tell him. It was bugging her.

"Babe, are you ok? You've been pretty quiet. We finally have the time to get away and you couldn't be less excited."

"I'm not ok. I'm feeling guilty."

"Is it about Clay?"

"No. I have no guilt about Clay. I don't think he would've hurt the kids himself, but I didn't know the guys he was with besides Frankie. I didn't want to kill him, but I didn't see another way out of that situation. That's not why I'm feeling guilty."

"Then what's going on?"

She licked her lips a bit and looked down at her hands.

"There's no easy way to say this or soften the blow. I slept with someone at Diosa today. Her name is Venus. She's a tranny that works for Nero. The aromatherapy didn't work. I just ended up thinking about my parents again and doubting us. I tried to talk myself out of it, Nero tried to talk me out of it. I'm so sorry."

Both of them were engulfed in silence and silently letting tears fall. Jax couldn't even bring himself to hate her. He wasn't thrilled, but he understood retaliation.

"Please say something, Jax? Yell at me if you have to, but just do something."

"It was just a one time thing, right?"

She looked up at him, having been expecting something else, nodding in silence.

"I cheated on you first. We'll chalk it up to retaliation and move on. I don't hate you."

She bit her lip, letting more tears fall as she got up and went over to him.

"Jax, I'm serious. If you're angry then tell me. Yell at me, scream, throw things, hit me if you have to. But don't stand there calmly if you don't mean it."

She watched him as he took her hands, kissing them both.

"The last time I got a good look at your face, I saw a look of pain that I have never seen on you before. I saw how broken you are. I hard I broke you. And to be honest, Holly, I wanted to push you away more because I wanted you to get some distance from the pain I've caused you. That was quickly replaced by the need to put a smile back on your face. The smile that made me fall for you harder than I fell for Tara. The smile that makes my darkest days so bright. Your smile is my favorite thing about it and it's been killing me that I haven't seen that smile on your face for so long. It's why we're here at the cabin. I want you to relax and remember why we're together. And I wanted to surprise you. I'm not thrilled that you cheated anymore than you were when you found out about me and the croweater. Neither one of us can take back what happened, but it's over. We can get through this, babe. I know it."

Holly curled into Jax, both of them tangled up in each other as the sun came up, the sheets wrinkled and mussed as Holly played with Jax's fingers, her head laying against his arm, a small smile on her face.

"You said you wanted to surprise me. With what?"

"I was thinking about your dad the other day. You and him had a bond that no one could break. He was the only one that could calm you down easily. I was thinking about how much I wished for your sake that your parents were still around. I can't bring them back for you, but I can help you get to know them better. I called your grandpas and they're sending some pictures and shit for you from when your parents were growing up. I can arrange for you to fly out to their hometowns and meet your families. Maybe you could get the perspective you need."

She looked at him with a surprised smile.

"You would do that for me?"

"I told you, Holly. I'd do anything to keep that smile on your face."

She smiled and kissed him passionately, placing her hand on his chest.

"I don't wanna wait anymore, Jax. I wanna get married."

"Name the time and place."

"At the clubhouse. I want Chibs to give me away."

"Make the arrangements when we get back. Money's no object, darlin'."


	58. Orca Shrugged

Holly looked back at Jax in the mirror as he pounded into her at a bruising pace, his grip on her hips tight enough that there was gonna be bruises forming over the next couple days, moaning so loudly she was almost screaming his name. Since telling him about Venus, things had heated up quite a bit in the bedroom. It was almost like they were teenagers again. Jax currently had her on her hands and knees on the carpet in their room, fucking her in front of their full length mirror. She went cockeyed as she came hard around him, gushing around him as he fucked her through her orgasm, the carpet underneath her soaked through as he came inside her. She felt Jax hold onto her while she came down from her high, holding her shaking frame. When she calmed down, she looked back at him, kissing him softly and passionately. She let him help her up, going into the bathroom to take a shower. When she came out, Jax was getting dressed. She dried off and got dressed herself.

"Are you sure you want me to come with you to this deal with the Irish? I'm just an old lady, Jax."

"You've gone with me to shit like this before. You're not just an old lady."

She smiled at him and nodded, sitting down to put her boots on, zipping them up before tying up her hair.

"Hey, babe? I kinda need your advice on something."

"Anything, baby."

"We're looking for a way to blackmail someone that Hale wants to back him for Charming Heights. We need to do it today, but we have nothing."

"What kind of blackmail?"

"Something quick but damaging."

She sighed softly and thought for a second.

"How about Venus? Knock the guy out, have Venus do her thing, take some pictures. I could give her a call?"

Holly climbed off the back of her bike when they got to the warehouse, putting her helmet on Jax's handlebar, stretching her legs and cracking her back. She walked over to Opie, holding his hand.

"How are you holding up, Ope?"

"I'm doing ok. What about you? I know there wasn't ever much love between you and Clay, but…."

"There was never any love between us. It came down to him or me and I'm not about to leave my kids or Jax. I don't regret killing him. I regret taking that from you."

"Hey, I got to kill Stahl. I'm good. I'm just glad that bastard's gone."

"Me too. I just hope Gaalen understands the situation."

"Speaking of you and Jax, you two seem to be doing better. If that hickey is anything to go by."

She smirked unashamedly, looking over at Jax, who was talking to Chibs.

"Yeah, we are. And I have a favor to ask you."

"Anything."

"I'm gonna ask Chibs to give me away when Jax and I get married. I was wondering if you'd get the permit and marry us."

"You want me to perform the ceremony?"

"I don't want anyone else to do it. Only you know how much shit Jax and I have been through. It wouldn't be quite as special coming from anyone else."

She looked up at Opie, who was smiling. She smiled back and hugged him when he said he would.

"You know it means that you'll have to write a speech, right?"

"Yeah, I know."

She smiled, kissing Opie's cheek, looking over when she heard a car coming. She sighed softly. She'd met Gaalen once and she ended up kicking him in the balls after a comment he'd made about her ass. When he tried to go after her, Chibs and Jax had to hold her back from attacking him. So this was gonna be interesting. She looked at Jax when he came over.

"Behave, babe. We need this."

"As long as he keeps his mouth shut, I'll be polite."

"Babe…."

"Hey. I didn't start the fight last time. He deserved my knee in his balls. And he lunged at me."

Jax just smirked at her, kissing her softly.

"I mean it, babe."

"I'll be as nice to him as he is to me."

"Keep your old lady on a leash this time, Teller."

She glared at Jax pointedly.

"Why don't you call Venus? See if she'll help us out. We're gonna go after we're done here."

She took a deep breath and nodded, keeping her comment to herself as she walked over to Jax's bike, sitting down on it and pulling out her phone, dialing Venus' number, letting out a breath as she hit the call button.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Venus. It's Holly."

"Oh hi, sugar. How are you doing?"

"I'm doing really good. I ended up telling my old man and we worked things out. I feel like I should thank you and Nero."

"I'm happy for you, sugar bear."

"Thanks. But I have a favor I need to ask you. My old man is president of an MC and they need some leverage over someone they need something from. Would you be willing to take some pictures with someone as a favor?"

"What kind of pictures?"

"Compromising. Jax will make sure you're paid in kind for it."

"When do you need me, sugar?"

"Today. A couple hours."

"Text me when you need me and I'll be there."

"Really? Thank you, Venus. I really appreciate it. How much do we owe you for your time?"

"2 grand."

"You'll get it when you get there. Thanks again."

"Anytime, sugar bear."

She hung up with Venus after another minute, going over to Chibs, nodding to Jax, who glanced at her while he talked to Gaalen.

"So where's Clay?"

"He's dead."

Holly looked over at Tig for a second before looking at Gaalen.

"I killed him."

"What? Why would you kill him?"

"He broke into my house and threatened me and my children. It was him or me. He had a stitched up lung and was carrying around an oxygen tank. It didn't take much. And even if I hadn't, he would've been killed anyway."

"I made it clear that I was gonna deal with Clay only."

"Well now you're gonna deal with Jax."

"I don't trust him."

"And I don't trust you."

"He got my friend and mentor killed."

"Father Ashby was a fucking Judas and a goddamned hypocrite!"

"Bite your tongue, lass. Kellan Ashby was a good man."

"No. He was a liar. While I'm genuinely sad that he's dead because he didn't deserve death, instead of doing the right thing and putting Jax and I out of our misery and returning our son, he put it upon himself to put an innocent child up for adoption without consent. I feel horrible that Jimmy got to him before we could, but I will never forgive him for what he did. And, despite what you're determined to think, Jax is a better man than you give him credit for. If he'd had his way, Jimmy would've been dead sooner and Kellan would still be alive. So your anger is unwarranted and unappreciated. Jax is willing to work with you and you're being a dick."

"You need to back off, Cailín beag. I won't warn you again."

"Díreach toisc go bhfuil Dick agat, ní chiallaíonn go mbainfidh tú a bheith ar cheann, saileach."

Holly gasped when Gaalen backhanded her across the face, making her stumble back a bit. She glared back at him, ignoring the cut on her cheek from his ring or the fact that it was bleeding a bit. She lunged forward, roundhouse kicking him in the head, watching him fall to the ground.

"You ever put your hands on me again, I don't give a flying fuck who you are or your reach. I'll kill you like I did Clay."

She watched as Gaalen got up, standing in a defensive position, recognizing the look on his face.

"Don't do this. Because either way, you'll lose."

"How do you figure, bitch?"

"Because if you win this fight, I'll make sure the word is spread that you like to put your hands on women. And you lose, you'll have had your ass handed to you by a woman. You're in America. My home court."

"I'll take my chances."

Ducked when he moved to hit her, punching him in the gut before standing up and landing another punch to his cheek. She went to hit him again when Rourke and Jax got into the middle of the fight, feeling Jax cart her off.

"I thought you said you were gonna behave?"

"I said I would if he would."

He smiled at her, checking the cut on her cheek before kissing her.

"I'm gonna have someone teach you how to really fight."

"I hate that Irish douche."

"I do too. But we need the pay off from their guns. So you really need to play nice."

"Tell him that."

He smiled and shook his head.

"I fucking love you."

Holly sat in the office with the guys, helping to get the big guy dressed.

"This is beyond disturbing."

"Oh come on, babe. You're telling me that you're no turned on by this guy? He's so loveable."

"I might be a size queen, but this isn't the size I prefer. I hate to bring it there, but Abel and Tommy combined are bigger than this guy. And he can stand to lose a pound. Or 500."

Jax laughed and shook his head as Holly finished up. Holly looked over when Chucky said that someone was coming, smiling at Venus, going over to hug her.

"Hey, V."

"Hey, sugar bear. These are the guys your fiance hangs out with?"

"Yeah, they are. The best family I could ask for. And this is my old man. This is Jax. Jax, this is Venus Van Damme."

"I can see why Holly is so enamored with you."

Holly bit her lip, biting back a laugh as she watched Jax grab some cash and pay Venus, all of the guys trying not to laugh. But she did notice Tig watching Venus with lust-filled eyes.

"He has been spending too much time at the pie-eating table. What am I supposed to do with Shamu?"

"Just ride him a little. Some other shit. He won't remember."

"But unfortunately I will."

Holly let out a giggle.

"You don't have to do this, V."

"I'll do it, sugar."

She nodded, going back to the backroom with Venus, helping her get ready.

"You into latex, sugar bear?"  
"Not only am I allergic, I don't like having anything on when Jax and I are together. It doesn't feel right."

"You like feeling all of him."

"Yeah, I do."

"You look happier than when I first saw you."

"Yeah, I am. Jax and I talked, worked things out. I was in such a bad place and he's helping me through it. He asked me to start planning our wedding."

"That's great, sugar bear."

"I want you to be there. I know you were paid for our night together, but I feel that if it weren't for you, Jax and I wouldn't be doing as good. So I want you to be there. If you want to be."

She kissed Venus back when she kissed her softly.

"Of course I'll be there. You ever need company when you go dress shopping, call me."

"I will."

She smiled and walked out with Venus, going over to Jax, leaning into him as she wrapped her arms around his waist, watching as Venus worked Allen over. She let Jax go so he could direct Venus a bit, going over to Opie, who was standing in the corner, totally uncomfortable.

"Don't wanna be a part of this? Looks like fun."

"If you think this is fun, you're just as twisted as Tig."

"Well, there is one thing I've done that Tig hasn't."

"What?"

"I slept with Venus."

"What? Are you shitting me?"

She smiled and shook her head, laughing softly at the look on Ope's face.

"How was it?"

"Not bad. She's really gentle and loving. Although, I think she can sense what people need."

"And is it…."

"Is it what?"

"Is it….I can't say it, Hol."

She laughed a little harder, doubling over in laughter. She couldn't stop laughing for a minute, standing up when Chucky said someone else was coming, looking over at the door. She watched as some kid came in. The second she saw the kid's face she could tell he was super stoned. She couldn't hold back the smile when they convinced Allen's stepson to go into the backroom with Venus, sitting down as she shook her head, looking over as the guys started getting Allen cleaned up and redressed. It wasn't too long until she could hear the kid moaning as if he were in a porno, looking at Jax with wide eyes. She bit her lip hard to keep from laughing as she listened.

"I'm gonna fucking cum. Tell me who's your daddy."

She threw her head back, her whole body shaking with silent laughter, tears of amusement filling her eyes.

"Fuck! I'm gonna shoot on your face."

She couldn't take it anymore, laughing so hard she was doubled over. As Venus came out with the kid, she looked at Venus.

"You ok, sugar bear? Why are you crying?"

"Oh no reason. Just really happy right now."  
"Oh. Come help me?"

"Yeah."

Holly sat in the living room, browsing through wedding stuff when Gemma came in, looking over at her.

"So it's finally gonna happen, baby?"

"Yeah. It's really weird to be planning my wedding. I never thought about what I would want for a wedding, so this is….A little weird."

"Why didn't you ever think about your wedding? Just about every little girl did."

"I never thought that I'd ever get here. Up until Jax, nobody I was with was ever gonna last and I knew it almost immediately. And Jax, back then, made it painfully clear that I was never gonna be anything more than his best friend. A sister to him. So I never thought I'd ever get married. Why plan for something that was never gonna happen?"

She looked at Gemma, letting her look through the few dresses she'd found that she really liked, getting up to make a bottle for Tommy and Valentina. She looked at Gemma when she came out.

"You wanna go feed the babies? I'm wiped out and I wanna keep looking at stuff."

"Yeah, baby. And before I forget again, someone dropped something off for Jax."

"Put it in the kitchen. He'll look at it when he gets home."

"Ok."

She watched Gemma take the bottles from her and go upstairs after putting the box on the table. She sat down on the couch and curled up, pulling her laptop over and started browsing again, her search going to honeymoon suites in Vegas before she fell asleep.


	59. Small World

Holly walked into the hospital with the kids, going over to Eli when she found him.

"I just heard. I'm so sorry. I know there's some animosity between us, but I liked Rita. She was an amazing person that deserved way better than what she got. So if you need anything, and I do need anything, please let me know?"

She watched him nod, going over to hug him, feeling him hug her tight. She could tell he needed the comfort right then, rubbing his back as she sat down with him, letting him cry into her shoulder, kissing his head gently. It took a while for him to stop crying and look at her.

"Are you staying at the house?"

"I can't until it gets cleaned up."

"Why don't you stay with us? The basement was turned into somewhat of an apartment for guests. You're welcome to crash until you're ready to go home."

"Why? Why are you being so nice to me? I pressed charges against you. And won."

"Let's chalk it up to retaliation for causing you to lose your job and move on. You can't go through this alone and Rita was my friend."

Holly arched her back as Jax wrapped his lips around her clit, moaning his name as she gripped his hair, tugging a bit. Jax had surprised her a while ago with lunch for her and the kids. And, after eating as a family and watching Jax play with the kids, Holly put the kids down for a nap and Jax pinned her to the bed and wasted no time in going down on her. She looked over when her phone rang. She was gonna ignore it, too wrapped up in her upcoming orgasm, when Jax told her to answer it. She thought he was gonna stop while she was on the phone, but as soon as she hit the answer button, he reattached his mouth to her pussy, making her bite her lip a bit.

"H-hello?"

"Hey, Holly."

"Gemma? I-is everything ok…."

"Not really. I need your help with something."

She felt her eyes roll back a bit as her toes curled.

"Can it...uhhh….wait? I'm elbows deep in a pr-proje-ject."

"Nero's sister Carla killed herself in my bedroom. So tell Jax to zip it up and get your ass over here. But just you. I don't want Jax to know."

She pulled away from Jax and sat up in bed, looking at the wall.

"Alright. Um…..I'll be right there."

She hung up and looked at Jax, who was wiping his face.

"I'm sorry, baby. Your mom needs help. But why don't you hold onto that thought and we'll keep going when I get back?"

"Is everything ok? Anything I can do?"

"Everything's fine, baby. It's a girl thing. I'll be back as soon as possible. I promise."

She kissed him passionately.

"Wow. I do taste good."

She smirked, winking at him playfully before getting up and getting dressed before tying up her hair and leaving the room. She decided to bring Valentina with her in case she needed a reason to get Nero out of the room. When she got to Gemma's, she brought the baby inside, putting Valentina down on the floor in her carseat before going back to the bedroom, knocking on the door, looking at the body which was covered by a sheet. She looked at Nero and gave him a hug.

"I'm so sorry, Nero."

"Did Gemma tell you what happened?"

"Not everything. And I've got the feeling I don't need to know. Why don't you go check in on my daughter? I left her alone in the living room. Would you mind?"

He just nodded, kissing Holly's cheek gently before he left the room. Holly looked at Gemma.

"I called the prospects to come help out, telling them that this was a secret they needed to keep if they wanted to keep their dicks. They should be here soon. You should get dressed. And maybe pour yourselves a shot or two."

Holly sighed deeply as she laid in bed, only wearing a bra and a pair of shorts since the air conditioning went out in the house. She'd gone out and bought a couple of fans for each of the kids' rooms, and a couple for the bedroom. Jax had called her not too long after she'd left to go help his mom to let her know that he had club shit to do. And when he got home and came into the bedroom, she sat up when she saw his face. She could tell he'd had a bad day.

"Why don't we go up to the cabin for a couple days?"

"What about the kids?"

"Just the two of us."

"Ok. Who's gonna watch them?"

"My mom. I just need some time alone with you."

"Ok. How about tomorrow? I have to be at work for a couple hours, but I have some vacation days."

"After work tomorrow."


	60. Toad's Wild Ride

Holly walked into the clubhouse, smiling a bit at Chibs, hugging him when he came over, feeling him kiss her head.

"How're you doing, lass?"

"I'm ok. I've been better, but I'm ok."

"What happened?"

"Rosen fired me. Said my attention's been too divided lately."

"I'm sorry, lass. Want us to go talk to him?"

She laughed softly and shook her head.

"No, it's fine. I've been thinking about maybe becoming a lawyer. Looking into online law school or something. But I came to ask you something huge. I meant to ask before now but we've all been kinda busy."

"Of course. What do you need, lass."

"Can we sit?"

She sat down at the bar with him, asking for a beer for both of them. She sighed nervously as she looked at him, biting her lip a bit.

"I have a favor to ask of you and it's pretty big."

"What is it, lass? Is everything alright?"

She nodded and took a steadying breath before looking at him again.

"I don't want you to think that you were my last choice. But my own dad is gone. Clay and I were never close. I've asked Opie to marry Jax and I. I was hoping that I could convince you….To give me away when Jax and I get married."

She bit her lip, nervously watching him for his reaction. She watched him get choked up and flounder for words. She teared up too, watching him.

"Can I take that as a yes?"

She smiled when he nodded, hugging him tightly as he held her close.

Holly walked through the cabin, opening up the windows and curtains before putting away the food she'd bought for her and Jax for the next couple days while Tig sat outside keeping watch. She couldn't shake the feeling that something bad was gonna happen. But she was gonna try for Jax.


	61. Ablation

Holly looked at Jax as he told her about him and Chibs being run off the road by some van, holding his hand as she listened to him.

"Jesus Christ. Do you need me to do anything?"

"Stay in here? We gotta take care of this guy and then I'm all yours."

She nodded, kissing him softly before letting him go, putting her earbuds in and turning on some music on her phone as he left the room. She sat back in bed, taking a deep breath as she tried to relax. But she didn't get to do much more as her phone ring. She took out the earbuds and answered the phone.

"Hello?"  
"Holly? It's Margaret. Gemma just got brought in with your kids."

"What? What happened?"

"Gemma got into an accident with the kids in the car."

She hung up before Margaret could say anything else, rushing outside. Chibs, Tig, Bobby and Jax looked back at her in concern.

"Babe? What's wrong?"

"Gemma and the kids were brought into St. Thomas."

She grabbed her keys and rushed out to the car, hearing Jax behind her, starting up the car as he climbed into the car, speeding off to the hospital. She didn't put her seatbelt on and was going well over the speed limit, but all she could focus on was getting to the hospital and seeing the kids. When they got there, she just barely parked the car, running inside and off to find Margaret.

"Holly?"

She looked over to see who called her name, looking directly into Tara's eyes. While she was shocked, it was overrun by the fear she had for her kids.

"Abel's got a cut on his head from the tree branch that went through the window and his heartbeat's irregular….."

Holly gasped, feeling Jax hold her up when her knees gave out, keeping her from falling.

"But he's fine. We're working on getting his heartbeat stabilized."

Jax looked at Holly as he sat her down, seeing that she was incapable of saying anything.

"What about Tommy and Valentina?"

"Tommy didn't get a single scratch on him, but Valentina got a few cuts and scrapes from the glass from the window, but she's perfect. They both are."

"Can we see Abel?"

"He's still in the operating room. I called the clubhouse and Opie answered. I told him what happened and he's here with the babies."

Jax helped Holly up and followed Tara to where Opie was with the babies. That seemed to pull Holly out of her little trance. As soon as she heard Tommy, who was awake and playing with the toys on the table, calling for her, Jax had to let her go so she could run over to pick Tommy up. He looked at Opie, who was holding onto Valentina, who was asleep, clapping his shoulder before taking the sleeping girl, kissing her head gently, looking over all of the bandaids on her face and arms.

"Thanks for coming, Ope."

"Anytime, brother. They're ok. Abel's in the OR getting a tube put in to help his heart. But Tara said he should be fine."

"I didn't even know she was back."

"One thing at a time, brother. How's Holly?"

"How do you think? You hear about Gemma?"

"No. I'll go ask. Give you two a minute."  
"Thanks, Ope."

Both men glanced over at Holly, who was playing with Thomas. But Jax could tell that she was just doing it to have something to do with her hands. He cradled Valentina close as he went over to Holly and Tommy.

"Everything's fine, babe. Abel's gonna be fine."  
"Shut up, Jax."

Holly sat in Abel's room, watching him sleep as she held onto Valentina, who had woken up for a little bit only to fall back asleep after being fed and changed. Jax had fallen asleep with Tommy on the couch in the room, but she couldn't sleep. Despite how tired she was, she wasn't gonna sleep until she saw that Abel was gonna wake up. She couldn't bring herself to sleep. She hadn't checked on Gemma or talked to anyone else. She was angry and worried and scared for her family. She was so focused that she hadn't heard Jax wake up.

"Babe? Are you still awake?"

"Yes, I am. And I'll stay that way until Abel wakes up."

"Babe, you're no use to the kids if you pass out. I'll keep watch over him. I know it'll be hard, but try and get some sleep."

"I knew something was gonna happen."

"What do you mean?"

She sniffled softly, trying, unsuccessfully, to hold back tears.

"The second you asked to have your mother watch the kids I had a feeling that something bad was gonna happen. I had it while I was at the cabin. I should've said something. I should've called Melissa or Jessica or Opie or someone else."

"You couldn't have known, babe. You can't be so hard on yourself."

"Have you talked to her?"

"No, not yet. She was asleep when I went to check on her."  
"Or she was fucking faking it."

"Holly….."  
"She's not coming anywhere near the kids anymore. I'm not kidding, Jax. I warned her. I told her that if one more thing happened than I would cut her off. I know she was high or drunk or something. She shouldn't have been behind the wheel of the car."

Jax pulled into the trainyard with Chibs and Happy, meeting with Pope. He'd not met Pope and he had hoped he never would, but he knew Pope liked Holly. Sometimes it was easy to forget how popular Holly was. She had an edge to her, especially after everything she'd been through, but she was one of the sweetest people he knew. He was so used to how big her heart was that it sometimes astonished him just how many people she had in her corner.

"I heard about your kids. How is Holly holding up?"

"She's doing good, man. Especially now she knows that the kids are ok."

"I would've called Holly, but I'm assuming that she's not in much of a talking mood."

"No she's not. She'll be fine."

"I got something for her and the kids. A get well thing."

Jax looked at the box he'd been handed by one of Pope's men, looking inside. There was a bunch of toys for the kids and a set of books by Holly's favorite author, Charles Dickens. He looked up at Pope, holding out his hand for him to shake.

"Thanks, man. You didn't have to do that."

"Tell her to call if she needs anything. She's a good girl and a good mom."

He nodded, holding onto the box as Pope got back in his car, him and his men leaving.

"What is it, Jackie Boy? What'd he want?"

"Support for Holly. Toys for the kids."

He strapped the box to the back of his bike and climbed on before riding back to the hospital. When he got back to Abel's room, he saw that more people had come to support his family. Holly's friends from the firm, Eli, Unser, Venus, Nero and Lyla. He looked over at Chibs after seeing Opie and Lyla holding the babies.

"She's a special one, Jackie."

"Yeah, she is. Sometimes I forget how many people's lives she touches cause I get so wrapped up in how lucky I am to have her. It's easy to take advantage of sometimes."

He teared up a bit, his throat thick with emotion as he went into Abel's room, closing the door behind him before putting the box on the couch, seeing that Holly had fallen asleep in Abel's bed with him, seeing her hold onto the little boy, who had curled into her. He went over and kissed their heads softly before covering them up with the blanket. He moved Holly's hair out of her face before going off to check in on his mother. He really hoped that it was someone that had tried to run her off the road. That, he could fix. But if she had actually been high or drunk, he'd have a hard time keeping Holly from actually doing damage to his mother.

Jax was sitting on the couch, relaxing as he wrote a new journal entry, looking over when he heard Abel calling him.

"Hey, buddy. How are you feeling?"  
"I gotta go potty and I'm hungry."

"Alright. You gotta hold it a bit longer so I can get a nurse."

"When is mommy gonna wake up?"

"I'm not sure, buddy. She's pretty tired. How about we wake her up together?"

"Ok, daddy."

Jax went over to Holly's side of the bed, gently shaking her as Abel called for her. He looked at her as she started waking up, holding her hand.

"Before you freak out, Abel's fine and awake. He wanted to see you. I have to go talk to the nurse real quick. He has to use the bathroom and he's hungry."

She sat up quickly and looked at Abel, holding him close as she kissed his cheek.

"How are you feeling, buddy?"

"Hungry, mommy."  
"Ok. What do you want for breakfast? Mommy will get you anything you want?"

"Cookies?"

She couldn't help but smile at him.

"Ok, buddy. Just this once. I'll take you to the bathroom and then get you back in bed."

Holly heard Jax leave the room as she went to help Abel into the bathroom and then back into bed when he was done.

"I'll be right back, buddy. I'll turn on some cartoons for you."

"Thank you, mommy."

"You're welcome, sweetheart." 

She kissed his head after firing up her laptop for him, turning on one of his favorite cartoons. She walked out to go get some cookies and milk for him, stopping in her tracks when she saw all of her friends and family out in the waiting room. She went over and looked at everyone, hugging Venus back when she hugged her.

"How long has everyone been here?"

"Since this morning, sugar bear? How's your son?"  
"Abel's fine. He's asking for milk and cookies for breakfast."

She smiled softly, her smile quickly fading when she heard Gemma's voice, turning around to glare at her.

"Cookies for breakfast? That's not a good breakfast."

"Yeah, well, when he sustains a goddamn head injury from being in an accident with his stoned grandma, I'm kind of inclined to give him whatever the fuck he wants for breakfast. Even if he asked for a fucking popsicle."

"I know you're mad, but…."  
"Oh I'm not mad. Mad is when you watch someone cut you off in traffic when you're in a hurry and you have to slam on your breaks. I'm fucking furious. I warned you, Gemma. I warned you that if you fucked up again that you'd be done with my family. You almost killed my babies."

"I thought I could do it. I drive high all the time."

"Then you're stupider than I thought. If you had told me when I called that you were high, I still would've let you watch them. I would've dropped them off at your place. But instead, you kept quiet about your impairment and almost got my babies killed. They had to stick a goddamned needle up Abel's leg to get to his heart so they could inject something to reverse his irregular heartbeat after they stitched up his fucking head from where the fucking tree branch sliced open his forehead! I hope your high was worth losing your family over. You come near my kids again and I won't kick your ass. I'll kill you like I did Clay. And Jax will back me up."

She seethed as she glared at Gemma, fighting really hard against the desire to bash Gemma's head into the wall, her hands clenched into fists at her side. She could tell by the silence in the waiting room that everyone could feel the fury pouring off of her by the fact that everyone was quiet and she could feel everyone watching her to see what she was gonna do. She looked over at Nero when he stepped in between them, taking a step back, knowing he wasn't gonna do anything.

"I know you're angry, chiquita. But this isn't the time or place for this conversation. Why don't you go get your boy's cookies and I'll get her back to her room."

"Keep her away from my kids. I'm only gonna say it once."

Holly walked into Gemma's room, closing the door before looking at her. She'd calmed down quite a bit, but she was still angry at her.

"I came to let you know that I'm pressing charges against you. You were stoned while driving my kids and you didn't say a word. I'm waiting for Eglee to get here and then I'm going to talk to her. And before you think about talking to Jax, he's on my side with this. Knowing how much has happened between you and I, he tried to smooth the path between us and you fucked him over. He's done with you and so am I. If you come anywhere near my kids I will have you arrested. I'm not gonna poison Nero against you, because he doesn't deserve that. But make no mistake. Though you met him first, he's become kind of close to me. I won't let him get hurt by you like you hurt JT or Clay. My friends and family are off limits to you from now on. You don't get another chance. You can't make this up to me or Jax. The only reason I'm not letting Jax tell the club about your involvement in JT's death is because you've already lost. You come near me without a really good reason I will kill you without hesitation."

She left without another word, heading back to Abel's room, getting stopped by Tara.

"Are you ok, Holly?"

"Now's not the time to be around me, Tara. But stay away from Jax. He's not yours anymore. You hold absolutely no part of his heart anymore. He is mine. And I am not letting him go."

"I didn't come back to steal him from you. I'm actually seeing someone else. I came back because I loved working here more than anywhere else. That's it. I swear."

"That's great. If you're working on Abel, keep shit professional. I'm not in the mood to deal with personal shit."

"Understood. I promise."


	62. Andare Pescare

Holly signed Abel's discharge papers, holding onto Valentina. She looked at the little girl when she finished, smiling back at her.

"Ready to go take brother home?"

"Bwothew…."

"That's right, baby girl. Let's go."

She walked into Abel's room, watching Jax get Abel dressed while Tommy slept in the stroller. He'd been up and down all night with some kind of stomach bug. So she'd given him some medicine and some sleeping meds. She put Valentina in the stroller before going around the room to gather up their stuff, making sure they had everything.

"You ready to go home, buddy?"  
"Yeah. Daddy said we were getting a puppy!"

"Yeah, we are. Daddy's gonna go pick him up later. You excited for it?"

"Yeah! What's his name?"

"Teddy."

"Like a bear?"

"That's right, buddy."

Holly looked at Jax as he came into the living room, watching him come over and sit down next to her, feeling him put her feet in his lap.

"The kids are all asleep."

"Good."

She looked at him for a minute before looking down at her hands.

"I don't think it's a good idea for us to get married right now, baby."

"What? Why not?"

"Things have been way too crazy for us to get some time to breathe. This shit with the kids has me way too freaked. I don't feel comfortable with your mother around anymore but she's not going anywhere any time soon. And I know she's your mother and you love her and all of this heavy shit with the letters and her involvement is weighing on you, I'm not asking you to pick sides, but until I know she's not gonna try anything, I don't wanna give her anything to try to fuck up and push her way into."

"I know what she's put you through and why you don't want her around. To be honest, I don't really want her around much either. But the kids need her."

"The kids will be just fine without her, Jackson."

"You said it yourself, the kids should get to know their last grandparent."

"And that feeling changed when she nearly killed them all. I have no more chances to give anyone. She burned through hers in a massive way. Don't burn through yours, Jax."


	63. Crucifixed

Holly bobbed her head around Jax's cock, laying on her belly on the bed, one hand playing with his balls while she pumped the other hand around what she couldn't fit in her mouth, feeling him tangle his hand in her hair as he groaned. They'd been teasing each other all morning while the kids were awake, and now that the kids were down for their nap after lunch, they were getting their chance and they were both in the mood to play. Holly looked up at him as she took him as deep as she could, gagging around him as his tip hit the back of her throat, pulling away from him. She smirked as he panted, wiping her mouth off with the back of her hand, looking into his eyes. She let out a loud laugh when he bolted up and pulled her over to him, laying back and moving her up so she was sitting on his face, grabbing the headboard as Jax brought her pussy down to his mouth, moving his mouth slowly over her, making her moan softly. She gasped as he gripped her hips, making her grind on his face, his tongue teasing her hole as his nose brushed against her clit. She moaned his name as she tried to keep herself from closing her legs around his head, her toes curling in total pleasure. She panted hard between moans, her voice failing her as she came on his face, arching her back. She crawled down to rub her pussy against his cock, feeling him get hard again. But before they could do anything else, they heard the front door open. Holly looked at Jax in confusion, getting up and putting a robe on before going down, stopping when she saw Gemma.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Relax. I came to return my key. That's it. I figured you would want me to."

"Oh. Put it on the table."

"Can I ask how the kids are?"  
"Sleeping. Did you talk to Eglee?"

"Yeah. The court date's tomorrow. You gonna be there?"

"With Rosen."

Holly walked into the courtroom with Rosen and the kids, putting the stroller next to her as she sat down at the table. They had taken a recess and it was over and they would get the judge's ruling. She watched as the judge came back into the room, sitting down at his chair.

"During the recess, I reviewed all of the evidence from both sides, and while I can say that I'm appalled at the nature of the father's lifestyle, I can see that Jackson Teller is a good father. And that's not even in question. What is in question is the paternal grandmother's involvement in the lives of the children. I took a long hard look at Ms. Pavlov's list of grievances and there's no question in my mind as to how to proceed. I am ruling in favor of Ms. Pavlov. Gemma Teller, you are not allowed to have any contact with Abel, Thomas or Valentina Teller and I am granting Ms. Pavlov's request for a restraining order. We are adjourned. Case closed."

Holly let out a breath of relief as the gavel banged down, looking at Rosen with a smile, shaking his hand and giving him a hug before getting up and wheeling the kids out to her car, putting them in their seats as Gemma caught up to her.

"You stupid bitch!"

"I'm not the stupid one here, Gemma. I told you the last time we spoke that I didn't have anymore chances or free passes to give you. I trusted you and you betrayed you in the worst way. Now you can suffer the consequences of your actions. Get away from me and my family. And stay away from us. You've lost. Accept it."

Holly was just coming downstairs to get some tea as Jax came in through the door.

"Nero called. Mom's not doing so hot right now."

"I'd feel worse if she hadn't pulled the shit she did for so long."

She kissed him softly before going to make herself some tea, hearing Jax come in behind her.

"I just hope the kids understand."

"They will one day. But I just can't bring myself to feel guilty about this, Jax. I've been hurt and tortured by your mother for so long that I don't have any guilt or love for her. And that was her own doing. I can't feel sorry for someone that screwed up so badly after being warned repeatedly what would happen if they kept screwing up like they did."

"I get it. And believe me, I don't blame you for doing this. But she's still my mother, your godmother and the kids' grandmother. You said it yourself. They should know her because of that."

"And there's a part of me that still believes that. She will always be your mother, but the love I had for the woman my mother trusted is completely gone. I can't look at her without thinking about the rape. Maybe it's not fair to keep going back to that, but it's equally not fair to make me keep that secret knowing how badly it was hurting me and you by my actions that came from that secret. She stopped caring about me the second Zobelle threatened the club. And that's fine. But she ended up using the worst moment in my life against you and Clay to manipulate you into staying. I don't give a shit who you are, you don't do that to someone you claim to love and care for."


	64. To Thine Own Self

Holly walked into Diosa with the kids, coming by to pick up Opie. He and Lyla were doing better and Lyla was even expecting their first baby together. Diosa Norte was doing its opening that night and she was excited for it. She looked over when she saw Nero come over to her, giving him a hug.

"Hey, papi. The place is looking amazing."

"Thank you. I wish I could say the same for Gemma."

"I know she's not doing so hot. I just can't bring myself to feel bad for her. But Jax wanted me to give her this."

She pulled out an envelope of pictures from her purse, handing him the envelope.

"Current pictures of the kids since the court case. Going back over the last week and a half."

"She'll appreciate this, chiquita."

"Don't thank me. If I had my way on it, she would never know anything."

"What exactly happened between the two of you? That's a lot of hate you harbor towards her."

She sighed softly and looked at him.

"A couple years ago, she and I were raped by someone who was threatening the club. Someone who was an informant for the feds. When I came to in the hospital after passing out, she told me that I couldn't say anything to Jax or the club. For weeks. I got more and more depressed about it and the secret was weighing on me and still she told me to stay quiet. I tried to kill myself a couple times in the hospital and she continued to play on my need to keep Jax safe and alive to keep me quiet. I broke down and told Chibs because I couldn't keep it in anymore and she yelled at me, trying to make me feel guilty. Jax had decided to leave the club and go Nomad and Gemma used the rape to keep him in the club and in Charming. Without telling me that she was gonna tell him and Clay. I'm not gonna tell you not to see her, because you seem happy with her, but that's who you're getting into bed with. That's the person you're giving your heart to. I'd be careful if I were you. She tends to betray the people she says she loves."

She looked over when a group of guys came in before looking at Nero, who had put himself in front of her and the kids.

"Should I get out of here?"

"Yes, you should, chiquita."

"No, mami. You should stay. I might want a turn with you once I'm done with Nero."

"Leave her alone, mano. She's someone's esposa. She's not for you."

"We need to talk to you, ese."

"Let's go outside."

She watched as the group of men talked, hoping that they'd leave so she could get Opie and leave. But the guys seemed to have different plans. Two of the guys were told to stay behind to keep an eye on her while Nero brought the other guys outside. She sighed deeply, going over to pretend to check in on the babies, texting Opie to come out to her. But things went very wrong very quickly. One of the guys got a call and the next thing she knew, she was being grabbed from behind. She screamed as Opie came out, but there wasn't anything Opie could do as she was dragged outside kicking and screaming by the two men. Just as she was being thrown into the back of a car, she watched as Nero and Opie ran behind the car, chasing it for a while before they couldn't anymore. She kept kicking and screaming, getting herself hit upside the head with the butt of a gun, getting knocked out.

Holly sat up in the bed she'd been laid out on, staring at the wall as a couple tears dripped down her face. Her clothes were torn to shreds and the only thing she had to cover up with was the blanket she had held against her. She'd been made to call Jax to ask for guns and then a video had been made of one of the guys raping her to be sent to ensure that Jax would deliver them. She was kind of numb at the moment, trying to think of anything that would make her forget about what had just happened. She looked over to the door when she heard gunshots, grabbing the blanket and running into the closet as she heard someone coming down the hall.

"Chiquita? You in here?"

She opened up the closet door when she heard Nero's voice, holding the blanket around her as she ran into his arms, feeling him hold her close.

"Opie's with the kids, mami. I'm taking you to St. Thomas."

"I don't give a shit where you take me. Just get me out of here."

She held onto him as he picked her up and carried her out to his car, putting her in before he handed her his phone so she could call Jax. She dialed Jax's number with shaky hands, waiting for him to pick up.

"Hey, man. We've almost got everything assembled."

"Jax….."

"Holly? Are you ok?"

"No. Nero has me now. He's bringing me to St. Thomas."

"Why would you need to go to St. Thomas? Did they hurt you?"

She sniffled, tearing up more. She handed the phone to Nero, unable to say it right now.

"I got her with me, mano. We'll meet you there."

Jax walked into St. Thomas, making his way to Holly's room, stopping when he saw Nero and Gemma coming out of Holly's room.

"You're not supposed to be anywhere near her, mom."

"Nero called and told me what happened. I just came to check on her. She's asleep right now."

"What happened, Nero?"

"It's not good, mano. They gang-raped her. They videotaped it incase you tried to trick them with the guns."

"Shit. Where's the tape?"

"I have it in my truck. You don't wanna see it. Just go be with her."

"I want the tape. And I want their address."

"I killed a few of them, Jax. They're not gonna still be there."

"I want their info by tonight! I don't wanna argue! I don't wanna be talked down from this! I want the wetbacks that gangraped my wife! Give me their info or I will find it myself!"

He stormed off, walking into Holly's room, sitting down next to her, taking her hand, rubbing the back of hers with his thumb, tears dripping down his face as he watched her sleep. How long was it gonna be before she died because of him or the club?


	65. Darthy

Jax pulled up to the park with Chibs and Opie to meet with Pope. He'd called Pope to see if he could get the whereabouts of the two remaining members that hurt Holly, clapping Laroy's hand before shaking Pope's.

"How's Holly?"

"She was asleep when I left. Were you able to find the info I asked for?"

"Yes, I was."

Jax took the paper Pope handed him, looking at the address that was written down before looking at him.

"Thanks, man."

"You're welcome. I hope she pulls through this."

"I do too. To be honest, I don't know how much more she can handle before she breaks completely."

"If either one of you need anything, don't hesitate to call. Let Holly know that too."

He nodded, clapping Pope's shoulder before leaving, putting the paper in his pocket before calling Bobby to ask him to meet him, Chibs and Ope at the address before driving off. The other guys were already there by the time the three of them got there. He climbed off his bike and looked over at Bobby.

"What are we looking at?"

"There's three of them hiding out. They've got kids in there, Jax."

"Let's see if we can get the kids out first."

Jax rushed into Holly's room, watching a bunch of nurses and a couple doctors come in to save Holly, who'd started coding. He felt himself being pulled out of the room by Opie and Happy after one of the nurses told Jax he had to leave the room while they worked on her. When he heard the flatline, his knees buckled and Opie had to hold him up. It felt like his heart had stopped until he heard the machine start beeping again, letting out a strangled cry.

"Come on, brother. She'll pull through and you can be with her then. For right now, why don't you go call Lyla? She's got the kids at Diosa with Nero."

"I can't let her die, Ope. It'll kill me."

"She's not going to. She loves you and those kids way too much, bro. She'll be fine. It's just a bump in the road."

Jax went to the bathroom to empty his stomach, rinsing his mouth out before going out, running into Tara.

"Holly's being put into a medically induced coma. There was some swelling in her brain that wasn't caught because we didn't think to do an MRI on her. I asked to be put on her case so I could keep you updated. She'll be kept under until the swelling goes down. As for the rape, we have her on antibiotics to help prevent STDs and the like. We'll keep her on IV to keep giving her fluids and the nutrients she won't be getting while she's under. But there's something else you should know. She's pregnant. From the gestation, 14 weeks, I'm going to assume that the baby's yours. We'll keep a close eye on both of them. She'll be fine, Jax."

"She's pregnant….."

"It'll be a few more minutes before you can go into her room. They're changing her IV bags and clearing out the equipment. Why don't you go get some coffee and settle in?"

Jax sat in Holly's room, sniffling softly as he rubbed the back of Holly's hand with his thumb, watching her.

"Fuck, Holly. I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you like this or let you get hurt this way. I know you wouldn't blame me, but I blame myself. If I had known what us being together would lead to I wouldn't have let us be together. I would've saved you from this shit. I'd have rather go from eater to eater for the rest of my life if it meant I didn't have to watch you like this again. I'd kill to have you wake up and look at me. Please come back to me, Holly. I can't survive this shit without you. You make my life worth something. And the kids need you."

"She'll be fine, baby."

He looked back to see his mom and Nero come into the room, getting up to hug his mom, needing the support right then, crying into her shoulder.

"I know I'm not supposed to be around her, but you need to know that you're not alone with this."

"What am I gonna do, mom? It'd kill me if she dies. I love the kids, but I don't know them like she does. And with this baby….."

"She's not gonna die. She loves you and those babies too much to just leave you. No matter what she's been through, with you, with the club, with me….She's not about to just jump ship and leave you high and dry. She loves you too damn much."

"But think of everything that she's been through. If she were to go, it would be understandable."  
"Then you might as well kill her yourself. But you have to explain it to those babies."

Jax looked at her and rubbed his hands over his face before looking back at Holly.

"I should've left with her. After we got back from Stockton. I should've taken her and Abel and gone Nomad. None of this would've happened."

"You're right. Something worse would've happened. We have too many enemies for any of you to think going Nomad would be safer. She could've been dead by now."

"No she wouldn't have. I'd been able to save her from this shit. I know it."

"You don't know that, mano. I'm all about positivity, but there's a lot about this shit we don't know. And may never know. But we can't give up hope."

Jax held onto Thomas, getting him down for bed before going over to Abel.

"Daddy?"

"What's up, buddy?"  
"When's mommy coming home?"

"Hopefully soon."

"Where did she go? Uncle Opie said she was sick."

"She is, buddy. She can't get better at home so she's in the hospital where she can get better. She's trying very hard to get better so she can come home to us."

"I wanna make her a get well card."

"You can make it tomorrow. It's time for bed, buddy."

"Will you read me a story, daddy?"

"Ok. Go pick out a book."

Jax pulled into the clubhouse, sighing deeply as he turned off his bike. It had been a couple of weeks since they put Holly under and he was trying to keep up hope. But he was failing. On all fronts. If he wasn't dealing with the Irish, which wasn't going well, he was at the clubhouse, trying to focus his mind on how to keep the club afloat, or at the house with the kids. He'd forgotten that Tommy was allergic to cinnamon and that Valentina refused to go to bed without Holly singing her a song she'd deemed her and Val's song. Abel was a little easier, but not by much. Abel had taken after Jax and Holly in the sense that he loved his family and protected them to the best of his ability. But he seemed to be old enough to know that something was really wrong with Holly and it was affecting him too. So there were multiple nights where Abel would sleep in bed with Jax. Jax didn't know how to function right without Holly. It wasn't even just that she meant so much to him or that he felt responsible for her getting raped….again….but that he hadn't realized how much she did for him and the kids and the club. He shook his head in an attempt to clear it as he walked inside the clubhouse, looking over at Bobby.

"You look horrible, brother. When's the last time you slept?"

"It's been a few days. You hear from Gaalen?"

"No. But I heard from Tara. Holly woke up a couple hours ago. She and the baby are doing fine. The swelling in her brain went down."

"Why the hell didn't anyone call me?"

"They were running tests. When Tara called, I said I wanted to give you the news myself. The guys are all there. Let's take a drive, brother."

Holly was in the middle of eating when Jax came in. She smiled at him as he slowly walked over to her, tearing up a bit as he reached her, moving her tray over so he could sit down and pull her in for a hug, kissing him softly and passionately.

"You're awake. I'm so happy to see you awake again. I've been going fucking crazy without you."  
"I'm not going anywhere, baby. I promise."

She looked at him when he pulled away, wiping his eyes a bit before cupping his face gently.

"I would never leave you or the kids. You mean too much to me and we still have to get married."

Holly walked into the clubhouse with Jax, smiling when everyone cheered for her, tearing up happily when she saw all her friends and family, hugging and kissing everyone as she walked through the main area. She sat down at the bar as Jax went to put her bags in the back room and bring the kids out. She took a drink of the juice Chucky had gotten her, looking at Opie when he sat down next to her.

"It's good to have you home, Hol. We were worried about you."

"It's good to be home. I missed you all."

"How are you feeling?"

She took another drink and looked at him.

"You'd think I'd want to leave. Take the kids and run. But I'm just so thankful to be alive. I didn't think I was gonna make it."

"We're all glad you did."

"If I know Jax, he cut those guys' hearts out."

"Yes and no."

She took notice of the smirk on Opie's face and couldn't help but smile back.

"What did he do?"

"I almost don't wanna say because it's so perfect."

"Ok, now I need to know."

She giggled softly when he started laughing.

"Opie?"

"He got them put in prison. And had them gang-raped."

She looked at him in shock. Jax had to have been angrier than she thought he would be. Normally he'd just kill someone and be done with it. If she were anyone else, she'd been freaked out and left. But she found herself being beyond flattered. She looked over when she heard Abel calling her, getting off the stool and onto her knees as all three of her kids ran into her arms. She held onto all three of them closely, standing up with them in her arms. She looked at Jax with happy tears dripping down her face.

"I'm home. Right where I belong."


	66. J'ai Obtenu Cette

Holly climbed off of the back of Jax's bike when they got to the construction site, putting her helmet on the handlebars before going over to Damon and August, hugging them both.

"It's nice to see you out and about. You look good."

"Thank you. It's nice to be out of the hospital. And, a little birdie told me that you sent some toys for the kids and those first editions. You didn't have to do that, Damon."  
"Yes I did. You've been so amazing in planning Veronica's funeral when you'd never even met her. You're always helping total strangers and letting them into your heart. As appreciative as I am, I gotta say I'm a bit concerned. You've been through so much and people can only handle so much. I know you're happy, but I'd highly suggest you take those kids and get out from the club."

"I appreciate the concern, Damon. And, to be honest, I've thought about it before. But Charming is my home and the club is my family. It's not just that I grew up around them. But they've gathered around me when I needed them the most and protected me more than it would seem. In this world of darkness they're my light. I couldn't leave even if I wanted to."

She gave him a small smile and a hug before going back over to Jax, letting him take her home.

Holly was sitting on the couch, watching the kids play together as Moana played on the TV when the doorbell rang. She got up to answer it, looking at the man standing on the doorstep, their dog Teddy standing next to her protectively.

"Can I help you, sir?"

"Yes. Are you Holly Pavlov?"

"Yes, I am. Can I ask what this is about?"

"I wanted to ask you about your association with Otto Delaney."

"Look. I don't know who you are and I'm not talking without my lawyer present or if you don't have a warrant."

"I'm not an agent anymore. Otto Delaney killed my sister last week."

"I heard about that, but I just found out about it. I've been in a coma for a month and a half. I just got home yesterday. I don't know anything and even if I did, I wouldn't talk. I haven't seen or talked to Otto Delaney since I was a teenager when he was sentenced to life. I was never allowed to go see him. You should get out of here. I'm spending time with my kids and you're taking me away from that."

She looked back for a second when she heard Valentina call for her, seeing the little girl walking over, picking her up before looking back at the man, who was handing her a card, taking it.

"If you learn any more, please let me know? I wanna know the truth."

"I'm sorry for your loss. But I don't know anything."

She closed the door without another word, tossing the card on the counter before going back to the living room.

Holly had just put the babies down for bed while Jax got Abel to bed, going down to make some tea for herself when she saw Gemma on the security camera. Jax had gotten Juice to put in some security cameras everywhere outside when Holy woke up, wanting it to be done by the time he brought her home. She sighed deeply, shaking her head as she went to open the door.

"What are you doing here, Gemma? You're not supposed to be here."

"I need to talk to you and Jax."

"He's putting Abel to bed. And you're not allowed to be anywhere around me or the kids."

"Just let me in?"

"No. You wanna talk to Jax, I can have him head to your place. I appreciate what you've done for him while I was in the hospital but your good will gesture is all for naught. You're not part of my family anymore."

"We'll see about that."

She gasped softly when she saw Gemma pull out a gun and point it at Holly's belly. Instead of being scared, Holly got angry, glaring at her as Gemma backed her inside.

"You're really gonna shoot me, Gemma? You're really that desperate to get your family back?"

"You took my family from me and then you took Nero away from me."

"I didn't do shit on that front. Once again, you sunk your claws into something and held on too tightly. You didn't even realize that everything you were holding so hard onto was like a bar of soap. You hold too tightly and it'll escape from your hands."

"Shut up, bitch! I'm done with your power play. I'm still queen. And I'll always be queen."

"You stopped being queen a long time ago, mama Gemma. You've been dethroned. Put the gun down and leave while you still can."

"Just get my son down here."

"No. If you're gonna shoot me, I'd rather Jax not see it. I don't know how many more times he'll be able to see me hurt before he turns into someone nobody recognizes."

Both women looked over when they heard Jax come downstairs. Holly took that moment to seize the opportunity, grabbing the gun and starting to wrestle it out of Gemma's hand, both women falling to the floor. There were a few gunshots that went off before the fatal one. She was so caught up in the moment and trying not to get herself or Jax killed that she couldn't completely register her movements until everything died down after the last gunshot. At first, she thought she'd been shot. The hot blood seeping through both women's shirts didn't help matters. But she quickly realized that she wasn't even in any pain. She scrambled back a bit when she realized that Gemma had been shot. And was lying dead on the dining room floor. She looked back as Jax helped her up and started examining her for bullet holes.

"I'm fine. I didn't get hurt. And I don't think the baby did either. She's dead."

Holly sat with Jax as they made their statement to Eglee with Ally and Jason present.

"And Jax, you didn't see your mother come in with the gun?"

"No. I was putting our son to bed and heard Holly and my mother talking and when I came down, she had the gun pointed at Holly's stomach. When I came down, that when Holly tried to get the gun away from my mother."

"Why didn't you let Jax deal with his mother? You're pregnant."

Holly sighed softly and looked at Eglee.

"I started having flashbacks of when Clay broke in. I felt like I was in danger and I just did the first thing that came to my head."

She looked over at Ally when she spoke.

"You've gotten your statement. Let that be the end of this."

"One more thing, just because anyone could spin it that way, when Gemma came in, did you plan to kill her with her own gun?"  
"Of course not. I might hate her, but I only wanted to keep her from hurting my kids the way she hurt me. I'm not a murderer. And, selfishly speaking, I don't relish the thought of scrubbing blood from my floors again."

"Fair enough. We'll get out of your hair. I'm sorry for your loss, Jax."

"Thanks, Candy. I'll walk you out."

Holly felt Jax kiss her head before he left, looking over at Jason and Ally.

"I don't wanna draw out the process of Gemma's will and insurance shit. Can we do it tomorrow?"

"Yeah. I can pull her info and we'll meet at the clubhouse."

"No. We'll meet here. The club has shit they're dealing with. I don't want them anymore on edge than they already are."

"Ok. I'll see you here. Around 2?"

"Perfect. Thanks, Jason."

She got up and shook their hands, letting them leave as the coroner took Gemma's body and Juice came in to clean up the blood.

"Jax? I'm going up to bed."

"Ok, babe. I'm gonna help Juice and then I'll be up."

"Ok. And Juice? If you don't wanna go back home, you're welcome to crash downstairs."

"Thanks, Holly. Sleep well."

"Night, Juice."

Holly sat with Jason at the dining room table while the kids played in the other room after they finished eating.

"So Gemma had originally put it in her will that everything would be left to Jax. It got changed to include you a couple years ago, with you being the sole beneficiary. The money in her accounts total just over 1 million and then there's the deed to the house in her deposit box along with some more cash that totals just under 400k. But knowing Gemma, there's some more cash stashed away somewhere."

"She just recently replaced the cash stolen during the invasion. Where do I sign?"

She signed where Jason told her to, picking Tommy up and holding him in her lap when he came over, finishing up the last of the paperwork. She got up and walked Jason out before going to change Tommy's diaper and getting the kids ready to go to the clubhouse. When they got there, she let Phil and Juice take the kids to go play, going over to Jax.

"What did Rosen have to say?"

"Your mother had a lot of money hidden in different places. But she left everything to us. The house, the cash, the stuff in her deposit boxes. Everything."

He nodded, holding her close and putting his hand on her belly.

"As soon as this one is born, we're getting married. I don't wanna wait anymore."

"Yes, sir."

She smiled at him, kissing him softly.


	67. Straw

Holly walked into the clubhouse with all 4 kids. The delivery with her youngest, Lilia Dawn had been incredibly difficult. Lilia had been born through c-section and the recovery for Holly sucked. But she was out now and feeling better. She'd graduated not too long before Lilia was born and Jason had let her work at the firm under his wing. She looked at Chibs as he came over to her, kissing his cheek softly, letting him take Lilia from her.

"How are you feeling, lass?"

"Exhausted. Lilia was up and down all night with a fever. I'm just glad it broke this morning. So I figured I would take advantage of my built in babysitters, check in on my guys, find my old man and get some sleep."

"Are you sure it's sleep you're after with Jax?"

She smirked at him, taking off her sunglasses.

"Now where's the fun in telling you the answer?"

"You're too much sometimes, lass."

"Always, Chibby. Now where is Jax?"

"He had to take a trip up to Diosa to talk to Nero."

"Shit. I don't want to leave you guys with the kids."  
"Well, that's what eaters are for."

She couldn't help but smile, kissing his cheek before going to put the diaper bags in Jax's room, looking at Tig as she came back out. She'd been doing her best to get Tig and Venus together, but Tig was dragging his heels a bit.

"Hey, Tiggy. You call Venus yet?"

"No. And I'm not gonna."

"I think you're being an idiot about this."

"I'm not looking for a relationship, doll."

"Sure you are. Everyone is. You're just scared. You should call her. She'll be good for you. And you need something good right now."

"I've got you and my goddaughter. I'm good."

She went over to Tig and cupped his face gently.

"I'm tired of seeing that lonely look on your face, Alex. I want you to be happy. And I think Venus is that happiness for you. You need to be happy again. So call her? At least invite her for dinner. But take a chance. Ok?"

"I love you, Holly. How are you still so sweet after all the shit you've gone through? Any normal person would've run away forever ago."

She thought for a second before looking back at him.

"I could wallow in all of that misery and let that hatred and sadness in and let it destroy me and my love for Jax and the kids and the club, or I can use that as fuel to motivate me to help Jax to make this life safer for our babies and give them the choices that I never got. To make this life better. And things are calming down and, even if they weren't, I have people in my life that I can go to when things are too much."

Holly sat in her office, talking on the phone with her first client, getting the information she needed, not hearing Wendy come up to her desk until she got off the phone.

"Hey, Holly. I got your call. What'd you want to see me about?"

"Hey, Wendy. Before we get into that, you want some lunch? One of the interns is about to come around to get lunch orders."

"Yeah. I could eat."

She looked over as the intern, Johnny, came in for lunch orders, letting Wendy order first before giving her own. She waited until Johnny left before looking back at Wendy.

"Now, on to business. The reason I called you here is because I've been doing some thinking. Jax won't admit it but, and by the way this isn't me bragging, he can't function without me. I heard from all the guys how lost he was when I was in my coma after the rape. It would be stupid to pretend the life isn't dangerous. I have the scars and medical bills to prove it. I won't leave because Jax won't leave. I know that sounds codependent, and maybe part of it is, but Jax and the kids are my whole world. I almost died the night that Lilia was born. I lost quite a bit of blood and things were really scary for a while. And it got me thinking. Up until now, I've been so busy dealing with my own shit on top of helping Jax with his that he and I never talked about what would happen to the kids if something happened to us. The latest close call has made me think about this a lot lately. Part of me doesn't want to talk about this with you, but I've put a lot of thought into it and I can't just leave my kids with nothing. I want to make you guardian if something happens."

"What? Why me?"  
"I'd leave them with Ope and Lyla, but they've got 4 kids on their own and Lyla's working as an escort with Nero. The kids would be in the same situation if I gave them to another member. All of the friends I've made here at work, yes they've babysat from time to time, but they're not close enough for me to give my kids to them. I'd consider Tara if our situation were different. I'd give them to my uncle or my cousin, but they're mob. I love my family, but I won't allow my kids to grow up in that. And that leaves you or foster care. I won't let my kids go through that hell. You're the only one that understands this life and knows enough about who Jax and I are to be able to raise them the way we want them to be raised."

"Out of the life?"

"Not necessarily. I want them to know the guys like I did, but I want them to have the choices I never got in life. I only ever knew the club and this opportunity to become a lawyer didn't really become available until late in the game. I love Jax and everything he's given me, but I don't want the kids to have our life. I want them to know the side of the club that I fell for, but not the danger. If that's even a possibility."

"I don't know about this, Holly. Besides, you closed that door on me."

"I know. And I'm opening it back up. But this is your absolute last chance. If you say no to this, you'll lose the connection to Abel forever."

"Can I think about it?"

"Of course. I'm gonna give you a copy of the kids' medical stuff just in case you say yes."

"What about Jax?"

"I'll talk to him. We have other options, but in my opinion, you're the best option right now."

Holly sat in the clubhouse, watching the kids play together as she went through a copy of hers and Jax's will, looking over when she heard someone come in frantically, seeing Ima come in beaten, bruised and burned in a couple places, wrapped up in only a blanket. She stood up and went over to her with Chibs, helping her inside and over to the couch, asking Chucky and one of the eaters to take the kids outside, hearing Tig calling Jax as Bobby called Tara. She helped Chibs start cleaning Ima's cuts when Tig handed her his phone.

"Jax wants your opinion."

"Baby?"

"Is this a real thing? Drama follows that whore everywhere she goes. And she's caused nothing but trouble for the club."

"If you could see her right now, you wouldn't asking that. You'd be out for blood."

"Alright. I'm on my way."

Holly walked into the porn studio with Jax and guys, getting increasingly nauseous with everything she saw. As angry as she was at everything she saw, what pushed her over the edge was seeing the woman tied up in a cage that was hanging above the ground. That's what made her see red. What blinded her with white hot rage. She grabbed one of the brothers by his head and bashed it as hard as she could against the wall, the breaking of his nose echoing through the space, the grunt of pain coming from the man only fueling her anger. It was as if her vision actually went red, letting out YEARS of pain and agony and pent up aggression on this one man, pounding his head against the wall until she was pulled away by Opie and Happy, seething and out of breath as Opie dragged her outside, only letting her go when they were far enough away, setting her down on her feet.

"Holly? What the fuck was that?"  
"Let me back in there, Ope, I wasn't done."

"You just killed him, Holly. You're done."

"What about the women?"

"We'll get them out and to the hospital or wherever they want to go."

"That's great. Now let me back in there."

"Now way in hell. You need to calm your shit. You've got smoke coming out of your ears and you're seething."

"I'm fine."

"Holly?"

She looked over as Jax came over, moving away from his touch, still eyeing the door.

"The other guy got away. But we'll get him, babe. You need to relax."

"I don't need to relax! I need to hit something!"

"Come on, babe."

She followed him, keeping out of his reach. She was angrier than she'd EVER been and desperately wanted to hit the next person that touched her. She looked at him when he led her back inside, pointing her to the guy they had locked in the cage, handing her his gun.

"You really wanna do this, kill this prick. I know you've got a lot to let out, so let it out."

"I'm not gonna shoot him. Let him out of the cage."

She took off her shirt as Jax motioned for Tig to let the guy out, her shorts coming off next. She ignored Jax's looks and questions as she grabbed some rope from the table next to her, tying the guy's hands behind her back in angry silence, making the rope as tight as she could around his wrists before leading him to the bathtub full of piss. She looked at the guy for a second.

"You assholes like raping women? Now you're gonna know our pain."

She tied the other end of the rope to a hook that was above her, making sure the rope was just long enough to give her complete control over his fate. She grabbed Jax's gun from the table and went back over to him. She put the gun against the guy's head, standing behind him.

"I'll give you a choice. Bullet or the tub?"

"I'm not choosing, you psycho bitch!"

She cocked the gun, pressing it against his head harder.

"A or B? There is no fucking C."

"You're crazy!"

"And you've made your choice….."

She uncocked the gun and tossed it aside, putting her head on the back of his head, pushing his head into the tub, trying not to get splashed as he struggled, pulling him out after a minute.

"Holly? What the fuck are you doing?"

She ignored Jax as she watched the guy, letting him catch his breath before pushing his head back into the tub. She watched him struggle for another couple minutes before pulling him out again, watching him struggle to breathe.

"You scared yet, bitch?"

She watched him nod and splutter.

"Beg me to live. Beg me to spare you from anymore torture. Better yet, spare the guys to save you from the death you're gonna get if you don't make it convincing."

She got a sick thrill as she watched and listened to the guy plead to the guys, all of whom were watching Holly in shock, fear and disgust. They all knew she had a lot she was holding onto and reliving and they had expected her to reach this point. But they hadn't expected her to break like this. The only one who was impressed was Happy, and even he felt a shiver of fear run down his spine. Jax knew Holly would feel horrible for this later, but right now all he could focus on was the sick things his old lady was doing right now.

"Holly, let him go. You've made your point. Just back away, babe."

Jax watched her back off slowly, carefully going over to the guy to untie him, not seeing Holly grab his gun from the ground until she shot him in the back of the head.

Holly looked over as Jax came into the bedroom after he put all of the kids to bed. She still hadn't calmed down completely from her explosion from earlier, but she went from being completely murderous to being intensely angry. She was putting lotion on her legs as he watched her from the doorframe.

"You ready to talk now?"

"About what?"

"You know what, Holly. I've seen you angry, I've seen you heartbroken. I was expecting you to break but not enough to scare Happy. You didn't terrify him, but you scared him."

"What were you expecting, bringing me there? I told you I didn't want to go. You kept insisting that I needed to have something happen to let go of all of the pain I've been holding onto. You can't honestly stand there and tell me you were expecting me to just shoot those fucking pricks after seeing the shit they had in that space. After seeing what they did to Ima. You had to have known, at least a little, that it would've brought back bad memories and I would go nuclear. You're not stupid, Jax. You wanted me to break and I did. You can't be pissed off when you get the results you wanted."

"That's not what I wanted, Holly. I can understand you bashing that guy's head into the wall repeatedly. That was what I was expecting. But drowning that Persian prick in a tub full of piss and vinegar? Torturing him and making him beg? That's not you."

"Oh? And having two women raped to get their old men to stop selling guns to the Niners and Mayans is acceptable? Having a friend of the club kidnap your son out from your old lady's hands is acceptable? Having ex members of your late mother's boyfriend's old gang kidnapped and videotape a gang-rape and having them knock out your old lady hard enough to cause her brain to swell to the point where she needs to put in a fucking coma is ok with you?"

"Of course, Holly! But you're not a killer! You're not Happy! You're not supposed to be part of club life like this!"

"So you want me barefoot and pregnant, taking care of your kids, your friends, your house and your fucking clubhouse?"  
"You know that's not what I meant. What the fuck is wrong with you? You're turning into someone I don't recognize!"

"This is what happens when people reach their breaking point! Which is what you wanted, Jackson! You said it yourself! You wanted me to break and kill someone!"

"I wanted you to break and work through whatever was holding you back."

"But I was fine! I was using my pain and my anger to fuel my motivation to make sure that our kids don't turn into us! I love you and I love us together, but you can't tell me that you and I are a functional couple! You're a fucking outlaw biker that doesn't know anything else and I'm a girl who doesn't know anything else but how to take care of other people! I've been trained from such a young fucking age to keep my feelings to myself and focus on my family and their feelings! And I've failed at everything! Abel was taken from my arms and I couldn't get to him in time. I didn't try hard enough to show you that I was happy with you and you fucked some whore. I told Lyla where she could go to get that fucking abortion and Opie slept with Ima who turned around and waved a loaded gun around my babies. I didn't do more to help bring down Clay and he broke in and almost killed me. I gave Gemma more chances than she deserved and she almost killed my kids. You wanted me to break and I fucking broke. And you're gonna stand there and tell me that you weren't expecting me to turn into who I did? You're smarter than that, Jax."

"I wasn't expecting what I saw. Not from you. From Hap, definitely. But not from the sweet girl who used to walk around in pigtails and skirts, making sure that everyone had at least had one cookie from the batch that her mother made for the club. The girl that always let people in and made sure that everyone had a smile on their face."

"That girl died a long time ago."

"No she hasn't. Because I see that girl everytime you're around our kids. When you're bringing lunch to us at the clubhouse to make sure we're eating more than beer, whiskey and pretzels. But as soon as you don't have anyone to take care of in the moment, you just….float. Almost like you don't know what to do with yourself. Like you're trying to keep yourself from breaking. I want the girl I fell in love with back."

She looked at him with tears dripping down her face and her lip quivering, standing in the room, both of them standing in total silence.

Jax woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, taking a look at the note Holly left for him on the bathroom door.

'Hi, baby. I was thinking about what you said, and you're right. That girl is still there somewhere. She's not dead, she's just lost. I'm heading up to unce Jury's to find her again. There's some milk in the fridge and freezer for Lilia and I wrote out the kids' allergies and stuff for whoever watches them while you're at the clubhouse or out doing whatever. I also have a recording of Valentina's bedtime song on my iPod for her and a couple stories for the kids if you have trouble putting them down for bed. I'm sorry about what I said or if it came out sounding like I blame you for the shit I've been through. I don't. I never have. I love you and you will forever be my always. I took my dad's bike and left you the van in case you or someone else needs to take the kids somewhere. I'll call you when I wake up tomorrow. Please try not to worry too much. And tell Happy I'm sorry if I scared him. Xoxoxoxo - Holly'


	68. One One Six

Holly sat in the bed in her room at the Venetian in Vegas, just waking up and yawning as she sat up. She looked at the time on her phone, dialing Jax's number.

"Hey, babe? How was your first night?"

"Lonely. It's been so long since I've slept alone that I ended up crying myself to sleep. I'm sorry I just took off."

"It's ok. I got your note. I forgot about your dad's bike."

"I almost did too. I got it all prettied up so we could ride somewhere together, but…."

"Do you have enough clothes?"

"No. And I don't know how long I'm staying."

"So are you at Jury's?"

"No. He's got some shit going on so I rented a room at the Venetian. I'm on the strip. I wish you were here with me. The bed is way too big for one person."

"I wish I were there too. I forgot what it's like to not have you in my bed."

She let out a soft laugh and smile, curling up under the blanket even more.

"How are the kids?"

"They're doing ok. I told them that you had to go out of town to visit a friend."

"Are they up right now?"

"Yeah, but they're at Ope and Lyla's right now. Nero came over with something huge and I needed someone to watch them."

"What happened?"

"I don't wanna ruin your vacation unless I absolutely have to."

"At least tell me how bad it is."

"Do you remember Nate Meineke?"

"Barely."

"It's that bad."

"Shit. Is there anything I can do?"

"No. We'll get ahead of this and things'll be fine. I promise."

"Ok. I'm gonna order some room service and take a shower. Call me later?"

"I will. I love you, babe."

"I love you too, baby."

Holly laid in bed in just her bra and panties, watching True Blood. She hadn't left the room at all, but she'd talked to the kids, Lyla, Ima, Venus, Jury and her uncle. But as she binge watched True Blood, she found herself wanting Jax more and more. She bit her lip as she felt herself getting wet as she watched Bill and Sookie fuck each other, slowly feeling herself up, squeezing her tits softly. As she started getting into it, the image in her mind went from Bill and Sookie to her and Jax. She closed her eyes as she trailed her hand down her flat stomach, keeping the image in her head, her breathing hitching in her throat as she rubbed herself over her panties, imagining that it was Jax's hand on her. As Jax's name fell from her lips on a whisper, she heard her phone ring. She pouted a little and let out a slightly frustrated groan as she answered it.

"Hello?"

"Hey, babe. I'm just calling to check in."

"Jax. I was just thinking about you."

"Oh yeah? Anything good."

"Yeah, you could say that. I'm watching True Blood."

"That stupid show about the vampires?"

"It's not a stupid show. It's an HBO show."

"Oh. The really stupid show about vampires and werewolves."

"Keep making fun of my show and I won't send you a pic of what I'm doing right now."

"What are you doing?"

"I'm not gonna tell you because you're making fun of my show."

"Are you trying to tease me, babe? Cause I'm at the cabin with the guys."

"Then you should find a way to be alone. Or jerk yourself off in front of them. I don't care."

"You're the only one that gets to see the goods, darlin'."

"Oh really? Prove it."

"I can't prove it. This phone doesn't do good with pictures."

"Then I can't do what I wanna do. Which is a real shame. Cause I'm wearing the bra set that you got me for Valentine's Day. The purple lacey pair with the blue flowers everywhere."

She smirked, hearing him give a little groan as he went outside, hearing the door open and shut in the distance.

"You're not playing fair, babe."

"Who ever said I was going to?"

"Wanna hear a secret?"

"Always."

"I suck at picking out that shit. Mom picked it out for me."

"Ew. You had your mother pick out your fiance's lingerie?"

"Is that wrong?"

"It's a little creepy, Jax."

"Sorry."

"Maybe I should take it all off so I don't stay creeped out."

She put her phone on speaker before putting it down and taking off her bra and panties before laying back down.

"Now what are you wearing?"

"Just my skin and the comforter."

"God I wish I could see you."

"Would you settle for being able to hear me instead? Cause I'm dripping wet, baby."

She bit her lip as she heard another groan come from him, putting her fingers back against her clit, letting out a soft moan.

"I miss you, Jax. My fingers aren't the same as your huge cock inside me."

"Fuck, darlin'. The second you get home, you're gonna get what you've been missing."

She moaned his name softly, a wave of arousal making her slicker, making her fingers glide over her super easily. She put the phone back on speaker, placing it on the table next to her.

"Tell me what you'll do to me…."

She closed her eyes as she listened to him describe, in GREAT detail, everything he wanted to do to her, dipping her fingers inside of her aching pussy, arching her back a bit, his name falling from her lips again. She moved her fingers inside herself, the wet sounds echoing around the room. Even without seeing it, she could tell by his labored breathing that he was jerking off. His deep voice coupled with his near Southern accent inched her closer to that edge, her free hand pinching her nipple as her other hand moved faster, her fingers curling around that spot inside her that had her crying out loudly for him, moaning loudly.

"Fuck, baby! I'm so close…."

"Let me hear you, Holly. I need to hear you."  
"Say it…..Please?"

"Cum for me, darlin'. I love when you cum for me. I love you."

She let out a scream as she came hard around her own fingers, moaning his name over and over again, hearing him reach his own climax, panting as she pulled her fingers out of her pussy, licking her fingers clean.

Holly looked over at her phone when it went off, looking at the number and smiled when she saw Nero's number.

"Hey, papi. How are you?"

"Not so good, chiquita. My cousin, his old lady and her son are all muerto."

"Oh shit. What happened?"

"Did Jax not tell you?"

"No. He said he didn't want to ruin my vacation."

"Makes sense."

"Are you gonna tell me?"

"Not if Jax hasn't told you."

"Please, Nero. I don't like living with secrets."

She listened as Nero told her everything, cursing under her breath.

"Do I need to come home?"

"It actually might be a good idea if you extend your stay another day or so, chiquita."


	69. Poenitentia

Holly sat in the living room as the kids played, going over the case file for a client when she heard the doorbell ring. She scratched Teddy's ear as she got up to answer the door, looking at the man standing on her doorstep.

"Mr. Toric. What are you doing here?"

"I came to talk to you. And I have a warrant this time."

She sighed deeply as she looked at the paper he handed her, reading it thoroughly before looking at him.

"Come on in."

She let him in, leading him into the dining room.

"What do you want?"

"I think you know more about my sister's murder than you're letting on and I want the truth."

"You already know the truth. If you had taken a look at my medical records, then you would know that I wasn't conscious when your sister was murdered. And I can give you the names of, at least, 5 different people, not including doctors, that came to visit me in the hospital while I was in my coma. I know firsthand how hard it can hit you when you lose someone you love that much, but you're barking up the wrong tree. I won't repeat myself anymore. I don't know why Otto killed your sister, and to be brutally honest, I don't care. I haven't had any contact with Otto in years. It doesn't matter how many times you tell me your theories or ask me to tell you the truth, the truth will never change. So unless the next words out of your mouth are either me being arrested for an actual charge or an apology for wasting my time, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"I'd hate for something to happen that would take you away from those beautiful kids of yours. It would be horrible to have their mom taken from them."

"You just made a huge mistake threatening me, dickhead. You're not an actual agent. I can spin this into a case of you stalking me and my friends and family or any other way I need to."

"Now who's threatening who?"

"I don't mess around when it comes to family. I was being as nice as possible until you brought my children into this. Now get out of my house."

Holly walked up to the docks with Jax, Nero and the guys, holding Jax's hand. She had gotten a weird vibe off Barovsky. It didn't help that he hadn't stopped flirting with her since he saw her. She walked with Jax and Barovsky down the docks towards Amir's boat. She had to take a deep breath before she was able to walk any further, memories of the last time she saw the Ghanezi brothers flooding her brain and she had to swallow her anger.

"You gonna be ok, babe?"

"I think so. I'll let you know if that changes."

She walked onto the boat with them, looking at Amir, listening to him spit his anger, glaring at him when he brought up his brother. She watched him throw Kia's jacket at Jax, swallowing down more anger.

"Where is my brother?"

"Probably being eaten by fish."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that my old lady lost her temper."

"Your bitch killed my brother?"

"I'm right here, asshole. And I'm not a bitch."

Holly stopped Amir from smacking her by gripping his wrist tightly.

"Don't you dare put your hands on me. You don't know me like that."

"You stupid whore. You killed my brother."

Jax stepped in between Holly and Amir before Holly could respond, getting into Amir's face.

"My old lady's been gang-raped twice. Being there brought back some bad memories and I couldn't stop her."

"Why was she there to begin with?"

"I brought her with me. But I misjudged the amount of anger she was feeling."

"I'm gonna kill your whore."

Barovsky stepped over and pushed Amir back.

"You're not killing anyone. You're gonna take your boat, head back to your country and stay there. Or else."

"You know how this works. I get her or I kill the both of you after making you both watch me make a movie with her."

Holly wanted to throw up when she saw the evil smirk on his face, grabbing Jax's knife and holding it at her side, trying to keep her food down.

"Touch me and die."

"You killed my brother."

"Yes, I did. But at least I didn't rape him."

"You drowned him in piss!"

"You were raping women and hanging them in cages! You beat, cut up and burned a friend of mine with cigars! You're lucky I'm not killing you too!"

"Both of you need to shut the fuck up! Teller? Get her out of here."

"You all die if she leaves!"

"You touch her and I will ram my gun down your throat and clear out your intestines with bullets."

It was a few more minutes before they were able to leave, and the sight of the blood pooling in the shag carpeting made her clap her hand over her mouth and run out, feeling someone hold her hair as she threw up into the water. She normally didn't get so nauseous at the sight of blood or dead bodies. But the situation surrounding everything was too stressful.

Holly walked downstairs to find Jax sitting at the table, sitting down when she saw that he had found the guardianship papers she'd drawn up.

"Valentina was chewing on the folder and I saw these. When were you gonna tell me?"

"I was gonna tell you before you brought me to the Ghanezi space."

"You really want Wendy to be their guardian?"  
"Of course not. But if something were to happen to us I want the kids to have more options than I did."

"You had options, Holly. You could've gone to college."

"No I couldn't, Jax. I might've gotten good grades in school…"

"And on the cheerleading team."

"But the last two years of high school every teacher I had asked me the same thing. What are you gonna do when you leave school? Where are you gonna find your happiness? And when I sat down to look at college brochures with my mom, there was only one thing I could think of. You. You had just lost Tara and you were so broken while you were prospecting. You've always taken such good care of me, but you needed to be taken care of. And so did the guys. You were always my happiness, Jax. So why would I spend money my parents didn't have to go to a college that I didn't want to go to only to have wasted money finding out what I already knew. If I had done what my parents wanted me to do, you and I wouldn't be together. Abel wouldn't call me mommy, and Tommy, Val and Lilia wouldn't be here. I'd be stuck in a job I hate for the money, in a marriage that wouldn't be real. I want more for the kids. I, at the very least, want them to have options. They wouldn't have options if they were raised by the club. They'd either be all gungho about being members or they'd be like Donna. All in or all out. That's what this life is. As much as I love the guys and all that you've given me, I don't want the kids to be in this life. It's dangerous."

"I've thought the same things myself. But Wendy? She walked away from Abel. She's the best you could think of?"

"No. But she's the only one on the outside. But at the same time, she has the unique experience of knowing what it's like to live in both worlds. She could show the kids both sides of things."

"Why not Nero?"

"I'm not gonna ask him to take on four kids while he's dealing with Lucius and getting older. Ope and Lyla already have 4 kids of their own. It would be unfair. But I'm not opposed to asking them. Or anyone else in the club. To be honest, if Wendy says no, I was gonna ask Ope and Lyla anyway. I'm just trying to do what's best for the kids."

She watched him sigh and get up, watching him walk over to her and kneel down in front of her, putting her hands in his as he kissed them both.

"If you think it's best. But I don't think anything's gonna happen to us."

"Everyone says that, Jax. Dawn didn't think that and she OD'd. Donna didn't think that and she was shot to death. I have to be realistic, baby."


	70. Wolfsangel

Holly walked into the living room with Toric, glad that the kids were all at the clubhouse at the moment.

"If you're here about Otto, I'm gonna scream."

"Not why I'm here. I'm here to make you a deal. I know what you're trying to do with your kids. You want to make sure that they'll be taken care of should something happen to you and Teller. I can ensure that it happens. I know people that run really good foster homes. Good people that'll treat those children like their own."

Holly glared at him, starting to seeth.

"The last time somebody talked to me like that, my son had been kidnapped and adopted out without consent. Father Kellan Ashby took it upon himself to place Abel up for adoption without telling Jax and I. So I'd be extremely careful about your next choice of words."

"Fine. I want your fiance and his club. Dead. But I need a way in. I don't care what I have to do to get that opportunity."

She looked at him, trying to keep her anger at bay.

"You need to stop talking. You're not going to win and now you're threatening me and my family. And if you've done any research on me, which it doesn't sound like you have, than you know that anytime I've ever done anything huge, it's been to protect my family. I've quite literally gone halfway around the world to get my son back, nearly losing another baby in the process. I've killed twice to ensure my children's safety. I've gotten a cop, a sheriff, fired and arrested when he threatened my family. I have a lot to feel guilty about, but when it comes to my family, to include the club, there is nothing that I wouldn't do. You're not the first person to try to bring down the club, and I doubt you'll be the last, but like everyone else, you'll fucking lose. And when it does, do you wanna know what's going to happen? I'm gonna celebrate. I'm gonna fuck my fiance, party with my friends and family, play with my kids and I'm gonna pray to whatever God might be listening and say a huge thank you for once again delivering my family to safety."

"I won't lose. You want to know why? Because I'm gonna use you to win. You're either gonna give up your fiance and your club….Or I'm make sure those kids are taken from you. All 4 of them. Because I noticed the last time I was here that there firearms in the house."

"Unloaded and out of reach. I'm a lawyer and I know the rules. I would never allow my children to get hurt or taken from me. Now get out of my goddamned house."

He got up and looked at her, handing her another card.

"That's who I'm working for. And she's looking into the MC too. And it started with that school shooting."

"Because you brought the club to her attention. I wonder how she'd feel knowing that you were planting evidence and creating fake stories to get your revenge on someone who's already broken. I know what happened with Otto. You've been having him raped and beaten on a daily basis and without his tongue, he can't give you the answers you've been looking for. So you're lashing out. Unlike you, I do my research when someone threatens us. I know the real reason you've been forced into retirement. You like intimidating and threatening people. But you also have a drug problem. You wanna play chicken with me? I ain't going anywhere. But you are."

Holly looked over as she heard Jax come in, watching him sit down next to her on the couch. She'd called him to let him know what happened with Toric, listening to him tell her about what happened to Phil and V-Lin. She looked at him, letting him pull her close.

"The kids are upstairs, napping."

"Good. I don't want you to worry. I'm not gonna let anyone take our kids."

"I know you won't. And I'm not worried. But I've been doing some thinking. I've done my research on Toric. The reason he got forced into retirement despite being one of the leaders in arrests is that he doesn't play by the book. He likes to intimidate people and doesn't give a shit. He has his own sense of justice."

"Hurt people who hurts people."

"Exactly. He wasn't kidding in that his sister was the only family he had. His parents disowned him after he turned 18 and died a few years ago. He has a younger brother who wants nothing to do with him. And he has a drug problem."

"Shit. Really?"

"Yeah. He's working with some DA who's up in arms about the school shooting. He's pointed her to the club because of what Otto did. But I doubt that she's privy to knowing that he's been making shit up to compel her to help him get to you. She made him a special agent for his information."

"Shit. Today's just getting better."

"Well, I've been thinking about the Irish too. They need someone to sell their guns to. My grandpa has been looking to set up his family with money since he's reaching the end. My uncle's taking over and is looking to expand a bit."

"That would open up a pretty decent chunk of Europe for the Irish."

"And if you set up the Irish with another good Catholic family, you can walk away from them and go legit."

"But you're running out of favors with your family."

"Yes and no. I tell my uncle that his nieces and nephews are being threatened? That's Toric done. I can't do to Toric what I did to Eli. Toric's way less stable than Eli was even before Rita died. It wouldn't work the same. But if he goes missing, one could say he OD'd."

"What about Gaalen? He killed and hacked up two members."

"Gaalen's not stupid. He knows how this life works. You put the Irish in bed with the mob and more money than they could make with the club, and I'm sure that they'll be a bit amenable to you."

"We could trade guns for Gaalen."

"Exactly."

"When did you get so devious?"

"It involves keeping my family safe. You know I'll do anything."

Holly walked into the bedroom from the bathroom, climbing into bed next to Jax with a sigh.

"I heard from Pope. Otto killed Toric and then got himself shot. They're both gone."

"At least the kids are safe."

"Yeah. Now we just have to deal with this DA bitch. I left my uncle a message. I'll call him again tomorrow."

"I'll get a hold of Gaalen tomorrow. See if we can get the Kings on board with this deal."

"Good. I hope this works."

"Me too, babe. Me too."


	71. The Mad King

Holly sat in Jax's room at the clubhouse with Lyla, both women making up a list of things they'd need to go get from the store the next day, and what they should make for breakfast. When Lyla started yawning, she made her go to Ope's room, making sure that the kids were all asleep before calling Jax.

"You should be asleep, Hol."  
"Not tired. You get anything yet?"

"No. But this is the only info we got from Belfast. So we have to work with it. You got everything locked down over there?"  
"Yeah. It's definitely packed to capacity. But everyone's here that wants to be here. Otherwise there's a Tacoma member with them. I'm in your room with the kids making a list of shit I have to get tomorrow."

"Get some sleep, babe. You're gonna need it."

"I will. I was gonna take some ZQuil and go to bed."

"Good. Love you, babe."

"Love you too. So much. Stay safe."

Holly walked through the clubhouse, making sure that everyone there had breakfast and coffee or juice before going over to Chucky, putting down the coffee pots in his hands before giving him a hug.

"Otto loved you, Chucky. You wouldn't be here if he didn't."

"He saved my life inside."

"You wanna repay him for that?"  
"Absolutely, I do."

"Don't waste your life. And don't stop being yourself. You're a good guy, Chucky. We love you around here too."  
"Je vous remercie, Holly."

She smiled at him, kissing his cheek gently.

"De rien, Chucky. How are we doing on food?"

"We've got enough to last until tomorrow, but we need beer and soda."  
"I have to go out in a little bit anyway. I gotta take Unser to his chemo appointment in an hour."

"Who are you taking with you?"

She just gave him a smile before sending him off.

Holly looked as ADA Patterson walked over to her at the hospital, holding onto Lilia, who was asleep in her arms. She'd called Patterson on her way to St. Thomas with Wayne, asking her to meet her.

"I got your message. What did you want to talk to me about?"

"Lee Toric. The man that Otto Delaney killed the other day."

"I know who he was."

"No you don't. You knew what he let you know. I know who he really was. An asshole with a twisted sense of justice, a drug problem and an imagination that rivals a 5 year old's."

She put Lilia in the stroller before looking back at Patterson.

"The man that pointed you towards the Sons of Anarchy in connection with the school shooting, which as a mother and someone with a moral center, I find it incredibly tragic, did so under false pretenses. I don't have the time to pretend that the club is anything else at the moment, but there is not a single member that had any intention of letting any child to get ahold of a gun of that caliber, nor had any responsibility of what happened afterwards."

"Sounds like you're speaking from experience, Ms. Pavlov."

"Holly. And yes I have a couple guns in my house, some loaded and some unloaded, but all of them are out of reach of any prying hands and most are in a safe, protected by a combination only I know."

"Do you have any intention of teaching your children how to shoot?"

"Absolutely none. Jax is trying to move the club onto a safer path. But that's not in question here. Neither are my parenting skills. Lee Toric lied to you and manipulated you to get to your resources. He killed Erin, framed Nero Padilla and threatened to make a false report to CPS and have them take my children from me. The reason he pointed you to the club was because Otto Delaney killed his sister and then bit out his own tongue to kill the RICO case Toric was conducting on his own. The boy that opened fire, his mother, Darvany Jennings, OD'd and the boyfriend, Arcadio Narona, the man who bought the gun, was killed by accident. All parties responsible are dead. A family snuffed out in the span of two days. The entire club is feeling that."

"Shit. And what do you expect me to do with this information?"

"Whatever the hell you want with it. You can sweep it under the rug if you want. But, because I need some security to keep my friends and family safe, I must let you know that I don't forget things. I'm gonna hold onto this information until I'm sure that I don't need it anymore. You will leave my club alone. Or I bring this information to the public. Yes you were manipulated, but you still allowed an unstable man to use funds given to you by the public to fund his vendetta. How do you think people will react to that?"

She looked at Patterson, watching her smirk at her.

"You fit right into the outlaw life, Holly. Jackson Teller chose right."

"Yes he did. But I am a mother first. An old lady second. And a public defender third. Everything else goes down the line. And Jax knows it. I will do what I need to do to protect my children. Then I will do what I need to do to help my old man. Sometimes the law helps me do that. Sometimes it doesn't. It's a roll of the dice."

Both women looked over when Wayne came out. Holly looked back at her.

"Like I said, Jax is trying to turn the club legit. Give him the time he needs to do that. Or I turn this information over."

Holly stood with Jax as he called the Kings, listening to him talk with them for a minute before she could step in.

"Jax is right, Rourke. Gaalen can not be trusted. I won't pretend to understand your cause, but I've been jerked around by people like Gaalen so many times that I know how to tell trustful people. And if I know how he operates, he's in the room with you, listening in on this."

She looked at Jax when she heard Gaalen chuckling.

"I've underestimated you, Holly."

"Not the first time, Gaalen. But it will be your last. You know Jax wants to get out of guns. But you need someone to sell guns to. I have a solution that will be a win-win-win for all involved. Except for Gaalen."

"What's your solution, lass?"  
"My mother's parents were Italian mob. My grandmother was a mob wife up until the day she died and my grandfather isn't far behind. My uncle is stepping up, working to take my grandfather's place as don. My uncle is looking to expand. He's cautious. Particular about who he trusts. But he's a good man. Smart. And has connections everywhere. I know all of you are Catholic. So's my family. Another uncle of mine is a lot like your late priest. Plugged into the family business and very helpful. Your causes might be different, but you'll get more money and access to more potential clients than you would with SAMCRO. Jax gets this charter out of guns. My uncle will get excellent quality guns for the family's cause."

"And what'll happen to me, pray tell?"

"You killed and hacked up two members for no legitimate reason other than you're pissed that Jax isn't doing what you want, Gaalen. You have to answer for that."

She looked at Jax, who was smiling at her proudly.

"So here's the deal, gentlemen. I'll return Connor and the others to you because I never had any intentions of hurting them. But setup with my old lady's family only happens if Gaalen gets sent back to us, alive, to face retribution for the two members he killed. He wanted to double your income and output? We can triple it. All it'll take on our end is a phone call from my lovely lady. But that phone call won't happen until we get your word that we'll get Gaalen sent to us."

"We need to talk to the council."

"We'll give you two days to decide. If we don't hear back from you, the deal's off the table and you'll have to find another way to sell your guns."

Holly sat down in the backroom at the clubhouse, answering her phone when it went off, seeing her uncle's number.

"Hey, zio. Did you get my message?"

"I did. And I want to know why you think this is a good idea."

"Jax wants to get the club out of guns. Turn it legit. We don't want our kids growing up like he and I did. But the Irish needs to be able to sell their guns. You're looking to expand. Each group gets what they want and you and the Kings can sit down and talk about pricing and merchandising."

"I don't know about this, Holly."

"I know you're cautious, zio. Members might go rogue now and then, but the Irish have great products and are pretty easy to work with. As long as you get to deal with the right person."

"Do you trust them?"

"As a group? Yes. There have been a few bad eggs, but they're loyal to their cause and if things are done right you can build some lifelong connections for generations to come."

She sat there in silence, letting him think.

"I want to meet them. Talk things out in person."

"We're waiting to hear back from them. As soon as we do, as long as they go for it, we'll set it up."

"Stateside. Your neck of the woods."

"Gives me the chance to pull out some of my mom's old recipes and haul out my rusty cooking skills."

"Big old-fashioned family dinner."

"Absolutely."

She looked over as Jax walked into the room, giving him a nod.

"I've gotta go. Mommy duties. But I'll let you know how everything goes. I love you, zio."

"Love you too, Holly. Mom would be proud if she could see you now. I know papa is."

She smiled and blushed softly.

"I wish I could've known nonna. She sounded like an amazing woman."

"She really was. Next time I come down, I'll bring pictures."

"I'd love that. Night, zio."

She hung up and looked at Jax.

"My uncle's up for the deal. Now we just need to hear back from the Kings."

He smiled and kissed her softly and passionately.

"I wish I could stay and show you how appreciative I am for you, but I have to get to church."

"It's ok. To be honest, I'm pretty beat. And I wanna sleep in my own bed. So I'm gonna take the kids home and get them into bed."

"Ok. I'll see you later. And take Rat with you."

"I will. I love you, baby."

"I love you too, darlin'. You stay safe."


	72. Salvage

Holly pulled into the lot and climbed out, barely getting the car in park and turning it off before rushing out and running and jumping into Jax's arms, holding him tightly and crying into his shoulder.

"Nero called me while the firefighters were working and I got scared hearing the sirens and flames."

"I'm fine. Everyone's whole. I promise, babe."

She cried into his shoulder, not letting him let her go when he tried.

"I could've lost you. I feel like I almost did."

"Hey. I need you to look at me."

She met his eyes as he cupped her face, feeling him wipe her tears away with his thumbs.

"You weren't even close to losing me. I wouldn't do that to you. You should know by now that you and those kids are what keep me going."

She sniffled and nodded, kissing him softly and passionately for a minute before letting him go.

"Where are the kids?"  
"Still at home with Rat. he was still asleep on the couch when I left."

"Ok. Why don't you head back to the house. Ope's gonna go see Lyla. Take Tig with you."

"Do you want me to tell Rat?"

"Yeah. Tell him to get back here."

"Was this the Irish?"

"I have a feeling this was Gaalen. But I'll call and get the story."

"If this was the Kings…..I'll kill all of them myself."

Holly sat down at the dining room table with Jax and the guys, hearing Lyla sitting and playing with all the kids in the other room as Jax called the Kings.

"I thought we still had another day?"

"You do. Unless you ordered our clubhouse to be blown up. In which case, not only is the deal void, but you will have started the war I told you I didn't want."

"What are you talking about, Jax?"

"Someone sent a bomb to our clubhouse! Nearly killed our members and friends and families! Either you authorized that shit or Gaalen did this behind your back!"

"Calm yourself, Holly. We didn't authorize this."

"Then Gaalen did this behind your back."

"It appears that way."

"The council is still debating your offer."

"I talked to my uncle last night and he's on board with this, but he wants to meet you. But I'm incredibly hesitant to set this shit up after what just happened. One of your men sent a goddamned bomb to the clubhouse and almost killed a lot of people. He's throwing a fucking tantrum and I'm about to stick my neck out for you?"

"We'll send you Gaalen."

"It might be too late on that front, Rourke. If he's done this, than he's probably going into hiding."

"We'll smoke him out. Set the meeting with your uncle, lass."

Holly sat in the van with Rat, crossing her legs under her as he drove.

"How do you deal with it, Holly?"

"Deal with what?"  
"All the shit you've been through. Opie told me a lot about what you've been through. Anyone else would've bolted by now. How do you stay whole?"

"I started letting it all fuel me instead of crush me. It doesn't always work. Jax and I have fought about a lot of it and we've spent a lot of time talking about shit. But one day I decided I had to change. It would've destroyed me if I had let things continue the way they were. So instead of letting myself break when something happened, I let it make me angry. And I let that anger motivate me to do better. For myself, my kids and Jax."

She looked over when she heard police sirens, cursing under her breath.

"The guys don't have protection."

She looked at Rat for a second before he drove off. She watched from a distance at the interaction, cursing loudly when Juice started beating the officer. When the guys drove off, she made Rat drive off too, waiting until they got close enough to Juice before going over to open the door so Juice could jump in, closing the door when he was inside. She stayed in angry silence until they got to Jury's. When they got there, she was the first to climb out, waiting for Juice to climb out before smacking him hard.

"What the fuck, Holly?"

"I can understand you beating on that officer. I know a crooked cop when I see one. But you could've gotten yourself fucking killed. And after what happened to the clubhouse, things are crazy and up in the air. There's a lot we don't know. But the one thing I do know is that I will not lose any one of you. You fuckers mean too much to me to bury you."

She walked over to Jax, letting him pull her into him, feeling him kiss her head.

"Relax, babe. He's fine."

She just rolled her eyes, hugging Jury when he came over.

Holly looked over as Jax came over to her, sitting on a fallen tree trunk, looking back on the pond she was sitting in front of, taking a drag from her joint, handing it to him as he sat down.

"You ok, babe? You haven't talked to anybody since you smacked Juice and then I get told you went off on your own while we were all in church. What's going on in that brain of yours."

She smacked his hand away when he tried to move her hair out of her face, stomping out the joint before looking at him.

"Something happens to me and I've gotten to the point where I get angry and use that anger to help you or the kids or the club or get something done that needs to be done. But something happens to you and I panic. I can't help but wonder if the next time you walk out the door is the last time I would ever see you alive. I can't breathe until I see you're breathing with my own eyes. I've never felt this way about anyone before. And that scares me. You've turned me into a watered down version of the woman I killed and I don't care. I've gotten used to all the shit. I know you're changing the club, but I'm having a hard time seeing how I'm ever gonna be able to get back to who I was. Because while I don't mind being Gemma while you're still running guns, I don't see the point of being her if things aren't gonna be so up in the air. But I've been this way for so long that I need help going back to who I was before."

She looked at him with tears swimming in her eyes as she searched his face.

"I don't want you to be uncomfortable in your body, Holly. But I don't want you to go back to who you were. And not because I didn't love you then or because I have some weird mommy thing. I don't want you to go back because I love seeing how strong you are. You've changed in such a great way, Holly and everyone's picked up on it. The Holly you used to be was an amazing girl and I loved her. But the Holly you've turned into is the best. You're strong for me and the kids when we need it, you take care of us and the guys, but you take the time to take care of yourself. We're not the same people we were back then and I don't want to be those people again. You were so broken after everything and now you're whole again. Who you are now is why I'm trying so much harder to get the club out of guns. The woman that's taking care of our kids and giving them the life they deserve. The woman that's become my whole world. That means more to me than my own life."

She looked at him, attaching her lips to his, wrapping her arms around him as she straddled his legs, holding on as he picked her up, laying her out of the ground, making out with her as he started taking off her clothes.

Holly stood back with Jax and the guys, letting Bobby keep her close as Jax and Happy went to go get Juice's bike back. She looked down at her phone when it went off, going over to the van as she saw Venus' number.

"V? You ok?"

"Have you seen Nero?"

"You don't know. Um….He got arrested. We're trying to get him out, but we kinda hit a wall."

"Oh. I was hoping to talk to him."

"Venus, are you ok? You sound sad."

"I kind of am, sugar bear."

"Are you at Diosa now?"

"Yeah, I am."

"Why don't you hang out there, spend the night and I'll pick you up when I get home?"

"Where are you?"  
"Jax and I went up to Indian Hills, Nevada to visit a friend. We're staying the night and leaving in the morning."

"If you're busy…."

"I'm not. We did what we needed to do."

"If you're sure. How are you? I know it's been a while since we talked."

"I've been good. Just working and being a mom. You should see the kids. They've all gotten so big. When I pick you up tomorrow, I'll bring you back to the house to see them."

She looked over when Tig called her name.

"I gotta go. Have a drink, stay in Nero's room and relax, V."

"I will. Thank you, sugar bear."

She hung up and followed the guys in, looking around at the bikes. They were all so beautiful. When the cops from earlier got there after Jax called them, she stood next to Jax, biting back a laugh as she listened to Jax. She'd be lying if she said she wasn't turned on by him at that moment. But when he made the cops apologize to the guys, she couldn't take it anymore, taking his hand and leading him back inside, kissing him deeply as she undid his jeans, pushing them down before taking off her shorts and panties, letting him bend him over one of the bikes, the open door going forgotten by the both of them as Jax pushed into her, making her moan as he bottomed out inside of her. She dug her nails into the leather of the bike seat as Jax pounded into her, making her moan loudly, feeling him hold out onto her hips tightly. She pulled away as she started getting close, moving over to one of the stacks of leather covered cushions, laying down on top of it.

"Fuck me in the ass, baby."

She gripped his arms as he pushed into her ass, her eyes rolling back a bit as she cried out his name, arching her back as he started thrusting into her, her fingers tangling in his hair, tugging. She was so close, falling over the edge with a loud scream when he rubbed her clit with his thumb, her pussy clenching around nothing as she screamed his name, her screams echoing off the walls as he found his own release. It took a minute for her to catch her breath, getting up to get dressed once she came down from her high, smiling and kissing him as they walked out to his bike, ignoring the comments as she climbed on the back of his bike, holding on as he rode off, smiling to herself.


	73. Sweet and Vaded

Holly helped Chucky clean up the ice cream shop that Hale was letting the club use as temporary headquarters, bending down so she could clean out the freezers. She was gonna set them up with actual ice cream and candy and stuff so they'd have a cover. She looked over when she heard Jax call for her.

"Ready to set up that meeting?"

"Yeah. let me wash my hands. I'm covered in bleach and dust."

"Can I just say you look hot today?"

"You're only saying that because I'm wearing shorts and a crop top."

"No. You always look hot."

She rolled her eyes, shaking her head as she walked back to wash her hands. She came back out and went upstairs, grabbing her phone and dialing her uncle's number while Jax called Rourke.

"Holly. How are you?"

"Sto bene, zio. You ready to talk with the Kings?"

"I need some more assurances about this, Holly. They blew up your clubhouse."

"That was the act of one rogue member who's going to pay for what he's done. I wouldn't suggest this if I didn't believe in it, zio. This will be good for everyone involved. I have faith that this will work. But I'm not gonna force you to do this."

"This isn't just a favor is it?"

"Of course not. I hate when I have to ask you for favors. No matter what they are. I wouldn't bring this to you or the family if I didn't think that this would benefit you. I know this is big and I've asked to be kept out of family business, more than wanting you all to successful, my family's at stake here. I would do anything for those I love and care about. You know that."

She bit her lip as she looked at Jax, who had just gotten the council on the phone, hearing Dante sigh deeply.

"Ok. Let's get this over with."

"Alright. Jax has the Kings on the phone. Rourke, you on board?"

"Aye."

"Zio? You with us?"

"For you, Holly. But because you spearheaded this thing, I want you taking point on this."

"Ok. But I'm not an actual member. I'm just an old lady taking care of her friends and family."

"Don't sell yourself short, lass. Even the most loyal old ladies out here, with the exception of Fiona, aren't as involved in business as you are. I trust ye, lass."

She couldn't help but blush as Jax held her hand, squeezing his hand lightly.

"Ok. I've got the club with us. We have a couple new members so I have to bring them up to speed."

She looked over the table at the guys.

"Thinking over everything that's happened lately and knowing Jax's plan to bring the club out of guns, I came up with a plan. The Kings have their gun business but need someone to sell to. My mother's side of the family is mob. My grandpa is sick and reaching his end, so my uncle's working and biding his time until he can step up, which will be soon. He's looking to expand a bit and they need guns."

"Which'll open up Europe to the Kings."

She looked at Tig, nodding a bit.

"The plan I came up with was to have the Kings sell to my uncle and the family. They'll get more money with the mob than they would with us, my uncle will the firepower he needs and we'll get out of guns like you've all voted for. In exchange for Gaalen, I told the Kings that I would call my uncle and see if he would go along with it. So that's where we are. This meeting is to set up boundaries and list demands and limitations."

She looked back at the phones, sitting back in her seat.

"Before you two start talking, I need assurances that Gaalen is on his way to us."

"Aye. We finally got him to come in. He admitted to the bomb sent to your clubhouse was because he was pissed at you and Jax. We told him that we were sending him Stateside for a recruitment mission. He should be in Cali by afternoon tomorrow."

"Alright then. Connor and your guys will be placed on a plane tonight. A friend of the club has a jet he's putting them on."

"Thank you for not killing them."  
"I told you before, Rourke. I never wanted war. That was Gaalen's thing."

"Aye."

She laced her fingers with Jax.

"So the club's hope for this deal is to get the heat of guns off their backs. My hope is that this will be a peaceful relationship. My uncle's a bit apprehensive about this, Rourke. I told you that he's particular about who he trusts."

"He's not alone. We are too."

"I'm glad not alone. A hazard of the business."

"Aye."

"Jumping right into it, what kind of firepower we looking at?"  
"Little bit of everything. Some of our guns come from all over. Some are our own make."

"I'm gonna want to see them before I make my decision. I want a buffet. From small handguns to things you can't smuggle in a purse."

"Aye."

"How about instead of sending him alone, go on that recruitment mission with him. Gives you a couple extra days to get everything together before you come down. Use the usual place so my uncle can test out the hardware and make his decision."

"Sounds fair. We've got a shipment coming in tomorrow. We'll get together some samples."

"It'll have to be this weekend. Dad wants to see his piccola colomba before he goes out."

Holly couldn't help but tear up when she heard that, closing her eyes softly and sniffling lightly.

"Sembra che io abbia molto da cucinare."

"Sì, lo fa. Porterò anche quelle immagini."

"Béarla le do thoil. Nó beidh muid ag smaoineamh go bhfuil tú ag iarraidh sabotage a dhéanamh."

"Sorry. We're talking about family stuff. No sabotaging. I promise."

"We'll be on a jet Friday morning. Puts us in Cali Friday night."

"How about we meet Saturday morning? 10?"

"Sounds good to me. I'll let the family know."

"To us too. We'll let the council know."

"Ok. Thank you, gentlemen. And Rourke? Stay in the line. There's something else I wanna run past you."

"Aye, lass."

She said goodbye to her uncle and hung up before taking the other phone and went downstairs, sitting down at a table.

"You still there, Rourke?"

"Yeah we are, lass. What do you need?"

"I was wondering if you could bring Fiona and Kerrienne with you when you come in. It's not in exchange for anything. Filip's birthday is coming up and I know how much he misses them. I'm sure they miss him too. And now that Jimmy O's gone, it'll be safer for them to travel."

"Aye, lass. I'll give them a call."

"Thank you. And Maureen Ashby, if it's not too much trouble. She played a huge part in Jax and I getting our son back and I never got to thank her for that."

"You're a good girl, lass. I'll see what I can do."

"Thanks again, Rourke."

She hung up and ran the phone back upstairs, handing it back to Jax.

"Everything ok, babe?"

"Oh yeah. Just had a couple questions. Had nothing to do with club stuff. But I gotta go. I promised that I'd pick Venus up and bring her to see Nero before dropping her off at the house. She's gonna watch the kids for me today while I'm at work."

"Ok. And hey. Good luck today. You'll have to let me know how it goes."

She smiled and nodded at him before looking over at Opie when he asked what was going on.

"Today's my first court date. Rosen recommended me to someone. Some girl's been in an abusive relationship for the last four years and is now pressing charges. She just found out she's pregnant, asked him to sign over his parental rights and he put her in the hospital after telling her that he was gonna take the kid from her. So that put more charges on the list. To include child abuse and attempted murder. Which always gets people feeling sympathetic. Even without the new charges, I had this case in the bag."

She smiled at the guys before kissing Jax and leaving, heading up to Diosa and smiled at Lyla when she walked in, saying hi to her goddaughter, Luna, kissing her head.

"If you're looking for the tranny, she's in Nero's room."

"Her name is Venus. And thank you."

She knocked on Nero's door, walking in when she was told she could, hugging Venus.

"You're looking good, sugar bear."

"Thank you, V. So are you. You ready to go? I spent more time with the guys than I meant so I'm running a bit behind."

"Yeah. Let's go."

She drove Venus to the prison, paying her way in for visiting hours, going back with her to see Nero. When they saw Nero, she smiled and got up to hug him tightly.

"You doing alright, Nero?"

"I'm doing fine, chiquita."

"I brought a friend who really wanted to see you."

She let Venus and Nero sit and chat, grabbing something from the vending machine watching her friends from the wall, going over after a while when Nero motioned her over.

"What's up, papi?"

"Do me a favor, Holly?"

"Anything."

"Ask Jax to help Venus out? She's got a problem that I can't help her with while I'm in here. But it's a big thing. It's a family thing."

"What is it?"

"It's not my story to tell, chiquita."

"Alright. I'll call Jax today before work."

She looked at Venus before getting up, both women hugging Nero goodbye. She drove Venus to the house, glad that Jessica was still there, introducing the two before looking at Venus.

"Jessica's gonna stay with you so you have some help with the monsters. She knows all of their allergies and quirks and stuff, so you don't have to worry too much about anything, but just in case she has to step out or something, I have their allergies listed on the fridge along with the foods they like and don't like. I keep it up there incase we have a new sitter or someone from out of town watching them. Abel, Tommy and Valentina have their chores that they have to do and don't trust them when they say don't have to do their chores. But, like I said, Jess is here to help you out."

She smiled when Tommy ran over, picking him up and kissing his cheek before bringing him and Venus into the living room and introducing her to the kids before getting their attention.

"You'll all be good for Jess and Venus and be nice to Venus, right?"

"Yes, mommy."

"And what has mommy told you about people who are different, Tommy?"

"They're people too."

"So what are you gonna do?"

"Be nice to her and not make fun of her."

"Good job. Mommy has to get ready for work. Play nice."

She kissed them all before patting Venus' shoulder.

"I'll call Jax while I get dressed."

"Thank you, sugar bear."

"Anytime, V."

She went upstairs to shower and get dressed, calling Jax.

"Hey, babe. How're the kids?"

"They're good. I promised Venus that I'd take her to go see Nero today and when we went, Nero asked me to ask you to help Venus. I guess she's got some family drama that requires some muscle. So I told him I'd call you."

"Yeah. What's going on?"

"I don't know. And I don't have time to find out. I'm running behind."

"Ok. She at the house?"  
"Yeah. She and Jessica are gonna watch the kids."

"Ok. We'll go see her. Love you."

"Love you too."

Jax looked at Venus, listening to her tell her story and explain why she needed the club's help. He felt for her and could understand why Nero asked for Jax's help.

"I know you and I are not destined to have much in the way of friendship after what happened between me and our mutual girl, but I am quite literally at your mercy."

"Hey. What happened is in the past. Holly and I are past it and doing better and you mean a lot to her and Nero. Therefore, you mean a lot to me."

He hugged Venus back when she hugged him, looking at her when she pulled away.

"You can't tell Holly about the child porn shit. She doesn't handle that kinda thing so well anymore."

"Not a word. She seems happier than I first saw her."  
"She is. A lot happier. Still going through some shit, but she's doing good."

"That's really good. She's got the kind of soul that could change the world."

"Yeah, she does."

"Are you two any closer to getting married?"

"Not yet. I feel like I'm making her empty promises."

"It'll happen, Jackie."

Holly stormed over to Jax when she caught up with the guys, having gotten a call from Chibs, who called about some legal help. She ignored Barovsky and went over to Jax, who looked over at Chibs.

"I thought we agreed to keep her away from this?"

"It was the only way to clear Venus of this, Jackie. She said she wouldn't do anything until she knew everything."

"Don't yell at him."

"After what happened with the Ghanezi brothers, you get why I didn't tell you about this, right?"

"Of course I do. I'm not mad at you."

"Please stay out here?"

"Not a chance in hell."

She went inside with Venus, taking a look around as Venus went over to check on Joey, tearing up at the pictures of all of the kids and babies on the wall, swallowing the bile that rose in her throat, looking back at Jax.

"Go outside, babe. You don't need to see anymore."

"If I'm gonna be able to clear Venus from this shit, I need to see everything."

"Babe? Nothing's gonna happen to Venus. We're gonna get her and son out and away from this shit. You stay here and you're just torturing yourself. Please go outside."

Holly didn't get the time to say anything or move at all as Venus' mom and her friends came into the space. She glared at Alice as she talked to Venus, listening to the old bitch saying shit that nobody should say. But what made her go from angry to sad was seeing the effect that Alice's words were having on Jax. Watching him tear up made her want to cry. She looked at him after he shot Alice in the head, making him look at her, cupping his face gently and wiping his tears away.

"Our kids will never grow to hate you. You didn't force them into anything. You have gone to the ends of the earth and back for Abel. Those kids mean the world to you and you mean the world to them. Don't you ever let some hell bent heart try to change that for you. Our kids love you just as much as I do. As the club does. And that will never change. I can promise you that."


	74. Los Fantasmas

Jax sat in the dining room with the guys and Venus, knowing that Holly and the kids were still asleep.

"Are you sure about this, Jax? I know Holly isn't the wedding planning type, but she's willingly putting this aside to help us."

"I know. But I'm not gonna keep making her empty promises. I'm gonna marry that girl before anything else happens and we can't. So call over to Wahewa. See if we can use their land this weekend. She's gonna want her family there. Venus, I want you to take her and the kids out. She's gonna need a dress. I'll give you the money for it. I don't want her knowing anything about this. She needs something good to happen. So do I."

He looked at Chibs when he clapped his shoulder.

"Don't worry, Jackie Boy. We've got this."

"I don't want her knowing about this until the day it all happens. But I want it to be everything she deserves."

Holly looked over as Patterson walked into her office, watching as she sat down.

"I've been trying to give the MC the time you requested, but people are outraged over what happened at Count of Aquino. I can't protect them anymore."

"I know. I've had to turn people away cause it would be a conflict of interest for me to represent them. And you're not protecting them. Jax and I are. But you need to continue to stay quiet. Not because of any threat, but because if all goes the way I have it planned out, by the time you put enough together to waste your time and the taxpayers' money, it won't matter. The club will have gone legit and won't have any more ties to guns and that kind of heat."

"So what am I supposed to do?"

"You haven't said anything about Arcadio Nerona or Darvany Jennings. I can give you the bodies. Twist it as a suicide/murder pact. Guilt for what happened with Matthew. I don't wanna use those poor souls like this, but this protects my club and my family."

"Why are you doing this? You could've taken those kids and left."

"I was raised to take care of the people that mean something to me. The club is my body. Mine and Jax's kids are my heart. And Jax is my soul. Take those things away from me, even one of those things, and you take away my reason for living. There's something that Jax's dad used to say. Blood makes you related but loyalty makes you family. SAMCRO and Nero are my family. I'd do anything for my family. Surely you can understand that."

"I can."

She gave Patterson a small smile.

"Give me the bodies and I'll give the MC the time it needs."

"I promise to do what I can. If I can't get the bodies I'll figure something else out."  
"Fair enough."

"But make no mistake, Tyne Patterson. I'm not a rat. I don't care what you throw at me. I'm not giving up my family."

She looked over when she saw Venus at the door, waving her in.

"I hope you have a good day, Ms. Patterson."

"You too, Ms. Pavlov."

She nodded, getting up and hugging Venus.

"Hey, V. What're you doing here?"

"I actually came to see if you wanted to go shopping. I heard from my Joey and I'm in need of a distraction."

"You're in luck. I have a short day today and I'm always up for shopping. I wanna bring the kids with me, if that's ok."

"That's fine, sugar bear. When can you leave?"

"I have to file these and then we can go."

It was about 20 minutes before Holly was able to leave, going with Venus down to the van."

"I'll follow you to the house."

"Ok."

When Holly and Venus pulled into the driveway, she climbed out and went inside to hear Valentina crying and screaming and seeing that Jessica was passed out on the living room floor. Abel and Tommy were coloring while Lilia was napping in her bouncer. She cursed under her breath and bent down to check for a pulse, feeling a very faint one, calling for an ambulance.

"Hey, Abel? Why don't you and Tommy go upstairs and play in the playroom?"

"Ok, mommy."

"And take mommy's phone and call daddy. Tell him that Ms. Jess is sick."

"Is there something you want me to do, sugar bear?"  
"Will you take Val upstairs and keep an eye on the kids? I'm gonna stay with Jessica until the ambulance gets here."

"Ok."

"Sorry our plans got derailed. We'll go later."

"It's ok. Watching the kids gives me something to focus on."

"Thanks. Ask if the kids have eaten?"

"I will."

By the time the ambulance had gotten there, Jax and the guys beat the EMTs there, only to have them pronounce Jessica dead. And the syringe in Jessica's purse suggested an overdose. Holly gave the police her statement when Eglee got there before going to make lunch for the kids.

"Did you have any idea that Jess was using?"

"Of course not, Jax. After the shit that happened with Wendy and Gemma, do you really think that I would let anyone watch our kids while they were impaired?"

"Of course not, babe. I just had to ask."

"I didn't know anything."

She leaned into Jax when he came over, sighing softly as she felt him kiss her head.

"Why don't you and Venus take the kids out for lunch? Clear your head and have some fun."

"Are you sure, baby?"

"I'm sure. Go out. Have some fun. Here."

She looked as Jax handed her a wad of cash, taking it from him. They both knew that she didn't need help with money, but Holly knew it made Jax feel better to pay for things for her here and there. She put it in her purse and looked at him.

"I'll go change and then Venus and I will leave."

Holly walked back into the house a few hours later, smiling to herself as she let the kids go off to play, holding onto Lilia, who had fallen asleep. While they were out, she and Venus decided to look at wedding stuff. And at the first place they went to, Holly found a beautiful dress that she loved. It was a lacey and vintage looking dress that had a detachable skirt which, when you took off the overlay, turned it into a shorter high-low dress. It wasn't super fancy, but it was still girly and gorgeous. And when she tried it on, she teared up, imagining herself getting married to Jax in that dress. She bought it on the spot, paying a little extra for the alterations. The bust had to be let out now that her tits were bigger after four kids. But she was happy. She found a few other things that she really liked for the wedding. She didn't want anything super fancy or over the top. She would've loved to get married at the clubhouse, but the Wahewa was just as good.

"Hey, babe. You look happy."

"I am, baby. I found my dress."

"Dress for what?"

"Our wedding. I found my wedding dress. It's perfect, Jax."

He smiled and kissed her softly, holding her close.

"I'm glad to see you so happy. You eat yet?"

"Not dinner. I was gonna make something."

"Well, I didn't know when you were gonna be back. I was just about order a pizza."

"Order a couple kids pizzas?"

"Yeah. What do you want on ours?"

"Bacon, olives and mushrooms."

She kissed him again before putting Lilia upstairs in her crib, letting her sleep before going downstairs, standing on the bottom steps, smiling as she watched her family.

"My God I'm lucky."


	75. John 8:32

Holly was doing laundry and cleaning up the living room by the time Jax got up.

"Babe? What are you doing?"

"Cleaning. I wanna make sure that the house is ready for when my family gets here."

"Right. Your grandpa is coming today."

"Yeah. From what I understand, this is his first time in the States. So it's the first time he's been in the house and the first time he's seeing the kids in person."

"And the first time he's seeing Abel since Belfast."

"Yeah."

"You ready for that? That's pretty heavy, babe."

"It is. But at least I'll get to see my grandpa before he passes."

"I'll send Rat to help you clean today."

"Actually, will you send Juice? It'll be great to utilize his OCD."

"Ok. I'll give him a call after breakfast."

"And I still have to start looking through my mom's recipe books and decide what I'm gonna make for dinner tonight."

"Who's coming? My uncle and his family, my cousins Giovanni and his family and his sister, Maria and my grandpa. I'm hoping the guys would be willing to join us? You think you could ask?"

"I'll talk to them when I see them today."

"Thanks, baby. I gotta call Mallory and see if she can watch the kids for me. I have to go grocery shopping."

"Should I just let you be for now?"

"I love you always. But yes."

"How about if I take the kids?"

"What are you doing?"

"I don't know yet. Worse comes to worse, I have Lyla and Nero watch them."

"Ok. Thank you."

Jax walked into shop, looking over at Chucky as he let the kids go inside, holding onto Lilia.

"Hey, Chucky? You mind keeping an eye on the rugrats when you're done washing the windows?"

He chuckled a bit as Chucky hummed in agreement with a kazoo in his mouth, shaking his head as he walked inside, looking at Juice.

"Holly's asking for you to help her out at the house. Italians are coming tonight and she's going a bit crazy trying to make sure everything's spotless."

"Alright. I'll head up there now."

"Tread carefully. She was just getting flustered when I woke up and by the time I left, she was going a mile a minute."

"Thanks for the heads up."

"And remember. Not a word about the wedding. Her family's in on it, but I want it to be a surprise."

"You got it, bro."

He nodded, watching Juice leave as Tig took Lilia from him, kissing the little girl's head as Valentina came over to him, pick her up. Lilia was usually calmer when she being held by Tig, but Valentina was a daddy's girl through and through. He held onto her as he looked over at Chibs, who was holding onto Tommy, who was drinking from his bottle.

"Where are we with the Wahewa?"

"They're willing to let use the same patch of land that we used for Ope and Lyla's wedding on Sunday, but they're having an issue with their bullets. They lost one of their biggest clients."

"What do they want us to do about that?"

"See if we can find them a new buyer or something."

"See if we can borrow a sample. We'll bring it with us to the meet with the Kings and Holly's family. See if we can entice one group or both."

"Aye."

"What about the food and stuff?"

He looked over at Bobby, letting Val play with the rings on his fingers, checking on Abel, who was playing with Happy.

"Holly's favorite restaurant doesn't cater. Too small of a place."

"See what it would take to get them to cater. I know money's dwindling at the moment, but I don't care what it costs. Worse comes to worse I'll ask Holly for a check for food for Chibs' birthday."

"Alright. I'll go back today. As for the cake, the bakery that Holly likes? Owner's kid went to Aquino. Not a fan of the club."

"They still like Holly, though, right? Holly helped that woman get started in her business. Go at her again. Tell her it's for Holly. If she doesn't go for it, remind her that she still owes Holly."

"You got it, pres."

He sat down, putting Val in his lap, letting her curl in as he looked over at Opie.

"Lyla's taking care of the guest list and the girls at Diosa are helping out with decorations. They don't know what colors to get for anything."

"Venus said Holly was really into navy and vintage. What about your certificate? Father Winston."

He smirked and laughed a bit, watching Opie flip him off.

"It should be here today. And it's really weird to have it."

"I know Holly's gonna appreciate it."

"She better. Cause it's getting burned after this is said and done."

"What about the suite?"

"Honeymoon suite at the Venetian has been booked for you two. You owe Nero back for it."

"Ok. You sure you're alright taking the kids for a week?"

"Yeah. Kids are looking forward to having their cousins stay with us for a while."

Jax sat at the bar with Valentina, eating ice cream with her, listening to her babble when he heard his phone go off, seeing Holly's number.

"Hey, babe."

"Get your ass over here right this second and get this crooked cop out of my fucking house!"

"What are you talking about?"

He cursed under his breath when he heard Barovsky in the background, yelling incoherently.

"I'm on my way."

He kissed Val's head gently before handing her over to Bobby and leaving, racing home. By the time he got home, Holly was running upstairs in just her bra and underwear and Juice was coming up from the basement.

"What the hell is going here?"

He watched Juice check to see if Holly was listening, seeing him bite back a laugh.

"Barovsky came to the house, drunk off his ass, shouting something about Patterson and Colette and Nero, trying to get Holly to blow him. He got as far as ripping her shirt a bit before she kneed him in the balls. Really hard. Hard enough to make him puke down the front of her clothes. I wrestled him downstairs. And that's what you walked into."

Jax laughed a bit, shaking his head.

"Alright. Throw her shirt away, but throw the shorts in the washer."

"She's got the washer going right now. I'll soak 'em and put them into the next load."

"Alright. Thanks, Juice. I'll get her calmed down, you clean this up."

"I tried to get her to eat something and haven't had any luck."

"Told you she's in project mode. Order a pizza, pepperoni, mushroom and olives for her. She'll kill you if you use any dishes right now. There's some paper plates up in the pantry."

He went upstairs and into the bedroom, pulling Holly close, pressing her back against his front, holding her arms against her half naked torso.

"You gotta relax a bit, babe. The house looks amazing, and the dinner won't be right if you pass out because you haven't eaten all day. I have Juice ordering a pizza for the two of you. So get dressed, sit in here and relax for a little bit. I'll get Barovsky out of here."

"I don't care how fucking drunk he is, make it incredibly clear to him that if he ever touches me again, I'll cut his dick off and make him eat it."

"I promise."

"And I'm not done cleaning."

"Holly, the house is looking really good. The toys are put away, I can tell you've been handwashing the floor, and the windows are sparkling. And it's only lunchtime. You need to eat."

"I'm not hungry."

"Yes, you are. You're just being stubborn."

"I'm not stubborn."

"You're always stubborn when you're in cleaning mode. But you don't need to be."

"There's still so much to do."

"What else needs to be done?"

"The bathrooms need to be cleaned, I need to hit grocery store and get the stuff for dinner and I need to start cooking."

"I'll make you a deal. You sit and eat, take an hour long break and then get the stuff you need for dinner, letting Juice clean the bathrooms, and I'll get Tig to take the kids to Legoland next week."

She couldn't help but smile, looking back at him.

"Will you really?"

"Yeah, I will."

He smiled as he watched her turn in his arms, knowing that he was getting to her. He could feel the tension fading.

"And I'll take you out to dinner. Just you and me."

"Really? We haven't done that since we started dating."

"That's not true."

"It's totally true. Everytime we've gone out to dinner we've taken the kids with us."

"Oh shit. Sorry, babe. Tonight, it'll be just you and me for dinner. We'll go wherever you want."

"Anywhere?"

"Anywhere."

He watched her think for a minute, kissing her head gently.

"Fine. An hour. And then I go back to cleaning."

"Until dinner. Then I'll get Chibs to watch the kids tonight."

Jax walked back into the shop, looking over at the staircase when he heard Valentina screaming and crying, seeing Chibs and Bobby laughing.

"What the hell's going on now?"

"Wee one's been crying since you left. Hasn't calmed down since. Opie tried to get her to take a nap."

"What happened?"

He watched Chibs start laughing harder, looking over when Bobby started to talking.

"If there was any doubt who that girl's parents are, there isn't anymore. She called him an idiot and headbutted him in the balls before she ran upstairs."

He tried, unsuccessfully, to not laugh, calming himself before going upstairs, seeing Tig and Happy trying to get the kids to take a nap. Which wasn't going well because Val was having a full blown meltdown. He went over and picked her up, rubbing her back.

"What's going on with you today? You were fine before I left."

"I don't want you to leave!"

"Mommy needed me to help her with something. Did you not sleep last night?"

He watched as she pouted, wiping her face gently.

"I heard you hurt uncle Opie."

"Sowwy, dada."

"I'm not the one you need to say sorry to. Come on. Let's go find uncle Opie so you can say sorry to him."  
"No!"

"Do you want me to call mommy?"  
"NO!"

He sighed, kissing her head gently.

"You need to say sorry to him. You hurt him badly. And you know what to do when you hurt someone."

He watched her pout more, watching the part of Holly Val had in her come out.

"Either you say sorry or I call mommy and have her take a toy away."

"Bad dada…."

"No. Bad Valentina."

He brought her down, seeing Opie come out of the bathroom.

"You ok, brother?"

"She has your hard head."

"Sorry, brother."

He looked at Val, who was trying to bury her head in his neck.

"What do you say to uncle Opie?"

"No…."

"Say it, little girl."

He watched her look over at Opie, her eyes wet and teary and tired. He only ever used little girl as a warning.

"Sowwy."

"It's ok, bug."

He clapped Ope on the shoulder before bringing her back upstairs for the nap he knew she desperately needed.

Jax walked into the house, going into the living room to find Juice knocked out on the couch while Holly was marinating meat and vegetables in the kitchen.

"Hey, babe. You still wanna go to dinner?"

"No. Sorry."

"It's ok. We'll go some other night."  
"Yeah."

"You ok? You're not saying much."

"I'm exhausted. Between cleaning and doing laundry and cleaning up after Barovsky, I just wanna curl up and fall asleep. But I still have some more stuff to marinate."

"Have you eaten at all?"

"No. But there's some pizza left in the fridge if you're hungry."

"How much more do you have left?"

"Not much."

"Ok. What do you need me to do?"

She looked back at him.

"Really? You hate cooking."

"But I want to get you in bed so you can finally relax. So what do you need from me?"

"The veggies need to be cut up."

"Ok. I'll get all of it chopped up and then we'll eat together."

He watched her tear up, going over to kiss her forehead as he pulled her on for a hug.

"Long day, babe?"

"Very long."

"It's almost over."

He ended up letting her get the food done, putting a blanket on Juice on his way to the basement to check on Barovsky. Who was knocked out. He sighed deeply as he went back upstairs, looking over at Holly as he walked upstairs, going to change into pajamas. By the time he got downstairs, Holly looked like she was gonna pass out, but she was done with all the food. He helped her put everything in the fridge, letting her wash her hands before picking her up and carrying her upstairs, curling up with her in bed, drifting off to sleep with her.


	76. Huang Wu

Jax sat in the living room, talking on the phone with Holly's uncle. He hadn't been able to talk to him alone about the surprise wedding.

"Why don't you want Holly to know?"

"Holly's never thought about what she would've wanted for a wedding because she never thought she'd get to this point. I gave that ring to her almost 2 years ago and we haven't been able to do much about. I'm tired of making her empty promises. She deserves better than that. And I know she'd love to have you guys there. It won't replace having her parents there, but I know she'd love it."

"Of course we'll be there. And you're a good guy, Jax. I know my dad worried about her for a long time but feels better knowing she's in good hands."

He smiled to himself before looking towards the stairs when he heard movement from upstairs.

"I gotta go. Holly's up."

"Let me know when and where and we'll be there."

"I will. And I hope you guys are ready for dinner tonight. Holly slaved all day yesterday making sure the house was clean and that she had everything she needed to make dinner."

"We're all looking forward to it."

"Good. Later, man."

"Goodbye."

He looked back as Holly came downstairs, holding onto Lilia, smiling a bit at her, taking a drink of his coffee before taking the baby from her.

"Morning, babe."

"Morning, baby. Who were you talking to?"

"Your uncle. Making sure they were still on board with the deal."

"What'd he say?"

"He's looking forward to see the hardware."

"Good."

He kissed her back when she bent down to kiss him.

"You want something to eat, baby?"

"No. I gotta get to the shop. The guys and I have to talk about shit before the Irish and your family gets here."

"Ok. I have a surprise for Chibs for his birthday."

"What's the surprise?"

"I arranged for the Kings to bring Fiona and Kerrienne with them. I got the text from Fiona last night. They're both excited to see Chibs again."

He smiled at her, kissing her a little deeper.

"We'd all be lost without you, babe."

They both looked over when they heard Juice start waking up from the couch.

"I'll make some pancakes."

"Just put out some cereal. I'll have Chucky come over to help you out today."

"Ok. You gotta keep quiet about Chibs' gift, ok?"

"I promise."

Jax was joking around with the guys at the shop when his phone went off.

"Hello?"

"Jax, it's Chucky. You should get back to the house. Holly's not doing so good right now."

"What do you mean? What happened?"

"She got a call from her uncle. Her grandpa didn't make it through the entire flight. The whole family's gonna be delayed a few hours."

"Shit. We're on our way. Keep an eye on the kids."

"Nero came by to check up on Holly before she got the call. He's with her now, but she's asking for you."

"Alright. We're on our way."

He hung up and looked over at Chibs as he stood up, sighing deeply.

"Holly's grandpa died on the plane."

He walked out to the bikes with the guys, climbing on and heading home, walking in when he got there, seeing Nero come downstairs.

"She's not doing good, mano. This hit her really hard."

He put his keys down before taking his cut off, going upstairs, seeing Holly in the playroom, tears streaming down her face as she held onto Lilia's pink teddy bear, sniffling. He ran his hand over his face before going over to her, softly calling her name, helping her up and holding her close as she cried into his chest. He let her cry for a few minutes before he picked her up and carried her into their room, laying her on the bed, staying quiet as she cried into him, rubbing her back until she fell asleep. He covered her up with the comforter, kissing her head before going downstairs.

"How is she, Jackie?"

"Brokenhearted. She cried herself to sleep."

"Shit."

"Yeah. Chucky, I want you to keep cooking. I'm sure the recipes are still in there. She'll want to make sure that everything's going according to plan, no matter what. Nero, will you see you if a couple of the girls would be willing to help out?"

"Yeah, mano. I'll call Lyla."

"Thanks."

He looked at Bobby when he clapped his back.

"I'll call over to Wahewa. See if they'll hold the land for us for a couple more days."

"Thanks, Bobby."

"What else do you want us to do, brother?"

"There's nothing else we can really do until she wakes up and everyone lands."

Holly stood outside the hangar with Jax and the guys, letting Jax hold onto her. She was still sad, but holding it together better than she thought she would. She looked over at Chibs as the planes landed, taking his hand.

"What's up, lass?"

"I have a surprise for you. But I have to blindfold you first."

"Ok?"

She took off the scarf she was wearing, tying it around his eyes.

"Can you see anything out of it?"

"No. What's going on, lass?"

"I arranged for something special for your birthday and I want it to be a surprise til the very last second."

She watched as the Kings stepped off the first, waiting til Fiona and Kerrienne were standing not too far away before she took off the blindfold. She smiled as he spotted them, running over and hugging his girls tightly. She looked over as Gaalen walked off the plane last, trying to run away when he realized was going to happen, not getting very far until Happy and Juice caught up with him, dragging him over to the van and throwing him inside. She greeted all the Kings before introducing them to her family. She let them talk until the Kings took off to their lodgings before she hugged her uncle, trying not to cry again.

"Mi dispiace per il nonno. Almeno lui è di nuovo con la nonna e la mamma."

"He wanted to see you again. He told me to tell you that they're watching over you."

She nodded, tearing up as she smiled a bit and looked up at the sky, blinking back her tears. She looked back at him as she cleared her throat.

"Come on, zio. We have a dinner to get to."

Holly woke up around midnight, hearing her phone going off, sitting up to answer it, seeing Tara's number.

"What the fuck?"

"I know, Holly. And I'm sorry. But Wayne and Nero brought Wendy in. They found her in her apartment, high and passed out."

"It's 12:25 in the morning. Why the fuck are you calling me?"  
"Wayne said he checked around and you were the last person that went to visit Wendy. He was hoping you could fill in the blanks."

"Tell him that he's not a cop anymore and the next time he wakes me up this early I'll kick his ass."

"Will you come and talk to him? Please?"

She sighed deeply in frustration.

"Fine. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Thank you, Holly."

She hung up without a word, getting out of bed and putting on a pair of flip flops before grabbing her keys and purse before leaving, driving to St. Thomas. She walked in and looked around for Wayne, going over when she saw him, glaring at him and Nero.

"I have 4 kids at home, a fiance that doesn't know I'm gone and family that flew in from Italy that's crashed in my basement. It's 12:45 at night. Why the fuck am I here, Wayne?"

"I wanna know what happened to Wendy?"  
"I haven't talked to Wendy in weeks. I don't know what happened to her. And this conversation could've waited until tomorrow after I've had my coffee."

"Why do you think Wendy fell off the wagon?"

"I don't fucking know, Wayne! Like I just said, I haven't talked to her in weeks. In person or over the phone. I don't know why she fell off the wagon and at almost 1 in the fucking morning, I can't bring myself to care. I have other shit going on in my life that don't include dealing with an ex junkie that wanted that high again. She's not my problem."

She looked over at Nero as he stepped over.

"Relax, chiquita. Take a breath. We just wanna understand why she bit that bullet."

"I don't fucking know. The last time I talked to her, she was fine. Sad, but fine. Between then and now, I've had other shit on my mind. Like helping my fiance get the club out of the shit that puts targets on their backs and the backs of their families. Like being a goddamned lawyer. Like being a mother to 4 kids. Wendy's a big girl. She doesn't need someone to hold her hand and pull her away from the shit she knows is gonna hurt her."

"What was the last thing you two talked about?"

"I don't have to tell you shit, Wayne. It involved something that you have nothing to do with."

"Please tell us, Holly."

She sighed deeply, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"A few weeks ago Jax and I had been talking about our wills and what would happen to the kids if something happened to us and I told Wendy that I might be looking at her to be guardian so the kids wouldn't grow up the same way Jax and I did. And then Jax decided to move the club away from guns and I told her that we weren't looking at her for that anymore but if she wanted to get to know Abel, I was being nice and giving her another chance to do that. And then I never heard back from her."

"And that's it?"

"You're not a cop anymore, Wayne. Quit pushing the issue."

She took a deep breath before looking back at him.

"I just lost my grandfather. I don't have much room in my mind for anything else other than my family and my job. Because those are things I can do something about. I can't do anything about Wendy because she's a grown woman who's made her choices in life. As long as they don't hurt the people I care about, I don't give a shit. I can't afford to right now."

She walked away without another word, going out to her van and drove home. She went back upstairs when she got home, seeing Jax coming out of Lilia's room.

"Is she ok?"

"Yeah. She needed a diaper change. Where'd you go? I woke up and you weren't in bed."

"Wendy fell off the wagon and Wayne and Nero found here. Wayne started playing cop and tried to press me for answers."

"Why would you know anything?"

"I don't know anything."

"I'm sorry, babe. Is there anything I can do?"

"No. I'm too awake to go back to sleep but I don't wanna be awake right now."

"I don't know how to help you right now, Holly. I want to, but I can't."

She sighed and looked at him before sitting down on the stairs, hearing him go put Lilia back in bed before going to sit back down next to her, feeling herself tear up as he wrapped his arm around her.

"I feel like I shouldn't be so sad. But I am. And I have been for a while. I've just gotten better at channeling it into other areas of my life. Making sure you're not as sad as me. Making sure the kids are happy and taken care of. I know in my heart that this deal with my family and the Irish will work out and you'll be able to push the heat off the club for good. But I've gotten so used to the shit that comes with the heat of the guns and I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. Gaalen blew up the clubhouse because he wanted to make a point of letting you know how pissed he was at you for going against him. We got lucky that nobody got hurt. This time. But what happens next time? What happens when someone else comes along to try to take the club down and they do something worse? It would break my heart if something happened to you or the guys. But if something happened to the kids? It would kill me. And I'm not saying that figuratively. You and the kids are my life. If something took any of you away from it would destroy my reason for living. I would have no reason to get out of bed in the morning. No reason to keep living. I know that sounds codependent and like something you'd hear in some stupid teen movie, but it's the truth. I used to have nightmares of losing you when you went on runs. Even when you were with Tara or Wendy. I would force myself to clean or shop or do something to help your psychotic mother and I wouldn't stop until you came home. These last few years, that hasn't changed. My focus just changed because of the shit I was going through. I don't worry as much about you anymore when you go runs, but I worry about myself and the kids more. How would they take it if one day you never came home? How would I be able to function on my own without you? I'd have the guys, but it's not the same. Chibs is a great guy, but he's not you. Opie's grown up with me like you have, but I don't love him like I love you. There are plenty of people out there that I could go to, but I'm already in first place. How could I ever settle for second best?"

She sniffled, leaning into his touch when he cupped her face, wiping her tears away with his thumbs, hearing him sniffle as he teared up listening to her.

"All of that shit you're feeling? I've felt it too, babe. When we were younger and you went from being my sister to being who I wanted to be with, it scared the shit out of me. Up until that change, to me you were the sweet little girl that used to run around the clubhouse in pigtails and those frilly skirts, trying to make all of the adults believe in the magic you saw in the world. The same magic that you gave to our kids. I wanted to be with you, but I knew what kind of heat the club came with and I wanted to save you from the life of an old lady. Watching me leave you to go to prison or watching me leave to go on a run, leaving you to wonder what condition I would be in when I returned or if I returned at all. I didn't wanna subject to that. I knew when I went from being a brother to you to being the guy you wanted to be with. I didn't want you to turn into my mother so I put my love for you into Tara and then Wendy. But it didn't feel right. It hurt worse than I thought it would seeing you those fuckers. When Greg put you in that coma…...He would've been my first kill. And I wouldn't have batted an eye. And that scared me even more. I would drink until I passed out when I wasn't in your hospital room. Because I didn't like the feeling that I was killing you. I didn't give up hope that you would come back to me, but I was afraid of what I would've done if you didn't. No matter where we were, I always hoped that, even if I kept making the mistake of not being with you, I would always see that smile on your face. When we finally got together, I felt whole. But there was always that voice in my head that worried how much it would hurt you if something happened to me or how much it would fucking kill me if something happened to you because of me. And then it did. We sold guns and you got raped because of it. We trusted Cameron and Abel got taken from your arms. I got tired of feeling like I was the reason you were getting hurt. But I couldn't let you go. I couldn't let you go find someone else. The day I could, I made myself sick. I drank myself stupid the second I was alone. Knowing I had single handedly done the one thing I swore to myself that I would never do to you….But you were the voice in my head pushing me towards this change. You were my motivation to change my life and my club. My motivation to give the kids something better. I want us to get married and grow old and grey, watching our kids get married and have kids of their own. But where the club was headed before this change, I wouldn't have made it to 45 let alone old. You and our kids would be watching me get buried. And that didn't sit right with me. I'd rather have Clay and my mother alive than allow you to hurt that badly. You're not alone in this, Holly. You're not the only one putting all of their emotional chips into the pot."

Holly bit her lip and sniffled before kissing him. She took his hand and led him back into the bedroom, kissing him softly and passionately after taking off her shirt.

"Show me how much you love me….."


	77. Aon Rud Persanta

Holly panted hard as Jax thrust into her, feeling him go at a steady and deep pace, laying on her stomach as she buried her head in the pillow, moaning his name softly. She turned her head to the side, gripping the sheets.

"Fuck baby…..you're so deep….don't stop…"

"I'm not gonna last much longer….You're fucking getting tighter….."

"Then fuck me. I wanna feel you cum inside me. Please?

She gasped as she felt Jax pull her up onto her knees, rolling her eyes and moaning loudly as he started pounding into her, burying her head into the pillows as he fucked her through her orgasm until he reached his own, letting out a muffled scream as she felt him cum inside her, triggering a smaller but still intense orgasm, flopping against the bed, out of breath and spent as they fell asleep together.

Jax walked downstairs and into the kitchen to make some coffee. He looked over when he heard the door open, watching as Chibs came in with his girls, kissing Fiona's cheek gently.

"Morning, Jackie Boy."

"Morning. You guys want something for breakfast? Or some coffee?"

"Coffee. Where's Holly?"

"Asleep. She had a bit of a breakdown last night."  
"About her grandpa?"

"No. Nero and Unser found Wendy in her apartment, passed out and on a bender. Unser started pressing Holly for details."

"So why did Holly breakdown?"  
"Just one of those moments where she was drowning in her thoughts. She's doing fine."

He put a few mugs onto the table, putting the coffee pot and the creamers and sugar on the table.

"You hear from the Irish?"

"Yeah. They're gonna be a little late, but they'll be there."

"Good."

"What about Dante?"

"Him and his wife and the cousins are still asleep downstairs from what I can tell."

"What about the wedding? It still on hold?"  
"No. I don't wanna wait anymore, and Holly needs this. See if you can get ahold of Bobby. Tell him to keep things on track with it."

"Yeah."

He clapped Chibs on the shoulder before going up to the bedroom with a cup of coffee for Holly, going to wake her up.

"Morning, babe. Chibs and his girls are downstairs. You hungry?"  
"Yeah. Let me shower and I'll come down and make breakfast."

"I can do it, babe."

"Jax, you don't cook."

"I'd do anything for you. You should know that by now, darlin'."

He smiled as he watched her blush, handing her the cup of coffee, kissing her softly.

"You think you could handle pancakes?"

"Yeah. I'll make pancakes. Want me to get the kids up?"

"Sure. Thanks, baby."

Holly stood next to Jax, leaning into him as her uncle and cousins test out the guns at the warehouse, sitting on his bike. She could tell that Jax had something planned and the guys were all in on it, but nobody would tell her anything. It was putting her on edge a bit. She wanted to know what was going on, but everyone was staying quiet about it. She looked over as the bullets stopped flying, standing up and stretching a bit.

"What do you think, zio?"

"Let us talk for a minute."

She nodded, watching as Jax went over to Rourke and Dante to show them the bullets the Wahewa had made. She answered her phone when it went off, sitting back on Jax's bike.

"Hey, Ally. What's going on?"

"Nothing. I was wondering if you could come in. Jax asked for marriage papers and you both have to sign them."

"Marriage papers? Wow. I wasn't expecting him to actually go through with any of that."

"So can you come in?"

"It'll be a couple hours. I've got stuff to do today."

"Ok."

"Thanks, Ally."

"Yep. See you later."

She hung up, getting up when she saw her uncle come over to her, looking at him.

"What's going on, zio?"

"The guys are really happy with the guns. They're iffy on the bullets."

"How so?"

"Are they really untraceable?"

"I'm not the one to ask. I'm not even going to pretend I know anything about guns or bullets. All I know is how to shoot."

"I wanna meet the people responsible."

"Talk to Jax about that. But other than that, are you onboard?"

She smiled when he nodded, looking over at Jax and nodded at him.

Jax sat up in bed as Holly slept, going through some paperwork, looking over at Holly with a small smile on his face. Being with Holly, he'd never thought he'd get this lucky. And by this time tomorrow, if all went according to plan, Holly would finally be his wife and they'd be on their honeymoon. He put the papers on the bedside table, putting his glasses on top of them before turning off the light and laid down, pulling Holly close to him, feeling her curl into him.


	78. You Are My Sunshine

Jax walked onto the Wahewa land with Dante and Opie. He walked over to Charlie Horse, shaking his hand before introducing him to Dante. He walked off with Opie, letting the two talk.

"You ready for this, brother?"

"Beyond ready. Lyla have the list of stuff for the kids?"

"Oh yeah. And then some."

"Good."

"Talked to Nero this morning. All the girls are gonna be here in an hour to start setting up the chairs and tables and shit. Venus, Chibs, Fiona and Kerrienne are gonna hang out with Holly and then Chibs is gonna come over here. Indian Hills charter's coming out, Pope, Niners, Irish, couple people from the firm, Roosevelt, Unser, Wendy, Tara and her guy, couple of Holly's friends that are available. Bobby was able to convince Juno's to cater and ordered a cake yesterday. He's taking Juice with him to pick it up later. Tig's taking care of liquor and music. Nero's also gonna bring the stuff for the floor and the altar."

"Perfect. Thanks for all this, brother."

"You're welcome. I'm happy for you, brother."

Holly had fallen asleep on the couch while the kids played with Venus, waking up when she heard the doorbell, getting up and opening the door to let Chibs, Fi and Kerri inside.

"You ok, lovey? You look sweaty."

"I think I have a bug or something. I woke up puking this morning. I've been getting as much sleep as I can."

"Why don't you call Tara, lass?"

"It's just a bug, Chibs. It'll pass in a couple days. I'll be fine. I've just gotta wait it out."

"Can I get you something, lass?"

"No thanks. I'm just really tired."

"Ok, lass. Go lay down."

She nodded, going to lay down on the couch. But things got worse, causing Chibs to take her to St. Thomas to get seen by Tara.

Jax looked at his phone when it went off, seeing Chibs' number.

"Hey, Chibs. What's going on?"

"Holly's sick, brother. I had to take her to St. Thomas. We just got here and she's being seen by Tara right now."

"Shit. I'm leaving now."

Jax walked over to his bike and rode off to St. Thomas. When he got there, he went off to find Holly, getting stopped by Tara.

"She's fine, Jax. She's got a UTI. We gave her some medicine for her nausea, antibiotics for the infection, morphine for the pain and she's on fluids. She should be fine by tonight."

"Jesus. She's always been really good with hygiene."

"It's not a hygiene thing in this case. It's a kidney infection. But she'll be fine. She's resting right now if you wanna go see her."

"Thanks, Tara."

He walked off, going into Holly's room, looking at her.

"Hi, baby."

"Hey, babe. How are you feeling?"

"Sleepy. The morphine's kicking my ass."

"Get some sleep, babe. I'll stay here with you."

"Will you check on the kids? I wanna know that they're ok."

"Yeah. Lay back."

Holly listened to Tara tell her about the antibiotics she'd be on for a couple weeks to kick the kidney infection, looking over when Venus and Fiona came into her room.

"So you'll have to take them twice a day every day. It would be beneficial if you eat something right before you take them. Even if it's just a couple crackers. Even a glass of milk will help you."

"Ok. Thanks, Tara."

"You're welcome. I have your discharge papers here. I'm sending you home with some painkillers too. Try and pad them with some Tylenol or some lower grade painkillers. It'll be easier on your system."

She nodded as she signed the papers, handing them back to Tara, letting Venus help her get dressed and then made her way out to the car with them.

"How are you feeling, sugar bear?"

"I'm alright. I'm kinda hungry."

"Jax wants us to bring you somewhere."

"Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise."

Jax finished getting dressed before going to meet Venus, Fiona and Holly at the gate. He was surprised to find that he was nervous. He watched as Venus' car stopped, going over and helped Holly out of the car carefully.

"How are you feeling, babe?"

"I'm ok. You're dressed up. Why? And why are we at the Wahewa land?"

"This is your surprise, Holly. I'm done with making you empty promises. I don't wanna wait anymore. We're getting married. Tonight."


	79. A Mother's Work

Holly looked at herself in the mirror, trying not to cry as Kerrienne did her hair and Fiona put her shoes on for Holly.

"You ready for your dress, sugar bear?"

All she could do was nod. She was speechless. In a good way. She couldn't believe Jax had set all this up. Just so he could marry her. She stood up carefully and went over to Venus, letting Venus and Fiona help her into the dress, panties and garter before letting Fiona do her makeup.

"And the final touch, sugar bear."

Holly watched in the mirror as Venus put the flower crown on her head, starting to tear up a bit. She was gonna be married to man she loved more than life itself.

Jax stood at the altar with Opie, waiting patiently for Holly to come out. And then he saw her. Her blonde hair under the blue flowers blowing in the light wind. Her wet eyes sparkling in the dimming light and matched his own. The dress clinging to her in the best ways. But more than the dress or the flowers or her hair, he loved her smile. It was the smile he fell in love with. The smile that brightened his darkest days and warmed his heart. The smile that he would, and has, killed for. The smile that he would die for if she asked. He smiled back at her as a couple tears dripped down his face as he watched Holly walk down the aisle with Chibs, who was beaming. He took her hand gently when she reached him, clapping Chibs' shoulder before letting him sit down so Opie could start.

"I'm not good at this shit. But I've known Jax and Holly since the three of us were born. I've seen them go through everything. The tricky shit, the difficult shit and the shit that should've broken them a long time ago. And through it all, they've remained by each other's side. Now they're standing in front of their friends and family, a new promise. You two have anything you wanna say?"

Jax watched Holly nod and clear her throat, his own throat thick with emotion.

"Jax. When we were kids, most girls were playing with dolls and starting to plan out what it would look like when they got married. Lots of tulle, fluffy white princessy looking dresses and puppies and rainbows. When we were older, the other girls' visions of their weddings changed to include a hot celebrity to marry them and their favorite band playing. I was never one of the girls that planned out their wedding or what it would look like when I was married because nobody else measured up. They were losers that didn't deserve my love. They weren't you. But now, through everything we've been through, when I pictured us getting married, it looked a little different than this, but the feeling would be the same. You and me, standing in front of the people that we love, being watched over by the people that love us."

He watched as Holly had to stop, her voice breaking from the emotion that he was feeling too. And by the sniffling coming from the audience, they weren't alone.

"You gave me 4 beautiful kids, a family that's become my anchor to life, and a relationship that nobody ever sees outside of a fairytale. You've given me the world, Jackson Teller. And I will gladly spend the rest of my life doing what I can to make it up to you."

He cleared her throat, watching her put the ring on his finger that Opie gave her. He looked into her eyes, holding her hands in his, kissing them softly before looking back at her.

"Most of what I wanted to say to you today I said last night. But you're my whole world, Holly. You and those kids are my reason to get up in the morning. The reason I try so hard. I'm certainly not Prince Charming, but you're the princess that I got incredibly lucky to get. I never imagined I'd ever get this lucky to have the love of my life giving me everything that you've given me. I love you, Holly. And you will forever be my always."

He finished with another kiss to her hand before he slipped the second ring on her finger, looking over at Opie when he cleared his throat.

"And I promise to treat you as good as my leather and ride you as much as my Harley."

He smiled as Holly laughed, both of them hearing the SoA members say that along with him, shaking his head as Opie started talking again.

"Because we're ready to see you all kiss and be gross, do you, Holly Skye Pavlov, take this freak, Jackson Nathaniel Teller, to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"With an emphatic yes."

"And do you, Jackson Nathaniel Teller, take Holly Skye Pavlov, to be your lawfully wedded wife?"  
"Hell yes."  
"Then by the power invested in me by the internet, the church and the State of California, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Finally. Kiss her."

Jax smiled happily, cupping Holly's face gently before kissing her passionately and deeply, everyone in the crowd cheering for them.

Holly walked onto the dance floor with Jax after taking her pills and changing her shoes. Her heels clacking against the faux wood of the makeshift dance floor, smiling as the music started to the song that always reminded her of her and Jax. she leaned into him, laying her head on his shoulder, her hand in his while the other held onto his shoulder as they started slow dancing to the slow beat.

"I can't believe that you did all of this for me, baby. You didn't have to."

"I told you the other day. I'd do anything for you, Holly Teller. And don't thank me just yet. You haven't seen everything yet."

"What else do you have planned?"

"Let me have more fun. Especially we can't have sex on our honeymoon."

She couldn't help but laugh, kissing him softly.

"Sorry about that."  
"It's ok. I'll be alone with you. That's enough for me."

"I think this is the one time I'd understand if you found yourself in someone else's bed."

"Never again. Only you, darlin'."

She smiled happily as she put her head back on his shoulder.

"Good answer."

"I'm sorry your grandpa couldn't be here."

"He's still here. So are our parents."

"Babe."

"I know they're not physically here and you don't believe in ghosts. But I do. I think, right now, their spirits are here, watching their babies get married and begin the rest of their lives."

"You're twisted, darlin'."

"And you married me. What does that say about you?"

"It says that I'm twisted too."

"At least we're the same amount of twisted."

She looked back when the song ended and another faster song started. She looked over when Venus came over before looking at Jax.

"I have a bit of a surprise too."

She smirked as Venus took off the overlay, giggling softly at Jax's reaction.

"Ok, that's kinda hot."

Jax stood with the guys, watching Holly dance with Nero, taking a drink of his beer. They were set to leave soon, but Holly was having so much fun.

"So what happened earlier, Jackie Boy?"  
"She's got a couple infections. Tara gave her meds and painkillers and said she'd have to take it easy with things for a while."

"That's not a fun honeymoon. If you were gonna have to wait for your old lady's pussy, you should've just taken the kids with you."

"Fuck off, shithead."

He laughed, tossing the bottlecap at Juice before looking over as Holly came over.

"Hey, darlin'. You eat anything?"

"Yeah, I did. Tara made sure of it."

"You ready to go?"

"Can we go say goodbye to the kids first?"

"Of course. I'll drop you off at Ope's, get our bags from the house and then pick you up. Is that ok?"

"Yeah. Let's go."

He smiled and nodded, getting up and kissing her softly, holding her hand. They said goodbye to the guys before he led her to his bike, climbing on before handing her his helmet.

"You ready to go wife?"

"As ready as you are husband."


	80. Black Widower

Holly panted between moans, dragging her nails down Jax's back as he thrust into her hard and deeply, her legs wrapped around his waist as Jax kissed her neck. They'd stayed an extra two weeks at the Venetian because they had gotten wrapped up in how much fun they were having in Vegas. The first two weeks had been spent gambling, which Holly had won pretty big a couple nights, eating out at different restaurants, and doing as many date night things and sightseeing as possible. This past week had been celebrating her feeling better now that her kidney infection was gone.

"I'm gonna fucking cum…."

"Don't stop, Jax…..I'm so close!"

She felt her eyes roll back a bit as he picked up speed, moaning loudly in total pleasure, her toes curling as she cried out his name, reaching her peak, arching her back as he kept thrusting into her, cumming hard around him as her legs shook. But he didn't stop, using his thumb to rub her clit, making her scream as she gushed around him, her juices splashing against him and soaking the sheets. She started crying in pleasure, tears dripping down her face as she kept cumming, her voice failing her. They'd been going for 4 hours at this point and she was hypersensitive and spent. She squirted again around him as he came inside her, both of them sweaty.

Holly smiled happily as they pulled up to Ope and Lyla's, climbing out of the truck and went up to the door and knocked.

"Hey, Holly. Welcome home. They're in the living room. We were having a movie night."

"Thanks, Lyla. I'm sorry about the extended stay."

"It's ok. You two don't get much of a chance to be alone. I get it."

She hugged Lyla before going into the living room, standing behind the couch and tapping Abel's shoulder gently, smiling when he looked back at her, watching him light up and jump off the couch.

"Mommy!"

"Hey, buddy. Mommy and daddy missed you guys so much."

She smiled and picked him up as Tommy and the girls ran over too, hugging and kissing all of them before thanking Opie and Lyla and getting the kids into the car, ready to be at home with her family.

Holly looked over as Jax came into the dining room, making him a plate of pancakes.

"Morning, wife."

"Good morning, husband."

She smiled as she kissed him back, smiling softly as she gave him his plate.

"You heading to the shop today?"

"Yeah. Gotta play catch up with the guys."  
"Hey, mommy?"

She looked at Abel.

"What is it, buddy?"

"Can I go to work with daddy today?"

"You'd have to ask daddy."

She smiled, kissing Abel's head as he asked Jax if he could go to the shop with him.

"I don't mind, buddy. But you know the rules."

Jax pulled up to the shop with Abel and Valentina. Tommy and Lilia were at the house with Holly, who was unpacking and doing laundry from their trip. He smiled as he walked inside with the kids, hugging and greeting the guys.

"Welcome home, Jackie Boy. Welcome home."

"Thanks, brother."

"So how's the ball and chain?"

"At home unpacking and housework."

"She feeling any better, Jax?"

"Yeah, she is. She's gonna go see Tara today and get checked out."

Holly walked into St. Thomas with the Tommy and Lilia, going to Tara's office, knocking.

"Come in."

She walked inside, pushing the stroller.

"Hey, Tara. How are you?"

"I'm doing really good. How about you? How are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling a lot better. I'm still adjusting to married life, though."

"You look happy, though."

"I am. Very happy."

"How's Jax?"

"He's good too."

"Good. I'm happy for you both."

"Thank you."

"Were you able to finish your bottle of antibiotics?"

"Yes, I was. That's why I came to see you. I wanna get a check up."

"Ok. Let's go."

Jax sat at the table with the guys, having Chucky watching the kids.

"So what have I missed?"

"Diosa Del Sur is going strong, as is Diosa Norte and Redwoody. They're hoping to wrap up their first movie in the new space next weekend. And they're setting up webcam shows. Juice is helping with the tech and Nero just brought in two new girls."

"Good. Where are we with Patterson? She sniffing around?"

"We haven't heard anything. It's been quiet. Relatively speaking."

"Very good. I wanna thank you all. For your patience with me getting us out of guns and for your help with the wedding and the kids while Holly and I were gone. I might have the President's patch, but the club wouldn't be successful without all of you. So thank you."

He smiled as the guys all clapped the table a bit. He looked around at his friends, his brothers. He was lucky and he knew it. As far as the club went, things could've gone a lot worse. Especially while Clay was still president. He knew that if he had tried to do this back then, either nothing would've happened, or something could've gone horribly, horribly wrong. He could've lost his brothers or his wife or his kids. Things were good. And he hoped they would remain that way.


	81. Toil and Till

Holly sat at her desk, updating a couple files, staying at the office over her lunch break. She was a day away from a new case that was set to make it to court, so she was eating at the office, planning for every possible outcome. It had been a couple months since she and Jax had gotten home and they'd both been pretty busy ever since. There was a bunch of birthdays coming up, including the kids' birthdays and Jax's, Jax had some club stuff and Diosa stuff with Nero, and Holly was catching up on cases. She'd started feeling sick the other day, but it went away, so she pushed it from her mind, focusing on her job. She printed out some papers that she needed, stretching a bit before answering her desk phone.

"This is Holly Teller, how can I help you?"

"Hey, darlin'. How are you?

"Jax? I'm ok. Why are you calling the office phone? You usually call my cell."

"I did. You didn't pick up, babe."

"Oh shit. Sorry. I turned it off when I was in my meeting and forgot to turn it back on. Is everything ok?"

"Yeah. The kids wanna come up and have lunch with you. You busy?"

"As much as I would love that, but I just ate, for one thing, and for another, I'm working hard to get things together for the court case tomorrow. I'm sorry."  
"It's ok. What's the case?"

"I can't talk about it. All I can say is that it's a murder case."

"Ok. What time are you coming home?"

"I'm leaving around 5. So I've got a few more hours. Requests for dinner?"

"I was actually hoping to take you and the kids somewhere. Is that ok?"

"Of course, baby. Where do you wanna go?"

"I don't know yet. So start thinking of places."

She smiled softly to herself as she sat back down.

"I will. I'll see you later, baby. Kiss the kids for me."

"I will. I love you, babe."

"Love you too, baby."

Holly pulled into the driveway and let out a deep sigh, trying to collect her thoughts, looking in the rearview mirror to see if it showed that she'd been crying. And there was no hiding her red eyes. She sat in the van for a minute before grabbing her stuff and going inside, putting her briefcase down on the dining room table, taking off her heels before going upstairs to wash her face before going to change. She walked back downstairs and went into the living room, smiling when the kids spotted her, hugging them all when they ran over to her.

"Hey, babe. How was work?"

"Horrible."

"What happened?"  
"I'll tell you later. You still wanna go out?"

"Only if you do."

"Let's go then. I'm starving."

"Ok. Let's get the kids ready."

She nodded, helping him get the kids ready to go. But as she picked Lilia up, the tears started falling, leaning into Jax when he pulled her close. He held onto her until she stopped crying.

"What happened, Holly?"

"My murder case? My client was killed. Along with her 3 week old son. They were both shot."

Holly walked into Scoops, looking around for Jax, only seeing Chucky and Brooke. She smiled softly at them both as she sat down at the counter, taking the coffee Brooke gave her.

"Where are the kids?"

"Nero's watching them with Lyla. Where's Jax?"

"All the guys are upstairs with Collette and that crooked cop."

"Oh great. Just what I need today. When Jax comes down, will you ask him to call me?"

"There's no need to do that, babe. I'm right here."

She looked over as Jax came downstairs, standing up and going over to him, kissing him softly.

"What're you doing here, babe?"

"I was wondering if I could get a ride to the courthouse? The van broke down. I think it needs to be looked at."

"Of course, baby. I'll take you."

"Thanks. Ow."

She sucked in a soft breath, feeling a cramp hit her.

"You ok?"

"Yeah. I've been cramping up all day. I'll be fine, babe. I promise."

"Alright. If you're sure."

She nodded, going out to his bike with him, climbing on behind him and put his helmet on.

Jax was sitting at home, going over papers from Redwoody, keeping an eye on the kids as they ate, taking a drag from his cigarette as his phone went off. He blow out the smoke as he answered it.

"Jax? It's Ally Lowen. Holly's on her way to the hospital. She collapsed in court. You should meet the ambulance there."


	82. Playing With Monsters

Jax sat in Holly's hospital room as she slept, watching her and rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb, crying softly to himself. He looked back when he heard someone knock on the door, seeing Chibs walk into the room with Opie.

"What happened, Jackie?"

"She was pregnant. We were gonna have another baby and she lost it."  
"Shit. I'm so sorry, brother."

"That's not even the worst of it. The baby grew in the wrong place. She can't have kids anymore."

Jax walked into Holly's room, setting the bag he'd packed down on the chair in the room, going over to Holly and kissed her forehead gently. She hadn't talked or really moved over the last couple days since she was told what happened. Jax watched her scream and cry and beg and plead and that was nearly impossible to watch. But this was worse. Holly had to stay longer because she had been refusing to eat or talk or anything. They only movement she made was when she laid down to sleep when the pain meds would kick in. Jax hadn't wanted to leave her at all, but he'd been going back and forth between the house to be with the kids and Holly's room. Every once in a while he'd come in and caught her crying to herself. She wouldn't let the kids come in and she wasn't talking to anyone. This was hard for him. He wanted to help her but he couldn't cause she wouldn't let him in. In a way, he understood. Things had been going so great for them only to have something like this happen. He sat down on the bed with her, holding her hand.

"I know you can hear me, even if you won't respond. But I want you to know that when you're ready, I'm here, babe. I know it's not the same kind of pain, but I'm hurting too. I wanted this too. The kids miss you and so do I. I know you're hurting, so I'm not gonna rush your progress. But please come back to me."

He sighed softly when she didn't move. The only indication that she'd heard him was the tear that fell down her face that he missed as he walked out of the room.

Jax grabbed his phone when it went off, changing Lilia and putting her down for bed, going to the bedroom to answer it.

"Hello?"

"It's Tara. Holly's asking for you. She says she wants a burger and fries."

"She's talking? Has she eaten anything else?"

"I gave her a couple granola bars and some water."

"I have to call someone to watch the kids."

"Why don't you bring them here? I have some time before my shift ends. I don't mind watching them for a bit."

"I can't ask you to do that, Tara."

"You're not, Jax. I'm volunteering."

"Alright. Thanks. I'll leave now."

It was half an hour later that Jax walked into Holly's room after dropping the kids off in Tara's office, going over to Holly, seeing her looking at him and reaching for him. He took her hand and kissed it before kissing her.

"How are you feeling, babe? Is there anything I can do for you?"  
"I just want food right now. And you."

"I'm here, darlin'. And I always will be."

He set up her food for her, climbing into the bed with her, letting her curl in as she ate, turning on a movie on netflix for her, laying with her in silence until she fell asleep. He looked over as Tara came in with the kids, who were still asleep.

"Hey. I would've watched them longer but I gotta get home. I called Opie. Lyla's coming to get them for you."

"Thank you, Tara. I really appreciate this."  
"Did she eat anything?"  
"Yeah. Everything."

Holly woke up feeling Jax's arms around her, looking over to see him asleep. She kissed his head gently before untangling herself from him carefully and going into the bathroom. She sat on the toilet and put her hands on her belly, tearing up. She couldn't believe she'd lost the baby like she did. After 2 failed pregnancies and an abortion, the sting wasn't as traumatic anymore. But the knowledge that she could never have another baby? That hurt pretty deep. She buried her head in her hands, crying softly, not hearing Jax come in until he knelt down in front of her, holding her close as he rubbed her back. She held onto him, gripping his shirt in her hands tightly.

"I'm so sorry. I lost our baby."

"I know it hurts, and it will for a while, but it's not the end for us. We have 4 amazing kids. And we have each other. That's all we need right now."

"I'm sorry, Jax…."

"It's not your fault, Holly. It's just not right for us to have any more. But we'll be fine. I know it."

Jax went down to let Venus and Lyla in, getting them some coffee.

"How is she doing, Jax?"

"Not so good. She's doing a lot better than before, but she's able to be around the kids longer and longer. I just think she needs some extra help."

"Where is she?"

"Upstairs watching a movie with the kids in the bedroom. She hasn't been doing much else since she got out of the hospital."

"Alright. We've got her and the kids."

"Thanks, Lyla. Tell her that I'll call and check in on her later. We're finally getting to start rebuilding the clubhouse so I'm gonna go talk to the contractor."

He left, going to his bike and riding off to TM and parking when he got there, clapping Juice on the back as he hugged him.

"How're you holding up, Jax?"  
"I'll be better once Holly's not so broken. Again."

"So what happened?"

"The baby developed in the wrong place and destroyed some of her tube. They had to tie her last good tube after they removed the damaged part of the other tube."

"Shit, man. That sucks."

"It means we can't have anymore kids."

"Shit. I'm so sorry, man."

"To be honest, I'm not overly upset about it. I feel like we're good with 4 kids. I just hate seeing Holly like this. She's someone that needs to take care of other people. It's just who she is. That's the one good thing mom taught her that she kept."

"Let me know if there's ever anything I can do to help, Jax."

"Thanks, man. I just wanna get started on rebuilding the clubhouse now that we have the funds to do so."

Holly stood in the kitchen, making dinner as she listened to the kids play in the living room, staring off into space as her hand made its way to her belly. She couldn't believe she'd lost yet another baby. At the moment she felt like she was cursed. Doomed to have something so tragic happen right when things are going great for her. She was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she hadn't noticed that she was burning dinner until Jax pulled her away from the stove and put the pot in the sink, letting out a deep, defeated and sad sigh, burying her head in her hands.

"Hey, it's ok."

She felt him pull her in for a hug, holding onto him, starting to cry. Again. She hadn't even meant to. She held onto him as he carried her up to the bedroom, curling into him in bed.

"I know it doesn't seem like it, but things'll work out, babe. I promise. Another baby would've been good, but we have 4 amazing kids, godkids and careers that we're crazy happy with. We'll be fine. It won't hurt forever."


	83. Poor Little Lambs

Holly sat in her office, spending her lunch break looking at daycares and a school for the kids. It was necessary now. Mallory was moving out of state and Jessica was in rehab. Brooke volunteered to watch Lilia while Holly and Jax were working. She found a daycare center that she really liked and she couldn't help but smile as a thought entered her mind. Gemma would've thrown a fit if she were still around and could see Holly now. She might've hated Gemma for everything that happened, but she missed the part of Gemma she grew up with. The fierce love she had for her family was something that she'd always admired. She looked over when her desk phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Holly, it's Johnny. There's someone down here that wants to see you. The new sheriff in town."

"Alright. Send her up."

She hung up and looked through the pictures of the daycare center, liking it more and more. She looked over when the sheriff came in.

"Sheriff. Come on in and have a seat. Can I get you some coffee?"

"No, but thank you. Althea Jarry. I came to introduce myself and ask you about a case of yours. The last case before your unfortunate tragedy."

She shifted uncomfortably in her seat before looking at her.

"I'm sorry. I know it's a difficult thing to talk about."

"You could've just told me the name of my client. You didn't have to bring that up."

"Right. Sorry. Angelica Masters and her 5 year old son was found dead this morning by her mother and sister. Our prime suspect is her ex, but he's in the wind. I was wondering if you could tell me anything about him."

She cleared her throat, trying to swallow the bile that was attempting to rise in her throat, getting up to grab Angelica's files, handing them to the sheriff, blinking back tears.

"That's everything Angelica told me about Tyler and everything that happened since I met her."

"Wow. You recorded everything."

"It helped the case. Angelica got full custody of their daughter and I won the case."

"She had evidence of past abuse."

"Um...Yeah. Tyler was abusive to her for 4 years before she got pregnant. He threatened to kill her and take their children from her."

"Hence the attempted murder and child abuse charges coming in."

"Yeah. I went with her when she went to tell him that she was pregnant along with an officer. He broke her arm and gave her a minor concussion before the officer shot him in the shoulder. I hadn't seen him after that until the trial."

"You don't seem to be surprised about her being dead."

"I'm sad about it. She deserved better. But I've been in her place before. I was in an abusive relationship for two years only to be rewarded by put in a coma for a year. That kind of relationship doesn't usually end well. Things get worse and less hopeful when you add children into the mix. It's sad that Angelica and her son is gone. But I'll bet you that either she went to him or he escaped and went to her."

"Wow. Cynical."

"No. Like I said, that's my experience. I could've left my ex plenty of times while we were together, but most of my thoughts were about whether or not I could change him. I didn't pull myself out of that. I was pulled out by the man that ended up becoming my husband. Abusive relationships are nearly impossible to escape."

"Can you think of any reason why he would go after her?"

"To be honest, I will never know. And I doubt anyone else ever will. I'm a lawyer. Not a therapist. I couldn't tell you."

She watched Althea read through the files.

"You mind if I take this?"

"As long as you bring them back."

Holly sat in the living room, dialing the number for the daycare she'd found.

"Scribbles and Giggles daycare center, my name is Cheryl, how can I help you?"

"Hi, Cheryl. My name Holly Teller. I've been looking for daycares to put my kids into, 3 of them anyway, and I ran across yours and I'm intrigued by it."

"I hope in a positive way."

"Very positive. The pictures made me kinda hopeful, actually."

"That's good. If you're interested in enrollment, we ask to meet the parent, parents or guardians first, get to know them first, then meet the children and then we go from there."

"Ok. Fair enough. Do I make an appointment?"

"You can if you'd like, but it's not necessary. You can come at anytime during the day, but we close at 5."

She looked back, hearing the door open, waving at Jax, hearing the kids running to him.

"Do you have to meet both parents at the same time? I'm a lawyer and my husband owns a few business so he's constantly running back and forth."

"We'd prefer it that way but it's not required, no."

"Great. Thank you. I'll see you, Cheryl."

"You have a great day, Mrs. Teller."

"You too."

She hung up and looked over at Jax as he came in, kissing him softly when he reached her.

"Who were you on the phone with?"  
"Daycare center. I've been thinking about it and I think that we should put the kids, except Lilia, in daycare. You've got both Diosas, Redwoody and now Scoops and I've got the firm. We're both really busy. I think it's a good idea."

"I don't know, babe."

"It'll be good for them. Get them ready for when they get to school, let them socialize with kids outside the club, though I love everyone, it'll do them good to know there are other people out there outside of our strange family. Don't just dismiss this, babe. Think about it, ok?"

Holly sat in Nero's room at Diosa, napping with the kids. It had been a long day at the firm and she was exhausted. Jax was supposed to come by later and take them home. She woke up and stretched, yawning deeply. She was about to go out and get herself some soda when she heard gunshots. She cursed under her breath and quickly put the kids in the closet before putting her purse and diaper bags before locking herself and the kids inside, keeping the kids asleep until everything was over. After what felt like an eternity, she didn't hear anything anymore. But she didn't wanna move incase the shooters were still there. So she waited. Until she heard Jax calling her name, unlocking the door and making sure it was really him, running into his arms.

"Where are the kids?"

"I locked them and myself in the closet until just now."

She walked back with him, getting him to help her get the kids back into the bed. Surprisingly, they slept through the whole thing.

"Are you ok?"  
"Yeah. I didn't hear anyone come back here."

She leaned into him, feeling him kiss her head.

"And you didn't see anything?"  
"Nothing. I don't know who they were. I thought you were out of guns, baby."

"We are. Somebody either didn't get the memo or they're not happy with us."


	84. Some Strange Eruption

Holly walked into the kitchen to make lunch for herself, the kids, Tig and Venus, humming to herself as she cooked. Jax and Nero were dealing with the massacre at Diosa Norte and Jax didn't want her alone, so Tig volunteered to hang out with her and the kids. So she invited Venus to have lunch with them. Thankfully Venus was free. Tig and Venus were in the living room with the kids, playing with them. She answered her phone when it went off.

"Hello?"

"Hey, babe. Wanted to check in."

"My evil plan to get Tig and Venus together is finally working, the kids and I are whole and I'm making lunch. How's it going at Diosa? Do you need any help with anything?"

"We just finished talking to the cops. But we might need a lawyer."

"Do you have any idea who would do that? I mean, you guys have been out of guns for months now."

"We're gonna ask around. It's gotta be someone trying to show us they're not thrilled with our decision. So you keep someone with you for a while."

"Ok, baby. You on your way home?"

"Not just yet. We're gonna spread the word that someone tried to off us, go check on Lyla and we have to talk to Barovsky and the girls at Collette's and let them know what happened."

"Ok. Stay safe, baby. Come home to me."

"Always."

Holly walked into Barovsky's bakery with Tig and Rosen, sitting down next to Nero, taking his hand as she looked at him.

"Jarry, Rosen and I talked to the people at the home, told them that you had arranged for witpro for you and Lucius. Lucius is at St. Thomas with Tara and a specialist with Rat and Eglee keeping watch. Your boy is safe."

"Gracias, chiquita."

She smiled as he hugged her tightly, hugging him back just as tightly.

"I have Tara looking at other places for you to keep Lucius in if you're interested in it. And if anyone can get me and Jarry proof, irrefutable proof, that Lin was the one that shot up Diosa, I'm pretty sure I can put him away. Maybe not for good, right away, but long enough to send a message."

"That's great, babe. Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me. Just get me that proof."

"See if you could reach out to Pope or Laroy. Get some help. I'm sure they wouldn't mind putting Lin away."

"Ok. I've gotta go. I left the kids alone with Venus and Brooke."

Holly looked through the peephole when she heard the doorbell, cursing under her breath when she saw Henry Lin and one of his guys. She grabbed her gun and opened the door, pointing it at him as she glared at him.

"You wanna put that down and let me in?"

"There's no way in hell that I would ever let you or your men around my kids after what you've done. I don't give a shit who you are. You threatened the kid of a very good friend of mine after shooting up one of our places. Why?"

"You know why, Holly. Them pulling out of guns has shifted the balance. We need them to go back to it."

"No way in hell. So you and your guys need to get your cars and get the fuck off of my property."

"We can't do that, Holly."  
"Yes, you can. You just don't want to. But I will not allow you to come around my children and threaten their safety or lives for any reason."

"I like you, Holly. I always have. But we can do this the easy way or the hard way."

"You're right. But let's use my options. Either you leave my property willingly or I shoot your guy in the dick and let my dog get some short ribs. Take your pick."

The three of them stood there for a couple of tense minutes before Holly opened the door wider.

"Teddy. Kill."

She shot Henry's guy in the leg as Teddy chased after Henry, calling the dog back once Henry made it to his car, letting the dog in before calling for an ambulance before calling Jax. It was 10 minutes before the ambulance showed up and another 10 before Jax got there. Her hands were covered in blood from holding pressure on the bullet wound. She looked over at Jax as he came over, letting him hold onto her.

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine, baby. I'm whole. So are the kids."

"And you're 100% sure it was Lin?"  
"Yeah. I showed the security footage to Jarry. It was Lin. Jarry said she'd send someone out to him."

She looked at Jax with a knowing look. Things were gonna get tense for a while. They were right back where they started.


	85. Smoke 'Em If You Got 'Em

Holly sat in her office with a client, going over his case with him, spelling out how things were gonna go as Jarry came into her office without knocking.

"Excuse me, sheriff. I'm with a client. I get that badge comes with an impressive amount of power but I'm going to have to insist you wait until I'm done with my client."

"I need to talk to you about a case."

"You'll have to wait."

"I don't have time to wait."  
"You want my time, you'll have to wait."

She watched as Jarry sighed and walked out, going back to talking to her client for a while. It was 45 minutes before she was done, walking the guy out before letting Jarry in.

"What can I help you with?"

"We're having trouble pinning Lin to the shooting at Diosa."

"I figured you would. I doubt Lin knows the kids and I were there. You're not gonna get him with law. It'll be a street thing. You wanna get him then work with Jax. Or find someone who's willing to turn on him. A disgruntled family member or a rival gang."

Holly looked over as Jax came into the living room, Lilia sleeping in her arms, the kids upstairs in their rooms. She could tell that he was tired from the day and needed to talk about something. Or let out steam somehow.

"What went down with Lin?"

"Someone sent in an anonymous tip and sent in SWAT. got to give him a bit of a beat down, but that's it."

She sighed deeply, looking down at Lilia, biting her lip.

"What's that look for, babe?"

"Nothing. I just thought that we'd be done with this shit. I got so wrapped up in the idea of being able to breathe again that I never thought of the blow back."

"I know. I should've thought of that. I didn't factor in the Chinese and Alvarez. We were fine with the Niners because of you and Pope, but I forgot about the others."

"Things are gonna be tense for a while until all of this gets sorted out. And I don't want the kids around all of that. I don't want them threatened again and I really don't want them to see you come home bandaged up."

"I don't either. So I want you to take the kids somewhere. Go to Disneyland or Legoland or something. Take Lyla and their kids and a couple of friends."

She nodded, tearing up a bit, letting him take Lilia, sniffling softly.

"I have some vacation time. Couple months worth. I'll call Lyla. Maybe Wendy and Tara."

"See if Pope could spare a guy or two."

"I will."

She let him put his head against hers gently, gently putting her hands on his arms, whispering to him.

"I love you, Jackson."

"I love you too, Holly."

Holly sat in hers and Jax's bedroom, researching what she'd need to take for their trip to Disney, listening to music as she planned stuff out, booking a couple of rooms. One for the 5 of them and one for Lyla, Kenny, Ellie and Luna. she answered her phone when Jax called her.

"Hey, baby. So the rooms are all booked. Lyla's coming, but Tara can't."

"Did you call Pope?"

"Yeah. He's got a couple people he'll send with us."

"Good. "

"I wish you could come with us, baby. I hate that our first big family vacation, the whole family isn't going to be there."

"I know, babe. But you and the kids will be safe. That's what matters the most to me right now."

"I know. Just…."  
"What?"

"Promise me that as soon as all of this shit is done that you will take me and the kids and we'll go to the cabin or Vegas and the 6 of us will decompress and heal?"

"I promise, babe. We're working on making sure the word is spread that SAMCRO will forever be out of guns."

Holly put the bags in the back of the bus that Lyla rented for the trip, letting Lyla get the kids buckled in and set up with their tablets and snacks and drinks, staying quiet as Jax and Opie said goodbye to the kids. She went over to him and held onto him, kissing him softly and passionately, cupping his face gently.

"Call me every couple hours."

"I'll call you when we stop for lunch."

"Ok. Don't worry, babe. I'll be fine. We all will."

"Don't be fine, be careful. Keep your head on a swivel and don't let your guard down. Because if you let yourself get killed I'll bring you back to life just to kill you myself. And I'll use the shit that Happy taught me."

She kissed him again before going to say goodbye to the guys and climb into the front seat of the bus, looking at Chibs and Bobby.

"Take care of our boys."

She watched as Lyla drove off, sniffling softly as she teared up.

"Things'll be ok, Hol."

"I know. I worry. It's who I am. It's who I'll always be."


	86. Greensleeves

Holly got the kids in bed in their room while Lyla went to the room across the hall, sitting on her bed as she called Jax. They'd gotten to the hotel later than she thought they would.

"Did you make it?"

"Yeah, we did. Long ass drive. Great hotel room, though."

"How are the kids?"

"Knocked the fuck out. They fell asleep as soon as they got back onto the bus after dinner and slept the rest of the way."

"Good."

"How was the rest of your day?"

"Sat down with Laroy and Alvarez. Talked about how to get ahead of this shit with Lin. Came to an understanding."

"Are they on board with you pulling out?"

"Yeah. They weren't thrilled with it, but they get it."

"At least they understand. What's the plan with Lin?"

"Working on getting him into Stockton. End it there."

"I seriously need you to stay whole, Jackson."

"I know. I'm going to be careful. I'm not gonna leave you or the kids. I promise."

Holly laughed as she got back to her room with Lyla and all the kids, having just gotten back from walking around the park and getting lunch. She called Jax as she sat down on the bed, turning on Lion King for the kids. 

"Hey, lass."

"Hey, Chibs. Is Jax ok?"

"He's talking with Alvarez, lass. He's whole. We all are."

"That's good. How are things going?"

"Slowly. But they're going."

"Anything I can do to help?"

"You're already doing it, lass. Knowing that you're away from the fire with the kids and Lyla is helping Jax and Ope."

"And any legal help?"

"Not yet, lass. We'll let you know, though."

"Ok. Give Jax and everyone else my love. And keep everyone whole."

"You know I'll do my best, lass."

"I love you, Chibby."

"Love you too, Holly."

Holly answered her phone after getting the kids set up with their breakfast.

"Baby?"

"Sorry I didn't call you last night."

"It's alright. Are you ok? How'd the meet go?"

"We're whole. How's the park?"

"The kids are having fun. They got to fill their little autograph books with almost all the characters. I'll say now, there's gonna be a shit ton of pictures for you to see. And Lyla got flirted with by Gaston."

"Ope'll love that shit. What about you?"  
"Peter Pan had a couple sweet things to say about my wedding ring."

She smiled, hearing him chuckle a bit, sitting down to eat herself.

"I miss you, baby."

"I miss you too. Especially having to deal with a couple of the new girls."

"Oh?"

"I'm not gonna say too much, but just know that would fail their SATs."

She laughed, taking a drink of her coffee.

"I'm sorry, baby. As long as they pull in repeat customers…."

"Very true. It's just frustrating to deal with."

"Well, as soon as I get back, I'll help smarten them up. Ok?"

"As long as you pay some attention to me."

"Well, of course. I couldn't ignore my doting husband."

"And I miss my sexy wife."

"I miss you too. I really wish you were here. I'd go farther than that but the kids are on the other bed eating breakfast."

"Shit. So I guess I shouldn't tease you, huh?"

"Jackson Teller, don't you dare. I know that tone of voice. Don't do it or I'll hang up on you."

"So I shouldn't tell you how hard you make me? That I'm in this big house all alone, walking around with nothing on?"

"Jackson….."

"That I'm in the living room with my hard dick, thinking about the last week of our honeymoon, jerking off at the thought of your moans?" 

She shifted, starting to tingle down there.

"I'm warning you, Jax. Knock it off."

"Alright, darlin'. I'll knock all the stuff off the table before fucking you till you squirt and go braindead."

"Jax, stop. The kids are still in the room."

She rolled her eyes as she listened to him laughing.

"You're an asshole."

"Yeah, but I'm yours."

"Thank God."

She smiled to herself as she sat back.

"I should go. We're gonna hit some rides today. I love you."

"I love you too. Kiss the kids for me."  
"Always. Call me later."

"I will. Have fun today."  
"Stay safe today."


	87. The Seperation of Crows

Jax sat at the table with the guys, the container holding Bobby's eye sitting next to him as he stared at it.

"This does not get back to Holly. She'll come back with guns blazing and I do not want her or the kids in the middle of this. But we're gonna need backup for this shit. I'll call Pope and Jury. See if any of you can reach out to other charters. Pull bodies and guns."

He looked at his phone when it went off, cursing when he saw Holly's number, banging the gavel before going out to answer the call, lighting a cigarette.

"Hey, babe. How's the park?"

"It was too hot to do anything, so Lyla and I are getting the kids ready to go to the pool. But I got a weird call from Nero. Said something's going on with Wendy?"

"I don't know. She hasn't been on my mind lately."

"Will you check on her? Please? Or send someone to."

"Why do you care so much? She's a junkie."

"I think I might've put too much stress on her when I asked her to sign as the kids' guardian if something happened to us. I feel guilty."

"Alright. I'll pay her a visit. But you have no reason to feel guilty. She's the one that shot up again. That's not on you, babe."

"Thank you."

"Go swim. And take a pic of you in that bikini."

She smiled softly.

"As long as you don't show it to anyone."  
"Never. That'll be in my spank bank."

"I hate that phrase. So stupid."

"Fine. I'll jerk off to it every night you're gone."

She smiled and blushed.

"Shut up, you idiot."

"Your idiot."

"I love you."

Jax looked at his phone, debating on whether or not to call Holly. He wanted to hear her voice and get her advice, needing her to center him, but he knew she'd want to come home and help out. He wanted her to be home so he knew exactly where her and the kids were, but he didn't want her in the middle of all of this shit. He took a drag from his cigarette as he dialed Holly's number.

"Hi, baby."

"You guys in the park?"

"In a restaurant. The kids got hungry. How are things going over there? You any closer with Lin?"  
"Yes and no. They took Bobby. Cut his eye out and sent it to us….."

"What?"

"I didn't want you to come home right now and be in the middle of this, so I didn't tell you. I know you're gonna want to come home, but don't. Not yet. I don't want you involved in this."

"When did it happen?"

"Last night. It's when we got his eye."

"You can't keep this kind of thing from me."

"I need you to stay there. You and Lyla need to stay together. Ok?"

"Fine."

"I mean it, Holly. I don't want you or the kids to get hurt. So stay put. Let the kids have fun."

Jax laid in bed, letting Teddy cuddle up with him, listening to Holly tell him what the kids had done that day. As glad as he was that the kids didn't seem to know what's going on, he couldn't bring himself to smile. He didn't know where Bobby was or how to get him home. But he needed to figure it out soon.


	88. What A Piece Of Work Is Man

Holly sat on the bed and called Jax. Lyla was watching all the kids in her room so Holly could call Jax.

"Hey, babe. Are you ok?"

"My week's almost up out here. But as much fun as the kids are having, they miss you and their own beds. And I want to help you out with things."

"I don't want you in Charming right now, Holly. You or the kids."

"I get that. But you can't keep us away from home forever, Jax. And I can help you. At the very least, I can send Lin to Stockton. Handle retaliation there."

"Holly…."

"I can't help you from here, Jax. And it's killing me to know that you all could get picked off so easily like this. Please let me help?"

She listened as Jax fell silent, waiting nervously for his answer.

"You keep someone with you at all times and you carry. Even if it's Nero or Unser. You don't go anywhere alone. It's non-negotiable. You got it?"

"I got it, baby. I promise."

"Fine. When do you leave?"

"Tomorrow after breakfast. Which means we should be home around dinner."

Holly walked into the house the next night, letting the kids go in and up to their room. Laroy volunteered to stay with Holly while Rat escorted Lyla home. She brought the bags up to the bedroom before changing into comfy clothes and putting all the dirty laundry into the correct hampers, bringing a hamper downstairs to the laundry room before starting dinner. She was just about to plate up everything when she heard the door open, looking over to see Jax come in. When she went out to greet him, she stopped in her tracks when she saw that he'd been crying.

"Hey, Laroy? Why don't you head home?"

"You sure, boo? I don't mind staying."

"I know. And I thank you for that. But I'll be fine. Jax and I haven't seen each other in a week."

"Right. Call me if you need anything."

"I will. Thanks. Do you wanna take some food home?"

"No, it's fine. Good night, boo."

"Night, Laroy."

She walked him out before looking at Jax, closing the door behind her. She went over to him, sitting him down at the table, taking his hands as he started to cry.

"What happened, Jax?"

"Bobby's dead. We got his fingers last night. We set up a meet with Lin earlier today, planning to trap him and get him sent to Stockton. He turned over Bobby just to shoot him in the head."

"Oh shit….."

She sat down next to him, tearing up and closing her eyes.

"I can't believe he's gone…."

Holly walked into the courtroom with Jax and the guys, sitting down at her table with Jax, spotting Lin with his lawyer. She put the book she'd made for her case down in front of her, looking at Jax.

"Isn't this a conflict of interest, Holly? Couldn't you get in trouble for this?"

"I might not be impartial, but I've been professional. That's why I've working on this with Ally and Jason. Third parties as far as the law is concerned. Besides, I've worked with this judge before. He likes my tits."

"Is that why you're wearing that?"

"No. That wouldn't be professional. I'm wearing this because I like it." 

She bit back a smile before looking over as Rosen came into the courtroom, watching as he sat down at the table. She went through her book, biding her time until the judge showed up. She gave the judge her book before they recessed an hour later, sitting down to wait for the judge to come back. When he did, she listened to him.

"Based off of all of the evidence I've seen against Mr. Lin, I'm granting the prosecution's request for life in prison. No parole. Court is adjourned."

Holly let out a sigh of relief, smiling as she heard the guys all cheer for her, shaking Jason's hand before walking out with Jax and the guys.

Holly walked into the bedroom after getting out of the shower, a towel wrapped around herself as she went to grab some pajamas, hearing Jax come in from putting the kids to bed, looking over at him.

"I called Precious and let her know about Bobby. She's gonna come down."

"I don't wanna talk about Bobby right now. I don't wanna think about anything right now."

She nodded, grabbing one of her nightshirts, only to be stopped by Jax's hands on her hips, feeling him pull her into him as he kissed her neck. She let out a soft sigh, tilting her head a bit to give him better access as her eyes fell shut. She felt herself getting wetter and wetter as he kept going, pressing back against him lightly when he started grinding against her, the towel rubbing against her wet skin as she slowly licked her lips, her breath picking up gently. She could feel him getting rock hard behind her, letting him take off her towel before carrying her over to the bed, laying her down. It didn't seem that he was gonna wait much longer, pushing into her as soon as he was hovering over her, his thrusts slow and deep inside of her, making her moan his name.

"How the fuck are you still so tight, babe? I didn't think that was possible….."

"Shut up and fuck me."

She moaned loudly, wrapping her leg around his, her arms going around his neck as she tangled her fingers in his hair. It had been quite a while for them, and she'd missed him. She panted between moans, looking up at him as she started getting close, pushing him out of her before rolling them over so he was on his back. She grabbed hold of him and guided her back to her entrance, slowly pushing down on him with a loud moan, her head falling back. She felt him push hard and fast into her, feeling him go deeper than he'd ever been inside of her, crying out in pleasure.

"You're gonna make me….."

She couldn't finish her sentence as she came around him, feeling her juices splash between them as he kept thrusting into her, her legs starting to shake. He didn't last much longer after that, cumming inside her, pulling her down on top of him as he spilled out inside her, holding onto her.


	89. Faith and Despondency

Holly walked through the newly finished clubhouse, making sure all the girls were cooking before leaving, leaving the kids with Brooke, Wendy and Lyla, heading to see Skeeter, going to pick up Bobby's ashes. She knocked on Skeeter's door, giving him a sad smile when he opened the door. She walked inside, handing him the urn she'd picked out for Bobby, handing it to Skeeter so he could put Bobby's ashes in.

"I never thought Bobby'd be gone. That fat bastard was always so stubborn and strong."

"Yeah, he was. He will be very missed."

"Sorry for your loss, Holly."

"It's not just my loss, Skeeter. The whole club's feeling it."

She gave him some cash before leaving, putting Bobby in the front seat and buckling him in so the urn wouldn't fall. She climbed in and drove back to the clubhouse, seeing the guys' bikes there, sighing softly as she got out, grabbing the urn and bringing it inside. She looked over at Jax when he spotted her, letting him go over to her. She let him take the urn, watching him with teary eyes.

"I was thinking we could spread some of his ashes at the cabin and keep the rest here. Let him be in the places he loved the most."

"That's a good idea, babe."

"I still have to go to his place and go through his stuff. Happy and Tig are gonna meet me there to help out with his bike and his car. And the furniture."

"You don't have to do that….  
"Yes I do. Bobby's shit is not gonna be manhandled by someone that know him like we did. I won't let his memories be scattered by people that don't care."

"I was gonna say that you don't have to do that alone. Chibs and Nero said that they'd help you if you want the help."

"Oh. Sorry. I'll let them help. I'm just tired. And sad. I didn't get any sleep last night."

"I know. You were tossing and turning all night."

"Sorry if I woke you up."

"Care to tell me what's on your mind?"

"Bobby. And this shit with the Chinese. I've lived my entire life, even before you and I were together, trying to plan for every possible outcome. It's part of being an old lady. Seeing the things that our old men don't. At least, not right away. But this? It feels just as big a shock as Zobelle. And even that didn't hit the club as hard as this. And it hurts. Bobby meant so much to all of us that I don't know what'll be like without him."

Holly sat down with Abel and Tommy, while Jax kept the girls with him, letting Abel sit on her lap.

"Did uncle Bobby join grandma up in heaven?"

"Yes, he did, buddy."

"Is he ever gonna come back?"

She sniffled softly, her mom's voice popping into her head.

"No he's not. But that doesn't mean that he can't see us or that we can't see him."

"What do you mean, mommy?"

"When I was a little girl, my mommy told me something that helped me out when I would lose someone like we lost uncle Bobby. She used to tell me that there are holes in the floor of heaven and all of the people, all of the angels, up in heaven and they can use those holes to watch the people they loved. And when it rains, that's their tears falling on us, showing how much they miss us and want to be with us again. And when the sun's shining and the sky is super blue, that's when they're proud of us or happy for us. And that one day we'll see them all again. And we won't ever have to leave them again."

"So we'll see grandma and uncle Bobby again?"

"One day, buddy. I promise."

She looked over as she kissed Abel's head.

"You know, I'll bet Happy and Chibs could use a hug from you boys. Why don't you go over there?"

She let them go as Venus came over, leaning into her friend when Venus hugged her.

"How are you holding up, sugar bear?"

"As ok as I can be after giving a eulogy for the man that helped raise me. He made the cakes for every single one of my birthdays. And the one for mine and Jax's wedding. It's hard to know that that tradition's over."

She sniffled softly, crying into Venus' shoulder, not hearing Jax come over until he asked Venus to go check on Tig before bringing Holly in for a hug, leading her into the back bedroom, letting her cry into him, crying softly with her, thinking of Bobby.

Holly walked upstairs from the basement, bringing up a box of the stuff Bobby left behind from the last time he stayed over. When she heard someone knocking on the door, she put the box on the table before going to see who it was, letting Tig and Venus in.

"I didn't think you'd be up, sugar bear."

"I couldn't sleep. When I was at Bobby's the other day, there was stuff missing. And then an hour ago I remembered that Bobby was the last one to use the basement, so I was getting the rest of his stuff."

"You need anymore help, doll?"  
"No, thanks. If I do, Jax is just upstairs."

"How's he doing?"  
"About as well as you and the rest of the club, Tiggy. If you wanna talk to him, he's upstairs in the play area with the kids." 

She let him kiss her head before looking over at Venus.

"You want something to drink, V? I've got tea, coffee, water. A bunch of wine in the fridge."

"Just some tea, sugar bear. Want some help making it?"

"I've got it, V."

She came back when the tea was done, putting the sugar down.

"I've got an inquiry for you."

"What's up?"

"Tig opened up quite a bit to me tonight, in an emotional way, and your name came up."

She couldn't help but laugh.

"Yeah. Anything that happened between and I was over."

"He mentioned that you two almost started something."

"Almost being the operative weird. I was 19 and wanted something more than the idiots my own age. He's a really great guy, great fuck, but I could never shake the feeling of wanting to be with Jax. I knew, even then, that Jax and I were meant to be together. I didn't wanna lead Tig on in that way so I pulled away. Ended up with a bunch of losers before my ex nearly killed me."

The two talked for a while until Tig and Jax came down.

"We put the kids down for the night, babe."

"Ok. I'll be up in a minute."

She got up and walked them out, kissing them both goodnight before locking up the house. She went over to Jax, walking upstairs and to bed, curling into Jax's arms, sending up a prayer of thanks, thanking God for her family and friends. She curled into Jax, yawning as she drifted off to sleep in Jax's arms, resting her head on Jax's chest.


	90. Holly's Letters

'My dearest Abel-

You are single handedly one of my biggest accomplishments. For so many reasons. You have been through a couple of tragedies on your own and you became the person I talk about when I say that parents, real parents, would go to the ends of the earth for their babies. You may not be my blood, but if there's one thing I would want you to carry with you, it's something your grandpa John used to say. Blood makes you related but loyalty makes you family. You know your birth mom. Wendy. The reason she didn't enter your life until the last couple years was because she had an issue with drugs while you were inside her. When you were born, you were really sick and the doctors didn't think you were gonna make it. 8 years later and you are still the strongest little boy I know. You might not be my blood, but you are my heart.

Your daddy used to do things that brought a lot of trouble to him and your uncles and their friends. But never once has he ever let that hurt you or keep you from him for very long. For the longest time, we were worried about you and how it would affect you. Your brother came along at the tail end of a tragedy that I thought your daddy and I would never recover from. But from that tragedy came something so amazing. Not just your brother's existence, but a relationship from family that I never knew about for the longest time. We were so happy to have you back and to have your brother come along that we let ourselves get wrapped up in our happiness, ignoring the dangers that we'd grown accustomed to. More tragedies came, some at the hands of the people that meant something to us and some at the hands of outside forces, and Valentina after that. That was a difficult time for your daddy and I. The dangers had caught up to us and almost broke us. But another tragedy brought us back together. Lilia came last after more tragedies, and even more tragedies followed her. If I had had my way, you would've grown up in a house full of brothers and sisters. But after Lilia, that's when your daddy had had enough of the tragedies all of that violence brought on our lives. He wanted to give you kids a better life. Something better than what we had. We both wanted you kids to have options in life. And not just whether or not to join the club. School isn't the most important thing in life, but it's more important than you'll end up thinking it is. What I want for you, my little buddy, is to follow your heart. Explore anything and everything until you find something that makes you deliriously happy. Once you find that happiness, you'll know that that's where you're meant to be. But keep in mind that there's risks no matter what you do. You'll be hurt, you'll hurt others, you'll lose people, and there's always a chance that you could lose yourself. But happiness and love is always worth fighting for. Your daddy taught me that. And it's something I've fought for since the day I realized how much I loved your dad. We ended up being happier than I ever thought we could be. I got incredibly lucky. I pray that all of you get that luck. And that you'll never forget that we love you. Even if you grow to hate us or go down a path that you don't think we'd approve of or who you end up loving. As long as you own up to the mistakes you make, learn from them and fight for what you think is right….You'll be ok, Abel.

I love you my little buddy.

\- mommy'

'Tommy, my darling boy-

You came around during one of the worst moments in mine and your dad's lives, but you ended up being one of the best things to ever happen to us. You were my first born and the first baby I got to keep. You were told many secrets while you couldn't talk or remember anything when mommy or daddy needed to talk. We unloaded so much on you and that wasn't fair. I'm sorry. You're too young right now to understand too much, but one day you'll understand way more than you'll ever wanted to. My advice to you is learn to understand what it really means to be strong. Being strong doesn't mean keeping your emotions under wraps until it eats you alive and makes you do something that you'll regret or that you'll never be able to take back. It means being able to show people that you can be vulnerable when everyone around you is telling you that it's not ok to show your emotions. Cry when you're upset. Punch a wall when you're angry. Smile when you're happy. And don't be afraid.

You and your brother and sisters might hear some bad things about your daddy and the club later on in life. If you do, don't let that poison you to your family. Never once has daddy or I ever given up on you. You, Abel, Valentina and Lilia have always been our greatest accomplishments and the four of you have always been more important to us than anything else in this world. Even our own lives. No kid ever believes this until they grow up, but everything that real parents do is to make sure their kids are as happy and healthy as possible. No matter what you might hear about daddy or I, we always did what we could to make sure that you had everything you needed and as much of what you wanted as possible. Your daddy and I have always and will always love you. Don't ever forget that.

\- mommy'

'My little princess Valentina-

You were born during the worst moment in my relationship with your daddy. And if it hadn't been for you, your daddy and I wouldn't have lasted. I would've taken you and your brothers and left him and Charming. Maybe that's unfair to put that knowledge on your shoulders, but it's not meant to burden you or anything like that…..It's meant to show you things can change on the drop of a dime. You will never expect where it comes from or what form it's in, but it'll happen. Learn from it, baby girl. Take those changes and adapt. You'll be better off for it. Trust me, baby girl. Being a daddy's girl isn't a bad thing. I was when I was little too. I don't necessarily want you to be me, but do what I did and find someone like your dad. It sounds weird, but your dad is a good man. One of the best. When you do start dating, you'll go through guys that'll be losers, jerks and a total waste of your time. But don't let any of them be the role model your children look up to. It might not happen right away that you find the one that makes you so happy you could scream it out, but when it does happen, hold on just tight enough. But don't hold on too tight. That's how you lose them. But never forget that things can change. All we can really do when things happen is adapt accordingly. It won't always be easy and you might end up heartbroken. But keep getting onto your feet. Your grandma Gemma always used to say that it wasn't how you fall that matters. It's how you get up. So stand on your feet and be as strong as you possibly can. Your daddy and I love you, baby girl. Never forget that.

\- mommy'

'Mommy's precious little angel-

Lilia, I can't even begin to tell you how much I love you. Words don't even begin to tell you how important you are to me. Your daddy doesn't know the real story behind my nickname for you, and I don't ever want him to know. I almost lost you for good. There was a moment not too long after you were born that you stopped breathing in your sleep. I panicked for a minute, looking at your blue face. Uncle Alex was named your godfather because if it hadn't been for him, you wouldn't be with me. With us. He saved your life and mine that night. I would watch you fall asleep every night until you didn't have to use that monitor every night, and there were nights I would lose sleep so I could watch you sleep. I kept you close for a while, keeping an eye on you. You're more than just my angel, you're my miracle. There's a laundry list of things that I could tell you, but the only advice that I want to give you is never lose yourself. You might be a shy girl, but you have a lot of love to give. Even as young as you are right now, you are mommy's angel and your daddy's cuddle bug. Don't let anyone take that from you. Who you are is perfectly fine and amazing. Don't let anyone tell you to change who you are or some hell bent heart make you bitter. But don't let anyone take advantage of your kind heart either. Out of all of our babies, your daddy and I worry about you less. Not because we don't love you, but because you're so smart and intuitive, even at such a young age. As our baby, we'll always worry about you. But I feel like you're gonna go far, baby girl. So be who you want to be. Smile, laugh, play, cry, and live your life the way you want to. Make as many mistakes as possible, but learn from them. Don't ever compromise yourself. No matter what. We love you. No matter what happens, that'll never change.

\- mommy'


	91. Jax's Letters

'Abel,

Hey, little man. There's so much that I wanna tell you, but there's not enough paper in the world that'll be able to hold everything. So I'll give you two pieces of advice. The first is don't get caught up in trying to see the bigger picture. You'll hurt people more if you don't also focus on what's in front of you. The second is to learn the difference between a wife and an old lady. A wife is great, but an old lady is who lives through tragedies with you and stays by your side. But keep in mind that with old ladies, while wives are great, you either tell them everything, let them know what's going on in every aspect of your life. Or you tell them absolutely nothing, keep them seperate from the things you don't want to talk about. Your mommy might not have given birth to you, or been a member of the club, but she kept me grounded with things are me were insane. She kept my head clear when the voices got to be too loud. Telling her all of the scary shit that tried to poison my heart and my mind, only to have her stay by my side? I pray that you find that, son. Your mom has been my best friend, my cheerleader, my asskicker, my rock and my caretaker since we were kids. Unfortunately it took way too long for us to be where we are now, but she became my old lady when I needed her to be. My biggest hope for you, son, is that you make your own legacy. My dad left his in a manuscript and a bunch of letters to someone he loved, and I left mine in you and your siblings and your mom. There's a lot I would do differently if I ever had the chance, but never would I change who you all are. You'll make many mistakes in life, God knows I've made more than my fair share, but it's how you come back from them and make them right that matters. I love you, son.'

'Tommy,

You came to your mommy and I while we were both going through something tragic. Something that we almost didn't make it through. We almost lost you a couple times but you were determined to be born. And I couldn't be more thankful for your existence. You were an enormous bright spot in a very dark spot in our lives. My advice to you is never give up. Persistence pays off. But don't be an ass about it either. Meet that middle line between just enough and too much. Sometimes you'll have to back off and sometimes you'll have to overcompensate. But the best things in life you'll have to struggle to get and keep. But I can promise you it'll be worth it. Always. Don't settle. More damage gets caused that way. To more people than just you. That's a lesson I learned the hardest way. Don't make my mistakes. Make your own. Live them. Learn from them. Correct them where you can. I pray that my past doesn't crush you like it did me. Live your life to its fullest and love deeply. No matter what life throws at you. I love you, son.'

'Valentina,

My beautiful princess. I could be like one of those dads who says that I won't let you date until you're married or some other bullshit, but that's how you end up knocked up at 16, crying to us that you made a mistake. I want better for you. I want better for all of you. So just be careful. It's cliche to say that boys are only after one thing, but for the most part it's true. There are some boys out there that will be out for your heart in a good way. Stick close to those boys. Even if you don't like them right away, give it a chance. They might seem like geeks or nerds, but those guys will show you what real love is. That's what you deserve. But that's not to say you shouldn't walk on the wild side. It can be fun. Dare to be different. It might scare some people away, but the best people are the ones that'll walk in the dark with you. You want proof, look no farther than the people that you've grown up with. The men that you've grown up calling uncle. They've walked through the dark with me and your mom many times and got me through the toughest times. The times where I thought I would lose everything in my life. They've fought behind me, alongside me and for me. And they've done the same for your mom and you kids. Those are the kinds of people you want in your corner, princess. You'll be better off in life if you surround yourself with goofballs and weirdos. Make life your circus, princess. You'll be happier. I promise.'

'Lilia,

What can I possibly say to my little miracle that I haven't already said a million times. While your mommy was still pregnant with you, we all thought that we were gonna lose the two of you. I've never been a religious man, couldn't afford to be in the life I was living, but I've thanked God everyday for your existence. To think of my life without you is a heartache I don't think I could live through. Words can't fully express how thankful I am for you. All of you kids have changed my life in a monumental way, but you showed me how fleeting life can truly be. I knew it before, but in my days of living dangerously it was just a thing that happened. Like breathing or drinking water. You take it for granted without realizing that it could be taken from you in the blink of an eye. Sometimes without warning or indication. And that's my advice to you. Don't be afraid to live, but never forget that anything can happen. Good or bad. Don't take anything for granted. You'll kick yourself if you do and you lose it. Trust me. I've been in that place a couple times. That place where you try to think of the consequences of your options. What would happen to me if I did this thing? What would happen to my family if I did that thing? Those thoughts will eat at you and you'll be tempted to do the easier of your options to get rid of those questions. Don't do the easy thing just because it's easy. Everything is a struggle, beautiful girl. Do the right thing and don't change for anyone. Even if you end up being a shy girl or a wild child. You'll always be loved no matter what. I promise. I love you, baby girl. And I always will.'


	92. Epilogue

Abel walked into the clubhouse, carrying his daughter Lucy inside with him. To say that he looked like his dad was an understatement. There had been times when his mom couldn't tell them apart when Abel had reached his teens. He'd gotten married out of high school when his girlfriend, Morgan got pregnant. Now Abel was 23, a 7 year old girl, a wife and a son on the way, all while wearing the SAMCRO president's patch. The clubhouse was filled with friends and family after they buried his mom. Jackson Teller had died of a heart attack 2 years ago and it shook his wife to her core. She'd continued on as long as she could, but losing the love of her life shook her in a way she couldn't recover from, no matter how hard she tried. And she tried. Abel watched his mom fade more and more. So he did what he could to prove to her that her kids would be taken care of, so she wouldn't have to stress herself out with worrying about them. He'd taken guardianship over both of his sisters. Burying her was hard, but Abel couldn't help but smile at the picture of his parents that was sitting up on the bar. They were together again. And they would be for the rest of eternity. He looked over at his brother when Tommy came over, letting him take Lucy. He looked at his wife, kissing her softly before going to grab a beer. He looked around the room, looking at all of the people he was lucky to call family, the people who had been there for the people that raised him and his siblings. He looked at the picture of his parents and kissed it softly.

"I promised you that we'd be ok, mom. I'll keep that promise for you."

Tommy sat in the clubhouse with his boyfriend, Jason, holding his hand as he held onto his niece, sniffling softly. It had been so hard to be at the house without his parents. He'd taken their deaths harder than most had. His mom had helped him realize that he was gay and his dad had gone out of his way to make sure that Jason's family was always invited and Jason was comfortable when he came over. He kissed Lucy's head gently, getting up to get her some food. He was going back to school tomorrow, but he didn't wanna leave his siblings with the weight of this. He was going for his S.J.D in law, following in his mom's footsteps. He wasn't even close to getting married at the moment, but he was comfortable where he was in life. He looked at the picture of his parents and placed a hand on it.

"I'll make you guys proud. I swear it."

Valentina held onto her boyfriend's hand. Jonathan hadn't gotten to meet her family in person because he just finished with basic training when Val met him and he was just coming home from deployment. So her parents never got to meet him. Which made her sad. She had just gotten accepted into UCLA, going for her degree in veterinary medicine. She'd always loved animals and had taken care of all of the animals they'd gotten over the years. Genuinely enjoying taking care of them all. She hugged Abel before introducing him to Jonathan, going over to the bar, grabbing a soda and looking at her parents' picture, letting out a couple tears, kissing the picture gently.

"You don't have to worry about me, guys. I have what you wanted to me to have."

Lilia sat in the clubhouse next to her godparents, letting Tig hold onto her, crying into his shoulder. She'd been out of state when her mom died, just like she'd been when her dad died. On a stupid field trip for school. She was almost done with her sophomore year of high school, and she'd be finishing everything without her parents. It killed her to think of what she'd be missing out on with them. What they'd miss of her life. Her first boyfriend. Her proms. Her graduation. Her going off to college. Everything. Her dad was right. Everything could be taken away and changed at the drop of a hat. And she would never be able to change any of it. Never be able to show them what she'd become.

"Do you want something to drink, sugar bee?"

"No. I want mama and daddy back."

"We can't do that, doll. I wish we could. But they're watching over you. And they'll always be proud of you."

"Why'd they have to go at all? They still had a long time."

"I know. We all miss them, Lilia. Your dad's heart defect caught up with him and your mama couldn't handle losing him. If you had seen everything they went through, you'd understand, sugar. It was just their time."

"I just wish they knew how much I loved them."

"They always knew, baby doll. That was never a concern for them. Never. I promise you have nothing to worry about on that front."

Lilia sniffled as she looked up at Tig before looking at the picture of her parents on the bar.

"I'll make them proud. I'm not gonna let their legacy go to waste."


End file.
